Detective report

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1. A chinese detective A man suspected his wife was cheating on him, so when he left town, he hired a famous Chinese detective to investigate. A few days later he received this letter. Most Honorable Sir, You leave house, He come to house. He and she leave house, I follow. He and she go to hotel, I climb […]...
2. Значение идиомы house detective [house detective] {n.} A detective employed by a hotel, store, orother business to watch for any trouble. The one-armed man sweepingthe bank floor was really the house detective....
3. Перевод слова report Report – сообщать, докладывать; доклад, отчет Перевод слова Final report – окончательный доклад to draw up a report – составлять отчет in printed-report format – в форме печатного доклада I Reported her to the supervisor Я сообщил о ней начальнику. She left the Report for me. Она поручила доклад мне. The Report was endorsed. Отчет […]...
4. A man finds himself staying in a Vegas hotel room A man finds himself staying in a Vegas hotel room while on a business trip. Not wishing to be alone, he calls an “escort” service for some company. Soon, a strikingly beautiful hooker arrives. Without preamble the hooker says, “I want to tell you right up front, my minimum fee is $500, and that’s for […]...
5. Army fitness report British Military Officer Fitness Reports The British Military writes OFR’s (officer fitness reports). The form used for Royal Navy and Marines fitness reports is the S206. The following are actual excerpts taken from people’s “206’s”…. – His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity. – I would not breed from this Officer. […]...
6. Listening to a Traffic Report Every afternoon before I leave work, I listen to the Traffic report to see if I should take my usual route home or make a Detour. So today, like every day, I turned on my radio. “It’s a tough Commute today if you’re traveling on I-35 north. There’s a major Slowdown due to an Overturned […]...
7. You might be a redneck if 02 You might be a redneck if… Your Christmas tree is still up in February. You’ve ever been arrested for loitering. You think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d’ouvre. There is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house. You hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it […]...
8. Stock market report Today’s Stock Market Report: Helium was up, feathers were down. Paper was stationary. Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading. Knives were up sharply. Cows steered into a bull market. Pencils lost a few points. Hiking equipment was trailing. Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline. Weights were up in heavy trading. Light switches […]...
9. A dangerous job This guy wakes up one morning to find a gorilla in his tree. He looks in the phone book for a gorilla removal service until he finds one. “Is it a boy or girl Gorilla?” the service guy asks. “Boy,” is the man’s response. “Oh yeah, I can do it. I’ll be right there,” says […]...
10. Learning to Ride the Subway Donny: Come on, we need to buy our Subway tickets at that Ticket machine. Cayla: Why can’t we just get them at the Ticket window? I’m not sure what the Fare is. Donny: There’s a long line and we need to catch a Train right now. Cayla: I’ve never taken the subway before. I don’t […]...
11. A little boy squirrel and a little girl squirrel A little boy squirrel and a little girl squirrel were chattering and playing around when up comes a fox. The girl squirrel dashed up a tree, but the boy squirrel stayed on the ground. “That’s strange,” said the fox. “Usually squirrels are afraid of me and run to the nearest tree.” “Listen, bud,” replied the […]...
12. Перевод слова tree Tree – дерево Перевод слова To decorate a Christmas tree – наряжать елку to dig up a tree – выкопать дерево to fit a tree – подрубать дерево The car struck the Tree. Автомобиль врезался в дерево. Monkeys live in Trees. Обезьяны живут на деревьях. The Tree was about to fall. Дерево чуть не упало....
13. A little turtle begins to climb a tree slowly A little turtle begins to climb a tree slowly. After long hours of effort, he reaches the top, jumps into the air waving his front legs, until reaches heavily into the ground with a hard knock over his shell. After recovering his consciousness, he starts to climb the tree again, jumps again, and knocks the […]...
14. This guy unexpectedly got the day off and decided This guy unexpectedly got the day off and decided he would spend it on the golf course. After arriving at the club house, he was told that the only way he could play today was if he was willing to play along with three nuns. He agreed and set off with the nuns in tow. […]...
15. The accident report Dear Sir, I am writing in response to your request for additional information for block number 3 of the accident reporting form. I put “poor planning” as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should explain more fully and I trust the following detail will be sufficient. I am an […]...
16. Get me off this train One day a man took the train from Paris to Frankfurt. When he got in he said to the ticket man: “Sir. I really need you to do me a favor, I have to get down this train in Mannheim, but I’m very tired and it is for sure that I will fall asleep. So […]...
17. Christmas tree better Reasons Why a Christmas Tree Is Better Than a Woman” A Christmas tree doesn’t care how many other Christmas trees you have had in the past. A Christmas tree doesn’t care if you have an artificial one in the closet. When you are done with a Christmas tree you can throw it on the curb […]...
18. Why’d the monkey fall outta the tree? Why’d the monkey fall outta the tree? ’cause he was dead… Why’d the other monkey fall outta the tree? ’cause he was dead too… Why’d the third monkey fall outta the tree? Peer pressure…...
19. Значение идиомы skip out [skip out] {v.}, {informal} To leave in a hurry; especially aftercheating or taking money dishonestly; sneak away; leave withoutpermission. The man skipped out of the hotel without paying hisbill. “How did you get out of the house after supper, Harry? ” “Iskipped out!”...
