Michael Jackson and the doctor

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1. My Favourite Singer (Michael Jackson)My favourite singer is Michael Jackson. I like his songs very much because they are full of energy and very melodic. I also like the way he dances. There were nine children in Michael’s family. They lived in a small fourroom house. Later he lived in a house which has seventeen rooms downstairs and sixteen ... Читать далее...
2. What Michael Jackson Would Have Felt About XscapeMichael Jackson’s bodyguards Bill Whitfield and Javon Beard imagine how the King of Pop would have reacted to a remixed album of unreleased tracks. Ever since Michael Jackson died, there have been many arguments over how his estate has handled his musical legacy. The latest one erupted last month with the release of Xscape, the ... Читать далее...
3. It was during a ball at Andrew Jackson country homeIt was during a ball at Andrew Jackson’s country home that the family physician approached Mrs. Jackson to say, «You’re looking wonderful tonite, Rachel! What keeps you so radiant and effervescent?» «Having such a popular husband, of course.» «Surely there must be more to it than that, madam.» «Well, there’s Old Hickory’s dickery, doc.»...
4. MICHAEL KENNEDYWhat’s the difference between John Denver and Michael Kennedy? John Denver made it alive out of Aspen. Has Elton John re-written any of his songs for Michael Kennedy? Not yet, but he’s done one about the tree: «I’m Still Standing» How can you be sure that Michael was really a Kennedy? Check the family tree. ... Читать далее...
5. A young mother paying a visit to a doctorA young mother paying a visit to a doctor friend and his wife made no attempt to restrain her five-year-old son, who was ransacking an adjoining room. But finally, an extra loud clatter of bottles did prompt her to say, «I hope, doctor, you don’t mind Johnny being in there.» «No,» said the doctor calmly, ... Читать далее...
6. A Visit to the DoctorGoing to the doctor is never Particularly pleasant for me. But I couldn’t Put it off Any longer. It was time for my Annual physical, and there was no Getting around it. So I picked up the phone and called for an appointment. «I’d like to see Dr. Shimoya next week, please, if that’s possible,» ... Читать далее...
7. A man comes to a doctor andA man comes to a doctor and, twitching his fingers and stuttering, finally manages to say, «Doctor, I have a sexual performance problem. Can you help me?» «Oh, that’s not a problem for us men anymore!» announces a proud physician, «They just came out with this new wonder drug, Viagra, that does the trick! You ... Читать далее...
8. A pregnant woman is about to give birthA pregnant woman is about to give birth. The doctor has her on the delivery table, legs up in the stirrups. Suddenly, he sees the top of a head push through. Then the baby pops its head out and says to the doctor, «Are you my dad?». The doctor says, «No, I am your doctor!». ... Читать далее...
9. Public Statement by the Rev. Jesse JacksonMore Jesse news… Public Statement by the Rev. Jesse Jackson Due to the great consternation caused by the revelation of my act of procreation, I accept my obligation to give an explanation to the population for my act of copulation. I gave in to temptation, for the anticipation of sexual gratification, that I could not ... Читать далее...
10. An old man and his wife went to the doctor for a check-upAn old man and his wife went to the doctor for a check-up. While the man is with the doctor, the doctor askes him, «So how has life been treating you?» The old man replies,»The Lord’s been good to me. Every night when I go to the bathroom, He turns the light on and when ... Читать далее...
11. A man calls his family doctorA man calls his family doctor: Man: Doctor, for the last week my wife has thought that she was a rabbit. Doctor: Ok, bring her in and I’ll try to help. Man: Fine, but whatever you do, don’t cure her....
12. A blonde walked into a doctor’s office with a hole in her handA blonde walked into a doctor’s office with a hole in her hand. The doctor told her that he had to report all gunshot wounds, and this was an obvious gunshot wound, so would she please explain how it happened? The blonde said, «Well, to be honest with you, I was trying to commit suicide, ... Читать далее...
