Father, mother and son decide to go to the zoo one day

Related topics:

1. Elephants IXEvery nation has to write a book about the Elephant: The French book — The Sex Life of the Elephant or: 1000 ways to cook Elephant The English book — Elephants I have shot on Safari The Welsh book — The Elephant and its influence on Welsh language and culture or: Oes ysgol tocynnau eleffant ... Читать далее...
2. A young girl sees her father in the showerA young girl sees her father in the shower and asks what his testicles are. «Those are the Apples of the Tree of Life,» he tells her, by way of poetic concealment. She tells this to her mother, who replies, «Did he say anything about that dead branch they’re hanging on?»...
3. A young black boy goes into the kitchen where his mother is bakingA young black boy goes into the kitchen where his mother is baking. He puts his hands in the flour and coats his face with it. He looks at his mother and says «Look Momma, I’m a white boy.» His mother slaps him hard On the face and says «Boy, go show your Daddy.» The ... Читать далее...
4. Перевод идиомы a mummy’s boy / a mama’s boy / a mother’s boy, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: a mummy’s boy / a mama’s boy / a mother’s boy Идиома: a mummy’s boy / a mama’s boy / a mother’s boy Перевод: маменькин сынок Пример: Andrew’s a bit of a mummy’s boy. He finished with his girlfriend because his mother disapproved. В Эндрю есть повадки маменькина сынка. Он расстался со своей девушкой ... Читать далее...
5. There once was a baby elephant and a baby turtleThere once was a baby elephant and a baby turtle drinking from a river deep in the jungle. For no reason, the turtle reaches over and bites the elephant’s tail, really hard. Years and years later, the same elephant, now grown up, is by the same river, having a drink with his giraffe buddy, when ... Читать далее...
6. The best book on elephantsThe UN sponsored a competition on which nation can produce the best book on elephants. The British submited a dry historical account «The Elephant and the British Empire.» The French submited a text «The Sensuality of the Elephant — a Personal Account.» The Germans submited 47 Volumes entitled «An Elementary Introduction to the Foundation of ... Читать далее...
7. Tommy goes into a confessional box and saysTommy goes into a confessional box and says, «Bless me father for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman.» The Priest says, «Is that you, Tommy? Tommy says «Yes father, it’s me.» The Priest says «Who was the woman you were with?» Tommy says «I cannot tell you, father, because I don’t ... Читать далее...
8. Your father is drunkTo The Tune Of Santa Claus Is Coming To Town Oh you better not shout, you better not cry, You better not pout, I’m tellin’ you why, Daddy’s home and I think he’s drunk. He’s walkin’ real slow, he slurs when he speaks, I don’t even think he’s shaved in two weeks, Daddy’s home and ... Читать далее...
9. Перевод слова decideDecide — принимать решение, решать Перевод слова To decide a point — решить вопрос to decide a battle — решить исход битвы that decides me! — решено! It’s up to you to Decide. Решай сам. This is for you to Decide. Это вам решать. She Decided on the green hat. Она выбрала зеленую шляпу....
10. A young Jewish man excitedly tells his motherA young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother he’s fallen in love and that he is going to get married. He says, «Just for fun, Ma, I’m going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I’m going to marry.» The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women ... Читать далее...
11. Refrigerate elephantsAnalysis: 1. Differentiate it and put into the refrig. Then integrate it in the refrig. 2. Redefine the measure on the referigerator (or the elephant). 3. Apply the Banach-Tarsky theorem. Number theory: 1. First factorize, second multiply. 2. Use induction. You can always squeeze a bit more in. Algebra: 1. Step 1. Show that the ... Читать далее...
12. A nun comes to her Mother Superior and asks herA nun comes to her Mother Superior and asks her to hear a confession: «Today I enjoyed the pleasures of the flesh. Father Goodwim came to me and told me that I had the gates to Heaven here between my legs. Then he said that he had the key to Heaven, and he put it ... Читать далее...
