Better relationship

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1. The definition of a phallic symbolThis girl walks in to a doctors office and she asks «Whats a failic symbol? Doctor says «you’re kidding..» Girl says «no! I don’t know! Whats a failic symbol???» Doctor pulls his pants and underwear down and says «You see? This is a failic symbol!» Girl says «Oh! Its just like a penis, only smaller»...
2. A man walked into a lawyer’s office andA man walked into a lawyer’s office and inquired about the rates. «Fifty dollars for three questions,» replied the lawyer. «Isn’t that awfully steep?» asked the man. «Yes,» the lawyer replied, «and what was your third question?»...
3. A very homely young woman made an appointment with a psychiatristA very homely young woman made an appointment with a psychiatrist. She walked into his office and said, «Doctor, I’m so depressed and lonely. I don’t have any friends, no man will come near me, and everybody laughs at me. Can you help me accept my ugliness?» «I’m sure I can,» the psychiatrist replied. «Just ... Читать далее...
4. Making a Move on SomeoneA. J.: What was going on with you and Tiago in his office earlier today? You two were pretty Cozy in there. Gloria: What? Oh, I was a little Upset about Messing up my presentation in the morning meeting, and Tiago was trying To reassure me about it. A. J.: It looked like he was ... Читать далее...
5. Why I Fired My SecretaryI woke up early, feeling depressed because it was my birthday, and I thought, «I’m another year older,» but decided to make the best of it. So I showered and shaved, knowing when I went down to breakfast my wife would greet me with a big kiss and say, «Happy birthday, dear.» All smiles, I ... Читать далее...
6. A man goes to the doctor with a long history ofA man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that his poor patient has had practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement. «Listen,» says the Doctor, «I have migraines, too and the advice I’m going ... Читать далее...
7. Three couples wanted to join a churchThree couples, an elderly couple, a middle aged couple and a young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor says, «We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks.» The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks. The pastor goes to the ... Читать далее...
8. Перевод слова inquireInquire — спрашивать, осведомляться Перевод слова To inquire what a person wants — узнать, что человек хочет did he inquire for me? — он меня спрашивал? inquire after health — осведомиться о здоровье «So, what do you want?» he Inquired. «Итак, что же вы хотите?» — спросил он. We Inquired the way to the station. ... Читать далее...
9. Перевод слова adviceAdvice — совет, рекомендация Перевод слова Legal advice — консультация юриста to dish out advice — давать ненужные советы under due advice — при соответствующем уведомлении I’ll defer to your Advice. Я последую вашему совету. Let me give you some Advice. Позвольте мне дать вам несколько советов. Do you want some good Advice? Хочешь хороший ... Читать далее...
10. Playtonic relationshipA nosey neighbour remonstrated with the woman in the adjoining apartment. «Mrs Smith, do you think it is right that a seventeen year old boy spends three hours every night in your apartment?» Mrs Smith replied. «Its a platonic friendship. Its play for him and a tonic for me.»...
11. Prosecutor: Mr. Clinton, did you have an improper relationshipProsecutor: Mr. Clinton, did you have an improper relationship with Monica Lewinsky? Pres: Improper? … Ain’t nothing improper about that. That was one of the the sweetest interns I’ve ever had....
12. Corporate lingo listHere’s a little clarification of corporate lingo. COMPETITIVE SALARY: We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors. JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY: We have no time to train you+- CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE: We don’t pay enough to expect that you’ll dress up-well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings. MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED: ... Читать далее...
13. One afternoon this young girl knocked on the door of her neighborOne afternoon this young girl knocked on the door of her neighbor, to chit chat the afternoon away. She walked in and said my god you look so depressed. She said you bet I am, look what my damm husband sent me…six dozen roses. Now you know what that means? I’m going to have to ... Читать далее...
14. Jill, a love-starved spinster, was so desperateJill, a love-starved spinster, was so desperate that she went to a local newspaper office and inquired about putting an advertisement in the ‘Lonely Hearts’ column. «Well, madam,» the assistant said, «we charge a minimum of $1 per insertion.» «You don’t say,» said the spinster «Well then, here’s $20 and to hell with the advertisement!»...
15. Small WorldTwo men are having an awfully slow round of golf because the two ladies in front of them managed to get into every sand trap, lake, and rough on the course, and they didn’t bother to wave the men on through, which is proper golf etiquette. After two hours of waiting and waiting, one man ... Читать далее...
16. The RingA student engineer in the office got engaged some time ago. At her wedding, I was reminding her of the first day she wore her ring. None of the other women in the office even noticed. Finally, in sheer and total exasperation, she said «Boy!!! It’s so warm in here today, I think I’ll take ... Читать далее...
17. Military work rules1. Sickness: No excuses will be acceptable. We will no longer accept the Medical Officer’s statement as proof of illness as we believe that if you are able to go on sick parade, you are able to come to work. 2. Leave of Absence for an Operation: We are no longer allowing this practice. We ... Читать далее...
18. The meaning of lifeA man asked his doctor if he thought he’d live to be a hundred. The doctor asked the man, «Do you smoke or drink?» «No,» he replied, «I’ve never done either.» «Do you gamble, drive fast cars, and fool around with women?» inquired the doctor. «No, I’ve never done any of those things either.» «Well ... Читать далее...
19. Значение идиомы walk away with[walk away with] or [walk off with] {v.} 1. To take and go awaywith; take away; often: steal. When Father went to work, heaccidentally walked off with Mother’s umbrella. How can a thiefwalk off with a safe in broad daylight? 2. To take, get, or wineasily. Jim walked away with all the honors on Class ... Читать далее...
