Jerry Falwell was seated next to President Clinton

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1. Getting In-Flight ServiceI pushed the Call button to get the attention of the Flight attendant. Flight attendant: Yes? What can I do for you? Hal: It’s very cold in the Cabin. Is it possible to get a Blanket? Flight attendant: We’re out of blankets, but here’s a Pillow. Hal: Okay, thanks. I was asleep during the Meal ... Читать далее...
2. Candidate Clinton vs President ClintonCandidate Bill Clinton: Cut taxes for middle class President Bill Clinton: Wants to raise them Candidate Bill Clinton: Vowed not to tamper with Social Security President Bill Clinton: Wants to tax more SS benefits Candidate Bill Clinton: Proposed energy tax cuts President Bill Clinton: Wants energy tax increases Candidate Bill Clinton: Claimed he had the ... Читать далее...
3. President Clinton and his wife are at the first baseball gamePresident Clinton and his wife are at the first baseball game of the season. At the start of the game the pitcher comes up in the stands and whispers something in Clinton’s ear. All of a sudden Clinton looks at Hillary and yells, «Okay, Hillary, GET OUT!». She looks surprised but leaves. The pitcher looks ... Читать далее...
4. President Clinton, returning from a campaign stopPresident Clinton, returning from a campaign stop in Arkansas, is climbing the steps to board Air Force One. Under each arm he is carrying a souvenir of his trip — a live razorback. At the top of the jetway, he is met by the guard, a Marine sergeant, who issues a crisp salute. «I’d salute ... Читать далее...
5. In light of the latest allegations against President ClintonIn light of the latest allegations against President Clinton, Woodward and Bernstein of Watergate fame are in negotiations with publishers to write a new book about the scandal. Working title: «All the President’s Women.»...
6. Saddam Hussein calls President Clinton and tells himSaddam Hussein calls President Clinton and tells him, «Bill, I had a wonderful dream last night. I could see America, the whole beautiful country, and on each house I saw a banner.» «What did it say on the banners?» Clinton asks. Saddam replies, «Allah is god, god is Allah.» Clinton says, «You know, Saddam, I ... Читать далее...
7. Clinton countryA guy is sitting at a bar and orders a drink. At the same time the TV go’s on and there is Bill Clinton about to give a speech. The man yells, «There’s a horses ass» A guy gets up and punches him.. And the man left.. Then when Hilary Clinton came on he said ... Читать далее...
8. I am called a PrincessThe United Airline’s passenger cabin was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant who seemed to put everyone into a good mood as he served them food and drinks. As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and announced to the passengers, «Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that ... Читать далее...
9. Using Electronics on AirplanesFlight attendant: I’m sorry, sir, but all passengers need to turn off their Portable electronic devices for Takeoff, so you’ll need to turn off your Laptop. Alec: I just need to finish one last email. Flight attendant: Sir, we can’t take off until you turn that computer off. Alec: Fine. It’s off. Why all the ... Читать далее...
10. Blind man and guide dog kicked off plane; passengers follow in supportUsually airline passengers side with flight attendants when it comes to safety, but in the case of a US Airways flight Wednesday night, passengers rallied around a blind man and his guide dog and disembarked en masse. All 35 passengers on US Airways Flight 4384 walked off the plane after Albert Rizzi, a blind man ... Читать далее...
11. Hillary Clinton, Chelsea Clinton, and Bill Clinton are sittingHillary Clinton, Chelsea Clinton, and Bill Clinton are sitting in a helicopter and Bill starts to think. He sits there for about 15 minutes and finally Hillary asks why he is looking so sad. He says, «I just was wondering what I could do for the poor countries.» «Well » says Chelsea, «you could throw ... Читать далее...
12. Перевод слова sodaSoda — сода; содовая, газированная вода Перевод слова Ice-cream soda — фруктовая вода с мороженым touch of household soda — щепотка питьевой соды soda water — содовая вода washing soda — хозяйственная сода He was drinking whisky and Soda. Он пил виски с содовой. The children like to drink Soda. Дети любят пить газировку. He ... Читать далее...
13. Значение идиомы jerry-built[jerry-built] {adj.} 1. Built poorly or carelessly of cheapmaterials; easily broken. That jerry-built cabin will blow apart ina strong wind. 2. Done without careful preparation or thought;planned too quickly. When the regular television program didn’tcome on, a jerry-built program was substituted at the last minute....
