A new scam

Related topics:

1. An IRS scam WARNING! PLEASE READ IMMEDIATELY! THIS IS SERIOUS! If you get an envelope from a company called the Internal Revenue Service,” DO NOT OPEN IT! This group operates a scam around this time every year. Their letter claims that you owe them money, which they will take and use to pay for the operation of essential […]...
2. The CIA was recruiting for a top secret assignment The CIA was recruiting for a top secret assignment. They were down to three recruits, two men and one woman. Only one could get the position. As a final test each recruit was led down a hallway to a large gray door. The CIA agents say to the first man, “We need to know that […]...
3. You’re not going to believe this! A woman got a problem with her closet door – it was felling every time a bus was passing by. So she called a repair man. The repairman comes and sees that indeed, the door falls out every time when a bus passes by. “OK, I am gonna see what is going on, just close […]...
4. Egg joke In a similar vein, tell your victim that you have a test of coordination you would like him to try with you. Find a door with a fairly large crack between the door and the wall when the door is open. (You know, over by the hinges; across the width of the door from the […]...
5. Show him your cross Two nuns, Sister Mary Agnes and Sister Mary Vincent, are traveling through Europe in their car, sightseeing in Transylvania. As they are stopped at a traffic light, out of nowhere, a small vampire jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses at them through the windshield. “Quick, quick!” shouts Sister Mary Agnes, “What should […]...
6. A woman and her lover are on the bed A woman and her lover are on the bed in the woman’s home, when all of a sudden, they hear the front door open and close. “Oh, no, it’s my husband!” The man says, “Where’s your back door?” “We don’t have a back door” says the woman. The man then asks, “Well, where do you […]...
7. Exterior Parts of a Car Ethan: You missed a spot. Marie: Hold on. When we made our bet for the loser to wash the winner’s car, it didn’t include the other person being there and being a Pain in the neck. Ethan: I’m just here to make sure everything gets washed properly, from the Hood to the Taillights. Marie: Don’t […]...
8. There were 2 old-maid sisters, both virgins There were 2 old-maid sisters… both virgins. It’s Friday night and Gladys looks at Betty and says, “I’m not going to die a virgin… I’m going out and I’m not coming home ’til I’ve been laid!!” Betty says, “Well, make sure you’re home by 10 so I don’t worry about you.” 10 o’clock rolls around […]...
9. A LIGHTER LOOK AT MARRIAGE Getting married is very much like going to a continental restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that. At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, “Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?” The other replied, […]...
10. An Unusual Ailment A man and a woman are riding next to each other in first class. The man sneezes, pulls out his wang and wipes the tip off. The woman can’t believe what she just saw and decides she is hallucinating. A few minutes pass. The man sneezes again. He pulls out his wang and wipes the […]...
11. Newly issued alcohol warnings The Toronto Board of Health has proposed that warning signs be placed on all alcohol bottles to tip off drinkers about the possible peril of drinking a pint or two of any alcoholic beverage. 1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with a breath that could knock a buzzard off a […]...
12. Warning labels If government is going to put health warning labels on beer, wine and liquor, let’s at least have a little truthfulness about the matter! WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with breath that could knock a buzzard off a shit truck at 100 yards. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major […]...
13. Упражнения “Дни недели” (с ответами) 1. Расставьте буквы по порядку, чтобы получились дни недели. T Y D U S A E D S A A U Y T R R U T S H A Y D D E S D N W E Y A N O M A Y D 2. Вставьте пропущенные буквы. We…nesd…y 5. Fr…day S…nday […]...
14. A driver pulled up beside a rundown farmhouse A driver pulled up beside a rundown farmhouse. He got out and knocked at the door. A very old woman answered the door, and he asked her for directions to Des Moines. “Don’t know,” the woman said. He got back in his car and pulled away. Then he heard voices. He looked in his rearview […]...
15. Three Irish women were discussing their respective mates Could this herald the return of our resident wise man, Cunning Lin Gus? Three Irish women were discussing their respective mates over tea. “I call my man ‘Eight,’ ” said the first woman, “Because he’s got eight inches, and we do it eight times a day.” The second woman said in response, “I call my […]...
16. A push A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it’s half past three in the morning. “I’m not getting out of bed at this time,” he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. “Aren’t you going to […]...
17. Persistency Act A guy hears a knocking on his door. He opens it up, and no one is there. He looks all around and he finally sees a little snail sitting on the doormat. He picks it up and throws it across the street into a field. Ten years go by, and one day he hears a […]...
18. A perfect choice A woman who had been married twice and divorced twice was fed up. Her first husband beat her, and her second husband ran away with another woman. Plus, she couldn’t find a new lover who could satisfy her sexually, so she put an ad in the classifieds: Wanted: A good looking, single guy who won’t […]...
19. A little old lady gets onto a crowded bus A little old lady gets onto a crowded bus and stands in front of a seated young girl. Holding her hand to her chest, she says to the girl, “If you knew what I have, you would give me your seat.” The girl gets up and gives up her the seat to the old lady. […]...
20. A wild party Sam has been in the computer business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alabama to be as far away from humanity as possible. Sam sees the mailman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise, it’s total peace […]...
21. A recently divorced woman is walking along the beach A recently divorced woman is walking along the beach contemplating how badly screwed she got over the divorce settlement, when she spies a magic lamp washing up onshore. She rubs the lamp, and out pops a magical genie!! The genie notices her anger and lets her vent her troubles to him. As a consolation, the […]...
22. Перевод слова Saturday Saturday – суббота Перевод слова On Saturday – в субботу by Saturday – к субботе in the early hours of Saturday morning – ранним субботним утром saturday evening – субботний вечер We go marketing every Saturday. По субботам мы ходим на рынок. The store is open Monday through Saturday. Магазин открыт с понедельника по субботу. […]...
