If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked

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1. If If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed and dry cleaners depressed? Laundry workers could decrease, eventually becoming depressed and depleted! Even more, bedmakers will be debunked, baseball players will be debased, landscapers will be deflowered, bulldozer operators will be degraded, organ […]...
2. How all careers end How careers end… Lawyers are disbarred. Ministers are defrocked. Electricians are delighted. Far Eastern diplomats are disoriented. Drunks are distilled. Alpine climbers are dismounted. Piano tuners are unstrung. Orchestra leaders are disbanded. Artists’ models are deposed. Cooks are deranged. Dressmakers are unbiased. Nudists are redressed. Office clerks are defiled. Mediums are dispirited. Programmers are decoded. […]...
3. How to hunt elephants – Lawyers style How to hunt elephants – Lawyer’s style Lawyers don’t hunt elephants, but they do follow the herds around arguing about who owns the droppings. Software lawyers will claim that they own an entire herd based on the look and feel of one dropping. Sent by Alex...
4. Lawyers as lab rats The National Institute of Health (NIH) announced last week that they were going to start using lawyers instead of rats in their experiments. Naturally, the American Bar Association was outraged and filed suit. Yet, the NIH presented some very good reasons for the switch. 1. The lab assistants were becoming very attached to their little […]...
5. History of lawyers Why God Created Lawyers Satan was complaining bitterly to God, “You made the world so that it was not fair, and you made it so that most people would have to struggle every day, fight against their innate wishes and desires, and deal with all sorts of losses, grief, disasters, and catastrophes. Yet people worship […]...
6. Lawyers on a jury A trial had been scheduled in a small town, but the court clerk had forgotten to call in a jury panel. Rather than adjourning what he thought was an exceptionally simple case, the judge ordered his bailiff to go through the courthouse and round up enough people to form a jury. The bailiff returned with […]...
7. Lawyers arrive in Japan Source: Sunday Daily Breeze Take heart, America. Three monkey wrenches have been thrown into Japan’s well-oiled economic machine. It’s only a mater of time before that powerful engine of productivity begins to sputter and fail. What could cause such a sharp turnaround? High interest rates? Increased unemployment? Lower productivity? No, it’s something much more economically […]...
8. Lawyers are greedy A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW. “Officer, look what they’ve done to my Beeeeemer!!!”, he whined. “You lawyers are so […]...
9. Wigs and Lawyers В топике Парики и юристы рассказывается история появления в Англии столь знакомых нам белых, завитых и напудренных париков. Хотя за многовековую историю парики не раз отменяли, потом вводили снова, расписывали условия, при которых парики необходимы, они и по сей день являются непременным атрибутом британских судей и адвокатов. English legal dress has a long history. The […]...
10. Why lawyers should never ask a witness a question Why lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren’t prepared for the answer: In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand – a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, “Mrs.. Jones, do you know me?” She responded, “Why, yes I do know […]...
11. An old occupation What happens when people of different occupations get old. – Old accountants never die, they just lose their balance. – Old actors never die, they just drop apart. – Old archers never die, they just bow and quiver. – Old architects never die, they just lose their structures. – Old bankers never die, they just […]...
12. Значение идиомы take to the cleaners [take to the cleaners] {v. phr.}, {slang} 1. To win all the moneyanother person has. Watch out if you play poker withJoe; he’ll take you to the cleaners. 2. To cheat a person out of hismoney and possessions by means of a crooked business transaction orother means of dishonest conduct. I’ll never forgive myself forbecoming […]...
13. Detective report A man suspected his wife of seeing another man. So, he hired a famous Chinese detective, Ram Pam Sim Wimm, to watch and report any activities that might develop. A few days later, he received this report: Most honorable sir: You leave house. He come house. I watch. He and she leave house. I follow. […]...
