Honeymoon II

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1. An old man and old woman got married and went on their honeymoon An old man and old woman got married and went on their honeymoon. They were in bed getting ready to have sex for the first time and the old woman said I should tell you I have acute angina The old man says I hope so, you sure don’t have cute tits....
2. Really torrid honeymoon After the third day of a really torrid honeymoon, the young couple finally emerged from their room and walked into the hotel restaurant. After they were seated, the waiter came over to get their orders. The new husband looked at his bride and said, “You know what I really feel like honey?” “Well sure,” she […]...
3. An Unusual Ailment A man and a woman are riding next to each other in first class. The man sneezes, pulls out his wang and wipes the tip off. The woman can’t believe what she just saw and decides she is hallucinating. A few minutes pass. The man sneezes again. He pulls out his wang and wipes the […]...
4. A man comes to a doctor and A man comes to a doctor and, twitching his fingers and stuttering, finally manages to say, “Doctor, I have a sexual performance problem. Can you help me?” “Oh, that’s not a problem for us men anymore!” announces a proud physician, “They just came out with this new wonder drug, Viagra, that does the trick! You […]...
5. Перевод слова convince Convince – убеждать, уверять Перевод слова To be convinced – убедиться; быть убежденным convince of errors – заставить осознать свои ошибки convince of sincerity – убедить в своей искренности I’m Convinced she’s lying. Я уверен, что она лжет. He Convinced me that the story was true. Он убедил меня, что история была правдивой. It’s useless […]...
6. A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice: “Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you.” The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished. He went on, and after awhile […]...
7. Good fortune A man walks along a lonely beach. Suddenly he hears a deep voice: DIG! He looks around: nobody’s there. I am having hallucinations, he thinks. Then he hears the voice again: I SAID, DIG! So he starts to dig in the sand with his bare hands, and after some inches, he finds a small chest […]...
8. On their honeymoon night On their honeymoon night, the burly groom took off his pants and asked his bride to put them on. The waist alone was twice her body. She said, “I can’t wear your pants.” “That’s right,” intoned the groom, “And don’t you forget it. I’m the one who wears the pants in the family.” The bride […]...
9. Значение идиомы go off the deep end [go off the deep end] or [go overboard] {v. phr.}, {informal} Toact excitedly and without careful thinking. John has gone off thedeep end about owning a motorcycle. Mike warned his roommate notto go off the deep end and get married. Some girls go overboardfor handsome movie and television actors....
10. The Story of the Bats Two vampire bats wake up in the middle of the night, thirsty for blood. One says, “Let’s fly out of the cave and get some blood.” “We’re new here,” says the second one. “It’s dark out, and we don’t know where to look. We’d better wait until the other bats go with us.” The first […]...
11. Describing People’s Voices Adriana: Shhh, I’m trying to listen to the radio. Ralph: How can you listen to that radio station? All of their Deejays have such funny voices. Adriana: That’s precisely why I like it. Take this guy, Kevin. He has a Deep, Husky voice that I find really Sexy. Ralph: This guy? His voice is so […]...
12. A couple on their honeymoon woke up after their big night A couple on their honeymoon woke up after their big night. The bride rolled over and said, “That was nice but tell me, what did my pussy look like before you rooted it?” The husband replied “Like a beautiful rose with drops of dew on it.” “That’s nice honey” she replied, “What did it look […]...
13. A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, “When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?” The husband replied, “All I wanted to do […]...
14. Collection 07 I hear you are a real humanitarian. You have kept three or four detectives working regularly. I hear you are connected to the Police Department – by a pair of handcuffs. Hello – tall, dark and obnoxious! You remind me of the ocean – you make me sick. You should have been born in the […]...
15. The crusty old managing partner finally passed away The crusty old managing partner finally passed away, but his law firm kept receiving calls asking to speak with him. “I’m sorry, he’s dead,” was the standard answer. Finally, the receptionist who fielded the calls began to realize it was always the same voice, so she asked who it was and why he kept calling. […]...
16. A young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother A young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother he’s fallen in love and that he is going to get married. He says, “Just for fun, Ma, I’m going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I’m going to marry.” The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women […]...
17. Repetitiveness After the lavish wedding reception, the newlyweds retired to their Honeymoon Suite. The groom turned down the lights and found some nice CDs to stack on the player. Then he excused himself and returned in pajamas and robe. He opened a bottle of champagne and poured them each a drink, unaware that his new bride […]...
18. You can come out now Jon was looking for a little “action”. He picked up a sweet young thang at the bar and took her back to his hotel room. Little did he know she was damn near a nymphomaniac. After six times she was screaming for more. After the *eighth* time Jon told her that he needed to slip […]...
19. Safe to appear Don was looking for a little “action.” He picked up a sweet young thang at the bar and took her back to his hotel room. Little did he know she was damn near a nymphomaniac. After six times, she was screaming for more. After the *eighth* time, Don told her that he needed to slip […]...
20. Перевод слова voice Voice – голос, способность петь; выражать Перевод слова The compass of a voice – диапазон голоса in a decided voice – твердым голосом to voice a desire – выражать пожелание I know this Voice! Я узнаю этот голос! Sh! Keep your Voice down! Тсс! Говорите потише! His Voice deepened. Его голос стал более глубоким....
21. The homework schedule Here is an explanation of the school homework policy for the average student. Students should not spend more than ninety minutes per night. This time should be budgeted in the following manner if the student desires to achieve moderate to good grades in his/her classes. 15 minutes looking for assignment. 11 minutes calling a friend […]...
22. Значение идиомы in the dark [in the dark] {adj. phr.} 1. In ignorance; without information. John was in the dark about the job he was being sent to. If thegovernment controls the news, it can keep people in the dark on anytopic it chooses. Mary had a letter from Sue yesterday, but shewas left in the dark about Sue’s plans […]...
