Hoffman and Puscas are bombed, watching the St. Patrick’s

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1. One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette hair. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, “Why are some of your hairs white, Mom? Her […]...
2. Jokes about St. Patricks Day 2 McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave. “S’cuse me,” said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done. “What was that all […]...
3. A man goes into a bar with his pet octopus A man goes into a bar with his pet octopus and says “I’ll bet $50 that no one here has a musical instrument that this octopus CAN’T play’ The people in the bar look around, and someone fetches out an old guitar. The octopus has a look, picks it up, tunes the string, and starts […]...
4. Watching Political Commentary Shows Laura: I really don’t like these Political commentary shows. They Purportedly present both sides of an issue, but the Commentator is always Biased. Joon: Oh, I don’t think so. Each show invites Pundits on each side of the Political spectrum. In this show, for instance, the pundits each take turns presenting their Arguments. Laura: You […]...
5. Значение идиомы by turns [by turns] {adv. phr.} First one and then another in a regular way; one substituting for or following another according to a repeated plan. On the drive to Chicago, the three men took the wheel by turns. The teachers were on duty by turns. When John had a fever, he felt cold and hot by […]...
6. One night, as a couple lay down for bed This joke sucks…. One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says, “I’m sorry honey, I’ve got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.” The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to […]...
7. Two retired ladies were on the beach in Miami Two retired ladies were on the beach in Miami. They were discussing the fact that if they go for a swim, someone might steal their cigarettes, but if they take the cigarettes with them, they will get soaked. Then they notice a gorgeous girl walking out of the ocean. She reaches into the top of […]...
8. Значение идиомы take turns [take turns] {v. phr.} To do something one after another instead ofdoing it all at the same time. In class we should not talk all atthe same time; we should take turns. Jean and Beth took turns onthe swing. The two boys took turns at digging the hole. Thethree men took turns driving so one […]...
9. How far to the town A unit of soldiers was marching a long dusty march across the rolling prairie. It was a hot blistering day and the men, longing for water and rest, were impatient to reach the next town. A rancher rode past. “Say, friend”, called out one of the men, “how far is it to the next town?” […]...
10. Golfing A foursome is waiting at the men’s tee when another foursome of ladies are hitting from the ladies tee. The ladies are taking their time and when finally the last one is ready to hit the ball she hacks it about 10 feet, goes over to it, hacks it another ten feet and looks up […]...
11. A blonde named Vikki decides she wants to try A blonde named Vikki decides she wants to try horseback riding one day. So Vikki mounts the horse, taps its butt, and the horse starts to take off at a reasonable speed. She is having fun, and decides she wants to go a little faster, so she kicks the horses butt, and the horse goes […]...
12. A Drunk Scottsman There was a scottsman and he was too drunk to walk home from the bar. He decides to lay down a park bench and sleep. Tomorrow he would walk home after he was sober. In the morning two little girls are walking by to go to school when they see he is wearing his kilt. […]...
13. This black guy is walking along a beach when This black guy is walking along a beach when he looks down a sees an antique lamp. Thinking that he’ll get enough money for another vial of crack, he takes the bottle home and starts to clean it. He starts rubbing the lamp, when all of a sudden a Jewish genie appears, and being a […]...
14. Small World Two men are having an awfully slow round of golf because the two ladies in front of them managed to get into every sand trap, lake, and rough on the course, and they didn’t bother to wave the men on through, which is proper golf etiquette. After two hours of waiting and waiting, one man […]...
15. Значение идиомы hair [hair] See: CURL ONE’S HAIR, GET GRAY HAIR or GET GRAY, GIVE GRAYHAIR, HANG BY A THREAD or HANG BY A HAIR, HIDE OR HAIR or HIDE NORHAIR, IN ONE’S HAIR, LET ONE’S HAIR DOWN, OUT OF ONE’S HAIR, SPLITHAIRS, TEAR ONE’S HAIR....
16. Перевод слова hair Hair – волосы Перевод слова Blond hair – белокурые волосы bush of hair – копна волос fly-away hair – пушистые, развевающиеся волосы Fix your Hair! Причеши волосы! She has dark Hair. У нее темные волосы. She pinned up her Hair. Она заколола свои волосы....
17. A little delusion The weather was very hot and this man wanted desperately to take a dive in a nearby lake. He didn’t bring his swimming outfit, but who cared? He was all alone. So he undressed and got into the water. After some delightful minutes of cool swimming, a pair of old ladies walked onto the shore […]...
18. A blind man walks into a drug store with his seeing eye dog A blind man walks into a drug store with his seeing eye dog. He takes the dogs leash & starts swinging it around & around his head. The druggist says “May I help you?” The blind man replies “No thank you, I’m just looking around.”...
19. Jokes About The Irishmen “Hey,” said a new arrival in the pub, “I’ve got some great Irish jokes.” “Before you start,” said the big bloke in the corner, “, I’m Irish.” “Don’t worry,” said the newcomer, “I’ll tell them slowly.” Two Irishmen were sitting in a four engined plane flying back from a shopping trip to Paris when the […]...
20. FUN. FUN Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: ‘Slim, I’m 83 years old now and I’m just full of aches and pains. I know you’re about my age. How do you feel?’ Slim says, ‘I feel just like a newborn […]...
21. A man takes his dog for a walk in the park A man takes his dog for a walk in the park. While he’s there, he runs in to his old friend. The two men stop to talk and the dog just plops right down and starts licking his balls. The friend sees this and says, “Man, I sure wish I could do that.” The dog […]...
