At the Russian War College, the general is a guest lecturer

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1. A marine general, an army general and a navy admiral A marine general, an army general and a navy admiral were discussing who had the toughest men. The army general says, “Alright, I’ll prove the army has the toughest men in the country. Private, get over here!” The private reports as ordered, “Yes sir?” The general says, “See that man over there? Kill him!” Without […]...
2. Famous russian generals – Известные русские генералы All Russian people know these names, Alexander Suvorov and Michael Kutuzov. They are two famous generals. Alexander Vasilyevich Suvorov was born in 1729. He was a noble, honest man, devoted to his country and his people. Suvorov took part in many wars. He had a lot of victories because he knew army life very well. […]...
3. All the same An airplane takes off from the airport. The Captain is Jewish and the First Officer is Chinese. It’s the first time they’ve flown together and it’s obvious, by the silence, that they don’t get along. After thirty minutes, the Jewish Captain mutters: “I don’t like Chinese.” The First Officer replies: “Oooooh, no like Chinese? Why […]...
4. Перевод слова general General – общий, повсеместный, главный Перевод слова General meeting – общее собрание as a general rule – обычно, как правило general opinion – общее мнение The practice threatens to become General. Этот обычай грозит стать всеобщим. There was a General disposition to remain. Большинство хотело остаться. In General people like her. Обычно она людям нравится....
5. A duck walks into a general store A duck walks into a general store and asks the manager,”Got any fresh fruit?” “No.” “Got any fresh vegetables?” “No. We have only canned and dry goods.” The next day, the duck returns. “Got any fresh fruit?” “No.” “Got any fresh vegetables?” “No. I told you yesterday, we have only canned and dry goods. If […]...
6. Finding a Chinese Jew Sid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant. “Sid,” asked Al, “are there any Jews in China?” “I don’t know,” Sid replied. “Why don’t we ask the waiter?” When the waiter came by, Al asked him, “Are there any Chinese Jews?” “I don’t know sir, let me ask,” the waiter replied, and he went […]...
7. Перевод идиомы in general, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: in general Перевод: вообще, в общем Пример: In general, most of the people in our apartment are happy with the new manager. В общем, большинство жильцов нашего дома довольно новым менеджером....
8. A clear moral One day at the end of class little Billy’s teacher has the class go home and think of a story and then conclude the moral of that story. The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell a story. Suzy said, “Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive […]...
9. Trust a fellow officer A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial – it went like this: Q: Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene? A: No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away. Q: Officer, who provided this description? A: The officer […]...
10. Перевод слова comrade Comrade – товарищ, приятель Перевод слова An old comrade of hunting days – старый товарищ по охоте comrade in arms – соратник по оружию as a comrade – по-товарищески He rushed to help his Comrade. Он бросился, чтобы помочь товарищу. Comrades, please support this motion. Товарищи, пожалуйста, поддержите это движение. He enjoys spending time with […]...
11. Fred Dingaling A local law enforcement officer stops a car for traveling faster than the posted speed limit. Since he’s in a good mood that day he decides to give the poor fellow a break and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. So, he asks the man his name. “Fred,” he replies. “Fred what?” […]...
12. Значение идиомы in general [in general ] {adv. phr.} Usually; very often. In general, mother makes good cookies. The weather in Florida is warm ingeneral. Compare: ON THE WHOLE....
13. Some very common traits in two drunks A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. “Why of course,” comes the reply. The first man then asks: “Where are you from?” “I’m from Ireland,” replies the second man. The first man responds: “You don’t say, I’m from Ireland too! Let’s […]...
14. A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. “Why of course,” comes the reply. The first man then asks: “Where are you from?” “I’m from Ireland,” replies the second man. The first man responds: “You don’t say, I’m from Ireland too! Let’s […]...
15. The general went to the doctor for a physical The general went to the doctor for a physical. Before he began, the doctor asked him the standard questions – age, height, weight, and then he asked when was the last time the general had sex. ‘Oh,’ he mused, ‘It was 1945.’ ‘Isn’t that a long time to go without sex?’ the doctor asked. ‘I […]...
16. Tommy goes into a confessional box and says Tommy goes into a confessional box and says, “Bless me father for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman.” The Priest says, “Is that you, Tommy? Tommy says “Yes father, it’s me.” The Priest says “Who was the woman you were with?” Tommy says “I cannot tell you, father, because I don’t […]...
17. Obey the speed limit Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer see’s a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, “This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!”So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are […]...
18. A use for Viagra A man goes to visit his 85-year-old grandpa in the hospital. “How are you grandpa?” he asks. “Feeling fine,” says the old man. “What’s the food like?” “Terrific, wonderful menus.” “And the nursing?” “Just couldn’t be better. These young nurses really take care of you.” “What about sleeping? Do you sleep okay?” “No problem at […]...
19. Edward walks out of a bar Edward walks out of a bar, stumbling back and forth with a key in his hand. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches. “Can I help you, fella?”, asks the cop. “Yesssh, ssshombody stol my car!” Edward replies. The cop asks, “Okay, where was your car the last time you saw it?”. “It […]...
20. The Russian Federation The Russian Federation is the largest country in the world. Its total area is about 17 million square kilometers. It occupies most of Eastern Europe and Northern Asia. Russia is bordered by Finland, Estonia, Latvia, Litva, Belarus, the Ukraine, Azerbaijan and China. Russian Federation is located on two plains, the Great Russian Plain and the […]...
