Twelve days Microsoft

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1. 12 Days of Windows 95 On the 1st day of Christmas, my true love gave to me. . . Windows 95 for my PC On the 2nd day of Christmas, my true love gave to me. . . 2 GPFs and Windows 95 for my PC On the 3rd day of Christmas, my true love gave to me. . . […]...
2. Days after Christmas The first day after Christmas My true love and I had a fight And so I chopped the pear tree down And burnt it, just for spite Then with a single cartridge I shot that blasted partridge My true love, my true love, my true love gave to me. The second day after Christmas I […]...
3. Twelve days fast food Twelve days of fast food On the first day of Christmas, my drive through gave to me: a Big Bacon Classic with cheese. On the second day of Christmas, my drive through gave to me: Two Happy Meals, and a Big Bacon Classic with cheese. On the third day of Christmas, my drive through gave […]...
4. The Twelve Politically-Correct Days of Christmas He Twelve Politically-Correct Days of Christmas On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my acquaintance-rape survivor gave to me, TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming, ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in […]...
5. Microsoft Christmas NORTH POLE (API) – MICROSOFT announced an agreement with Santa Claus Industries to acquire Christmas at a press conference held via satellite from Santa’s summer estate somewhere in the southern hemisphere. In the deal, Microsoft would gain exclusive rights to Christmas, Reindeer, and other unspecified inventions. In addition, Microsoft will gain access to millions of […]...
6. Abraham wants to upgrade his PC to Windows 95 Abraham wants to upgrade his PC to Windows 95. Isaac is incredulous. ‘Pop,’ he says, ‘you can’t run Windows 95 on your old, slow 386. Everyone knows that you need at least a fast 486 with a minimum of 16 megs of memory in order to multitask effectively with Windows 95.’ But Abraham, the man […]...
7. Chemistry song 06 Quantum Chemistry On the first day of Christmas, my professor gave to me: An exam in Quantum Chemistry. On the second day of Christmas, my professor gave to me: a double integral and an exam in Quantum Chemistry. On the third day of Christmas, my professor gave to me: three orbitals, a double integral, and […]...
8. In 3 Days Elon Musk’s Tesla Motors & SpaceX Went From Potential Bankruptcy to $1.8 Billion. Risk Is Worth It Elon Musk is the man behind some of the most innovative companies we know today: PayPal, Tesla, SpaceX, and Solar City. In a recent “60 Minutes” interview Musk gave great insight into his mindset and hardships. His story teaches us a lot about being willing to risk everything for something we believe in. Musk is […]...
9. Перевод слова eighty Eighty – восемьдесят Перевод слова Page eighty – восьмидесятая страница eighty-one – восемьдесят один to live to be eighty – дожить до восьмидесяти лет Fred had taken the wise step of depositing the Eighty pounds with his mother. Фред сделал правильный шаг, отдав восемьдесят фунтов на хранение своей матери. He is over Eighty. Ему за […]...
10. Microsoft Company – Компания “Майкрософт&quot Paul Allen and Bill Gates founded the Company in 1975. Microsoft is best-known American company involved in software production. Microsoft’s wealth and power is growing up for years. It is a giant company. Microsoft’s $25 billion market value tops that of Ford, General Motors. Some time ago, Microsoft dominated the PC market with its-MS-DOS operating […]...
11. Computer Ease! The following are new Windows messages that are under consideration for the planned Windows 2000: 1. Smash forehead on keyboard to continue. 2. Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue. 3. Press any key to continue or any other key to quit. 4. Press any key except… no, No, NO, NOT THAT ONE! 5. Press […]...
12. 12 days of Christmas December 14, 1998 Dearest Dave, I went to the door today, and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree. This was a delightful gift! I couldn’t have been more surprised or pleased darling! With truly the deepest love, Agnes December 15, 1998 Dearest Dave, Today the postman brought me yet another of your […]...
