Larry’s barn burned down, and Susan, his wife, called

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1. Two ears burnedA guy burned two ears… so they were asking him at the hospital how it happened. He said, «I was ironing my clothing and the phone rang… so instead of the phone I picked up the iron and burned my ear…» «But how the heck did you burn the other ear?» The doctor asked. «How ... Читать далее...
2. Buying Car InsuranceAgent: Hello, Krashit Insurance. Jackie: Hi, I wanted to get a Quote for car insurance. Agent: Sure, I can help you with that. I Assume you want Liability insurance, but what other Coverage would you like to get? Jackie: Umm…I’m not sure. This is my first car. Agent: In that case, let me make a ... Читать далее...
3. The guide to wife translationsThe wife says: You want The wife means: You want The wife says: We need The wife means: I want The wife says: It’s your decision The wife means: The correct decision should be obvious The wife says: Do what you want The wife means: You’ll pay for this later The wife says: We need ... Читать далее...
4. Значение идиомы lock the barn door after the horse is stolen[lock the barn door after the horse is stolen] To be careful or tryto make something safe when it is too late. — A proverb. After Maryfailed the examination, she said she would study hard after that. Shewanted to lock the barn door after the horse was stolen....
5. Business InsuranceCarson: What happened here?! Samantha: As you can see, there was an accident. Early this morning, a man driving along this street Lost control of his car and ran into the front window of our store. Luckily, no one was hurt. Carson: What are we going to do? We can’t open for business with this ... Читать далее...
6. Перевод сленгового выражения burned out, значение и пример использованияСленговое выражение: burned out Перевод: сильно уставший; обессиленный; измотанный после долгой работы Синоним: wiped out; worn out; pooped Пример: I was completely burned out after working on a big project for three weeks straight. Я был очень измотан, после того, как три недели подряд работал над одним большим проектом. After staring at a computer for ... Читать далее...
7. Get-Rich-Quick SchemesBill: What are you watching? Susan: I’m watching a really interesting TV program. It’s about how to make a lot of money quickly and easily. Bill: Are you watching an Infomercial? Those things are Scams! You should know better than To fall for some Get-rich-quick scheme. Susan: This isn’t a scam. This program is about ... Читать далее...
8. An old retired man goes to his wife one dayAn old retired man goes to his wife one day, and says to her, «I don’t know how to tell you this dear, but the stock market crashed, and I’m afraid we’re broke.» The wife says, «No, we’re not. Let’s go for a drive into town.» Husband replies, «Our savings are all gone and you ... Читать далее...
9. When Joe’s wife ran away with his car, his money andWhen Joe’s wife ran away with his car, his money and his best friend, he got so depressed that his doctor sent him to see a psychiatrist. Joe told the psychiatrist his troubles and said, «Life isn’t worth living. I think I’m gonna top myself.» «Don’t be stupid, Joe,» said the psychiatrist. «My wife ran ... Читать далее...
10. Arnold and his wife were cleaning out the attic one dayArnold and his wife were cleaning out the attic one day when he came across a ticket from the local shoe repair shop. The date stamped on the ticket showed that it was over eleven years old. They both laughed and tried to remember which of them might have forgotten to pick up a pair ... Читать далее...
11. A man called the undertaker one afternoonA man called the undertaker one afternoon and sobbed: «Come and bury my wife.» «But I buried your wife ten years ago,» replied the undertaker. «I got married again,» the man sobbed. «Oh,» said the undertaker. «Congratulations.»...
12. Перевод слова agentAgent — агент, представитель Перевод слова Employment agent — агент по найму insurance agent — страховой агент enemy agent — вражеский лазутчик The actor’s Agent gets a 10 percent cut. Агент этого актера получает 10 процентов комиссии. She prospered as a real estate Agent. Она процветала в качестве агента по недвижимости. Every secret Agent has ... Читать далее...
13. The boss called one of his employees into the officeThe boss called one of his employees into the office. «Rob,» he said, «you’ve been with the company for a year. You started off in the post room, one week later you were promoted to a sales position, and one month after that you were promoted to district manager of the sales department. Just four ... Читать далее...
