Good news

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1. The bad news and the good news Harry answers the telephone, and it’s an Emergency Room doctor. The doctor says, “Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news and good news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will need help eating and going to the bathroom for […]...
2. Visiting a Patient in the Hospital George: You’re just In time. There’s only another 20 minutes until the end of Visiting hours. Inez: I got here as soon as I could. How is Uncle Peter? George: They moved him from the Emergency ward to the Intensive care unit. He’s on Life support. Inez: How could this have happened? How could somebody […]...
3. Mister Smith rushes into the maternity ward Mister Smith rushes into the maternity ward, “What’s wrong? What’s the emergency?” “Oh, Mister Smith, your child was just born and I have some terrible news for you. It’s disfigured.” “Well, how bad is it? Can I see?” “Follow me, sir.” They head down a restricted corridor and come to the first door. Inside, in […]...
4. The definition of a phallic symbol This girl walks in to a doctors office and she asks “Whats a failic symbol? Doctor says “you’re kidding..” Girl says “no! I don’t know! Whats a failic symbol???” Doctor pulls his pants and underwear down and says “You see? This is a failic symbol!” Girl says “Oh! Its just like a penis, only smaller”...
5. Good news and bad news The McCartney kids are at the family ranch anxiously awaiting news of their mother. Paul emerges from his wife’s bedroom. “Kid’s……there’s good news and bad news.” “The bad news is your mother’s strength and will to live has been sucked away by her awful disease and she died a few moments ago” “The good news […]...
6. Пословица / поговорка no news is good news – перевод и значение, пример использования Пословица / поговорка: no news is good news Перевод: отсутствие вестей – хорошая весть Пример: Although the woman had not heard from her son for several weeks, she believed that no news is good news and she did not worry. Хотя женщина и не получала известий от своего сына несколько недель, она считала, что отсутствие […]...
7. After a bad accident Patient: I’m in a hospital! Why am I in here? Doctor: You’ve had an accident involving a train. Patient: What happened? Doctor: Well, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first? Patient: Well… The bad news first… Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we had […]...
8. The good and the bad Patient: I’m in a hospital! Why am I in here? Doctor: You’ve had an accident involving a bus. Patient: What happened? Doctor: Well, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first? Patient: Give me the bad news first. Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we […]...
9. Giving Bad News and Condolences I was at the hospital at with my friend, Wendy. Her father was in an accident and she was waiting to talk to the doctor. Doctor: Hello, I’m Dr. Johnson. How are you holding up? Wendy: Oh, I’m fine. Is there any news? Doctor: Yes. I have examined your father’s Test results and I’m afraid […]...
10. Пословица / поговорка bad news travels fast / bad news has wings – перевод и значение, пример использования Пословица / поговорка: bad news travels fast / bad news has wings Перевод: плохая молва на крыльях летит Эквивалент в русском языке: худые вести не лежат на месте Пример: Bad news travels fast and the man heard about the job layoffs a week before the official announcement. Плохая молва на крыльях летит, и мужчина услышал […]...
11. Перевод слова news News – новости, хроника Перевод слова What’s the news? – что нового? here is an interesting piece of news – вот интересная новость latest news – последние известия We heard that item on the late News. Мы услышали об этом в последнем выпуске новостей. That is no News. Это уже всем известно Pass the News […]...
12. A folk remedy A man’s wife had been in a coma for several days following a particularly nasty knock on the head. As usual, one of the nurses in the hospital was giving her a wash in bed. As she washed down the woman’s body, she sponged her pubic hair. Out of the corner of her eye she […]...
13. Liberal and Conservative News Bill: Why are you reading that Rag? Rachel: I enjoy reading it. I like its News coverage and its Incisive commentaries. Bill: That’s nothing but a Liberal propaganda rag. You can’t believe a thing they Print in there. Rachel: That’s not true. The news stories are Objective and Unbiased. This magazine isn’t like the newspapers […]...
14. Bad news and awful news One morning Bill Clinton wakes up. He looks out side, it had snowed during the night and everything was covered in snow. He looks down and sees something written in urine on the lawn it reads “I hope YoU GeT ImPeAcHeD”. Bill calls the FBI and says “Someone has written “I hope you get impeached” […]...
15. Reading and Watching the News I’m a news Junkie. I like to read two newspapers everyday. I don’t just look at the Headlines. I read most of the stories. I like the Political news, the Business news, the Editorials, and the Entertainment news. The only things I don’t usually read are the Sports pages and the Classifieds. I also try […]...
16. Going to the Emergency Room Saturday, 9:35 p. m. I arrive in the Emergency room. I had been at a party earlier in the evening when I accidentally cut my finger. My finger wasn’t Severed, but it did have a very deep cut and I thought I might need Stitches. I check in at the Admissions desk and I’m told […]...
17. Some problems A woman gives birth by a Caesarian and passes out. When she comes to her senses, the doctor approaches her bed and says: “I’m sorry to tell you, Mrs. Smith, that your baby has some serious problems.” “What problems, doctor? I mean, when it arrives, I’ll love it. It’s my child and I’ll love it […]...
18. Перевод слова telephone Telephone – телефон Перевод слова Telephone bill – счет за пользование телефоном outdoor telephone booth – уличная телефонная будка telephone cable – телефонный кабель She spoke to him by Telephone. Она поговорила с ним по телефону. He has Telephoned the news. Он сообщил новости по телефону. You never write or Telephone. Ты никогда не пишешь […]...
19. A man goes into the doctor’s office feeling really bad A man goes into the doctor’s office feeling really bad. After a thorough examination the doctor calls him into his office and says “I have some bad news. You have HAGS.” “What is HAGS” the man asks. “It’s herpes, AIDS, gonorrhea, and syphilis” says the doctor. “Oh my God” says the man. “What are you […]...
