I’ll use my Seeing Eye Dog

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1. A blind man walks into a drug store with his seeing eye dog A blind man walks into a drug store with his seeing eye dog. He takes the dogs leash & starts swinging it around & around his head. The druggist says “May I help you?” The blind man replies “No thank you, I’m just looking around.”...
2. A drummer, tired of being ridiculed by his peers A drummer, tired of being ridiculed by his peers, decides to learn how to play some “real” musical instruments. He goes to a music store, walks in, approaches the store clerk, and says “I’ll take that red trumpet over there and that accordion.” The store clerk looks at him a bit funny, and replies “OK, […]...
3. Three guys go into a bar, one in a wheelchair, one Three guys go into a bar, one in a wheelchair, one is blind and the other appears normal. A couple of minutes later, God walks in to get a beer. He sees the guys and decides to have compassion on them. He touches the blind guy on the forehead, and his sight is restored. He […]...
4. A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. “I’m sorry sir, but I am blind, and can’t read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer, I’ll smell it and order […]...
5. A bar name A guy walks into a store and says to the managaer “why doesn’t your store have a name”, the store manager says “I haven’t thought of one yet but I think u can help me, what’s your girlfriend’s name.” The guy says “Jenny” then the store owner says “What’s do you like most about Jenny” […]...
6. Little Johnny is coming home from the store Little Johnny’s is coming home from the store swinging the loaf of bread in one hand and the other hand in his pants pocket. Along come Priest Joe and he thinks to himself, “This is a good opportunity to say something from the bible to Little Johnny.” He walks up to Little Johnny and says, […]...
7. A lady was in a hardware store looking at A lady was in a hardware store looking at a fishing poles. She asked the store manager how much it was he said ‘I am blind drop it on the ground and i’ll tell ya. She dropped it on the ground.’Aahh that’s 10.00.’ She bent down and let a big fart that everyone heard. But, […]...
8. The definition of a phallic symbol This girl walks in to a doctors office and she asks “Whats a failic symbol? Doctor says “you’re kidding..” Girl says “no! I don’t know! Whats a failic symbol???” Doctor pulls his pants and underwear down and says “You see? This is a failic symbol!” Girl says “Oh! Its just like a penis, only smaller”...
9. A man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condom A man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condom, then walks out of the store laughing hysterically. The pharmacist thinks this is weird, but, hey, there’s no law preventing weird people from buying condoms. Maybe it’s a good thing. The next day, the man comes back to the store, purchases another condom, and once again […]...
10. Значение идиомы in a circle [in a circle] or [in circles] {adv. phr.} Without any progress;without getting anywhere; uselessly. The committee debated for twohours, just talking in circles. If you don’t have a clear aim, youcan work a long time and still be going in circles. He seemed tobe working hard, but was just running around in circles....
11. This old lady walks out of the grocery store and goes to the bus stop This old lady walks out of the grocery store and goes to the bus stop. An old guy is sitting in the parking lot in his car. He drives over and says he’ll give her a ride home. On the way he looks her over and says “You’re a pretty good looking old broad. I’ll […]...
12. A duck walks into a general store A duck walks into a general store and asks the manager,”Got any fresh fruit?” “No.” “Got any fresh vegetables?” “No. We have only canned and dry goods.” The next day, the duck returns. “Got any fresh fruit?” “No.” “Got any fresh vegetables?” “No. I told you yesterday, we have only canned and dry goods. If […]...
13. Proctology findings This guy wants to be a proctologist, and he wants to be a really good proctologist, so he decides to go down to the morgue after class and practice a little. Well, he uncovers the first guy and there is a cork in his butt! He thinks it’s a little strange, so he pulls it […]...
14. A customer walks into a pharmacy A customer walks into a pharmacy and asks assistant for an anal deodorant. The assistant explains that they don’t stock them. The man insists that he bought his last one from this store. The assistant passes man on to the pharmacist, who explains that store has never stocked such an item. The man explains he […]...
15. Перевод слова blind Blind – слепой Перевод слова Blind obedience – слепое повиновение blind asylum – приют для слепых blind panic – дикая паника blind chance – слепой случай He was Blinded by love. Он был ослеплен любовью. She was Blind with tears. Она ничего не видела, ее глаза были полны слез....
16. Passing a parrot A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.” Well, the lady is furious! She stormed past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same […]...
17. A young man, hired by a supermarket, reported for his first day A young man, hired by a supermarket, reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, “Your first job will be to sweep out the store.” “But I’m a college graduate.” the young man replied indignantly. “Oh, I’m sorry. I […]...
18. Пословица / поговорка blind leading the blind / blind leaders of the blind – перевод и значение, пример использования Пословица / поговорка: blind leading the blind / blind leaders of the blind Перевод: слепой ведет слепого Пример: It was the blind leading the blind when the teacher who could not cook was asked to teach the cooking class. Ситуация была такая, что слепой вел слепого, когда учителя, который не умел готовить, попросили вести кулинарные […]...
19. A Second Opinion A man runs into the vet’s office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead. The […]...
20. There was a guy sitting at a bar having a beer There was a guy sitting at a bar having a beer. Up walks a so called “lady of the night”. She says, “For $300.00, I’ll do anything you want.” Our fine lad thinks for a moment then says: Ok. Paint my house, bitch!...
21. Значение идиомы fly blind [fly blind] {v. phr.} 1. To fly an airplane by instruments alone. In the heavy fog he had to fly blind. 2. {informal} To do somethingwithout understanding what you are doing. I’m glad the car runsnow; I was flying blind when I fixed it. He’s flying blind when hetalks about philosophy....
