Made for each other

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1. The 75 year old man and his young, knockout wife The 75 year old man and his young, knockout wife were shopping in an upscale jewelry boutique when the man’s oldest friend bumped into him. Eyeing the curvaceous blonde bending over the counter to try on a necklace, the friend asked “How in the hell did YOU land a wife like that?” The old man […]...
2. An affair with the horse Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar. His first friend says: “I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren’t mine.” His second friend says: “I think my wife is having an affair with […]...
3. Trust thy friend The sailor came home from a secret two year mission only to find his wife with a new born baby. Furious, he was determined to track down the father to extract revenge. “Was it my friend Sam”, he demanded. “No!” his weeping wife replied. “Was it my friend Jim then?” he asked. “NO!!!” she said […]...
4. Значение идиомы signed, sealed, and delivered [signed, sealed, and delivered] {adj. phr.} Finished; completed; ina state of completion. “How is the campus renovation plan for thegovernor’s office coming along?” the dean of the college asked.”Signed, sealed, and delivered,” his assistant answered. Compare: CUTAND DRIED; HOOK, LINE AND SINKER....
5. The price is right A successful businessman flew to Vegas for a weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round-trip air ticket. If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home. So he went out to the front of […]...
6. When Joe’s wife ran away with his car, his money and When Joe’s wife ran away with his car, his money and his best friend, he got so depressed that his doctor sent him to see a psychiatrist. Joe told the psychiatrist his troubles and said, “Life isn’t worth living. I think I’m gonna top myself.” “Don’t be stupid, Joe,” said the psychiatrist. “My wife ran […]...
7. Stupid people stories IDIOTS & RETAIL I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was […]...
8. An Unscrupulous Partner My friend Charles convinced me to go into business with him about a year ago. I wish I had had The benefit of hindsight to say “no.” I was too Trusting and that was my Downfall. At first, everything was fine. We Worked our butts off to get the business off the ground. But as […]...
9. A painful adjustment Adjusting to marriage sometimes poses some unexpected problems. But when I came upon a friend of mine in a bar the night after his wedding, I had ask exactly what he was doing there instead of with his new bride. “Well, you see, this morning when I got up,” he said, “I was barely awake […]...
10. What Not to Name Your Dog Everybody has a dog called Rover or Spot. I call my dog “Sex”. When I went to city hall to buy a licence I told the clerk I wanted a licence for Sex. He said “I’d like one too.” But then I said “This is a dog.” He said he didn’t care what she looked […]...
11. Giving Birth in a Hospital It was 2 o’clock in the morning when my wife woke me up. She is eight-and-a-half months Pregnant and she told me that her Water had broken. She said that she was having Contractions and she was sure that she was In labor. I Paged our doctor and drove to the hospital. When we arrived, […]...
12. Значение идиомы go one’s way [go one’s way] {v. phr.} 1. To start again or continue to where youare going. The milkman left the milk and went his way. The manstopped and asked me for a match, then went his way. Compare: GOALONG, GO ON. 2. To go or act the way you want to or usually do. Joe just […]...
13. Перевод слова quit Quit – бросать, освобождаться Перевод слова To quit oneself of fear – избавиться от страха to quit the house – съехать с квартиры, переехать в другое место to quit work when the siren sounds – прекращать работу по сигналу сирены to quit a debt – выплатить долг I Quit school at 16. Я бросил школу […]...
14. Значение идиомы down on one’s luck [down on one’s luck] {adj.}, {informal} Having bad luck; having much trouble; not successful in life. Harry asked me to lend him ten dollars, because he was down on his luck. The teacher is easy on Jane because Jane has been down on her luck lately. Compare: HARD ROW TO HOE, HARD SLEDDING, ON ONE’S […]...
15. At a Nightclub My friend Sabrina and I decided to go out dancing last weekend. We went to a Club called the Fine Line and when we got there, there was long line outside. That’s one thing I hate about L. A. clubs. The Hottest ones have long lines and it’s hard To get in unless you’re on […]...
16. A man was complaining to a friend A man was complaining to a friend. “I had it all. Money, a beautiful house, a BIG car, the love of a beautiful woman, then, POW! it was all gone!” “What happened?” asked the friend. “My wife found out.”...
17. A Trip to the Jewelry Store My wife’s birthday was Coming up And I wanted to get her a special Present. She always tells me to not to Splurge on gifts for her but For once, I decided To pull out all the stops. I went to the Jewelry Store and began looking at all of the Display cases. I started […]...
18. A Trip to the Jewelry Store My wife’s birthday was Coming up And I wanted to get her a special Present. She always tells me to not to Splurge on gifts for her but For once, I decided To pull out all the stops. I went to the Jewelry Store and began looking at all of the Display cases. I started […]...
19. A serious condition A well respected surgeon was relaxing on his sofa one evening just after arriving home from work. As he was tuning into the evening news, the phone rang. The doctor calmly answered it and heard the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line. “We need a fourth for poker,” said […]...
20. I had it all A man complaining to a friend: “I had it all – money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love of a beautiful woman…then… pow! … it was all gone!” “What happened?” asked the friend. “Ahhhh… my wife found out…”...
21. Who signed the Declaration of Independence? A Kentucky teacher was quizzing her students. “Johnny, who signed the Declaration of Independence?” He said, “Damn if I know.” She was a little put out by his swearing, so she told him to go home and to bring his father with him when he came back. Next day, the father came with his son, […]...
22. Calling Tech Support I recently Signed up for a new ISP for my office, using DSL. I managed to get the Modem and the Router Configured properly, but now my email won’t work. I Dug out the manual that came with the modem and called the Toll-free line for Technical support. I’m not a big fan of most […]...