13. A man goes into the doctor’s office feeling really badA man goes into the doctor’s office feeling really bad. After a thorough examination the doctor calls him into his office and says «I have some bad news. You have HAGS.» «What is HAGS» the man asks. «It’s herpes, AIDS, gonorrhea, and syphilis» says the doctor. «Oh my God» says the man. «What are you ... Читать далее...
14. A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wifeA concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife. He says to the doctor, «Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and always asks me to repeat things.» «Well,» the doctor replied, «go home and tonight stand about 15 feet from her and say ... Читать далее...
15. Naming the kidsOne day, Mr. Phillard rushed his pregnant wife over to the hospital. As the doctors were prepping his wife, Mr. Phillard’s idiot brother Bill arrived to watch the birth. But when Mr. Phillard saw the blood and everything else, he fainted. When Mr. Phillard woke up he was in a bed with the doctor standing ... Читать далее...
16. Play doctorSteve complained to his friend Al that lovemaking with his wife was becoming routine and boring. «Get creative buddy. Break up the monotony. Why don’t you try playing doctor for an hour?» «Sounds great,» Steve replied, «but how do you make it last for an hour?» «Hell, just keep her in the waiting room for ... Читать далее...
17. A young woman visited her doctor complaining of a bed wetting problemA young woman visited her doctor complaining of a bed wetting problem. The doctor asked her the usual questions and then asked her to go behind the screen and remove her clothes. She was a bit shocked but went ahead anyway. When she was undressed he asked her to stand on her hands in front ... Читать далее...
18. An eye-doctor was having his 40th birthdayAn eye-doctor was having his 40th birthday, and gathered lots of friends and family in his house. His wife had made him a surprise cake, and led her husband blindfolded to a table where the cake was placed. Eagerly the doctor removed and looked down on the cake, and immediately burst into a crazed laughter, ... Читать далее...
19. Michael FaradayMichael Faraday is one of the great scientists in the history of man’s work in electricity. He was born in a small village near London on September 11, 1791, in a poor family. His family lived from hand to mouth. At the age of thirteen Michael went to work in a bookbinder’s shop, because he ... Читать далее...
20. This man goes into the doctor with hisThis man goes into the doctor with his ringhole in a terrible state, really bad now. Doctor: «What happened to you?» He says: «I was in Africa on safari and I got raped by an elephant!» Doctor: «But I don’t understand. Elephant penises are very narrow and couldn’t cause that much damage!» He says «Aah ... Читать далее...
21. For his wife’s birthday party, a doctor ordered a cakeFor his wife’s birthday party, a doctor ordered a cake with this inscription: «You are not getting older, You are just getting better.» When asked how he wanted it arranged, he said, «Just put ‘You are not getting older’ at the top, and ‘You are just getting better’ at the bottom.» It wasn’t until the ... Читать далее...
22. In the back woods of ArkansasIn the back woods of Arkansas, Mr. Stewart’s wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said, «Here, you hold this high so I can see what I’m doing.» ... Читать далее...
23. A man went to the doctor for a check upA man went to the doctor for a check up. «How do you feel?» asked the doctor. «Fine.» he replied. After a few more general health questions the doctor asked, «How many times do you have sex per month?» «About two or three.» the man replied. «You should be doing better than that.» the doctor ... Читать далее...
24. Doctor’s complimentA lady came to see a doctor because of sharp pain in her stomack. After examining his patient doctor gave out the diagnosis: — Madam, you have acute appendicitis. — Thank you, Doctor, but I came to be treated not admired....
25. Three elderly men are at the doctor for a memory testThree elderly men are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to the first man, «What is three times three?» «274,» was his reply. The doctor says to the second man, «It’s your turn. What is three times three?» «Tuesday,» replies the second man. The doctor says to the third man, «Okay, ... Читать далее...
26. Put it to a good useThe doctor comes out of the delivery room and says to the father, «I’m sorry to have to tell you this, Mr. Jones, but apparently your child was born with no arms, only one leg, and teeth that project six inches out of its mouth.» Mr. Jones cries, «My God! What will we do with ... Читать далее...
