An Unusual Ailment

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1. Describing the Fit of Clothing Vera: How do these pants look on me? Wang: Uh, aren’t they a little too Tight? They look like they’re Cutting off circulation in your legs. Vera: They’re a little Snug, but they Show off my curves, don’t they? Wang: I suggest Going up a size. Something a little less Form fitting would be a […]...
2. If Wang made toasters If Wang made toasters… Marketing would never agree upon what customers really want or need in a toaster so millions of dollars would be spent in development and the toaster would be several years late. Just after release Wang would buy another company whose toaster ran on NT but would find that they got more […]...
3. The CIA was recruiting for a top secret assignment The CIA was recruiting for a top secret assignment. They were down to three recruits, two men and one woman. Only one could get the position. As a final test each recruit was led down a hallway to a large gray door. The CIA agents say to the first man, “We need to know that […]...
4. A tall woman met a midget at a party A tall woman met a midget at a party. The midget was barely three feet tall but they were attracted to each other. After a few drinks they went back to the tall woman’s apartment. “I can’t imagine what it will be like making love to a midget,” said the woman, “especially with the size […]...
5. Значение идиомы come to pass [come to pass] {v. phr.}, {literary} To happen; occur. Strange things come to pass in troubled times. It came to pass that the jailer visited him by night. His hopes of success did not come to pass. Compare: BRING TO PASS, COME ABOUT....
6. Fixing an ailment In Ireland there is a mental institution that every year picks two of it’s most reformed patients and questions them. If they get the questions right they are free to leave. This year the two lucky patients were Patty and Mike. They were called down to the office and left there by the orderly. They […]...
7. Three Irish women were discussing their respective mates Could this herald the return of our resident wise man, Cunning Lin Gus? Three Irish women were discussing their respective mates over tea. “I call my man ‘Eight,’ ” said the first woman, “Because he’s got eight inches, and we do it eight times a day.” The second woman said in response, “I call my […]...
8. A little old lady gets onto a crowded bus A little old lady gets onto a crowded bus and stands in front of a seated young girl. Holding her hand to her chest, she says to the girl, “If you knew what I have, you would give me your seat.” The girl gets up and gives up her the seat to the old lady. […]...
9. A cop sees a car weaving all over the road and pulls it over A cop sees a car weaving all over the road and pulls it over. He walks up to the car and sees a nice-looking woman is driving and smells liquor on her breath. He says, “I’m going to have to give you the breathalyzer test to determine if you are under the influence of alcohol.” […]...
10. Getting an Advantage in Sports Tammy: What are you doing this year to give your team an Advantage? Phillip: I Have a few tricks up my sleeve. We’re going to have a Winning season. Tammy: Are you going To start Wang? Phillip: No, I’m Redshirting Wang. I want him to sit out his first year so he can Sharpen his […]...
11. Soap dispenser Two priests are off to the showers late one night. They undress and step in the showers before they realize there is no soap. Father John says he has some soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress. He grabs two bars of soap in his hands and heads back […]...
12. A pizza was waiting in the stomach to be digested A pizza was waiting in the stomach to be digested, then suddenly a whiskey came along. Pizza thought:”Ok. I’ll let him pass, there’s no hurry. Two minutes later another whiskey comes by and pizza let him pass too, but two minutes later when the next one got there, pizza stoped him:”What’s going on out there?” […]...
13. When asked for her occupation When asked for her occupation, a woman charged with a traffic violation said she was a schoolteacher. The judge rose from the bench. “Madam, I have waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court,” he smiled with delight. “Now sit down at that table and write ‘I will not pass through a red […]...
14. A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower. In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, “I’m […]...
15. A man and a woman are on an elevator at the top A man and a woman are on an elevator at the top of the world’s tallest building, when all of a sudden, the cable snaps and the elevator starts plummeting to the ground. The emergency brakes don’t work, the emergency phone doesn’t work, and they both begin to panic. The woman screams “We’re going to […]...
16. An old italian couple is walking around in the mall An old italian couple is walking around in the mall. After a while they get separated so the woman goes up to the first saleswoman she sees and ask: “Escusa me, have you senn-a me Tony. He’s got a big-a belly and a-lots of curly black hair?” The saleswoman answers that she hasn’t seen her […]...
17. Trying Unusual Foods Antonio: What is that smell?! It Stinks! Candace: This is a dish my roommate taught me to make. It’s really good. Want a Bite? Antonio: You’ve got to be kidding me! You actually eat that? You can Stomach something that smells that Foul? Candace: Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it. I admit that it’s […]...
18. A guy walks into an elevator and stands next A guy walks into an elevator and stands next to a beautiful woman. After a few minutes he turns to her and says, “Can I smell your pussy?” The woman looks at him in disgust and says, “Certainly not!” “Hmmm,” he replies. “It must be your feet, then.”...
19. Перевод слова unusual Unusual – необычный, особенный, исключительный Перевод слова Unusual event – необыкновенное событие nothing unusual – ничего особенного unusual occurrences – странные происшествия There is nothing Unusual in it. В этом нет ничего странного. These days it is not Unusual. В ниши дни это не редкость. She has an Unusual name. У нее необычное имя. Происхождение […]...
20. Необычный случай/ Unusual Case На английском языке Перевод на русский язык Unusual Case Необычный случай I believe that most things in our life happen for a reason. However, it’s up to us to find out which reason exactly. Once I was going through a very strange day. Since early morning I had a series of failures. At first, I […]...