14. A group of cowboys were branding some cattle A group of cowboys were branding some cattle. While they were out the cook saw a sheep tied to a post. Thinking it was for that nights dinner he cooked it. That night after dinner the cowboys were all sulking and ignoring the cook. He pulled one aside and asked, “Did I screw up the […]...
15. Перевод сленгового выражения take someone to the cleaners / take someone to the cleaner’s, значение и пример использования Сленговое выражение: take someone to the cleaners / take someone to the cleaner’s Перевод: обмануть, надуть кого-либо; взять с кого-либо слишком много денег за что-либо, обчистить кого-либо Пример: The salesman took the woman to the cleaners when he sold her the bad product. Продавец обманул женщину, когда продал ей плохой товар. The man went to […]...
16. Question and answer Q: How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung? A: You can’t get a finger between the rope and his neck! Q: If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atilla the Hun, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do? A: […]...
17. A chinese detective A man suspected his wife was cheating on him, so when he left town, he hired a famous Chinese detective to investigate. A few days later he received this letter. Most Honorable Sir, You leave house, He come to house. He and she leave house, I follow. He and she go to hotel, I climb […]...
18. Get some of this Two cowboys are out rounding up cattle when all of a sudden a heifer takes off and goes wild, the heifer runs into a fence and get’s her head stuck. The two cowboys get over to the fence and the one says to the other: “This is too good to pass up,” gets off his […]...
19. Learn it by listening Two cowboys come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. One of the cowboys stops and says to the other, “You see that Indian?” “Yeah,” says the other cowboy. “Look,” says the first one, “he’s listening to the ground. He can hear things for miles in any direction.” Just […]...
20. Three cowboys are sitting around a campfire Three cowboys are sitting around a campfire, out on the lonesome prairie, each with the bravado for which cowboys are famous. A night of tall tales begins. The first says, “I must be the meanest, toughest cowboy there is. Why, just the other day, a bull got loose in the corral and gored six men […]...
21. A horny young man went to a brothel A horny young man went to a brothel… The lady at the counter asked him what his choice would be. The man wanted to know what was available. Madam, “On the first floor, we have the ex-models… they are all slinky and sexy… On the second floor, we have our ex-actresses…they are all buxom and […]...
22. Christmas tree better Reasons Why a Christmas Tree Is Better Than a Woman” A Christmas tree doesn’t care how many other Christmas trees you have had in the past. A Christmas tree doesn’t care if you have an artificial one in the closet. When you are done with a Christmas tree you can throw it on the curb […]...
23. Перевод слова tree Tree – дерево Перевод слова To decorate a Christmas tree – наряжать елку to dig up a tree – выкопать дерево to fit a tree – подрубать дерево The car struck the Tree. Автомобиль врезался в дерево. Monkeys live in Trees. Обезьяны живут на деревьях. The Tree was about to fall. Дерево чуть не упало....
24. I often feel guilty Sheri, the pert and pretty nurse took her troubles to a resident psychiatrist in the hospital where she worked. “Doctor, you must help me,” she pleaded. “It’s gotten so that every time I date one of the young doctors here, I end up dating him. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a […]...
25. Перевод слова follow Follow – следовать, идти за, сопровождать Перевод слова Follow me – идите за мной this thought follows me everywhere – эта мысль не оставляет меня night follows day – за днем наступает ночь I would fain Follow your advice. Я с радостью последую вашему совету. You go ahead, and we’ll Follow on. Идите вперед, а […]...
26. It’s Christmas time and Paddy and Shaun decided to go look It’s Christmas time and Paddy and Shaun decided to go look for a Christmas Tree. They gathered their axe, a sled, and a broom to brush the trees off so they can get a good look at them. When they finally reach a fine stand of trees, Shaun brushes off the first tree, and stands […]...
27. Значение идиомы up a tree [up a tree] {adv.} or {adj. phr.} 1. Hunted or chased into a tree;treed. The dog drove the coon up a tree so the hunter could shoothim. 2. {informal} in trouble; having problems; in a difficulty thatit is hard to escape or think of a way out of. John’s father hashim up a tree in […]...