20. Значение идиомы bad news [bad news] {n.}, {slang} An event, thing, or person which is disagreeable or an unpleasant surprise. What’s the new professor like? – He’s all bad news to me....
21. Moscow News Топик Московские новости рассказывает об истории создания и развития знаменитой газеты “Московские новости” на английском и русском языках, известную каждому изучающему английский язык. Из этой газеты можно узнать обо всем, что происходит в России, Москве, других странах мира. В газете много интересных рубрик и рекламы. “Moscow News” is a national weekly newspaper. The first issue […]...
22. Put it to a good use The doctor comes out of the delivery room and says to the father, “I’m sorry to have to tell you this, Mr. Jones, but apparently your child was born with no arms, only one leg, and teeth that project six inches out of its mouth.” Mr. Jones cries, “My God! What will we do with […]...
23. Reporting the News I have always wanted to be a News reporter. When I was about 10 years old, I would write my own news stories and Publish them in my own newspaper. In reality, the newspaper was just a piece of paper on which I’d written my stories and drew my pictures, but it was My first […]...
24. HEGS The Doctor tells his patient that he has H-E-G-S “What’s that?”, the patient asks. “It’s a combination of Herpes, Encephalitis, Gonorrhea and Syphyllis.” The patient wants to know if there’s a cure, to which the Doctor responds, “We have to keep you in a hospital room and feed you nothing but pancackes.” “Why only pancackes?”, […]...
25. A man answers the phone and has the following A man answers the phone and has the following conversation: “Yes, mother, I’ve had a hard day. Gladys has been most difficult – I know I ought to be more firm, but it is hard. Well, you know how she is. “Yes, I remember you warned me. I remember you told me that she was […]...
26. A large difference A man went to the doctor’s. The doctor came in and said, “Well, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that you have an inoperable brain tumor. The good news is our hospital has just been certified to do brain transplants and there has been an accident right out […]...
27. Перевод сленгового выражения bad news, значение и пример использования Сленговое выражение: bad news Перевод: что-либо или кто-либо, доставляющий неприятности, трудности, хлопоты Пример: He’s bad news, you shouldn’t hang around with him. От него много неприятностей, не стоит с ним водиться....
28. Перевод слова emergency Emergency – непредвиденный случай, критическкое положение Перевод слова Emergency decree – правила техники безопасности the state of emergency – чрезвычайное положение emergency work – экстренная работа; аврал The minister has called an Emergency meeting. Министр созвал экстренное заседание. Her quick thinking in an Emergency saved the baby’s life. Ее сообразительность спасла жизнь ребенка во время […]...
29. There was an airplane full of a shipment of Pepsi flying over Africa There was an airplane full of a shipment of Pepsi flying over Africa. It suddenly had a malfunction and went down. A few weeks later, PepsiCo sent a rescue plane out to look for the lost plane. They found the wreckage but were unable to locate the crew. They searched the area and found a […]...
30. Where are the fingers? Jon’s working at the lumberyard, pushing a tree through the buzz saw, and accidentally shears off all ten of his fingers. He goes to the emergency room. The doctor says, “Yuck! Well, give me the fingers, and I’ll see what I can do.” Jon says, “I haven’t got the fingers.” The doctor says, “What do […]...
31. Перевод идиомы break the news (to someone), значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: break the news (to someone) Перевод: сообщать кому-либо какие-либо новости, известия Пример: He is planning to break the news about his transfer tomorrow. Он собирается рассказать о своем переводе завтра....
32. Three guys enter a disabled swimming contest Three guys enter a disabled swimming contest. The first has no arms. The second no legs and the third has no body, just a head. They all line up, the whistle blows and “splash” they’re all in the pool. The guy with no arms takes the lead instantly but the guy with no legs is […]...
33. A perfect choice A woman who had been married twice and divorced twice was fed up. Her first husband beat her, and her second husband ran away with another woman. Plus, she couldn’t find a new lover who could satisfy her sexually, so she put an ad in the classifieds: Wanted: A good looking, single guy who won’t […]...
34. Speaking of spelling, here is a news bulletin Speaking of spelling, here’s a news bulletin…….. The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty’s Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year […]...
35. Different Treatments A doctor had the reputation of helping couples increase the joy in their sex life, but always promised not to take a case if he felt he could not help them. The Browns came to see the doctor. He gave them thorough physical exams, psychological exams, and various tests, then concluded, “Yes, I am happy […]...
36. A man is waiting for his wife to give birth A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion. After 21 years, […]...
37. A pregnant woman is about to give birth A pregnant woman is about to give birth. The doctor has her on the delivery table, legs up in the stirrups. Suddenly, he sees the top of a head push through. Then the baby pops its head out and says to the doctor, “Are you my dad?”. The doctor says, “No, I am your doctor!”. […]...
38. An Emergency Airplane Landing I was nearly asleep in my seat when I heard this announcement: “Folks, this is the captain speaking from the Cockpit. We are experiencing a lot of Turbulence and I’m turning on the Fasten seatbelt sign. Please remain in your seats.” I didn’t think anything of it until a few minutes later when I heard […]...
39. The Yugoslav news agency Tanjug reported that The Yugoslav news agency Tanjug reported that Yugoslavian air defenses had shot down a NATO F-16 just after nightfall while the jet was on a bombing run. The plane crashed into an empty field, creating a huge crater. Serbian search and rescue workers have recovered 307 bodies so far, proving that NATO is using Albanian […]...
40. Serious desease A distraught patient phoned her doctor’s office. Was it true, the woman wanted to know, that the medication the doctor had prescribed was for the rest of her life? She was told that it was. There was a moment of silence before the woman continued, “I’m wondering, then, just how serious my condition is. This […]...