Irish math

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1. Jokes about the Fighting Irish Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend Finney. “Did you see the paper?” asked Gallagher. “They say I died!!” “Yes, I saw it!” replied Finney. “Where are you callin’ from?” It was general question time on the “Top […]...
2. Humor about the Irish An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman each order a Guiness in a pub. Upon being served, each finds a fly in their beer. Repulsed, the Englishman sends his back. The Scotsman gently flicks the fly out of his mug and begins drinking. The Irishman, carefully lifts the fly up by its wings and screams, […]...
3. Clean Humor about the Irish It seems three Irishmen, Sean, Michael and Tim, passed over at the same time. Upon encountering the Pearly Gates, they were met by ST. Patrick himself, and he addressed the boys thusly: “Lads, I’m here to welcome you to heaven where you will spend eternity. Just remember one thing, when you go through these gates, […]...
4. Funny Jokes about the Irish The Boston taxi driver backed into the stationary fruit stall and within seconds he had a cop beside him. “Name?” “Brendan O’Connor.” “Same as mine. Where are you from?” “County Cork.” “Same as me……” The policeman paused with his pen in the air. “Hold on a moment and I’ll come back and talk about the […]...
5. Short Irish Jokes Q: Did you hear about the Irish abortion clinic? A: It has a 12 month waiting list. Q: What’s long & green & has a low I. Q.? A: A St. Patrick’s Day Parade Q: Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick’s Day? A: Regular rocks are too heavy. Q: Why can’t you borrow […]...
6. Irish Pub Jokes Murphy won the Irish Sweepstakes $100,000.00 and was on a long holiday in America. He went on a bus tour and traveled for hours and hours through desert country and oil fields. Murphy said, “Where are we now?” The guide said, “We’re in the great state of Texas.” “It’s a big place,” said Murphy. The […]...
7. Traveling on the train There was an Irishman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through Tasmania. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. Then there was this kissing noise and the […]...
8. Перевод слова Wednesday Wednesday – Среда Перевод слова On Wednesday – в среду Good Wednesday – среда на страстной неделе New Year’s Day falls on a Wednesday. Новый Год приходится на среду. ‘Are you free on the 19th?’ ‘Is that a Wednesday?’ “Ты свободна 19-го?” – “Это среда?” I spoke to her last Wednesday. Я говорил с ней […]...
9. A Russian, an Italian and an Irishman got out of work A Russian, an Italian and an Irishman got out of work and were deciding where to go for a drink. The Irishman said “Let’s all go to O’Learys. With every third round, the bartender will give each of us a free Guiness.” The Italian said “That sounds good, but if we go to Baldini’s with […]...
10. Перевод слова simple Simple – простой, скромный, простодушный Перевод слова Simple explanation – простое объяснение simple fare – простая пища that is very simple of you – это очень глупо с вашей стороны There is no Simple answer. Простого ответа не существует. The melody is very Simple. Эта мелодия очень простая. The Simple rules evaded them. Простые правила […]...
11. An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar, drinking, and discussing how stupid their wives were. The Englishman says, “I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she went to the supermarket and bought $300 worth of meat because it was on sale, and we don’t even have a […]...
12. The customs of an Irishman An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender asks him, “You know, a pint goes flat after […]...
13. An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, “Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I’m going to jump off this building.” The Mexican opened […]...
14. Do the math The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn’t paying attention in class. She called on him and said, “Johnny! what are 4, 2, 28 and 44?” Little Johnny quickly replied, “NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!”...
15. The Irish Music Топик Ирландская музыка расскажет о красивой ирландской музыке. Народ Ирландии очень музыкален, любит петь, танцевать и сочинять музыку. Арфа – один из самых любимых музыкальных инструментов, а самым знаменитым арфистом в 17-ом веке был слепой музыкант О’Каролан. Первые ноктюрны были написаны также ирландцем – Джоном Филдом, учеником Клементи. Все знают творчество ирландской рок-группы U2. Многие […]...
16. Clean Jokes about Ireland An American and an Irishman were enjoying a ride in the country when they came upon an unusual sight – an old gallows. The American thought he would have a joke on his Irish companion. “You see that, I reckon,” said he to the Irishman, pointing to the gallows. “And now where would you be […]...
17. Math is turning bad “Psst, c’mere,” said the shifty-eyed man wearing a long black trenchcoat, as he beckoned me off the rainy street into a damp dark alley. I followed. “What are you selling?” I asked. “Geometrical algebra drugs.” “Huh!?” “Geometry drugs. Ya got your uppers, your downers, your sidewaysers, your inside-outers…” “Stop right there,” I interrupted. “I’ve never […]...
18. The Math Test California officials have determined that students would probably do better with math word problems, if they could relate them to real life examples. Towards that end, may I present: The City of Los Angeles High School Math Proficiency Exam Name:_______________________________ Gang:___________________________ 1.Johnny has an AK-47 with an 80-round clip. If he misses 6 out of […]...
19. The math one liners Math problems? Call 1-800-[(10x)(13i)^2]-[sin(xy)/2.362x]. If parallel lines meet at infinity – infinity must be a very noisy place with all those lines crashing together! Maths Teacher: Now suppose the number of sheep is x… Student: Yes sir, but what happens if the number of sheep is not x? Zenophobia: the irrational fear of convergent sequences. […]...
20. Little Johnny was in his math’s class one day Little Johnny was in his math’s class one day when the teacher singled him out. “If I gave you $20,” the teacher began,” and you gave $5 to Mary, $5 to Sally and $5 to Susan, what would you have?” “An orgy,” Johnny answered....