23. Перевод слова luck Luck – удача, судьба, случай Перевод слова A dollop of luck – немного везения a dose of hard luck – полоса невезения to bring luck – приносить удачу His Luck was spotty. Удача не всегда улыбалась ему. You are in Luck’s way. Вам повезло. Good Luck! Удачи! (пожелание)...
24. Twenty men die and go to heaven Twenty men die and go to heaven. When they arrive they are told to seperate into two lines. One for all the husbands that are under their wives control and they other for those that control their wives. After the men seperate one of the angels notices that their are nineteen men in the first […]...
25. An extremely loyal fan There was a Packers fan with a really crappy seat at Lambeau. Looking with his binoculars, he spotted an empty seat on the 50-yard line. Thinking to himself “what a waste” he made his way down to the empty seat. When he arrived at the seat, he asked the man sitting next to it, “Is […]...
26. Marriage quotes 11 My other wife is beautiful. My wife doesn’t care what I do away from home, as long as I don’t enjoy it. My wife has a split personality, and I hate both of them. My wife ran off with my best friend last week. I miss him! My wife says if I go fishing one […]...
27. An elderly couple, living apart An elderly couple, living apart, had been dating for several years. One day Elmer said to Betsy, “We should stop this nonsense. We are paying two rents, two car insurance payments, buying separate food and cooking separate meals. We should just move in together. Betsy: Whose house would we live in? Elmer: Mine, it is […]...
28. When the man first noticed that his penis was growing longer When the man first noticed that his penis was growing longer, he was delighted. But several weeks and several inches later, he became concerned and went to see a urologist. While his wife waited outside, the physician examined him and explained that, thought rare his condition could be corrected by minor surgery. The patient’s wife […]...
29. Excuse TO smoke Two teens had been lovers for a few weeks, but the boy was always after the girl to quit smoking. One afternoon, she lit up after some love making, and he said, “You really ought to quit.” She, getting tired of his nagging, said, “I really enjoy a good cigarette after sex.” He replied, “But […]...
30. A young man joined the Army and signed up with the paratroopers A young man joined the Army and signed up with the paratroopers. He went though the standard training, completed the practice jumps from higher and higher structures, and finally went to take his first jump from an airplane. The next day, he called home to his father to tell him the news. “So, did you […]...
31. A wonderful exercise A neighbor of mine, Myron, in his mid-50’s, had a relatively minor heart attack, and while he was in the hospital, he complained to his cardiologist that he thought that his sex life was over. The cardiologist said, “Not true, Myron. Sex is wonderful exercise for your heart. After you get home, you should have […]...
32. Jokes about Ireland 2 Joey-Jim was tooling along the road one fine day when the local policeman, a friend of his, pulled him over. “What’s wrong, Seamus?” Joey-Jim asked. “Well didn’t ya know, Joey-Jim, that your wife fell out of the car about five miles back?” said Seamus. “Ah, praise the Almighty!” he replied with relief. “I thought I’d […]...
33. Значение идиомы line [line] See: BLOW ONE’S LINES or FLUFF ONE’S LINES, CHOW LINE, DOWNTHE LINE, DRAW A LINE or DRAW THE LINE, DROP A LINE, END OF THE ROADor END OF THE LINE, FOUL LINE, GOAL LINE, GOAL LINE STAND, HOLD THELINE, HOOK, LINE AND SINKER, IN LINE, IN LINE WITH, INTO LINE, LAY ONTHE LINE or […]...
34. Перевод сленгового выражения luck of the draw, значение и пример использования Сленговое выражение: luck of the draw Перевод: по воле случая или судьбы Синоним: that’s the way the ball bounces Пример: Everyone else’s computer works just fine, but mine is broken. I guess that’s the luck of the draw. У всех остальных с компьютерами все в порядке, но мой не работает. Видимо, мне просто не повезло....
35. Miles Dobson was away from home on business Miles Dobson was away from home on business in another city. When he called home, his wife told him, “Miles, they had your name in the obits today.” “What! In the obituary column! That’s not only disgraceful but bad journalism. I’ll sue ’em.” “Tell me, Miles,” his wife asked tremulously, “wh…wh…where are you calling from?”...
36. A young peasant girl of fourteen A young peasant girl of fourteen went to work in a broom factory. After 2 months she gave the boss a two-week notice. The boss was quite unhappy to let her go since she was hard working, knew her tasks etc. He called her into his office, “But why?” he asked. “Nothin, I just wanna […]...
37. Reward for goodness Three men died in a car accident and met Jesus himself at the Pearly Gates. The Lord spoke unto them saying, “I will ask you each a simple question. If you tell the truth I will allow you into heaven, but if you lie….Hell is waiting for you. To the first man the Lord asked, […]...
38. High School Jobs I got my first Part-time job when I was 15 working at a Car wash in the Summertime. A friend of mine, Rob, worked there and got me the job. I think it paid $2.90 an hour, which I considered a Fortune. There were no Allowances in my family, so most of my brothers and […]...
39. Not that my wife is the jealous type or anything, but one day at work Not that my wife’s the jealous type or anything, but one day at work, I had taken this temp who was filling in for my secretary to lunch in gratitude for an outstanding job on a very difficult project. As luck would have it, there was my wife waiting in the office for my return. […]...
40. Перевод идиомы Your guess is as good as mine., значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: Your guess is as good as mine. Перевод: не имею ни малейшего представления; а ты что думаешь, а каково твое предположение, и т. д. Пример: “Your guess is as good as mine,” I answered when my friend asked me how to use the video player. “Я не имею ни малейшего представления,” сказал я, когда […]...