14. The company president called the chief security guardThe company president called the chief security guard into his office. «Chuck, we’ve received a complaint from one of the employees that you are making obscene sexual comments and putting your hands where they don’t belong. These unwanted advances will have to stop.» Chuck looked down at his feet and mumbled, «I’m sorry, Sir. I ... Читать далее...
15. Перевод слова wifeWife — жена Перевод слова To take to wife — взять в жены house-wife — домашняя хозяйка disloyal wife — неверная жена He split with his Wife. Он порвал со своей женой. He met his Wife at work. Он познакомился со своей женой на работе. My Wife never worked. Моя жена никогда не работала. Интересные ... Читать далее...
16. Пословица / поговорка lock the barn door after the horse is stolen / shut the stable door when the steed is stolen — перевод и значение, пример использованияПословица / поговорка: lock the barn door after the horse is stolen / shut the stable door when the steed is stolen Перевод: запереть конюшню после того, как лошадь украли (т. е. принимать меры предосторожности слишком поздно) Эквивалент в русском языке: задним умом крепок Пример: The stadium managers tried to stop people from entering the ... Читать далее...
17. Перевод идиомы divide something fifty-fifty / split something fifty-fifty, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: divide something fifty-fifty / split something fifty-fifty Перевод: разделить что-либо на две равные части Пример: We divided the money that we won fifty-fifty. Мы разделил деньги, которые выиграли, поровну....
18. Not that my wife is the jealous type or anything, but one day at workNot that my wife’s the jealous type or anything, but one day at work, I had taken this temp who was filling in for my secretary to lunch in gratitude for an outstanding job on a very difficult project. As luck would have it, there was my wife waiting in the office for my return. ... Читать далее...
19. The other day my house caught fireThe other day my house caught fire. The insurance agent said, «Shouldn’t be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?» I said, «Fire and theft.» Insurance agent frowned. «Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.» Apparently, the only way I can make a claim with this coverage is if the house ... Читать далее...
20. Harry and his wife are driving in the countryHarry and his wife are driving in the country when he sees a sign that says, «Cow For Sale…$5000.» He pulls in and says to the farmer, «There’s no cow in the world worth five thousand dollars.» The farmer says, Oh, yeah? Take a look at this.» He lifts the cow’s tail, and Harry sees ... Читать далее...
21. A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wifeA 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one Friday evening and read’s: Dear Wife (that’s what he called her) I am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy 18 year old secretary. When he arrived at the ... Читать далее...
22. The dentist was called away from the dinner table toThe dentist was called away from the dinner table to take an urgent phone call. It was Mr. Tuckerman, explaining that young Junior had gotten himself into quite a fix. «See, he was kissing his girlfriend, and when my wife and I came back from the movies we found them stuck together.» «I’ll come right ... Читать далее...
23. Перевод слова so-calledSo-called — так называемый Перевод слова The so-called master race — так называемая высшая раса so-called expert — так называемый эксперт so-called friend — так называемый друг Her So-called honesty partakes of rudeness. Ее так называемая прямота отдает грубостью. It seems that the So-called new theory is likely to sink into oblivion. Похоже, что так ... Читать далее...
24. Dumb Intercourse II«Information? I need the number of the Caseway Insurance Company.» «Would you spell that, please?» «Certainly. C as in sea. A as in aye. S as in sea. E as in eye. W as in why. A as in are. Y as in you.» The operator pauses. «Just a minute, sir. I’ll connect you with ... Читать далее...
25. All of a sudden, the wife smacks her husbandAll of a sudden, the wife smacks her husband. The husband was totally dumfounded and asks, «What was that for?» Wife said, «Because, you are a bad fuck». Couple of minutes later, the husband smacks his wife. This time, the wife was confused and asked, «And may I ask what’s that about?» Husband said, » ... Читать далее...