13. A small boy walks into his mothers roomA small boy walks into his mothers room and catches her topless. «Mummy, mummy, what are these?» he says, pointing to her breasts. «Well, son,» she says, «these are balloons, and when you die, they inflate and float you up to heaven.» Incredibly, he appears to believe this explanation and goes off quite satisfied. Two ... Читать далее...
14. How to Hunt Elephants — Math styleMathematicians hunt elephants by going to Africa, throwing out everything that is not an elephant, and catching one of whatever is left. Professors of mathematics prove the existence of at least one elephant and leave the capture of an actual elephant as an exercise for one of their graduate students. Sent by Alex...
15. How to Catch a White ElephantHow to Catch a White Elephant ============================= Submitted By Niels Kristian Jensen Go to an place where there are white elephants. Bring with you a muffin (with raisins). Climb a tree. When the white elephant is close, drop the muffin (with raisins) in front of it. The white elephant will be happy, and eat the ... Читать далее...
16. Father of my childrenA guy is in line at the local Wal-Mart when he notices that a rather hot blond behind him has just smiled «Hello» to him. He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him… and although familiar he can’t place where he might know her from… so he says…»Sorry….do you ... Читать далее...
17. Nice, but roughAn elephant was having a horrible time in the jungle because a horsefly kept biting near her tail and there was nothing she could do about it. It was far out of reach. A sparrow saw this and killed the horsefly with its beak. «Oh, thank you!» said the elephant. «My, pleasure ma’am.» said the ... Читать далее...
18. Father! Father! An old man on crutches walked up«Father! Father! An old man on crutches walked up to the holy water a minute ago, and he splashed some on his right leg and then he threw away his right crutch! Then he splashed some more on the other leg and threw away his left crutch!» «My boy, you’ve witnessed a miracle! What happened ... Читать далее...
19. A pregnant woman is about to give birthA pregnant woman is about to give birth. The doctor has her on the delivery table, legs up in the stirrups. Suddenly, he sees the top of a head push through. Then the baby pops its head out and says to the doctor, «Are you my dad?». The doctor says, «No, I am your doctor!». ... Читать далее...
20. A family was having dinner on Mother’s DayA family was having dinner on Mother’s Day. For some reason the mother was unusually quiet. Finally the husband asked what was wrong. «Nothing,» said the woman. Not buying it, he asked again. «Seriously, what’s wrong?» «Do you really want to know? Well, I’ll tell you. I have cooked and cleaned and fed the kids ... Читать далее...
21. Little girl walks into the bathroomA little girl walks into the bathroom and sees her older sister just come out of the shower. The young girl looks at her sisters pussy and asks «What’s that?» Her sister replies «That is my possum, sis!» The young girl replies «Oh, OK» The next day she sees her mother get out of the ... Читать далее...
22. A young man asks his fatherA young man asks his father, «Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there?» The father, surprised, answers: «Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, ... Читать далее...
23. How to Hunt Elephants — Sales StyleSalespeople don’t hunt elephants but spend their time selling elephants they haven’t caught, for delivery two days before the season opens. Software salespeople ship the first thing they catch and write up an invoice for an elephant. Hardware salespeople catch rabbits, paint them gray and sell them as «desktop elephants.» Sent by Alex...
24. Elephants IIIHow do you get an elephant into the fridge? 1. Open door. 2. Insert elephant. 3. Close door. How do you get a giraffe into the fridge? 1. Open door. 2. Remove elephant. 3. Insert giraffe. 4. Close door. How do you know there are *two* elephants in your fridge? The door won’t close. How ... Читать далее...
25. What’s the difference between an Italian mother and a Jewish mother?What’s the difference between an Italian mother and a Jewish mother? An Italian mother says, «If you don’t eat it, I’ll kill you.» A Jewish mother says, «If you don’t eat it, I’ll kill myself.»...
26. A Jewish MotherHi Mom. Can I leave the kids with you tonight? You’re going out? Yes. With whom? With a friend. I don’t know why you left your husband. He is such a good man. I didn’t leave him. He left me! You let him leave you, and now you go out with anybodies and nobodies. I ... Читать далее...
