Little Johnny — being logical

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1. Little Johnny comes home from schoolLittle Johnny comes home from school with a note from his teacher, indicating that «Johnny seems to be having some difficulty with the difference between boys and girls,» and would his mother,»please sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this.» So johnny’s mother takes him quietly, by the hand, upstairs to her bedroom, ... Читать далее...
2. Little Johnny’s mother decided to giveLittle Johnny’s mother decided to give her son an anatomy lesson one day, so she took off all of her clothes and pointed to her vagina, and said, «Johnny. This is where you come from.» Johnny went to school the next day smiling and insisting all his friends now refer to him as «Lucky Johnny.» ... Читать далее...
3. At school Little Johnny was told by a classmateAt school Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, «I know the whole truth.» Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by ... Читать далее...
4. Little Johnny sat playing in the gardenLittle Johnny sat playing in the garden. When his mother came out to collect him, she saw that he was slowly eating a worm. She turned pale. «No, Johnny! Stop! That’s horrible! You can’t eat worms!» Trying to convince him further, «Now the mother worm is looking all over for her nice baby-worm.» «No, she ... Читать далее...
5. Little Johnny is coming home from the storeLittle Johnny’s is coming home from the store swinging the loaf of bread in one hand and the other hand in his pants pocket. Along come Priest Joe and he thinks to himself, «This is a good opportunity to say something from the bible to Little Johnny.» He walks up to Little Johnny and says, ... Читать далее...
6. Little Johnny was assigned a paper on childbirthLittle Johnny was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his mother, «How was I born?» «The stork brought you to us.» «Oh,» said Little Johnny. «Well, how did you and daddy get born?» he asked. «Oh, the stork brought us too.» «So. . . how were grandpa and grandma born?» «Well, darling, the stork ... Читать далее...
7. Little Johnny catches his parents going at itLittle Johnny catches his parents going at it. He yells in, «Hey, Pop! What are you doin’?» His father says, «Son, I’m filling your mother’s tank.» Johnny says, «Oh, yeah? Well, you better get a model that gets better mileage. The postman filled her this morning.»...
8. Johnny missed his final exam due to the fluJohnny missed his final exam due to the flu, but he’d done so well during the year that the teacher suggests to the principal they give him an oral exam to make up for the test he’d missed. The principal agrees so they called Johnny into the office and explain about the oral test. First ... Читать далее...
9. Little Johnny had become a real nuisanceLittle Johnny had become a real nuisance while his father tried to concentrate on his Saturday afternoon poker game with friends and relatives. His father tried every way possible to get Johnny to occupy himself…television, ice cream, homework, video games…but the youngster insisted on running back and forth behind the players and calling out the ... Читать далее...
10. For his birthday, Little Johnny asked for a 10 speed bicycleFor his birthday, Little Johnny asked for a 10 speed bicycle. His father said, «Son, we’d love to give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $80,000 and your mother just lost her job. There’s no way we can afford it.» The next day the father saw Little Johnny heading out the front ... Читать далее...
11. Little Johnny’s dad is sitting on the side of the bedLittle Johnny’s dad is sitting on the side of the bed rolling on a condom about to give his wife some. Little Johnny sticks his head in the door, sees his dad and says, «Whatcha doin’ Daddy?» Johnny’s dad stoops over to cover up his dick and starts looking at the floor. «Oh, I’m just ... Читать далее...
12. Grandpa and Little Johnny are sittingGrandpa and Little Johnny are sitting on a bench in the park. Johnny asked, «Grandpa are you going to take that new Viagra?» Grandpa looks at him and says «No Johnny, I will not.» «But Grandpa, why?» asks little Johnny. Grandpa replies. «Because there is no sense in putting lead in your pencil if you ... Читать далее...
13. Little Johnny was late for schoolLittle Johnny was late for school. When he finally got there his teacher asked, «Why are you late little Johnny?» Johnny replied, «My grandpa got burnt, Miss.» The teacher replied, «I hope it wasn’t too bad.» Then little Johnny said, «Don’t worry, the crematorium doesn’t muck around!»...