23. Перевод идиомы a girl Friday / a man Friday / a person Friday, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: a girl Friday / a man Friday / a person Friday Перевод: девушка / мужчина / человек, выполняющий разную подсобную работу в офисе Пример: Jan is our girl Friday. She does the important jobs in our office. Джен – наша верная помощница. Она выполняет важную работу в нашем офисе....
24. A door-to-door vacuum salesman goes A door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his new territory. He knocks, a real mean and tough looking lady opens the door, and before she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps cow patties all over the carpet. He says, “Lady, if this vacuum cleaner don’t do wonders […]...
25. Перевод слова Friday Friday – пятница Перевод слова Black Friday – “черная пятница” from Monday through Friday – с понедельника по пятницу when two friday come together – после дождичка в четверг We aim to finish by Friday. Мы намереваемся закончить к пятнице. ‘What day is it today?’ ‘Friday.’ – Какой сегодня день недели? – Пятница. His funeral […]...
26. Asking for a First Date Natalie: Hello. Sergio: Hi, Could I speak to Natalie? Natalie: This is she. Sergio: Oh hi, this is Sergio. How are you? Natalie: Good. How about you? Sergio: I’m great. Uh, well, the reason I’m calling is I was wondering if you’d like To go out sometime? Natalie: You mean on a Date? Sergio: Yeah, […]...
27. Значение идиомы open the door [open the door] {v. phr.} To allow more action or discussion; givea chance. Learning to read and write opens the door to a better joband better living conditions. Raising the tax rates will open thedoor to more help for older people. Contrast: CLOSE THE DOOR. Compare: OPEN ITS DOORS....
28. A guy was driving down the road in his Yugo A guy was driving down the road in his Yugo during a thunder storm, when his windshield wiper broke. He drives until he comes to an auto body shop. He goes into the shop, walks up to the counter and says, “Excuse me, but could you give me a windshield wiper for my Yugo?” The […]...
29. A middle-aged man recieves a brazillian parrot A middle-aged man recieves a brazillian parrot for his birthday. The only problem with this parrot is its attitude due to the influence of its former owner, who is now a deceased truck driver. The parrot loves to swear up and down at everything it sees. One day the man comes home with a gorgeous […]...
30. Marriage quotes 14 This delivery driver carries no money. His wife has it all. We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife. – Groucho Marx We must respect the other fellow’s religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that […]...
31. GOD will save me The police were going door to door warning everyone to evacuate because the river was rising. One door they came to, the man said “GOD will save me”. The river continued to rise and he was forced to move everthing to the second floor of his house. A man in a boat came by and […]...
32. Mary was having an affair during the day while Mary was having an affair during the day while her husband, John, was at work. One day she was in bed with her boyfriend, Ralph, and she heard her husband’s car pull in the driveway. She yelled at Ralph: “Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window my husband is home early!” Ralph looked […]...
33. Household items Back in the ’70s, days of conspicuous (ahem) consumption, Hugh Hefner was showing a friend around the Playboy Mansion. At one point, Hefner turned to his friend, and said, “Did you ever hear this joke? A woman receives flowers from her boyfriend. She turns to her friend, and says, ‘Oh, great. Now I’ll have to […]...
34. The Superstitions in Britain Очень интересный топик Суеверия в Великобритании повествует о самых распространенных британских суевериях. Например, нельзя открывать зонтик в доме, нельзя проходить под лестницей, а в “пятницу 13-го” лучше вообще не выходить из дома. Самое большое несчастье может обрушиться на того, кто разобьет зеркало, ну что ж, может быть в таком случае стоит дотронуться до дерева – […]...
35. Значение идиомы door [door] See: AT DEATH’S DOOR, AT ONE’S DOOR, CLOSED-DOOR, CLOSE ITS DOORS, CLOSE THE DOOR or BAR THE DOOR or SHUT THE DOOR, DARKEN ONE’S DOOR, or DARKEN THE DOOR, FOOT IN THE DOOR, KEEP THE WOLF FROM THE DOOR, LAY AT ONE’S DOOR, LOCK THE BARN DOOR AFTER THE HORSE IS STOLEN, NEXT DOOR, […]...
36. A tall woman met a midget at a party A tall woman met a midget at a party. The midget was barely three feet tall but they were attracted to each other. After a few drinks they went back to the tall woman’s apartment. “I can’t imagine what it will be like making love to a midget,” said the woman, “especially with the size […]...
37. ‘Missing’ woman unknowingly joins search for herself A woman who was reported missing from an Icelandic tour unwittingly joined a search for herself. According to the Reykjavik Grapevine, a woman described as “Asian, about 160cm, in dark clothing and speaks English well” was listed as missing Saturday near the Eldgjá volcanic canyon in southern Iceland. A search continued through the weekend with […]...
38. Stagecoach surprise I had a dream the other night. I was in the old West riding in a stagecoach. Suddenly, a man riding a horse pulls up to the left side of the stagecoach, and a riderless horse pulls up on the right. The man leans down, pulls open the door, and jumps off his horse into […]...
39. Soldier stands guard A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate. His orders were clear. No car was to enter unless it had a special sticker on the windshield. A big Army car came up with a general seated in the back. The sentry said, “Halt, who goes there?” The chauffeur, a corporal, says, “General […]...
40. Elderly romance There’s an elderly man and woman sitting in the sunroom of a retirement home. The old man says to the woman, “For five dollars, I’ll have sex with you on that rocking chair over there. For ten dollars, I’ll have sex with you on that couch. But for twenty dollars, I’ll take you to my […]...