22. Значение идиомы run around in circles [run around in circles] {v. phr.} To waste time in repetitiousmovements; be confused. There was such a crowd in the lobby that Iran around in circles trying to find my group....
23. Bank Teller Bank Teller A middle aged man walks into the bank and says to the young teller, “I want to open a fucking checking account”. “Please sir”, she replies, “we can’t have language like that in here.” “Why the Fuck not?” he asked. “Sir,” Came her retort, “I must ask you to refrain from swearing.” “I […]...
24. Значение идиомы stone-blind [stone-blind] {adj. phr.} 1. Completely blind. Poor Al isstone-blind and needs help to get across the street carefully. 2.Highly intoxicated. George drank too much and got stone-blind atthe office party. See: GET STONED, THREE SHEETS TO THE WIND....
25. The reason for running A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he’s topping 100 mph. He eventually realizes he can’t escape and finally pulls over. The cop approaches the car and says, “It’s been a long day and my tour is almost over, so if you can give […]...
26. Перевод слова manager Manager – управляющий, руководитель, менеджер Перевод слова Manager of distribution – менеджер отдела сбыта branch manager – заведующий отделением, заведующий филиалом campaign manager – руководитель избирательной кампании He was appointed Manager. Его назначили управляющим. He will make a good Manager. Он станет хорошим управляющим. I demand to see the Manager. Я хочу видеть менеджера. Происхождение […]...
27. A guy walks into a pet store wanting a parrot A guy walks into a pet store wanting a parrot. The store clerk shows him two beautiful ones out on the floor. “This one’s $5,000 and the other is $10,000.” the clerk said. “Wow! What does the $5,000 one do?” “This parrot can sing every aria Mozart ever wrote.” “And the other?” said the customer. […]...
28. Good fortune A man walks along a lonely beach. Suddenly he hears a deep voice: DIG! He looks around: nobody’s there. I am having hallucinations, he thinks. Then he hears the voice again: I SAID, DIG! So he starts to dig in the sand with his bare hands, and after some inches, he finds a small chest […]...
29. George W. Bush walks into a restaurant in Washington DC George W. Bush walks into a restaurant in Washington DC with his wife Laura. The waiter approaches the table and asks for his order. “I’ll have your biggest, juiciest London Broil,” answers the President. “But sir, what about the mad cow?!!” asks the waiter. “Oh,” answers Dubya, “she’ll order for herself.”...
30. Значение идиомы blind alley [blind alley] {n.} 1. A narrow street that has only one entrance and no exit. The blind alley ended in a brick wall. 2. A way of acting that leads to no good results. John did not take the job because it was a blind alley. Tom thought of a way to do the algebra […]...
31. Значение идиомы talk in circles [talk in circles] {v. phr.} To waste time by saying words thatdon’t mean very much. After three hours at the negotiating table, the parties decided to call it quits because they realized that theyhad been talking in circles....
32. Перевод слова strange Strange – незнакомый, странный, необычный Перевод слова Strange malady – странная болезнь in strange lands – в чужих краях strange tongue – незнакомый язык He had a Strange way of talking. У него была странная манера говорить. She behaved in a Strange fashion. Она вела себя очень странно. I don’t like Strange people coming into […]...
33. Little Tommy is at the zoo on a school visit Little Tommy is at the zoo on a school visit and he spots a deer. Being a city kid he’s never seen one before and so he asks his teacher, “What’s that, Miss?” Miss decides to play a word game with him and says, “That’s what your Daddy calls Mummy, Tommy.” Tommy thinks for a […]...
34. A duck in the shop A duck walks into a shop and asks the manager: -Got any fresh fruit? -No. -Got any fresh vegetables? -No. We have only dry goods. The next day the duck returns: -Got any fresh fruit? -No. -Got any fresh vegatables? -No. I told you yesterday, we have only dry goods. If you come back tomorrow […]...
35. Stolen Car Stolen Car A man walks out of a bar, stumbling back and forth with a key in his hand. A cop on the beat sees him, and approaches, “Can I help you, sir?” “Yesssh! Sssshomebody ssshtole my car!” the man replies. The cop asks, “Where was your car the last time you saw it?” “It […]...
36. Значение идиомы blind leading the blind [blind leading the blind] One or more people who do not know or understand something trying to explain it to others who do not know or understand. Jimmy is trying to show Bill how to skate. The blind are leading the blind....
37. Edward walks out of a bar Edward walks out of a bar, stumbling back and forth with a key in his hand. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches. “Can I help you, fella?”, asks the cop. “Yesssh, ssshombody stol my car!” Edward replies. The cop asks, “Okay, where was your car the last time you saw it?”. “It […]...
38. A blonde named Vikki decides she wants to try A blonde named Vikki decides she wants to try horseback riding one day. So Vikki mounts the horse, taps its butt, and the horse starts to take off at a reasonable speed. She is having fun, and decides she wants to go a little faster, so she kicks the horses butt, and the horse goes […]...
39. Значение идиомы run circles around [run circles around] also [run rings around] {v. phr.} To show thatyou can do a task much better than; do better than veryeasily. In spelling, Ruth could run circles around Barbara anyday. Frank ran rings around the other boys on the basketballteam....
40. The Video Rental A blonde named Mary decides to do something really wild. Something she hasn’t done before, so she goes out to rent her first X-rated adult video. She goes to the video store, and after looking around for a while, selects a title that sounds very stimulating. She drives home, lights some candles, slips into something […]...