14. The teacher hears Little Johnny cussing, andThe teacher hears Little Johnny cussing, and gets pissed off. She goes bitching to Little Johnny’s father. She comes to Little Johnny’s house and sees Little Johnny fucking a goat in the front yard. She walks in the house and screams to his father «Your son! Your son! He cussed in the school and now….now ... Читать далее...
15. Little Johnny walked into his dad’s bedroomLittle Johnny walked into his dad’s bedroom one day only catch him sitting on the side of his bed sliding a condom onto his dick in preparation of fucking his wife. Johnny’s father in attempt to hide his full erection with a condom on it bent over as if to look under the bed. Little ... Читать далее...
16. Little Johnny walks into his primary schoolLittle Johnny walks into his primary school classroom one morning to be confronted by his teacher. Teacher «Ahh, Good Morning Johnny, and where were you yesterday?» Johnny «I’m sorry Miss, but my Grandad got burnt yesterday.» Teacher, «Was he burned very bad?» Johnny, «Yes Mam, they don’t fuck around at these crematoriums you know....
17. Little Johnny was in class againLittle Johnny was in class again. Teacher asked everyone «Can anyone tell me a sentence with the word definitely in it?» Meg puts up her hand.»The sky is definitely blue.» «Thats not bad, Meg,» says the teacher, «but the sky can be grey or red.» Young Sally tried :»The grass is definitely green.» «Good try ... Читать далее...
18. Little Johnny goes into a pharmacy and asksLittle Johnny goes into a pharmacy and asks the chemist for some rubbers. The chemist puts a pack of rubbers on the counter. Johnny looks at the rubbers and asks the chemist if he has any other kind. The chemist goes into the back and brings out another pack. «Nah,» says Johnny, «what else do ... Читать далее...
19. Late one night, little Johnny woke up to the some loud noisesLate one night, little Johnny woke up to the some loud noises coming from his parents’ bedroom. He got out of bed and walked down the hall towards his parents room. Before he made it to the end of the hall, the noises had ceased and the bathroom light had gone on. Little Johnny walked ... Читать далее...
20. This guy was walking down the sidewalk when he sees a Little JohnnyThis guy was walking down the sidewalk when he sees a Little Johnny wearing a red firefighter’s hat and sitting in a red wagon which is being pulled slowly by a large Labador Retriever. When he got a little closer, he saw that the kid was holding a rope which is tied to the dog’s ... Читать далее...
21. Значение идиомы Johnny-on-the-spot[Johnny-on-the-spot] {adj. phr.} At the right place when needed;present and ready to help; very prompt; on time. A good waterboy isalways Johnny-on-the-spot. The firemen were Johnny-on-the-spot andput out the fire in the house soon after it started. Compare: ON THEJOB....
22. Little Johnny was in his math’s class one dayLittle Johnny was in his math’s class one day when the teacher singled him out. «If I gave you $20,» the teacher began,» and you gave $5 to Mary, $5 to Sally and $5 to Susan, what would you have?» «An orgy,» Johnny answered....
23. Little Johnny was 7 years old, and like other boys his ageLittle Johnny was 7 years old, and like other boys his age, rather curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about courting from other boys and he wondered what it was and how it was done. One day he took his questions to his mother, and she became flustered. Instead of explaining things to ... Читать далее...
24. One Sunday morning the pastor noticed little JohnnyOne Sunday morning the pastor noticed little Johnny was standing staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. The young man of seven had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up and stood beside him and gazing up at the plaque he said ... Читать далее...
25. Seems that the traveling salesman was driving in the countrySeems that the traveling salesman was driving in the country and his car broke down. He hiked several miles to a farm house, and asked the farmer if there was a place he could stay over night. «Sure,» said the farmer, «my wife died several years ago, and my two daughters are 21 and 23 ... Читать далее...
26. Перевод идиомы Johnny-come-lately, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: Johnny-come-lately Перевод: вновь прибывший, новичок Пример: He’s a Johnny-come-lately and doesn’t really know what he is talking about. Он еще новичок и он не понимает, о чем говорит....
27. Значение идиомы Johnny-come-lately[Johnny-come-lately] {n.} Someone new in a place or group;newcomer; also: a new person who takes an active part in group affairsbefore tlie group has accepted him; upstart. Everybody was amazedwhen a Johnny-come-lately beat the old favorite in the race. Whenit looked as though Mr. Brown had a good chance of winning, manyJohnny-come-latelies began to support ... Читать далее...