21. An eight year old boy is walking down the road one day An eight year old boy is walking down the road one day when a car pulls over next to him. “If you get in the car,” the driver says, “I’ll give you $10 and a piece of candy.” The boy refuses and keeps on walking. A few moments later, not to take no for an […]...
22. The homework schedule Here is an explanation of the school homework policy for the average student. Students should not spend more than ninety minutes per night. This time should be budgeted in the following manner if the student desires to achieve moderate to good grades in his/her classes. 15 minutes looking for assignment. 11 minutes calling a friend […]...
23. Three newly incarcerated convicts are discussing how they Three newly incarcerated convicts are discussing how they will pass their time in jail. The first one pulls out a harmonica and says “I can play all my favorite songs on this.” The second takes out a deck of cards. “I can play poker with myself with these.” The third gets out a box of […]...
24. Stagecoach surprise I had a dream the other night. I was in the old West riding in a stagecoach. Suddenly, a man riding a horse pulls up to the left side of the stagecoach, and a riderless horse pulls up on the right. The man leans down, pulls open the door, and jumps off his horse into […]...
25. A woman goes to a psychiatrist and says A woman goes to a psychiatrist and says, “Doctor, you’ve got to do something about my husband – he thinks he’s a refrigerator!” “I wouldn’t worry too much about it,” the doctor replies. “Lots of people have harmless delusions. It will pass.” “But you don’t understand,” the woman insists. “He sleeps with his mouth open, […]...
26. A helping hand Harry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they decide that she’ll become a hooker. She’s not quite sure what to do, so Harry says, “Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him that you charge a hundred bucks. If you got a question, I’ll be parked around […]...
27. Elderly romance There’s an elderly man and woman sitting in the sunroom of a retirement home. The old man says to the woman, “For five dollars, I’ll have sex with you on that rocking chair over there. For ten dollars, I’ll have sex with you on that couch. But for twenty dollars, I’ll take you to my […]...
28. A man and a woman are sitting next to each other A man and a woman are sitting next to each other at a bar getting drunk. The man turns to the woman and asks her why she’s so down. “My husband just left me. He said I’m too kinky in bed,” she said. “What a coincidence! My wife just left me,” said the man, “she […]...
29. SCHEDULE OF A MAN A MAN’S SCHEDULE 1. Get up. 2. Pass gas. 3. Drink cup of black coffee. 4. Pass gas. 5. Dress, skipping shower because “alarm didn’t work”. 6. Pass gas. 7. Log on to computer to check porn site before leaving for work. Pass gas while “enjoying” favorite site. 6. Drive to work. Pass gas at […]...
30. Short gender jokes A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t want. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. A successful man is one who makes more […]...
31. Jewish fly A man goes into a bar and sits down to have a drink….he notices that at the other end of the bar is the most attractive woman he has ever seen….he is immediately lust-struck and decides that he must have her….He leans over to the bartender and asks if the bartender has any Spanish-fly in […]...
32. A new scam WARNING! This new scam is being pulled mainly on older men. What happens is that when you stop for a red light, a young nude woman comes up and pretends to be washing your windshield. While she is doing this, another person opens your back door and steals anything in the car. They are very […]...
33. A woman consulted a doctor A woman consulted a doctor, explaining that for many years she sufferred from excessive flatulance, but there was never any sound or smell so she had done nothing about it until now. So the Dr. took down all of her medical history, a process that took quite a while. At the end, the woman says, […]...
34. Conversation over dinner Conversation over dinner: WOMAN: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again? MAN: Definitely not! WOMAN: Why not – don’t you like being married? MAN: Of course I do. WOMAN: Then why wouldn’t you remarry? MAN: Okay, I’d get married again. WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face) […]...
35. Harry and his wife are driving in the country Harry and his wife are driving in the country when he sees a sign that says, “Cow For Sale…$5000.” He pulls in and says to the farmer, “There’s no cow in the world worth five thousand dollars.” The farmer says, Oh, yeah? Take a look at this.” He lifts the cow’s tail, and Harry sees […]...
36. There once was a young Irish woman who went to confession There once was a young Irish woman who went to confession. Upon entering the confessional she said, “Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.” The priest said, “Confess your sins and be forgiven.” The young woman said, “Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times.” The priest thought long and hard […]...
37. A recently divorced woman is walking along the beach A recently divorced woman is walking along the beach contemplating how badly screwed she got over the divorce settlement, when she spies a magic lamp washing up onshore. She rubs the lamp, and out pops a magical genie!! The genie notices her anger and lets her vent her troubles to him. As a consolation, the […]...
38. Prescription This woman walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic. He asks “What for?” She says “I want to kill my husband”. He says “Sorry, I can’t do that.” She then reaches inter her handbag a pulls out a photo of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife and hands it […]...
39. Deserted island golf A man is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years. One day, he sees a speck in the horizon. He thinks to himself, “It’s not a ship.” The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, “It’s not a boat.” The speck gets even closer and he thinks, “It’s not a raft.” […]...
40. A midget walks into the doctors and says A midget walks into the doctors and says, “Doc, I’ve got these fucking itchy balls and I can’t do anything to stop ’em itching”. The Doc says, “I can see the problem and I’ll fix it for ya” So the Doc pulls out a pair of scissors and tells the Midget to close his eyes. […]...