26. A man says to his wifeA man says to his wife, «Get ready you, me & the dog are going fishing.» Wife says, «I dont want to go.» Man gives her 3 choices, fishing, blow job or take it up the a*se. Wife pick blow job. After she sucking for a while she says, «It tastes like sh*t. Man says, ... Читать далее...
27. Значение идиомы fifty-fifty[fifty-fifty ] {adj.}, {informal} 1. Divided or shared equally. It will be a fifty-fifty arrangement; half the money for me and halffor you. 2. Half for and half against; half good and half bad. There is only a fifty-fifty chance that we will win the game. Compare: HALF AND HALF....
28. There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunkThere was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk in a bar. Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells, «ATTENTION ALL» and farts loudly. The wife is extremely embarrassed, and the husband looks at the drunk and says» Excuse me, you just farted before my wife.» The drunks replies,» I’m sorry I ... Читать далее...
29. Stay over one nightA hindu priest, rabbi and a lawyer were driving down the road, when the car breaks down. Fortunately finding a farmhouse nearby, the farmer informed them that he had only one spare room, and that it had only two twin beds. They were welcome to it, but one of them had to sleep in the ... Читать далее...
30. A man and wife entered aA man and wife entered a dentist’s office. The Wife said, «I want a tooth pulled. I don’t want gas or Novocain because I’m in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible.» You’re a brave woman said the dentist. Now, show me which tooth it is. The wife turns to her ... Читать далее...
31. A man took his wife to the doctorsA man took his wife to the doctors. After a short examination the doctor said «Your wife’s mind has completely gone!» To which the man replied «I’m not surprised. She’s been giving a piece of it to me every day for the past 25 years!»...
32. A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversaryA man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, «When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?» The husband replied, «All I wanted to do ... Читать далее...
33. A farmer and his wife were laying in bed one nightA farmer and his wife were laying in bed one night, the farmer feeling a little frisky, reaches over and gives his wife’s breast a little feel and says,»Mother, if this could give milk, we could get rid of the cow.» His hand then travels down to her crotch, and he says, «Mother, if this ... Читать далее...
34. A wife was berating her husbandA wife was berating her husband. He motioned for her to quiet down saying, «Don’t unleash the beast in me.» The wife snickered and replied, «Unlike a lot of women, ‘dear’, I’m not the least bit afraid of a mouse.»...
35. A husband and wife were in their back yardA husband and wife were in their back yard, and he was noticing her expanding backside. He commented, «Boy, your ass is getting big. almost as big as the gas grill here.» She angrily stomped across the yard, and he followed saying, «Yep, that thing is getting huge.» At this, the wife retreated to the ... Читать далее...
36. A husband and wife were out playing golfA husband and wife were out playing golf. They tee off and one drive goes to the right and one drive goes to the left. The wife finds her ball in a patch of buttercups. She grabs a club and takes a mighty swing at the ball. She hits a beautiful second shot, but in ... Читать далее...
37. I am called a PrincessThe United Airline’s passenger cabin was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant who seemed to put everyone into a good mood as he served them food and drinks. As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and announced to the passengers, «Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that ... Читать далее...
38. A husband and wife are on a nudist beachA husband and wife are on a nudist beach when suddenly a wasp buzzes into the wife’s business end. Naturally enough, she panics. The husband is also quite shaken but manages to put a coat on her, pull up his shorts and carries her to the car. Then he makes a mad dash to the ... Читать далее...
39. A wife begins to get a little worried becauseA wife begins to get a little worried because her husband has not arrived home on time from his regular Saturday afternoon golf game. As the hours pass she becomes more and more concerned until at 8 p. m. the husband finally pulls into the driveway. «What happened?» says the wife. «You should have been ... Читать далее...
40. A man was taking his wifeA man was taking his wife, who was pregnant with twins, to the hospital when his car went out of control and crashed. Upon regaining consciousness, he saw his brother, a relentless world-class practical joker, sitting at his bed side. He asked his brother how his wife was and his brother replied, «Don’t worry, everybody ... Читать далее...