Back in the good ole days in Texas

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1. Two guys are driving through Texas when Two guys are driving through Texas when they get pulled over by a state trooper. The trooper walks up, taps on the window with his nightstick, the driver rolls down the window, and the trooper smacks him in the head with the stick. The driver says, “Why’d you do that? The trooper says, “You’re in […]...
2. This guy was walking down a street in Texas and this hooker This guy was walking down a street in Texas and this hooker says, “Say, wanna have a good time? We do things in a big way down here in Texas.” “Sure,” he says and they were off to the nearest motel. She takes off her clothes and he keeps staring at her. She says, “Is […]...
3. ‘Texas’ is slang for’crazy’ in Norway Y’all already all know that Texas is known for its slang. The state is home to a slew of Southern colloquialisms as well as totally unique sayings you won’t hear anywhere else. But did you know that the word “Texas” is in itself a slang word? According to Texas Monthly, Norwegians have long used the […]...
4. A girl from Texas and a girl from New York were seated A girl from Texas and a girl from New York were seated side by side on an airplane. The girl from Texas, being friendly and all, said: “So, where y’all from?” The New York girl said, “From a place where they know better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence.” The […]...
5. A cattleman from West Texas died A cattleman from West Texas died & went on to the Great Beyond. As he approached the great gate, he noticed that the terrain was bare with no greenery. He remarked to the gate keeper, “Howdy Saint Peter. Say, this looks just like Texas.” “The gatekeeper replied, “First of all, I’m not Saint Peter and […]...
6. A Texas game warden came upon a coyote caught in a trap Sorry Texans…. A Texas game warden came upon a coyote caught in a trap. He returned to his office and called the Oklahoma game warden and told him one of his coyotes was caught in a trap. “How do you know it’s one of our coyotes?” asked the Oklahoma game warden. “Well,” replied the Texas […]...
7. Перевод слова pistol Pistol – пистолет, револьвер Перевод слова The butt of the pistol – рукоятка пистолета double-barrelled pistol – двуствольный пистолет to point a pistol at – целиться из пистолета в Don’t aim that Pistol at me! Не направляйте пистолет на меня! He waved a Pistol menacingly. Он угрожающе размахивал пистолетом. He had a Pistol with a […]...
8. Texas – Штат Техас Texas is the 28th American state, which is situated in the south of the country and could be denoted as the southeast continental part of the USA. Texas has border with other USA states: Arkansas, Oklahoma, New Mexico and Louisiana. The State is washed by the Gulf of Mexico. Certainly, this state has its nickname: […]...
9. At a Texas University, a Professor had been teaching his At a Texas University, a Professor had been teaching his students human reproduction. For an exam, one of the questions was: “Female humans are born with a limited number of eggs, while males, during their lifetime, produce millions upon millions of sperm. Why are so many sperm produced?” One young woman’s answer: “Because they won’t […]...
10. An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight, so that it would not blow off in the wind. A gentleman approached her and said: “Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this […]...
11. Eat oysters A lady went running to a doctor with a badly spoiled stomach. “What did you eat for dinner last night?” asked the doctor. “Oysters,” she said. “Fresh oysters?” asked the doctor. “How should I know?” said the lady “Well,” asked the doctor, “couldn’t you tell when you took off the shells?” “My Gosh,” gasped the […]...
12. Перевод слова honor Honor – слава, почет, честь Перевод слова To honor a request – выполнять просьбу word of honor – слово чести honor camp – амер. лагерь для “почетных заключенных” I pledge my Honor. Клянусь своей честью. “We plead guilty, Your Honor.” “Мы признаем свою вину, Ваша Честь.” I pledge that I will Honor my wife. Я […]...
13. Card games A cleaning woman was applying for a new position. When asked why had she left her previous employment, she replied, “Yes, sir, they paid good wages, but it was the most ridiculous place I ever worked. Last night they played a game called Bridge and a lot of folks were there. As I was about […]...