14. Clinton is in HeavenPresident Clinton died and knocked at the Pearly Gates. «Who goes there?» inquired St. Peter. «It’s me, Bill Clinton». «What bad things did you do on earth?» Clinton thought a bit and answered, «Well, I smoked marijuana, but you shouldn’t hold that against me because I didn’t inhale. And I lied, but I didn’t commit ... Читать далее...
15. Биография Билла Клинтона на английском языке. Biography of William Clinton / Bill ClintonDuring the administration of William Jefferson Clinton, the U. S. enjoyed more peace and economic well being than at any time in its history. He was the first Democratic president since Franklin D. Roosevelt to win a second term. He could point to the lowest unemployment rate in modern times, the lowest inflation in 30 ... Читать далее...
16. Made in CanadaPresident Bill Clinton called Chretien with an emergency: Our largest condom factory has exploded!» the American President cried, «My people’s favourite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!» «Bill, da Canadian pipple would be ‘appy to do anyt’ing wit’in der power to ‘elp you,» replied the Prime Minister. «I do need your help,» ... Читать далее...
17. An easy solutionOn a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested that she move to coach since she did not have a first class ticket. The blonde replied, «I’m blonde; I’m beautiful; I’m going to New York; and I’m not moving.» Not wanting to argue ... Читать далее...
18. A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to an AmericanA Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to an American on an overseas flight. After a few cocktails, the men began discussing their home lives. «Last night I made love to my wife four times,» the Frenchman bragged, «and this morning she made me delicious crepes and she told me how much she adored ... Читать далее...
19. Bill Clinton’s haircutBefore his infamous haircut on the tarmac, Clinton asked his stylist Christophe, «How long will this take, how much will it cost, and how good will this look?» Christophe replied just ten minutes, cost $20, and look marvelous. An hour and fifteen minutes later, Clinton looked into the mirror in horror and Christophe handed him ... Читать далее...
20. Acronyms for ClintonClinton: (C)razed (L)ow-class (I)diot (N)ow (T)aking (O)ver (N)ation Clinton: (C)razy (L)iberal (I)ntent (O)n (N)eedlessly (T)rashing (O)ur (N)ation Clinton: (C)learly (L)oose (I)nternal (N)avigation (T)echniques (O)ccupy (N)ever-Neverland Clinton: (C)ompulsive (L)iar (I)s (N)ation’s (T)op (O)fficial (N)ow Clinton: (C)omplete (L)oser (I)n (N)ow (T)errorizing (O)ur (N)ation Hillary: (H)ighly (I)nexperienced (L)eft-liberal (A)cademic (R)ighteous (Y)uppies Gore: (G)ennifer’s (O)nly (R)emaining (E)nterprise Gore: (G)reatly ... Читать далее...
21. Clinton died and was standing at hte Pearly GatesClinton died and was standing at hte Pearly Gates. After knocking at the gates, St. Peter appeared. «Who goes there?» inquired St. Peter. «‘It’s me, Bill Clinton.» «And what do you want?» asked St. Peter. «Lemme in!» replied Clinton. «Soooo,» pondered Peter. «What bad things did you do on earth?» Clinton thought a bit and ... Читать далее...
22. Clinton at the paradeThe May Day parade in Moscow is the largest, most important military parade of the year. For 1992’s parade, Yeltsin and Gorbachev invited Bill Clinton to come watch it with them. The parade commenced with a battalion of tanks, followed by a division of infantry, followed by armored personnel carriers and mobile artillery. They had ... Читать далее...
23. THE STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS. THAT PRESIDENT CLINTON SHOULD HAVE GIVEN«Members of Congress…People of America….I banged her. I banged her like a cheap gong. Which is not news, folks, because if you think Monica Lewinsky was the only skin flute player in my orchestra, you haven’t been paying attention. The only babes in D. C. I haven’t tried to do are the First Lady, Reno, ... Читать далее...
24. The first Jewish woman President is electedThe first Jewish woman President is elected. She calls her Mother: «Mama, I’ve won the elections, you’ve got to come to the swearing-in ceremony.» «I don’t know, what would I wear?» «Don’t worry, I’ll send you a dressmaker» «But I only eat kosher food» «Mama, I am going to be the president, I can get ... Читать далее...
25. Bill Clinton and Al Gore go into a local diner for lunchBill Clinton and Al Gore go into a local diner for lunch. As they read the menu the waitress comes over and askes Clinton, «Are you ready to order?» Clinton replies, «Yes, I’d like a quickie.» «A quickie?!?» the waitress replies. «Sir, given the current situation of your personal life I don’t think that is ... Читать далее...
