Is there a doctor in the house?

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1. For his wife’s birthday party, a doctor ordered a cake For his wife’s birthday party, a doctor ordered a cake with this inscription: “You are not getting older, You are just getting better.” When asked how he wanted it arranged, he said, “Just put ‘You are not getting older’ at the top, and ‘You are just getting better’ at the bottom.” It wasn’t until the […]...
2. A man takes his 10 year old daughter to the doctor A man takes his 10 year old daughter to the doctor. He says “Doctor, I want to put her on the pill.” The Doctor says “Why?!? Is she sexually active?” The guy says “Nah, she just lies there like her mother.” Sent by soh...
3. Doctor’s compliment A lady came to see a doctor because of sharp pain in her stomack. After examining his patient doctor gave out the diagnosis: – Madam, you have acute appendicitis. – Thank you, Doctor, but I came to be treated not admired....
4. A doctor, an engineer, and a politician A doctor, an engineer, and a politician were arguing as to which profession was older. “Well,” argued the doctor, “without a physician mankind could not have survived, so I am sure that mine is the oldest profession.” “No,” said the engineer, “before life began there was complete chaos, and it took an engineer to create […]...
5. A young lady had just visited her doctor A young lady had just visited her doctor and he informed her that she was pregnant. The young lady had been married for ten years and had wanted a baby very badly. As she sat on the bus, on her way home, she felt that she had to share the good news with someone. The […]...
6. A young lady walks into a doctors office A young lady walks into a doctors office. “Doctor I’m suffering from a terrible discharge” The Doctor lays her down lifts up her dress and has a good probe around and says “how does that feel?” Young lady, “Oooh doctor that feels lovely….. …but the discharge is from my ear!!”...
7. The young lady entered the doctor’s office carrying an infant The young lady entered the doctor’s office carrying an infant. “Doctor,” she explained, “the baby seems to be ailing. Instead of gaining weight, he lost three ounces this week.” The medic examined the child and then started to squeeze the girl’s breasts. He then unbuttoned her blouse, removed the bra and began powerfully sucking on […]...
8. Значение идиомы lady of the house [lady of the house] {n. phr.} Female owner, or wife of the owner, of the house; the hostess. “Dinner is served,” the lady of thehouse announced to her guests....
9. A young woman visited her doctor complaining of a bed wetting problem A young woman visited her doctor complaining of a bed wetting problem. The doctor asked her the usual questions and then asked her to go behind the screen and remove her clothes. She was a bit shocked but went ahead anyway. When she was undressed he asked her to stand on her hands in front […]...
10. A rather senile old lady went to her doctor A rather senile old lady went to her doctor complaining of draining and a feeling of fullness in her ear. After the examination, the doctor initiated a conversation that went as follows: D: Why madam, I think you have a suppository in your ear. L: ?eh? D: Madam – You have a SUPPOSITORY in your […]...
11. A man goes to the doctor with a long history of A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that his poor patient has had practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement. “Listen,” says the Doctor, “I have migraines, too and the advice I’m going […]...
12. Значение идиомы stand up [stand up] {v.} 1. To rise to a standing position; get up on yourfeet. A gentleman stands up when a lady enters a room. 2. To bestrong enough to use hard or for a long time. A rocket must bebuilt strongly to stand up under the blast-off. The old car hasalready stood up for twenty […]...
13. The daughter of an Indian chief visits his doctor The daughter of an Indian chief visits his doctor. She tells the doctor “Big Chief no fart.” The doctor tells her to give him three pills a day. The girl comes back the next day and tells the doctor, “Big Chief no fart.” The doctor then gets really worried and tells her to give him […]...
14. An old lady lived by herself in a small house An old lady lived by herself in a small house in a small town. One day she went to the local grocery store and while she was gone a criminal broke into her house, took her clothes off of the line, smashed the watermellons in her garden, shaved her cat and then left when he […]...
15. An old man and his wife went to the doctor for a check-up An old man and his wife went to the doctor for a check-up. While the man is with the doctor, the doctor askes him, “So how has life been treating you?” The old man replies,”The Lord’s been good to me. Every night when I go to the bathroom, He turns the light on and when […]...
16. An eye-doctor was having his 40th birthday An eye-doctor was having his 40th birthday, and gathered lots of friends and family in his house. His wife had made him a surprise cake, and led her husband blindfolded to a table where the cake was placed. Eagerly the doctor removed and looked down on the cake, and immediately burst into a crazed laughter, […]...
17. Manly signs “Doctor, doctor!” shouted the woman coming into the doctors offfice. “I think I’m turning into a man” then the doctor says, ” Now hold on little lady what makes you think that you’re turning into a man?” ” Well” said the woman “I’m starting to grow hair on my chest” and then the doctor asked, […]...
18. This man goes into the doctor with his This man goes into the doctor with his ringhole in a terrible state, really bad now. Doctor: “What happened to you?” He says: “I was in Africa on safari and I got raped by an elephant!” Doctor: “But I don’t understand. Elephant penises are very narrow and couldn’t cause that much damage!” He says “Aah […]...
19. A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife. He says to the doctor, “Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and always asks me to repeat things.” “Well,” the doctor replied, “go home and tonight stand about 15 feet from her and say […]...
20. A man comes to a doctor and A man comes to a doctor and, twitching his fingers and stuttering, finally manages to say, “Doctor, I have a sexual performance problem. Can you help me?” “Oh, that’s not a problem for us men anymore!” announces a proud physician, “They just came out with this new wonder drug, Viagra, that does the trick! You […]...