14. Перевод слова gentleman Gentleman – джентельмен, господин Перевод слова He is a gentleman – он порядочный человек he is one of nature’s gentlemen – в нем есть прирожденное благородство gentleman’s agreement – джентльменское соглашение Ladies and Gentlemen! Дамы и господа! He deported himself like a Gentleman. Он вел себя как истинный джентльмен. Show this Gentleman how to get […]...
15. A clever court case One evening after attending a concert, two men were walking down the road when they saw a well-dressed and attractive looking woman walking ahead of them. One of the men turned to the other and said, “I’d give 50 bucks to spend the night with her.” To their surprise the woman overheard the remark. Turning […]...
16. Attempts by the dumb SIX DIE TRYING TO SAVE CHICKEN – August 1, 1995 CAIRO, Egypt (AP) – Six people drowned yesterday while trying to rescue a chicken that had fallen into a well in southern Egypt. An 18-year-old farmer was the first to descend into the 60-foot well. He drowned, apparently after an undercurrent in the water pulled […]...
17. An Avon lady was along in an elevator when she suddenly An Avon lady was along in an elevator when she suddenly had to fart. She promptly reached into her bag and sprayed the air with her deodorizer. Two floors later a gentleman got onto the elevator. He began to sniff. The Avon lady asked, “Do you smell something?” “Why, yes, I do,” he replied. “What […]...
18. Communication problem There was this Asian lady married to an American gentleman and they lived in Honolulu. The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but managed to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries. One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy pork legs. […]...
19. Значение идиомы in honor of [in honor of] {prep.} As an honor to; for showing respect or thanksto. We celebrate Mother’s Day in honor of our mothers. The citydedicated a monument in honor of the general....
20. Texas Police Hit Organic Farm With Massive SWAT Raid A small organic farm in Arlington, Texas, was the target of a massive police action last week that included aerial surveillance, a SWAT raid and a 10-hour search. Members of the local police raiding party had a search warrant for marijuana plants, which they failed to find at the Garden of Eden farm. But farm […]...
21. Days after Christmas The first day after Christmas My true love and I had a fight And so I chopped the pear tree down And burnt it, just for spite Then with a single cartridge I shot that blasted partridge My true love, my true love, my true love gave to me. The second day after Christmas I […]...
22. Значение идиомы pull up short [pull up short] {v. phr.} To suddenly stop. He pulled up shortin his red car at the corner when he saw a pregnant lady crossing. When Mark saw that he was hurting Jill’s feelings, he pulled up shortand started to talk about something entirely different....
23. Read – it’s fun An elderly gentleman… Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to a doctor who was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100% The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, ‘Your hearing is […]...
24. Значение идиомы on the spot [on the spot] {adv.} or {adj. phr.} 1. or [upon the spot] At thatexact time and at the same time or place; without waiting or leaving. The news of important events is often broadcast on the spot overtelevision. When Tom ruined an expensive machine, his boss firedhim on the spot. Compare: AT ONCE, IN ONE’S […]...
25. A little boy and his dad are standing in line A little boy and his dad are standing in line at the grocery store behind a big fat lady. The little boy says, “hey dad, look how fat that lady is!” “Shhhh, quiet son, she’ll hear you.” “But dad, look how big and fat that lady is!” “Shhhhhh, don’t say that son, it’s not nice!” […]...
26. Deaf lady in trouble One day a lady was driving on the Highway. She frequently checked her speed gauge to make sure she stayed within the speed limit. However, when she looked into her rear mirror, much to her dismay, she saw a police car not far behind! And, to make matters worse, the police car turned on his […]...
27. Перевод слова stage Stage – стадия, этап; сцена Перевод слова Up stage – задняя часть сцены stage of development – стадия развития in the experimental stage – на этапе испытаний Negotiations reached a crucial Stage. Переговоры достигли решающей стадии. All the world’s a Stage. Весь мир – театр. The theatre has a revolving Stage. У театра есть вращающаяся […]...