26. Clinton is vacationingLast summer, the President and Mrs. Clinton were vacationing in their home state of Arkansas. On a venture one day, they stopped at a service station to fill up the car with gas. It seemed that the owner of the station was once Hillary’s high school love. They exchanged hellos, and went on their way. ... Читать далее...
27. A plane was taking off from Kennedy AirportA plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, «Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and therefore we should have a smooth ... Читать далее...
28. Murphy’s Travel LawsMurphy Laws For Frequent Flyers No flight ever leaves on time unless you are running late and need the delay to make the flight. If you are running late for a flight, it will depart from the farthest gate within the terminal. If you arrive very early for a flight, it inevitably will be delayed. ... Читать далее...
29. Перевод слова presidentPresident — президент Перевод слова Campaign for the president — кампания кандидата в президенты a consultant to the President on foreign policy — советник президента по внешней политике acting president — временно исполняющий обязанности президента incoming president — вновь избранный президент The President declared war. Президент объявил войну. He could end up as President. Oн ... Читать далее...
30. One day Clinton goes to the bathroomOne day Clinton goes to the bathroom, pulls down his pants, and much to his amazement, he finds a red ring around his penis. So the next day he goes to his physician and the doctor says, «I cant figure out what it is. So I’ll give you some medicine, and if it doesn’t work, ... Читать далее...
31. The fruit cake recipieYou’ll need the following: a cup of water, a cup of sugar, four large eggs, two cups of dried fruit, a teaspoon of baking soda, a teaspoon of salt, a cup of brown sugar, lemon juice, nuts, and a bottle of whisky. Sample the whisky to check for quality. Take a large bowl. Check the ... Читать далее...
32. Problems during flightThe following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. On a recent flight, an elderly passenger kept peering out the window. Since it was totally dark, all she could see was the blinking wing-tip light. Finally, she rang for the flight ... Читать далее...
33. Some time ago Mr. Clinton was hosting a state dinnerSome time ago Mr. Clinton was hosting a state dinner when at the last minute his regular cook took ill and they had to get a replacement at short notice. The fellow arrived and turned out to be a very grubby looking man named Jon. The President voiced his concerns to his chief of staff ... Читать далее...
34. Bill Clinton Statue Committee1040 Waffle Street Little Rock, Arkansas 72208 Dear Friend; We have the distinguished honor of being on the committee for the raising of $5,000,000.00 for placing a statue of Bill Clinton in the Hall of Fame in Washington, D. C. This committee was in a quandary as to where to place the statue. It was ... Читать далее...
35. Thirty minutes before a plane landed, its cabin lights came onThirty minutes before a plane landed, its cabin lights came on, indicating to the flight attendants that breakfast could be served. One of the passengers, upset because he was awakened, growled, «Who turned on the fucking lights!» «Oh, no sir,» the nearest flight attendant replied. «Those are the breakfast lights. You slept through the ‘fucking ... Читать далее...
36. President precedentDifference Between a Bad *President* and a Bad *Precedent* … BAD *PRECEDENT: Tipper: «How does it feel to be the big man, Hon?» Al: «Well Tip, it took 17 lawsuits and 18 months of election recounts, but I’d do it all again.» … BAD *PRESIDENT: Mr. Bush, repeat after me. I do solemnly swear — ... Читать далее...
37. Main Vice PresidentTom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to his wife for weeks on end. Finally she couldn’t take it any longer, and told him, «Listen, it means nothing, they even have a vice president of peas at the grocery store!». «Really?» ... Читать далее...
38. A businessman was having a tough time lugging his lumpyA businessman was having a tough time lugging his lumpy, oversized travel bag onto the plane. Helped by a flight attendant, he finally managed to stuff it in the overhead bin. «Do you always carry such heavy luggage?» she sighed. «No more,» the man said. «Next time, I’m riding in the bag, and my partner ... Читать далее...
39. Helping this countryOne night, Bill Clinton was awakened by George Washington’s ghost in the White House. Clinton saw him and asked, «George, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?» «Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did,» advised George. The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through the ... Читать далее...
40. Ghosts in a White HouseOne night Bill Clinton was awakened by George Washington’s ghost in the White House. «George, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?» Clinton asked. «Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did,» advised George. The next night the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through the dark bedroom. «Tom, ... Читать далее...