27. A man walks into a doctor officeA man walks into a doctor’s office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear. «What’s the matter with me?» he asks the doctor. The doctor replies, «You’re not eating properly.»...
28. A man takes his 10 year old daughter to the doctorA man takes his 10 year old daughter to the doctor. He says «Doctor, I want to put her on the pill.» The Doctor says «Why?!? Is she sexually active?» The guy says «Nah, she just lies there like her mother.» Sent by soh...
29. Перевод слова doctorDoctor — врач, доктор Перевод слова To call a doctor — вызвать врача doctor’s degree — докторская степень to go to the doctor’s — пойти к врачу My head reels, Doctor. Доктор, у меня кружится голова. Let me by, I’m a Doctor. Пропустите меня, я доктор. You want to see a Doctor. Тебе следует показаться ... Читать далее...
30. A construction worker goes to the doctor and saysA construction worker goes to the doctor and says, «Doc, I’m constipated.» The doctor examines him for a minute and then says, «Lean over the table.» The construction worker leans over the table, the doctor whacks him on the ass with a baseball bat, and then sends him into the bathroom. He comes out a ... Читать далее...
31. A man goes to the doctor with a long history ofA man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that his poor patient has had practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement. «Listen,» says the Doctor, «I have migraines, too and the advice I’m going ... Читать далее...
32. A folk remedyA man’s wife had been in a coma for several days following a particularly nasty knock on the head. As usual, one of the nurses in the hospital was giving her a wash in bed. As she washed down the woman’s body, she sponged her pubic hair. Out of the corner of her eye she ... Читать далее...
33. An elderly couple walk into a doctor officeAn elderly couple walk into a doctor’s office. The man tells the doctor, «Doctor, we want to have a baby.» The doctor replies,»At your age I don’t think it’s possible, but I’ll give you a jar, come back in a few days with a sperm sample.» So the couple comes back a few days later. ... Читать далее...
34. A man goes to the doctorA man goes to the doctor and says, «Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts.» The doctor asks, «What do you mean?» The man says, «When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee — OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts.» The doctor says, «I know what’s wrong ... Читать далее...
35. Aunt Dora went to her doctor to see what could be doneAunt Dora went to her doctor to see what could be done about her constipation. «It’s terrible,» she said, «I haven’t moved my bowels in a week.» «I see. Have you done anything about it?» asked the doctor. «Naturally,» she replied, «I sit in the bathroom for a half-hour in the morning and again at ... Читать далее...
36. Having a BabyPatrick: Hey, congratulations! I just heard that You’re expecting. How far along are you? Cindy: Thanks. I’m Four and a half months pregnant. It feels like it! I feel huge. Patrick: You don’t look it. I bet Carlos is excited. Do you know yet if it’s a boy or a girl? Cindy: No, we don‚Aot. ... Читать далее...
37. A blonde with two red ears went to her doctorA blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears and she answered, «I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang — but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear.» «Oh Dear!» the ... Читать далее...
38. Steve is going on an ocean cruise, and he tells his doctorSteve is going on an ocean cruise, and he tells his doctor that he’s worried about getting real seasick. The doctor tells him, «Just eat two pounds of stewed tomatoes before you leave the dock.» Steve says, «Will that keep me from getting sick?» The doctor says, «No, but it’ll look real pretty in the ... Читать далее...
39. The general went to the doctor for a physicalThe general went to the doctor for a physical. Before he began, the doctor asked him the standard questions — age, height, weight, and then he asked when was the last time the general had sex. ‘Oh,’ he mused, ‘It was 1945.’ ‘Isn’t that a long time to go without sex?’ the doctor asked. ‘I ... Читать далее...
40. A woman was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a dietA woman was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. «I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least 5 pounds.» When the woman returned, she shocked the doctor by ... Читать далее...