28. A dubious remedy A man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem. In response, the doctor said, “When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself.” That same day the man went to the store […]...
29. Little Johnny tried out for the school play Little Johnny tried out for the school play. The teacher gave him these lines to practice: “Hark! A pistol shot! There lies a lady with hope in her soul. I think I’ll snatch a kiss and run into the forest. By William Shakespeare.” Little Johnny practiced and practiced and did the lines perfectly every time. […]...
30. Eleanor Roosevelt’s License to Pack Heat At the FDR Library, one exhibit holds the contents of Eleanor Roosevelt’s wallet. While many of the cards and slips of paper from the wallet are fascinating (a Met membership card, a scrap of a poem about the importance of good cooks), this pistol permit is perhaps the most surprising. Roosevelt was a peripatetic traveler, […]...
31. The Mother Superior in the convent school was chatting with The Mother Superior in the convent school was chatting with her young charges and she asked them what they wanted to be when they grew up. A twelve-year-old said, “I want to be a prostitute.” The Mother Superior fainted dead away on the spot. When they revived her, she raised her head from the ground […]...
32. A business man from New York decided to quit his job A business man from New York decided to quit his job and buy a 200 acre spread in Montana. One day while out riding his horse, he came across another man on horseback. The man told him he was his next door neighbor and he was having a get-together the coming weekend. He said: I […]...
33. One man came to gun shop One man (lets call him Johnny) came to gun shop. J(ohnny):I want a pistol S(alesman):Choose from this wall (points at wall full of pistols) J: (points at biggest pistol) I want this, S: An.44 Magnum? And for what purpose? J: For shooting cans. S: (points on smaller handgun) For shooting cans is the best this […]...
34. Being Chivalrous and Protective When I first met Lance, I thought he was the perfect guy. He was a real Gentleman. He opened doors for me and Pulled out my chair in restaurants. He was As chivalrous as they come. But after a while, I realized that he Took chivalry a little too far. … Lance: Let me carry […]...
35. Passing a parrot A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.” Well, the lady is furious! She stormed past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same […]...
36. Перевод слова lady Lady – леди, женщина Перевод слова Great lady – знатная дама you’ve dropped your gloves, lady! – женщина, вы обронили перчатки! foxy lady – соблазнительная женщина your good lady – ваша супруга Shall we rejoin the Ladies? Не вернуться ли нам к дамам? She’s swell, a real Lady. Она одевается стильно, как настоящая леди. Don’t […]...
37. The Big Horse Race Horses in the race are: 1. Passionate Lady 2. Bare Belly 3. Silk Panties 4. Conscience 5. Jockey Shorts 6. Clean Sheets 7. Thighs 8. Big Johnson 9. Heavy Bosum 10. Merry Cherry At the Post: They’re off! Conscience is left behind at the post. Jockey Shorts and Silk Panties are off in a hurry. […]...
38. Problems from the start John got off the elevator on the 50th floor and nervously knocked on his blind date’s door. She opened it and was as beautiful and charming as everyone had said. “I’ll be ready in a few minutes,” she said. “Why don’t you play with Spot, my dog, while you’re waiting?” He does wonderful tricks. He […]...
39. Patrick Stewart on ‘X-Men: Days of Future Past’ The actor talks about returning to the ‘X-Men’ franchise, his Professor X origin story and the films’ metaphorical resonance “I was not a comic book reader,” Patrick Stewart says, with a distinct note of apology. “Not those kind, anyway. I read storybook comics, and when I was much younger I read children’s cartoons. But I […]...
40. Перевод слова price Price – цена Перевод слова Price concession – скидка с цены covering price – цена, в которую включены все услуги to pay a dear price for smth. – дорого заплатить за что-л. The Price came down. Цена снизилась. The Price is not negotiable. Цена не подлежит обсуждению. He can be had for a Price. Его […]...