13. Is Windows a Virus? No, Windows is not a virus. Here’s what viruses (viri?) do: 1. They replicate quickly – okay, Windows does that. 2. Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so – okay, Windows does that. 3. Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk – okay, Windows does […]...
14. Organizing Your Office I have a very Disorganized office. My co-workers have been making jokes about my office for a long time, and my boss finally Cracked down on me. He told me: “Get the office organized by Friday – no excuses!” What choice did I have? I’ve always been a Pack rat. I hate to throw anything […]...
15. Back in the good ole days in Texas Back in the good ole days in Texas, when stage coaches and the like were popular, there were three people in a stage coach one day: a true red blooded born and raised Texas gentleman, a tenderfoot city slicker from back East, and a beautiful and well endowed Texas lady. The city slicker kept eyeing […]...
16. Short Christmas jokes What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? It’s Christmas, Eve! How do you make an idiot laugh on boxing day? Tell him a joke on Christmas Eve! What do you have in December that you don’t have in any other month? The letter “D” ! What does Father Christmas suffer from if he […]...
17. A Synopsis of the Microsoft Car A Synopsis of the Microsoft Car At a recent computer expo (Comdex), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, “If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that get 100 miles to the gallon.” Recently, General Motors addresses […]...
18. The Microsoft waiter Patron: Waiter! Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I’ll be your Support Waiter. What seems to be the problem? Patron: There’s a fly in my soup! Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won’t be there this time. Patron: No, it’s still there. Waiter: Maybe it’s the way you’re using the soup; try eating it […]...
19. Christmas tree better Reasons Why a Christmas Tree Is Better Than a Woman” A Christmas tree doesn’t care how many other Christmas trees you have had in the past. A Christmas tree doesn’t care if you have an artificial one in the closet. When you are done with a Christmas tree you can throw it on the curb […]...
20. If Microsoft made toasters If Microsoft made toasters… Every time you bought a loaf of bread, you would have to buy a toaster. You wouldn’t have to take the toaster, but you’d still have to pay for it anyway. Toaster’95 would weigh 15000 pounds (hence requiring a reinforced steel countertop), draw enough electricity to power a small city, take […]...
21. Microsoft Market Penetration Microsoft Market Penetration -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- INTRODUCING CONTRACEPTIVE98 ! ! ! Microsoft Corporation has taken another step toward dominating every aspect of American life with the introduction of Contraceptive98, a suite of applications designed for users who engage in sex. Microsoft has been a pioneer in peer-to-peer connectivity and plug and play. It believes these technologies will […]...
22. Revised Christmas days Effective immediately, the following economizing measures are being implemented in the “Twelve Days of Christmas” subsidiary: 1) The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree, which never produced the cash crop forecasted, will be replaced by a plastic hanging plant, providing considerable savings in maintenance 2) Two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is […]...
23. Microsoft Addresses Justice Department Accusations REDMOND, Wash. – Oct. 23, 1997 – In direct response to accusations made by the Department of Justice, the Microsoft Corp. announced today that it will be acquiring the federal government of the United States of America for an undisclosed sum. “It’s actually a logical extension of our planned growth”, said Microsoft chairman Bill Gates, […]...
24. Billy Gates writes Santa Dear Santa, How are you doing? I hope you’ve had a successful year and have come up with a lot of interesting toys. It’s really neat how you’re able to do that year after year. I guess that’s how you stay number one in the Christmas presents business business. Actually, I admire the way you […]...
25. TOP TEN PROPOSED NEW DOMAINS Earlier this week, Gregory Nemitz and a handful of space enthusiasts proposed creating special domains, including “.luna” and “.moon,” for Web sites based on the moon. He wasn’t kidding: And one of our “Ten laws the Net needs” involves a special “.xxx” domain for pornographic sites. But why stop there? Here are some new proposed […]...
26. Short Father Christmas What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective? Santa Clues! Father Christmas win a saucepan in a competition. Now thats what you call pot luck! What do the reindeer sing to Father Christmas on his birthday? Freeze a jolly good fellow! What do you call a man who claps at Christmas? […]...