28. A little boy squirrel and a little girl squirrel A little boy squirrel and a little girl squirrel were chattering and playing around when up comes a fox. The girl squirrel dashed up a tree, but the boy squirrel stayed on the ground. “That’s strange,” said the fox. “Usually squirrels are afraid of me and run to the nearest tree.” “Listen, bud,” replied the […]...
29. A peasant was standing in a field chatting to a bull A pheasant was standing in a field chatting to a bull. “I would love to be able to get to the top of yonder tree”, sighed the pheasant, “but I haven”t got the energy”. Well, why don”t you nibble on some of my droppings?” replied the bull. “They”re packed with nutrients”. The pheasant pecked at […]...
30. MICHAEL KENNEDY What’s the difference between John Denver and Michael Kennedy? John Denver made it alive out of Aspen. Has Elton John re-written any of his songs for Michael Kennedy? Not yet, but he’s done one about the tree: “I’m Still Standing” How can you be sure that Michael was really a Kennedy? Check the family tree. […]...
31. A blonde got lost in her car in a snow storm A blonde got lost in her car in a snow storm. She remembered what her dad had once told her. “If you ever get stuck in a snow storm, wait for a snow plow and follow it”. Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for […]...
32. Lost In The Snow A blonde got lost in her car in a snow storm. She remembered what her dad had once told her. “If you ever get stuck in a snow storm, wait for a snow plow and follow it.” Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for […]...
33. Названия деревьев (Trees), лексика и слова по теме A birch – береза A (weeping) willow – (плакучая) ива An oak – дуб A poplar – тополь A maple – клен A linden – липа A spruce (a fir tree) – ель An aspen – осина A chestnut tree – каштановое дерево A horse chestnut – конский каштан A pine – сосна A silver […]...
34. Значение идиомы bark up the wrong tree [bark up the wrong tree] {v. phr.}, {informal} To choose the wrong person to deal with or the wrong course of action; mistake an aim. If he thinks he can fool me, he is barking up the wrong tree. He is barking up the wrong tree when he blames his troubles on bad luck. The […]...
35. Значение идиомы follow in one’s footsteps [follow in one’s footsteps] also [follow in one’s tracks] {v. phr.}To follow someone’s example; follow someone exactly, He followed inhis father’s footsteps and became a doctor. Compare: LIKE FATHER, LIKE SON....
36. Значение идиомы follow through [follow through] {v. phr.} 1. To finish a movement that you havestarted; continue an action to its natural ending. A footballpasser should follow through after he throws the ball. 2. To finishan action that you have started. Bob drew plans for a table for hismother, but he did not follow through by making it....
37. Значение идиомы follow one’s nose [follow one’s nose] {v. phr.}, {informal} 1. To go straight ahead;continue in the same direction. Just follow your nose and you’llget there. 2. To go any way you happen to think of. Oh, I don’tknow just where I want to go. I’ll just follow my nose and see whathappens....
38. Значение идиомы follow out [follow out] {v. phr.}, {informal} 1. To do fully; finish The boy followed out the instructions and made afine model plane. Compare: FOLLOW THROUGH. 2. To keep working at until it is finished; give your attentionuntil it comes to an end or conclusion. The student followed outall the index references in the encyclopedia until he […]...
39. A little girl was playing up a tree near a church A little girl was playing up a tree near a church. The priest was taking a walk when he happened to look up the tree and saw the little girl. She had no panties on. He called her down and gave her money to buy a pair of panties. The girl was so happy and […]...
40. Texan with a new car Three cowboys were hanging out in the bunkhouse. “I know that smart aleck Tex,” said the first. “He’s going to start bragging about that new foreign car he bought as soon as he gets back.” “Not Tex,” the second cowboy replied. “He’ll always be just a good ol’ boy. When he walks in, I’m sure […]...