21. Amusing Jokes about the Irish Mrs. Ryan, a mean looking woman, claimed her husband was not thoughtful. In this she was wrong; her husband thought about her too much. One morning on his way to work, he thought about her so much that he got off the subway at 34th Street and went to the Greyhound Terminal and took a […]...
22. Jokes about St. Patricks Day 2 McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave. “S’cuse me,” said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done. “What was that all […]...
23. How to Hunt Elephants – Math style Mathematicians hunt elephants by going to Africa, throwing out everything that is not an elephant, and catching one of whatever is left. Professors of mathematics prove the existence of at least one elephant and leave the capture of an actual elephant as an exercise for one of their graduate students. Sent by Alex...
24. Перевод слова sound Sound – звук, звучать; здоровый, крепкий Перевод слова The sound of voices – шум голосов the trumpets sounded – раздались звуки труб man of sound constitution – человек крепкого сложения his heart is not sound – у него плохое сердце We came back safe and Sound. Мы вернулись целыми и невредимыми. The Sound of a […]...
25. An Irishman, Englishman and Scotchman sitting An Irishman, Englishman and Scotchman sitting on a beach notice a mermaid sitting on a rock. The Englishman approaches her and says ‘Have you ever been kissed?’ No says the Mermaid. He kisses her and she likes it. after a while the Scotchman approaches her and says ‘Have you ever been fondled?’. She says no […]...
26. The Unsolvable Math Problem A student mistook examples of unsolved math problems for a homework assignment and solved them. EXAMPLE: A young college student was working hard in an upper-level math course, for fear that he would be unable to pass. On the night before the final, he studied so long that he overslept the morning of the test. […]...
27. BMW thinks of everything On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The pump attendant, obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is. “Top of the mornin’ to yer, sir” says the […]...
28. Humor about Leprechauns An aging man lived alone in Ireland. His only son was in Long Kesh Prison, and he didn’t know anyone who would spade up his potato garden. The old man wrote to his son about it, and received this reply, “For HEAVENS SAKE, don’t dig up that garden, that’s where I buried the GUNS!!!!!” At […]...
29. Why you should learn to use algebra After applying some simple algebra to some trite phrases and cliches a new understanding can be reached of the secret to wealth and success. Here it goes. Knowledge is Power Time is Money and as every engineer knows, Power is Work over Time. So, substituting algebraic equations for these time worn bits of wisdom, we […]...
30. Irish Laughs Casey married a rich widow, but they didn’t get along. One day she said to him, “If it wasn’t for my money, that new television wouldn’t be here. If it wasn’t for my money, that grand piano wouldn’t be here. If it wasn’t for my money, this house wouldn’t be here.” Casey mumbled, “If it […]...
31. The Irish Virus An actual mailing: Greetings, You have just received the “IRISH VIRUS”. As we don’t have any programming experience, this virus works on the honor system. Please delete all the files on your hard drive manually and forward this virus to everyone on your mailing list. Thank you for your cooperation....
32. Перевод слова answer Answer – отвечать, откликаться; ответ Перевод слова To give an answer – отвечать the answer to 3 17 is 51 – 3×17 равно 51 definite answer – ясный и точный ответ double answer – двусмысленный ответ He gave a coy Answer. Он дал уклончивый ответ. Who knows the Answer? Кто знает ответ? I will Answer […]...
33. Humor about Irish Pubs (Setting the scene, Ballymun outside of Dublin has a reputation as a rough spot) Fifteen minutes into Aer Lingus Flight EI109 from Madrid to Dublin the Plane encounters a serious problem with the Instrument landing systems. In a Fit of Panic, Paddy the Pilot turns to his co-Pilot and says. “Jazus Mick…Well have to turn […]...
34. Amusing Humor about the Irish O’Toole volunteered to take care of his numerous children so that Mom could have an evening out. At bedtime he sent the youngsters upstairs to bed and settled down to read. One child kept creeping down the stairs, but O’Toole kept sending him back up. At 10 o’clock the doorbell rang. It was the next […]...
35. Irish marriage jokes Paddy was an inveterate drunkard. The priest met him one day, and gave him a strong lecture about drink. He said, “If you continue drinking as you do, you’ll gradually get smaller and smaller, and eventually you’ll turn into a mouse.” This frightened the life out of Paddy. He went home that night, and said […]...
36. Irish religion jokes Boyle sat in a Belfast confessional. “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned,” he said. “I’ve blown up three hundred miles of English railroad!” “All right, my son,” admonished the priest. “For penance, finish off the stations!” Father Murphy met Casey in the street and Casey admired his new umbrella. Father Murphy said, “Thank you, […]...
37. Jokes about the Stupid Irish A man is driving along in the Irish countryside, when he comes to a petrol station, since he’s in need of petrol, the man decides to stop. He says to the attendant at the station, “Fill it up, will you?”. The man says “Sorry – we’re right out of petrol.” So the man considers, and […]...
38. Humor about the Stupid Irish Higgins lived in Staten Island, New York, and worked in Manhattan. He had to take the ferryboat home every night. One evening, he got down to the ferry and found there was a wait for the next boat, So Higgins decided to stop at a nearby tavern. Before long he was feeling no pain. When […]...
39. Fighting Irish Humor McNally was taking his first plane ride, flying over the Rocky Mountains. The stewardess handed him a piece of chewing gum. “It’s to keep your ears from popping at high altitudes,” she explains. When the plane landed McNally rushed up to her. “Miss,” he said, “I’m meetin’ me wife right away. How do I get […]...
40. Humor about Irish Marriages Some years ago, Michael J. Flanagan, a successful New York contractor, was standing on the deck of the Staten Island Ferry when a car got loose and sent him into the river where he drowned. The following Sunday his widow, all decked out in deepest black, was standing on the church steps after Mass, receiving […]...