27. Перевод слова twelve Twelve – двенадцать Перевод слова Twelve-eight time – двенадцать восьмых twelve parts – двенадцать частей at twelve o’clock – в двенадцать часов I have lunch at Twelve. У меня обед в двенадцать. Twelve is the double of six. Двенадцать в два раза больше шести. At Twelve he was a quiet boy. В двенадцать лет он […]...
28. Значение идиомы Christmas card [Christmas card] {n.}, {slang}, {citizen’s band radio jargon} A speeding ticket. Smokey just gave a Christmas card to the eighteen wheeler we passed....
29. Перевод слова Christmas Christmas – Рождество Перевод слова Merry Christmas! – счастливого рождества! Christmas tree – рождественская елка on Christmas Day – в день Рождества Christmas is drawing near. Рождество приближается. We’ll see you at Christmas. Увидимся на Рождество. We wish you a Merry Christmas. Мы желаем вам Счастливого Рождества....
30. Dear Darling Son and That Person You Married Dear Darling Son and That Person You Married, Merry Christmas to you, and please don’t worry. I’m just fine considering I can’t breathe or eat. The important thing is that you have a nice holiday, thousands of miles away from your ailing mother. I’ve sent along my last ten dollars in this card, which I […]...
31. Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. Now he was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself. “I need someone with an accounting degree,” the man said. “But mainly, I’m looking for someone to do my worrying […]...
32. Упражнения “Порядковые числительные” (с ответами) 1. Подберите к указанным порядковым числительным подходящую пару. Н-р: the 56th – the fifty-sixth (пятьдесят-шестой) The 30th the forty-ninth The 2nd the sixty-eighth The 17th the thirtieth The 81st the fifth The 5th the second The 23rd the eighty-first The 49th the seventy-fourth The 116th the twenty-third The 74th the seventeenth The 68th the one […]...
33. A few days before his proctological exam, a one eyed man A few days before his proctological exam, a one eyed man accidentally swallowed his glass eye. He was worried for a while, but there were no ill effects, so he forgot about it. Once he was in the doctor’s office, the man followed instructions, undressed, and bent over. The first thing the proctologist saw when […]...
34. A young minister, in the first days of his first parish A young minister, in the first days of his first parish, was obliged to call upon the widow of an eccentric man who had just died. Standing before the open casket and consoling the widow, he said, “I know this must be a very hard blow, Mrs. Vernon. But we must remember that what we […]...
35. Значение идиомы run true to form [run true to form] {v. phr.} To follow a usual way; act asexpected; agree with how a person usually acts. The little boy’sactions ran true to form. He bothered his mother until she gave himhis way. Compare: PAR FOR THE COURSE....
36. Represent Christmas Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering they must present something relating or associated with Christmas. The first man searches his pocket, and finds some Mistletoe, so he is allowed in. The second man presents a cracker, so he […]...
37. Entering Pearly Gates Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering they must present something relating or associated with Christmas. The first man searches his pocket, and finds some Mistletoe, so he is allowed in. The second man presents a cracker, so he […]...
38. Значение идиомы Christmas club [Christmas club] {n.} A plan for putting money in the bank to be saved for Christmas shopping. John deposits $10 each week in the Christmas club. The woman will get her Christmas club money on December 10....
39. Значение идиомы give the go-by [give the go-by] {v. phr.} To pay no attention to a person; avoid. John fell in love with Mary, but she gave him the go-by. Theboy raised his hand to answer the question, but the teacher gave himthe go-by. Compare: THE RUNAROUND....
40. Military Christmas ‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the skies, Air defenses were up, with electronic eyes. Combat pilots were nestled in ready-room beds, As enemy silhouettes danced in their heads. Every jet on the apron, each SAM in its tube, Was triply-redundant, linked to the Blue Cube, And ELINT and AWACS gave coverage so […]...