Catch a drunk driver

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1. I know you were drunk yesterdayA fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at three in the morning, at which time he is extremely drunk. After leaving the bar, he returns home on foot. When he enters his house, he doesn’t want to wake anyone, so he takes off his ... Читать далее...
2. This guy was driving down the highwayThis guy was driving down the highway and was pulled over by the cops. The cop asked the man for his name and the guy replied, «Earl.» «You got a last name, Earl?» «Nope. It’s a long story, Officer.» «I got time.» Earl sighs and says, «Well, Officer, at first I was known as Earl ... Читать далее...
3. A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulderA taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, «Look mate, don’t ever ... Читать далее...
4. A fellow decides to take off early from workA fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at 2am, at which time he is extremely drunk. When he enters his house, he doesn’t want to wake anyone, so he takes off his shoes and starts tip-toeing up the stairs. Half-way up the stairs, he ... Читать далее...
5. He is extremely drunkLate one Friday night the policeman spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin. They pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening. «Aye, so I have. ‘Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven ... Читать далее...
6. Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911 operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away. «Where do you live?» asked the operator. Bubba replied, «At the end of Eucalyptus Drive.» The operator asked, «Can you spell that for me?» There was a long pause and finally Bubba said, «How ... Читать далее...
7. A driver, obviously drunk, was heading the wrong wayA driver, obviously drunk, was heading the wrong way down a one-way street when a policeman pulled him over. «Didn’t you see the arrow, buddy?» he asked. «An arrow?» the confused driver said. «I didn’t even see the Indians...
8. If she went out with meA man had been out in the back woods for weeks, cutting logs. He was a bit scruffy and didn’t smell very good. Finally he needed a break and came in to town for a few beers. In the bar, he saw the local jock of the town’s football team. He was bragging about his ... Читать далее...
9. Two guys are driving through Texas whenTwo guys are driving through Texas when they get pulled over by a state trooper. The trooper walks up, taps on the window with his nightstick, the driver rolls down the window, and the trooper smacks him in the head with the stick. The driver says, «Why’d you do that? The trooper says, «You’re in ... Читать далее...
10. Taking the final examTwo college basketball players were taking an important final exam. If they failed, they would be on academic probation and not allowed to play in the big game the following week. The exam was fill-in-the-blank. The last question read, «Old MacDonald had a ________.» Bubba was stumped. He had no idea what to answer. But ... Читать далее...
11. Baseball in HeavenTwo buddies Bob and Earl were two of the biggest baseball fans in America. Their entire adult lives, Bob and Earl discussed baseball history in the winter, and they pored over every box score during the season. They went to 60 games a year. They even agreed that whoever died first would try to come ... Читать далее...
12. A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped byA juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police. «What are these matches and lighter fluid doing in your car?» asks the cop. «I’m a juggler and I juggle flaming torches in my act.» «Oh yeah?» says the doubtful cop. «Lets see you do it.» The juggler gets out and starts juggling ... Читать далее...
13. Asking for Information About a CoworkerAmina: What’s the Lowdown on the new guy? Earl: Which new guy? Amina: You know, the cute one. Fill me in. Is he single? Earl: I don’t know. I have no idea. Amina: You’re working with him side-by-side and you haven’t Gleaned any personal information about him? Earl: We talk about work. It’s not my ... Читать далее...
14. New family driverMartin had just received his brand new drivers license. The family troops out to the driveway, and climbs in the car, where he is going to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately heads for the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver. «I’ll bet you’re back there to get ... Читать далее...
15. Save the dead rabbitA man was driving along the highway, and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit. The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side ... Читать далее...
16. A mouse and a lion walk were in a barA mouse and a lion walk were in a bar, drinking a few beers when a giraffe walked in. «Get a load of her» said the mouse, «what a babe!» «Well, why not try your luck?» replied the lion. So the mouse went over to the giraffe and started talking to her. Within five minutes ... Читать далее...
17. Hair sprayA man was driving along the highway, and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit. The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side ... Читать далее...
18. A cop sees a car weaving all over the road and pulls it overA cop sees a car weaving all over the road and pulls it over. He walks up to the car and sees a nice-looking woman is driving and smells liquor on her breath. He says, «I’m going to have to give you the breathalyzer test to determine if you are under the influence of alcohol.» ... Читать далее...
19. Lorena Bobbitt had just cut off her husband’s penisLorena Bobbitt had just cut off her husband’s penis. She was driving down the road, wondering what to do with it, when the thought struck her to toss it out the window. The penis bounced off the windscreen of the car travelling in the opposite direction. «Shit,» said the driver to his passenger. «What kind ... Читать далее...
20. A man was driving up a steep and narrow mountain roadA man was driving up a steep and narrow mountain road. A woman was driving down the same road. As they passed each other, the woman leaned out the window and yelled, «Pig!» The man immediately leaned out his window and replied, «Bitch!» They continue on their way and as the man rounded the next ... Читать далее...
21. A Wild DriverYasmine and I were going to a show at the Staples Center and Yasmine was driving. My friends Warned me about her driving, but they didn’t prepare me for this Ride. Pedro: Whoa, slow down! You almost Rear-ended that SUV. Yasmine: No I didn’t. Take it easy. I Have everything under control. I’m not even ... Читать далее...
22. A police officer came upon a terrible wreckA police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey and said «I wish you could talk.» The monkey looked up at ... Читать далее...