22. A blind guy goes into a whore house A blind guy goes into a whore house. A girl takes him upstairs and starts giving him a blowjob. He says to her, “Excuse me, aren’t you Karen Carlton, and didn’t you go to Cardozo High School in Detroit?” “Yes. How’d you know?” “I never forget a face.”...
23. A guy with bright blue, green and orange color hair A guy with bright blue, green and orange color hair was standing at a bus stop. Few moments later an elderly man stood near him and kept staring at him hard. Annoyed by the stares the guy asked him, “Wotz up oldie! Never done something wild?” To this the old man replied, “Yeah, I f*cked […]...
24. A beautiful young girl is about to undergo a minor surgery A beautiful young girl is about to undergo a minor operation. She’s laid on a trolley bed by a lady in a white dress and brought to the corridor. Before they enter the room she leaves her behind the theatre door to go in and check whether everything is ready. A young man wearing a […]...
25. A Programmer and an Engineer are sitting next to each other A Programmer and an Engineer are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The Programmer leans over to the Engineer and asks if he would like to play a fun game. The Engineer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window […]...
26. Punishment for Gates Satan greets him: “Welcome Mr. Gates, we’ve been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You’ve been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you’ve got me in a good mood, I’ll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you’ll be locked […]...
27. Watching Sports on TV Laura: Oh, I didn’t think I’d Make it home in time for the game. Jun: What game? Laura: The Playoffs! Turn on the TV. I hope it’s still in the First quarter. It is! Who’s winning? What’s the Score? Jun: I don’t know. You know I don’t watch sports. Whao! That was a Great shot. […]...
28. Deserted island golf A man is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years. One day, he sees a speck in the horizon. He thinks to himself, “It’s not a ship.” The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, “It’s not a boat.” The speck gets even closer and he thinks, “It’s not a raft.” […]...
29. Watching the TV News Anchor: Good evening. I’m Gary Singh and this is the evening news. Tonight, we’ll have a Special report from our Field reporter, Monique Sanders, on the Latest developments In the Eddie Litton court case. And in our Feature segment, we’ll go to Arizona To interview the world’s fattest dog, weighing 210 pounds! We’ll also have […]...
30. Значение идиомы tear one’s hair [tear one’s hair] {v. phr.} To show sorrow, anger, or defeat. Ben tore his hair when he saw the wrecked car. The teacher torehis hair at the boy’s stupid answer. It was time to go to class, but Mary had not finished the report she had to give, and she begantearing her hair....
31. Watching Competitive Sports Bruno: Hey, what are you doing? Give me back that Remote! Tamara: The movie I want to watch is on right now. Do you mind? Bruno: Of course I mind! I’m watching the Playoffs. Can’t you see that? Tamara: The playoffs? Oh, I’ll watch with you. Bruno: You? You don’t know anything about sports. Tamara: […]...
32. Watching Special Effects Chrissy: Wow, that movie was amazing, but I can’t believe that they Blew up the Eiffel Tower. I bet the French are really Pissed. Jack: You’re kidding, right? They didn’t really blow up the Eiffel Tower. They used Special effects to make it look that way. Chrissy: Are you sure? It really looked like the […]...
33. A historical example A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a rabbi, if they could discuss his use of the family car. His father took him into his study and said, “I’ll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your Talmud a little, get your hair […]...
34. Reading and Watching the News I’m a news Junkie. I like to read two newspapers everyday. I don’t just look at the Headlines. I read most of the stories. I like the Political news, the Business news, the Editorials, and the Entertainment news. The only things I don’t usually read are the Sports pages and the Classifieds. I also try […]...
35. Watching Videos on the Internet Sheila: Where are you going? Rudy: I’m going to the Video store to rent a movie for tonight. Do you want to come? Sheila: You don’t need to do that. We can watch nearly any movie you want Online. Rudy: Oh, you mean we can pay To download it? Sheila: Yeah, we can download it, […]...
36. Cronin goes to a barber shop to get his hair cut Cronin goes to a barber shop to get his hair cut. The barber cuts his hair, and after he gets done, as Cronin gets up and is taking out his money, the barber goes over and takes a leak in the corner of the barber shop. The barber finishes and comes back. As Cronin hands […]...
37. Watching the Olympic Games Mary Lou: Am I too late for the Opening ceremony? Jesse: No, it’s just starting. The runner is just coming into Olympic Village with the Torch. Mary Lou: Oh, this is so exciting! I love the summer Olympics. Track and field, gymnastics, swimming – I can’t wait! Jesse: Oh, here come the Athletes from each […]...
38. Watching Movie and TV Franchises Ursula: Weren’t you watching this same movie yesterday? Ian: No, this is the Sequel. Yesterday, I watched Aims Pond. This is Aims Pond: Super Spy. Ursula: Wasn’t this originally a TV show? Ian: Actually, it was originally a Novel, which was Adapted into a Long-running TV show. Then, it was Turned into a Movie franchise. […]...
39. One day Clinton goes to the bathroom One day Clinton goes to the bathroom, pulls down his pants, and much to his amazement, he finds a red ring around his penis. So the next day he goes to his physician and the doctor says, “I cant figure out what it is. So I’ll give you some medicine, and if it doesn’t work, […]...
40. Watching Action Movies Claude: Oh no, this isn’t another Action movie, is it? Jean: Of course not. I know you like Thrillers and this is a thriller. Claude: This definitely seems like a Brainless action movie to me. That’s the second Fight scene and we’re only 15 minutes into the film. Jean: It’s a thriller that’s supposed to […]...