23. Like to screw? It’s the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. He’s a pretty hip guy with his own car. When he goes to the front door, the girl’s father answers and invites him in. Carrie’s not ready yet, so why don’t you have a seat?,” he says. “That’s cool” says Bobby. Carrie’s […]...
24. Going crazy with confusion A psychiatrist visited a California mental institution and asked a patient, “How did you get here? What was the nature of your illness?” He got the following reply. “Well, it all started when I got married and I guess I should never have done it. I married a widow with a grown daughter who then […]...
25. Mirror, mirror A young woman buys a mirror at an antique shop, and hangs it on her bathroom door. One evening, while getting undressed, she playfully says “Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my bust-line forty four”. Instantly, there is a brilliant flash of light, and her boobs grow to enormous proportions. Excitedly, she runs to tell […]...
26. An old retired man goes to his wife one day An old retired man goes to his wife one day, and says to her, “I don’t know how to tell you this dear, but the stock market crashed, and I’m afraid we’re broke.” The wife says, “No, we’re not. Let’s go for a drive into town.” Husband replies, “Our savings are all gone and you […]...
27. Day care workers charged with running toddler’Fight Club’ Two employees of a New Jersey day care center instigated “Fight Club”-style brawls between the toddlers and shared footage of the pint-sized pugilists on Snapchat, prosecutors said Tuesday. Erica Kenny, 22, and Chanese White, 28, were criminally charged for allegedly staging tussles between kids ages 4 to 6 at Lightbridge Academy, in Cranford. “Approximately a […]...
28. Перевод слова honeymoon Honeymoon – медовый месяц Перевод слова To be on honeymoon – проводить медовый месяц to go for a honeymoon – поехать в свадебное путешествие honeymoon couple – молодожены, совершающие свадебное путешествие The neoteric fashion of spending a Honeymoon on the railway. Новая мода проводить медовый месяц в путешествии по железной дороге. They plan to Honeymoon […]...
29. Значение идиомы honeymoon is over [honeymoon is over] The first happy period of friendship andcooperation between two persons or groups is over. A few monthsafter a new President is elected, the honeymoon is over and Congressand the President begin to criticize each other. The honeymoon wassoon over for the new foreman and the men under him....
30. Перевод слова married Married – женатый, брачный Перевод слова Married man – женатый человек married name – фамилия по мужу married couple – супружеская пара So, how do you like Married life? Так, как тебе супружеская жизнь? She Married an Evans. Она вышла замуж за одного из Эвансов. I was Married to my job. Я был женат на […]...
31. Bell Labs Proves Existence of Dark Suckers For years it has been believed that electric bulbs emitted light. However, recent information from Bell Labs has proven otherwise. Electric bulbs don’t emit light, they suck dark. Thus they now call these bulbs dark suckers. The dark sucker theory, according to a Bell Labs spokesperson, proves the existence of dark, that dark has mass […]...
32. Ice fishing This guy goes ice fishing, takes out an auger and starts drilling. LOUD VOICE FROM ABOVE: There’s no fish there. Guy goes to another spot and drills. LOUD VOICE FROM ABOVE: There’s no fish there, either. Guy tries a third spot. LOUD VOICE FROM ABOVE: Nope. Not there either. Guy, getting a little nervous: “Are […]...
33. Who keeps saying those things A man walked in to a bar after a long day at work. As he began to drink his beer, he heard a voice say seductively “You’ve got great hair!” The man looked around but couldn’t see where the voice was coming from, so he went back to his beer. A minute later, he heard […]...
34. Berkowitz is having a drink at his hotel Berkowitz is having a drink at his hotel when he spots a beautiful young woman at the other end of the bar. “Bartender,” he says, “give that lady whatever she likes, and put it on my tab.” When the drink is delivered, the woman gives Berkowitz a warm smile. A moment later he’s at her […]...
35. Doing the Dishes A young man has always dreamed on owning a Harley Davidson. One day he has finally saved up enough money so he goes down to the dealer. After picking out the perfect bike the dealer warns him that if he leaves his Harley in the rain the chrome has a tendency to rust. He tells […]...
36. A famous hypnotist was performing in a large auditorium A famous hypnotist was performing in a large auditorium full of students one night. He began to speak in a soft and steady voice over the loud-speaker system. “Listen to the sound of my voice…”, he kept repeating, “the sound of my voice… every word is a command… the sound of my voice…” Pretty soon, […]...
37. Перевод слова dark Dark – темный, мрачный Перевод слова Dark day – хмурый день dark glasses – темные очки dark skin – смуглая кожа He arrived after Dark. Он приехал, когда было уже темно. It’s getting Dark. Становится темно. She has Dark hair. У нее темные волосы. Интересные факты Мем “темная сторона” (dark side) пришел из фантастической эпопеи […]...
38. Значение идиомы on the wagon [on the wagon] {adv. phr.} Participating in an alcohol addictionprogram; not touching any alcoholic beverage. Jim’s doctor and hisfamily finally managed to convince him that he was an alcoholic andshould go on the wagon. Contrast: FALL OFF THE WAGON....
39. This redneck gets married, but on his wedding night This redneck gets married, but on his wedding night he doesn’t know what to do. He’s fumbling around for a while, but finally his wife gets fed up and says, “Jeb, ya big idiot! Yer s’pposed to take that thing you play with and put it where I pee!” …So he got his bowling bowl […]...
40. Cow on Train Tracks A passenger train is creeping along, slowly. Finally it creaks to a halt. A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside. “What’s going on?” she yells out the window. “Cow on the track!” replies the conductor. Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace. Within five minutes, however, it stops again. The woman sees […]...