23. Arriving home very drunkA man is in a bar and falling off his stool every couple of minutes. He is obviously drunk. So the bartender says to another man in the bar: «Why don’t you be a good Samaritan and take him home.» The man takes the drunk out the door and to his car and he stumbles ... Читать далее...
24. Значение идиомы dead ahead[dead ahead] {adv.}, {informal} Exactly in front; before. The school is dead ahead about two miles from here. Father was driving in a fog, and suddenly he saw another car dead ahead of him....
25. Reducing travel riskThere was this statistics student who, when driving his car, would always accelerate hard before coming to any junction, whizz straight over it, then slow down again once he’d got over it. One day, he took a passenger, who was understandably unnerved by his driving style, and asked him why he went so fast over ... Читать далее...
26. Перевод слова labelLabel — этикетка, ярлык, наклейка Перевод слова To put labels on one’s luggage — наклеить бирки с адресом на свой багаж to sew on a label — пришивать ярлык brand label — ярлык производителя The file was Labelled ‘Top Secret’. Папка была помечена грифом «Совершенно секретно». He peered at the Label on the bottle. Он ... Читать далее...
27. I trust you that you paidA man walks into a bar and has a couple of beers. Once he is donem the bartender tells him he owes $9.00. «But I paid, don’t you remember?» says the customer. «Okay,» says the bartender, «If you said you paid, you did.» The man then goes outside and tells the first person he sees ... Читать далее...
28. Humor about the IrishAn Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman each order a Guiness in a pub. Upon being served, each finds a fly in their beer. Repulsed, the Englishman sends his back. The Scotsman gently flicks the fly out of his mug and begins drinking. The Irishman, carefully lifts the fly up by its wings and screams, ... Читать далее...
29. Driving home very drunkIt seems a gentleman had too much alcohol at a party, was heading home, and was pulled over by a state trooper. Upon being tested, the fellow couldn’t walk a straight line any more than he could drive one, so the trooper wrote out a ticket and had just given it to the driver before ... Читать далее...
30. Driver pays 1 million RMB for ‘lucky’ 88888 license plate, gets pulled over 8 times in one dayAfter spending just 30,000 RMB ($4,370) on his new vehicle, a driver surnamed Liu decided to splurge on his license plate, spending 1 million RMB ($145,705) on one with 5 lucky number 8s, hoping it would keep him out of trouble on the road. It totally backfired on him. On his first day behind the ... Читать далее...
31. Juggler, driving to his next performanceJuggler, driving to his next performance, was stopped by the police. ‘What are those knives doing in your car?’ asked the officer. ‘I juggle them in my act.’ Oh yeah?’ says the cop. ‘Let’s see you do it.’ So the juggler starts tossing and juggling the knives. A guy driving by sees this and says, ... Читать далее...
32. College bar jokeWhen I was in college our RA told us of a good one that (supposedly) some friends had pulled a couple of years earlier. These two guys made up a concoction of all kinds of left overs, semi-pureed it in a blender, and filled a hot water bottle with it. One of them took the ... Читать далее...
33. Перевод слова passengerPassenger — пассажир Перевод слова Passenger liner — пассажирский лайнер first-class passenger — пассажир первого класса tourist-class passenger — пассажир туристического класса transit passenger — транзитный пассажир Neither the driver nor the Passengers were hurt. Ни водитель, ни пассажиры не были травмированы. Passengers for the next flight should go to the last gate. Пассажиры, улетающие ... Читать далее...
34. Good advicesOLD telephone directories make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and address of people you don’t know. FOOL other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and mounting the curb. LOSE ... Читать далее...
35. Getting a Driver’s LicenseJane: Hey, Henry. You look busy. What’s that you’re reading? Henry: Oh, hi, Jane. I’m studying the Driver’s manual so I can finally get my driver’s license. I just hope I can remember all these Traffic laws. Jane: I’m sure you’ll pass the tests With flying colors, especially since you can Miss a few and ... Читать далее...
36. An offenseLate one Friday night the policeman spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin. They pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening. «Aye, so I have. ‘Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven ... Читать далее...
37. Перевод идиомы catch someone red-handed / catch someone flat-footed, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: catch someone red-handed / catch someone flat-footed Перевод: застать кого-либо за выполнением чего-то плохого, незаконного; застать врасплох Пример: I caught him red-handed trying to break into my car. Я застал его врасплох, когда он пытался взломать мою машину....
38. Перевод идиомы road hog, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: road hog Перевод: дорожный хам (человек, занимающий большую часть дороги и мешающий проезду) Пример: «Look at that road hog driving in the middle of the road and stopping other drivers from passing him.» Посмотри на этого чудака, едет посередине дороги и не дает другим водителям обогнать его....
39. An eight year old boy is walking down the road one dayAn eight year old boy is walking down the road one day when a car pulls over next to him. «If you get in the car,» the driver says, «I’ll give you $10 and a piece of candy.» The boy refuses and keeps on walking. A few moments later, not to take no for an ... Читать далее...
40. Driving Through a Speed TrapAngel: Why are you driving At a snail’s pace? Georgina: This is an Infamous speed trap. I don’t want to get a Ticket – again. Angel: I don’t see any Squad cars along the road. Are you sure this is the right Stretch of road? Georgina: I’m sure. Those Cops are Crafty. They Hide out ... Читать далее...