20. Little Johnny tried out for the school play Little Johnny tried out for the school play. The teacher gave him these lines to practice: “Hark! A pistol shot! There lies a lady with hope in her soul. I think I’ll snatch a kiss and run into the forest. By William Shakespeare.” Little Johnny practiced and practiced and did the lines perfectly every time. […]...
21. Детектив/ A Detective Story На английском языке Перевод на русский язык A Detective Story Детектив There are many interesting genres in literature which I admire, but my favourite books are detective stories. Such books usually contain crime and mystery, which are later solved by smart detectives. One of the best-known detectives of all times was Sherlock Holmes. Everybody has […]...
22. Cow on Train Tracks A passenger train is creeping along, slowly. Finally it creaks to a halt. A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside. “What’s going on?” she yells out the window. “Cow on the track!” replies the conductor. Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace. Within five minutes, however, it stops again. The woman sees […]...
23. Перевод слова fall Fall – падать, терять положение; осень Перевод слова The fall of an apple – падение яблока the curtain falls – занавес падает fall fashions – осенние моды The tree was about to Fall. Дерево чуть не упало. He Fell back onto the bed. Он упал обратно на кровать. My birthday Falls on Sunday. Мой день […]...
24. Перевод слова kiss Kiss – поцелуй Перевод слова Deep kiss – глубокий поцелуй, французский поцелуй to kiss the hare’s foot – поцеловать порог, опоздать to throw a kiss – послать воздушный поцелуй Give us a Kiss. Поцелуй меня. She Kissed him goodnight. Она поцеловала его на ночь. Kiss my ass! Поцелуй меня в задницу! Интересные факты KISS – […]...
25. How to Catch a White Elephant How to Catch a White Elephant ============================= Submitted By Niels Kristian Jensen Go to an place where there are white elephants. Bring with you a muffin (with raisins). Climb a tree. When the white elephant is close, drop the muffin (with raisins) in front of it. The white elephant will be happy, and eat the […]...
26. Wooden back houses This joke has been done 50 (yes, 50) years ago by my father-in-law. First, a little background: He lived in a small village, north-west of Quebec City along the St-Laurent river. In those days, toilets were located outside the house in what we call in good ol’ french canadian ‘becosse’, from ‘back house’ I think. […]...
27. Chaim escapes from a mental hospital Chaim escapes from a mental hospital and goes to the train station. He gets on the train and is seated next to a business man. He asks the man, “Are you Jewish?” The man says, “No.” Joe apologizes. Ten minutes later, he asks, “You wouldn’t happen to be Jewish would you?” The man replies, “No!” […]...
28. Значение идиомы fall out [fall out] {v.} 1. To happen. As it fell out, the Harpers wereable to sell their old car. Compare: TURN OUT. 2. To quarrel;fight; fuss; disagree. The thieves fell out over the division ofthe loot. 3. To leave a military formation. You men are dismissed. Fall out! Contrast: FALL IN. 4. To leave a building […]...
29. The hotel Astor had hired a new bus driver The hotel Astor had hired a new bus driver and instructed him to meet all incoming trains and announce at the depot in a very loud voice, “Free bus to the hotel Astor!” On the way to the station on his first trip her kept repeating to himself, “Free bus to the hotel Astor, Free […]...
30. A jealous husband hires a private detective A jealous husband hires a private detective to check up on his wife. The husband tells the detective, he wants both a written account and as many videos of her in any kind of compromising situations as the man can get. Two weeks later the detective calls the man and tells him he has all […]...
31. Traveling on the train There was an Irishman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through Tasmania. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. Then there was this kissing noise and the […]...
32. The Mohel This woman is visiting in Israel and notices that her little travel alarm needs a battery. She looks for a watch repair shop and while she doesn’t read Hebrew she finally sees a shop with clocks and watches in the window. She goes in and hands the man her clock. The man says, “Madam, I […]...
33. A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good looking A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good looking sailor were shipwrecked on an island. One morning, the sailor climbed a tall coconut tree and yelled, “Stop making love down there!” “What’s the matter with you?” the husband said when the sailor climbed down. “We weren’t making love.” “Sorry,” said the sailor, “From […]...
34. A lady from California purchased a piece of timber land A lady from California purchased a piece of timber land in Oregon. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted to get a good view of her land so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top, she encountered a spotted owl that […]...
35. Actual Science Tests Report These are reputedly real answers to questions on science tests. When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide. Water is composed of two gins, oxygin and hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water. Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state. When […]...
36. Confuse Santa Claus 1. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds. 2. While he’s in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket. 3. Leave him a note, explaining that you’ve gone away for the holidays. Ask […]...
37. Buying your ticket Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket. “How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?” asks an accountant. “Watch and you’ll see,” answers an engineer. They all […]...
38. Perfect customer A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a midwest town he planned to visit on his vacation. He wrote, “I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with […]...
39. Перевод слова hotel Hotel – гостиница, отель Перевод слова Hotel room – комната в гостинице hotel service – гостиничное обслуживание full hotel service – с полным обслуживанием (уборкой, бельем и т. п.) hotel bill – счет за проживание в гостинице We registered at a Hotel. Мы зарегистрировались в гостинице. Turn left after the Hotel. После отеля поверните налево. […]...
40. The Latest Breaking News on the GoodTimes Virus It turns out that this so-called hoax virus is very dangerous after all. Goodtimes will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, it will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer. It will recalibrate your refrigerator’s coolness setting so all your ice cream goes melty. It will demagnetize the strips on all […]...