20. Ending a Business RelationshipJerry: Who’s going To break the news to Tech Experts? Camila: You mean about Pulling the plug on using their services? Jerry: Yeah, the Contract we signed with them last year is almost up, and as we decided last month, we’ll be going with another company. Camila: I think we should Hold off on telling ... Читать далее...
21. Перевод слова relationshipRelationship — взаимоотношения, родство Перевод слова Legal relationship — правоотношение intimate relationship — близкие отношения to sever relationship — порвать отношения Our Relationship is built on trust. Наши отношения построены на доверии. They have a stable Relationship. У них крепкие отношения. We officialized our Relationship. Мы узаконили наши отношения. Происхождение слова relationship Образовано от слова...
22. New son-in-lawA very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. «I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family,» said the man. «To show you how much we care for you, I’m making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every ... Читать далее...
23. Being Genuine and FalseJavier: I saw Terry Cozying up to you this morning. What was that about? Floriane: He was just offering me some advice on my first Proposal. Javier: Sure, he was. What were his True intentions? Floriane: I think he was being Upfront about wanting to help a new employee. I don’t think he had an ... Читать далее...
24. Working from a Home OfficeAdrina: So this is your new home office. It’s nice. Victor: It’s Functional, and I like it. When my company decided to lower its Overhead by Decentralizing, it gave employees the option to work from home. When I heard that, I didn’t Think twice about making the change. Adrina: I’m not surprised. Lots of people ... Читать далее...
25. One day a lady went to the doctors officeOne day a lady went to the doctor’s office and told the doctor that her husband wasn’t interested in her any more he just wouldn’t have sex with her anymore. So the doctor went into the back of the shop and got a bottle of 100 pills. He told her that «if you give your ... Читать далее...
26. Значение идиомы arm in arm[arm in arm] {adv. phr.} With your arm under or around another person’s arm, especially in close comradeship or friendship. Sally and Joan were laughing and joking together as they walked arm in arm down the street. When they arrived at the party, the partners walked arm in arm to meet the hosts. Compare: HAND ... Читать далее...
27. Calling in Sick to WorkI was Fed up with work and wanted the day off. I decided To call in sick. I wasn’t prepared, though, to be Peppered with questions. Peter: Hello, this is Peter. Is this Magda? Magda: Yes. This is Magda. Peter: Hi, Magda. I won’t be Coming in today. I’m Not feeling well. I think I’ve ... Читать далее...
28. Happens all the timeA guy starts talking to two women in a bar, they turn out to be Siamese twins, and they wind up back at his apartment. He makes love to one, and then starts to work on the other. He realizes that the first one might get bored watching, so he her asks what she’d like ... Читать далее...
29. Asking for Information About a CoworkerAmina: What’s the Lowdown on the new guy? Earl: Which new guy? Amina: You know, the cute one. Fill me in. Is he single? Earl: I don’t know. I have no idea. Amina: You’re working with him side-by-side and you haven’t Gleaned any personal information about him? Earl: We talk about work. It’s not my ... Читать далее...
30. Suggestions at WorkOur company has been growing very quickly and I was Put in charge of Reorganizing our office space to Accommodate several new employees. I asked my co-worker, Petra, for her advice. Fernando: I was thinking of dividing up two of the larger offices into four smaller offices. What do you think about that? Petra: Well, ... Читать далее...
31. I often feel guiltySheri, the pert and pretty nurse took her troubles to a resident psychiatrist in the hospital where she worked. «Doctor, you must help me,» she pleaded. «It’s gotten so that every time I date one of the young doctors here, I end up dating him. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a ... Читать далее...
32. Pick a starting salaryReaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked the young MBA fresh out of MIT, «And what starting salary were you looking for?» The candidate said, «In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.» The HR Person said, «Well, what would you say to a package of ... Читать далее...
33. Subjects for a dateA boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice. The father replies: «My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy.» The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. ... Читать далее...
34. When Joe’s wife ran away with his car, his money andWhen Joe’s wife ran away with his car, his money and his best friend, he got so depressed that his doctor sent him to see a psychiatrist. Joe told the psychiatrist his troubles and said, «Life isn’t worth living. I think I’m gonna top myself.» «Don’t be stupid, Joe,» said the psychiatrist. «My wife ran ... Читать далее...
35. A story with a moraleA man, called to testify at the IRS, asked his accountant for advice on what to wear. «Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let him think you are a pauper.» Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite advice. «Do not let them intimidate you. Wear your most elegant suit and tie.» Confused, ... Читать далее...
36. IfIf lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed and dry cleaners depressed? Laundry workers could decrease, eventually becoming depressed and depleted! Even more, bedmakers will be debunked, baseball players will be debased, landscapers will be deflowered, bulldozer operators will be degraded, organ ... Читать далее...
37. A couple of blonde men in a pickup truckA couple of blonde men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the blonde men walked in the office and said, «We need some four-by-twos.» The clerk said, «You mean two-by-fours, don’t you?» The man said, «I’ll go check,» and went back to the truck. He returned a minute later and said, ... Читать далее...
38. Перевод слова officeOffice — офис, должность Перевод слова Judicial office — судебная должность holder of an office — должностное лицо lawyer’s office — адвокатская контора editorial office — редакция His Office was bugged. Его офис прослушивался. He was removed from Office. Он был отстранен от должности. Foreign Office Министерство иностранных дел (в Великобритании)...
39. Значение идиомы in days[in days] or [weeks] or [years to come] {adv. phr.} In the future. In the years to come I will be thinking of my father’s advice aboutlife....
40. Asking for a DateI Admit it. I’m a Player. I work in an office where there are a lot of Attractive women. Take Debra, for example. I heard that she just Broke up with her boyfriend last week so I decided to ask her out. Liam: Hi, Debra. How’s it going? Debra: Okay, I guess. How about you? ... Читать далее...