21. A serious condition A well respected surgeon was relaxing on his sofa one evening just after arriving home from work. As he was tuning into the evening news, the phone rang. The doctor calmly answered it and heard the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line. “We need a fourth for poker,” said […]...
22. A man went to the doctor for a check up A man went to the doctor for a check up. “How do you feel?” asked the doctor. “Fine.” he replied. After a few more general health questions the doctor asked, “How many times do you have sex per month?” “About two or three.” the man replied. “You should be doing better than that.” the doctor […]...
23. Mrs. Ogden went to her doctor and said Mrs. Ogden went to her doctor and said “Please give me a prescription for the Pill.” “I don’t think you need the Pill at your age.” “It relaxes me.” “But you know the ‘purpose’ of the Pill. It’s not for relaxing,” exclaimed the physician. “I know,” said Mrs Ogden, “but my daughter dates, and every […]...
24. A man calls his family doctor A man calls his family doctor: Man: Doctor, for the last week my wife has thought that she was a rabbit. Doctor: Ok, bring her in and I’ll try to help. Man: Fine, but whatever you do, don’t cure her....
25. Three elderly men are at the doctor for a memory test Three elderly men are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to the first man, “What is three times three?” “274,” was his reply. The doctor says to the second man, “It’s your turn. What is three times three?” “Tuesday,” replies the second man. The doctor says to the third man, “Okay, […]...
26. A man goes into the doctor’s office feeling really bad A man goes into the doctor’s office feeling really bad. After a thorough examination the doctor calls him into his office and says “I have some bad news. You have HAGS.” “What is HAGS” the man asks. “It’s herpes, AIDS, gonorrhea, and syphilis” says the doctor. “Oh my God” says the man. “What are you […]...
27. Перевод слова doctor Doctor – врач, доктор Перевод слова To call a doctor – вызвать врача doctor’s degree – докторская степень to go to the doctor’s – пойти к врачу My head reels, Doctor. Доктор, у меня кружится голова. Let me by, I’m a Doctor. Пропустите меня, я доктор. You want to see a Doctor. Тебе следует показаться […]...
28. A man walks into a doctor office A man walks into a doctor’s office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear. “What’s the matter with me?” he asks the doctor. The doctor replies, “You’re not eating properly.”...
29. The doctor had just completed his examination The doctor had just completed his examination of the gorgeous redhaired beauty. “I would suggest to you, young lady,” began the medic, as he regained som of his professional dignity, “that you discontinue some of your running around. Stop drinking so much, cut down on your smoking, and above all you will have to start […]...
30. Finding a House to Buy I’m looking to buy a house and I want a Single-family home. I have been living in a Townhouse for two years and I am tired of having Common walls and very small Yards. My new house will have to have a lot more Square footage, a large Lot size, an Open floor plan, great […]...
31. Finding a House to Buy I’m looking to buy a house and I want a Single-family home. I have been living in a Townhouse for two years and I am tired of having Common walls and very small Yards. My new house will have to have a lot more Square footage, a large Lot size, an Open floor plan, great […]...
32. A construction worker goes to the doctor and says A construction worker goes to the doctor and says, “Doc, I’m constipated.” The doctor examines him for a minute and then says, “Lean over the table.” The construction worker leans over the table, the doctor whacks him on the ass with a baseball bat, and then sends him into the bathroom. He comes out a […]...
33. A man goes to the doctor A man goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts.” The doctor asks, “What do you mean?” The man says, “When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee – OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts.” The doctor says, “I know what’s wrong […]...
34. An elderly couple walk into a doctor office An elderly couple walk into a doctor’s office. The man tells the doctor, “Doctor, we want to have a baby.” The doctor replies,”At your age I don’t think it’s possible, but I’ll give you a jar, come back in a few days with a sperm sample.” So the couple comes back a few days later. […]...
35. At the doctor’s – У доктора Is there anything more important than health? I don’t think so. “Health is the greatest wealth,” wise people say. You can’t be good at your studies or work well when you are ill. If you have a headache, heartache, toothache, backache, earache or bad pain in the stomach, if you complain of a sore throat […]...
36. The wealthy, high-society mother of a 17-year-old girl The wealthy, high-society mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant, and adversely impact the family’s status, she consulted the family doctor. The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful, and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. […]...
37. Eat oysters A lady went running to a doctor with a badly spoiled stomach. “What did you eat for dinner last night?” asked the doctor. “Oysters,” she said. “Fresh oysters?” asked the doctor. “How should I know?” said the lady “Well,” asked the doctor, “couldn’t you tell when you took off the shells?” “My Gosh,” gasped the […]...
38. Aunt Dora went to her doctor to see what could be done Aunt Dora went to her doctor to see what could be done about her constipation. “It’s terrible,” she said, “I haven’t moved my bowels in a week.” “I see. Have you done anything about it?” asked the doctor. “Naturally,” she replied, “I sit in the bathroom for a half-hour in the morning and again at […]...
39. Greetings prospective White House interns! Greetings prospective White House interns! This year, our program is heading into its 69th year of bringing America’s best and brightest to the Nation’s Capitol to help the “Head Man” do his job. We expect that 1998 will be the most exciting one yet! Why, you might be asking yourself, do I want to be […]...
40. Mrs. Jones is having her house painted Mrs. Jones is having her house painted, and her husband comes home from work and leans against the freshly painted wall. The next day, she says to the painter, “You wanna see where my husband put his hand last night?” He sighs and says, “Look, lady, I got a tough day’s work ahead of me. […]...