28. Little Johny being literalTeacher asks the children to discuss what their Dad’s do for a living. Little Mary says: «My Dad is a lawyer. He puts the bad guys in jail.» Little Jack says: «My Dad is a doctor. He makes all the sick people better.» All the kids in the class had their turn except Little Johnny. ... Читать далее...
29. Little Johnny tried out for the school playLittle Johnny tried out for the school play. The teacher gave him these lines to practice: «Hark! A pistol shot! There lies a lady with hope in her soul. I think I’ll snatch a kiss and run into the forest. By William Shakespeare.» Little Johnny practiced and practiced and did the lines perfectly every time. ... Читать далее...
30. My dog ate my homework«Johnny, where’s your homework?» Miss Martin said sternly to the little boy while holding out her hand. «My dog ate it,» was his solemn response. «Johnny, I’ve been a teacher for eighteen years. Do you really expect me to believe that?» «It’s true, Miss Martin, I swear,» insisted Johnny. «I had to force him, but ... Читать далее...
31. Get marriedJohnny (age 8) comes into the house for dinner after playing outside all afternoon. His parents ask him what he did today. He says that he played baseball and then he proposed to Betty (age 7) the next door neighbor. They are going to get married. His parents think this is cute, and they don’t ... Читать далее...
32. A perfect choiceA woman who had been married twice and divorced twice was fed up. Her first husband beat her, and her second husband ran away with another woman. Plus, she couldn’t find a new lover who could satisfy her sexually, so she put an ad in the classifieds: Wanted: A good looking, single guy who won’t ... Читать далее...
33. A door-to-door vacuum salesman goesA door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his new territory. He knocks, a real mean and tough looking lady opens the door, and before she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps cow patties all over the carpet. He says, «Lady, if this vacuum cleaner don’t do wonders ... Читать далее...
34. Перевод слова smokeSmoke — дым, дымить, курить Перевод слова To blow smoke rings — пускать кольца дыма to carry off smoke — отводить дым to smoke a cigar — выкурить сигару I prefer not to Smoke. Я предпочитаю не курить. The chimney discharges Smoke. Из трубы идет дым. Cigar Smoke stank up the room. Комната пропахла дымом ... Читать далее...
35. Перевод слова salesmanSalesman — продавец, торговец Перевод слова He is a born salesman — он прирожденный коммерсант aggressive salesman — напористый торговый агент car salesman — продавец машин I really dislike this Salesman. Мне категорически не нравится этот продавец. The Salesman measured off three metres of the wood. Продавец отмерил три метра дерева. The Salesman will call ... Читать далее...
36. Everything we needA young teacher was trying to teach her six-year-old charges about sharing. In the midst of doing so, she said that no one had everything they wanted. At this point, a young arm was energetically pumping at the back of the class. She tried to ignore him, but little Johnny started saying, «oh miss, oh ... Читать далее...
37. A failed attemptLittle Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. «Why do you do that, Mommy?» «To make myself beautiful,» said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. «What’s the matter?» asked Little Johnny. «Giving up?»...
38. A blonde went to the appliance store saleA blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. «I would like to buy this TV,» she told the salesman. «Sorry we don’t sell to blondes,» he replied. She hurried home, dyed her hair, came back again and told the salesman, «I would like to buy this TV.» «Sorry we don’t sell ... Читать далее...
39. Значение идиомы cigar-store Indian[cigar-store Indian] {n. phr.} A wooden statue of an Indian which in the past was placed in front of a cigar store. A cigar store Indian used to mean a cigar store in the same way a barber pole still means a barber shop....
40. Johnny Depp: Why I Travel With My Captain Jack Sparrow CostumeWe’ve heard about Johnny Depp visiting children’s hospitals dressed as Captain Jack Sparrow, but who knew he actually has the Pirates of the Caribbean costume with him at all times? «Sometimes you go to kiddie hospitals and things like that,» the actor explained while promoting his latest flick, The Lone Ranger. «I’ll just sneak in ... Читать далее...