21. A drunken blonde goes into a bar A drunken blonde goes into a bar. The bartender asks her what she would like, and she replies, “Gimme a beer.” The bartender then asks, “Anheuser-Busch?” To which she replies, “Fine thanks, and how’s your cock?”...
22. Перевод слова quantity Quantity – количество, величина Перевод слова Quantity constant in the limit – предельно постоянная величина product quantity – количество продукции to put quantity before quality – ставить количество выше качества He had a Quantity of ammunition. У него было немного патронов. She is able to drink Quantities. Она в состоянии выпить невероятное количество. Every summer […]...
23. Little girl walks into the bathroom A little girl walks into the bathroom and sees her older sister just come out of the shower. The young girl looks at her sisters pussy and asks “What’s that?” Her sister replies “That is my possum, sis!” The young girl replies “Oh, OK” The next day she sees her mother get out of the […]...
24. A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer wants to ask her a few questions…. Officer: What’s 2+2? Blonde: Ummmmm… 4! Officer: What’s the square root of 100? Blonde: Ummmm… 10! Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln? Blonde: Ummmm… I dunno. Officer: Well, you can go home and think […]...
25. The headmistress at a girls prep school The headmistress at a girls’ prep school in the old South (circa 1959) calls down to the army base and speaks with one of the officers: “We’re having a social here at school and I was wondering if you could send some of your nice young men to attend.” “Why of course,” the Lieutenant answers. […]...
26. I bet I can bite both of my eyes A man walks into a bar has a few drinks and asks what his tab was. The bartender replies that it is twenty dollars plus tip. The guy says, “I’ll bet you my tab double or nothing that I can bite my eye.” The bartender accepts the bet, and the guy pulls out his glass […]...
27. Got a second? God, I was wondering…how long is a million years to you?” God answered, “Son, a million years to me is like a second to you.” So the man asks, “God how much is a million dollars to you?” And God answered, “Son a million dollars to me is like one penny to you.” So the […]...
28. The Pentagon decided one day that there were to many The Pentagon decided one day that there were to many Generals, so they decided to offer early retirement to three of them. They called Congress and asked them to vote on a method of determining each General’s early retirement bonus. After voting Congress decided that each man would choose two points of their body to […]...
29. A college professor in an anatomy class asked his students A college professor in an anatomy class asked his students to sketch a naked man. As the professor walked around the class checking the sketches he noticed that a sexy young coed had sketched the man with an erect penis. The professor commented, “Oh, no, I wanted it the other way.” She replied, “What other […]...
30. Army fitness report British Military Officer Fitness Reports The British Military writes OFR’s (officer fitness reports). The form used for Royal Navy and Marines fitness reports is the S206. The following are actual excerpts taken from people’s “206’s”…. – His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity. – I would not breed from this Officer. […]...
31. A college professor is explaining to his class that pleasure A college professor is explaining to his class that pleasure is a mental state, and that many people overlook the things they already have. He says, “A man who has developed a true sense of appreciation can enjoy a good bowel movement as much as having sexual intercourse.” One student stands up and says, “Professor, […]...
32. Who is doing the work around here? The population of the United States was 180 million at the time of writing, but there are 64 million over 60 years of age, leaving 116 million to do the work. People under 21 total 59 million which leaves 57 million people to do the work. Because of the 31 million government employees, there are […]...
33. Перевод слова possibly Possibly – возможно, вероятно Перевод слова He may possibly recover – он, возможно, поправится as soon as I possibly can – как только я смогу possibly best – возможно лучший He will do everything he Possibly can to aid you. Он сделает все, что может, чтобы помочь вам. We could Possibly get some money, if […]...
34. British Military Officer Fitness Reports The British Military writes OFR’s (officer fitness reports). The form used for Royal Navy and Marines fitness reports is the S206. The following are actual excerpts taken from people’s “206’s”…. – His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity. – I would not breed from this Officer. – This Officer is really […]...
35. Stolen Car Stolen Car A man walks out of a bar, stumbling back and forth with a key in his hand. A cop on the beat sees him, and approaches, “Can I help you, sir?” “Yesssh! Sssshomebody ssshtole my car!” the man replies. The cop asks, “Where was your car the last time you saw it?” “It […]...
36. A girl sees three dogs in the park and kneels down to pet them A girl sees three dogs in the park and kneels down to pet them. “What’s your name?” she asks the first. To her surprise, the dog answers “My name’s Huey and I’m having a great day going in and out of puddles.” She goes up to the second dog and asks “What’s your name?” The […]...
37. Military work rules 1. Sickness: No excuses will be acceptable. We will no longer accept the Medical Officer’s statement as proof of illness as we believe that if you are able to go on sick parade, you are able to come to work. 2. Leave of Absence for an Operation: We are no longer allowing this practice. We […]...
38. A guy approaches a prostitute on the street and asks her A guy approaches a prostitute on the street and asks her, “how much?” she replies, “$100 if I lay down and $75 if I stand up.” He asks what the difference is, and she tells him, “it’s my hairdresser’s fee!”...
39. Johnny missed his final exam due to the flu Johnny missed his final exam due to the flu, but he’d done so well during the year that the teacher suggests to the principal they give him an oral exam to make up for the test he’d missed. The principal agrees so they called Johnny into the office and explain about the oral test. First […]...
40. Father, mother and son decide to go to the zoo one day Father, mother and son decide to go to the zoo one day. So they set off and are seeing lots of animals. Eventually they end up opposite the elephant house. The boy looks at the elephant, sees its willy, points to it and says, “Mummy, what is that long thing?” His mother replies, “That, son, […]...