27. Like father like sonLittle Johnny is in the bathroom taking a pee when the toilet seat falls down on top of his penis. He starts screaming and crying. His mom comes running into the room wondering what’s going on. He tells his mother «Mommy, the toilet seat fell on top of my penis. Kiss it better.» «Johnny you ... Читать далее...
28. Like to screw?It’s the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. He’s a pretty hip guy with his own car. When he goes to the front door, the girl’s father answers and invites him in. Carrie’s not ready yet, so why don’t you have a seat?,» he says. «That’s cool» says Bobby. Carrie’s ... Читать далее...
29. Subjects for a dateA boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice. The father replies: «My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy.» The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. ... Читать далее...
30. Some very common traits in two drunksA man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. «Why of course,» comes the reply. The first man then asks: «Where are you from?» «I’m from Ireland,» replies the second man. The first man responds: «You don’t say, I’m from Ireland too! Let’s ... Читать далее...
31. A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a barA man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. «Why of course,» comes the reply. The first man then asks: «Where are you from?» «I’m from Ireland,» replies the second man. The first man responds: «You don’t say, I’m from Ireland too! Let’s ... Читать далее...
32. Little Tommy is at the zoo on a school visitLittle Tommy is at the zoo on a school visit and he spots a deer. Being a city kid he’s never seen one before and so he asks his teacher, «What’s that, Miss?» Miss decides to play a word game with him and says, «That’s what your Daddy calls Mummy, Tommy.» Tommy thinks for a ... Читать далее...
33. A little boy walks up to his father and saysA little boy walks up to his father and says, «Dad, what does a pussy look like?» Father responds, «well son, before or after sex?» Son, «Well, before?» Father, «picture a tulip with all the petals son.» Son, «well what about after?» Father, «Picture a bull dog eating mayonnaise!»...
34. A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughterA mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter. Mother: «What does the cow say?» Child: «Moooo!» Mother: «Great! What does the cat say?» Child: «Meow.» Mother: «Oh, you’re so smart! What does the frog say?» And this wide-eyed little three-year-old looked up at her mother and replied, «Bud.»...
35. Two buddies get together and decide toTwo buddies get together and decide to go to a whorehouse, one of them tired of doing it with his wife all the time, the other not having it done for a long time. Anyways the married one goes up and comes down and says » My wife is much better». «Allright» goes the other ... Читать далее...
36. Two couples decide to spend the weekend away togetherTwo couples decide to spend the weekend away together at a posh hotel. When they get there, one guy suggests they indulge in partner-swapping as a trial. After 2 hours of solid sex by the fireside, the guy turned to his new partner and said, «Wow! This is the very best sex I had in ... Читать далее...
37. An Eagle is circling at about 5,000 ftAn Eagle is circling at about 5,000 ft. when he spies a field mouse down below him. He dives down and eats the mouse. After a little while the mouse works his way out the eagles butt. Proceeding to look around the mouse says: «Tail gunner to pilot…Tail gunner to pilot..» The eagle says «what ... Читать далее...
38. One day, little Billy comes home from kindergartenOne day, little Billy comes home from kindergarten for lunch. Not finding his mother in the kitchen, or the living room, he heads upstairs to check her bedroom. He opens the door, and what does he see, but his father, who had also come home for lunch, stripped naked, on top of his mother, also ... Читать далее...
39. Tarzania IIWhat is the difference between en elephant and a plum? An elephant is grey. What does Jane say when she sees a herd of elephants in the distance? «Look! A herd of plums in the distance» (Jane is colorblind)...
40. How to Hunt Elephants — VP StyleWhen the Vice President of R&D tries to hunt elephants, his staff will try to ensure that all elephants are completely prehunted before he sees them. If the VP sees a nonprehunted elephant, the staff will (1) Compliment the vice president’s keen eyesight and (2) enlarge itself to prevent any recurrence. Sent by Alex...