An inoffensive Chrismas
On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my Significant Other in a consenting adult, monogamous relationship gave to me:
TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming,
ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in their union contract even though they will not be asked to play a note),
TEN melanin deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal ruling class system leaping,
NINE persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression,
EIGHT economically disadvantaged female persons stealing milk-products from enslaved Bovine-Americans,
SEVEN endangered swans swimming on federally protected wetlands,
SIX enslaved Fowl-Americans producing stolen non-human animal products,
FIVE golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced domestic incarceration,
(NOTE: after members of the Animal Liberation Front threatened to throw red paint at my computer, the calling birds, French hens and partridge have been reintroduced to their native habitat. To avoid further Animal-American enslavement, the remaining gift package has been revised.)
FOUR hours of recorded whale songs
THREE deconstructionist poets
TWO Sierra Club calendars printed on recycled processed tree carcasses and…
ONE Spotted Owl activist chained to an old-growth pear tree.
Merry Christmas Happy Chanukah. Good Kwanzaa. Blessed Yule. Happy Holidays! (unless otherwise prohibited by law)*
*Unless, of course, you are suffering from Seasonally Affected Disorder (SAD). If this be the case, please substitute this gratuitous call for celebration with suggestion that you have a thoroughly adequate day.
Related topics:
- The Twelve Politically-Correct Days of Christmas He Twelve Politically-Correct Days of Christmas On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my acquaintance-rape survivor gave to me, TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming, ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in […]...
- Перевод слова package Package – пакет, упаковочная тара Перевод слова Attractive package – привлекательная упаковка cardboard package – картонная упаковка package deal – комплексная сделка She mailed the Package to me. Она послала мне посылку. Deliver the Package to my home. Доставьте пакет мне домой. She attached a note to the Package. Она прикрепила записку к пакету....
- THE CROCODILE OR THE WHALE? The woman came to the zoo with her little son. They came to the cage with a mystery big animal in it. -Look, son, this is a whale,-said the woman. -I am sorry, but this is a crocodile,-said the man. -No, this is a whale,-the woman was very stubbron, as a donkey. During this time […]...
- Значение идиомы big daddy [big daddy] {n.}, {slang}, {informal} The most important, largest thing, person or animal in a congregation of similar persons, animals, or objects. The whale is the big daddy of everything that swims in the ocean. The H-bomb is the big daddy of all modern weapons. Al Capone was the big daddy of organized crime in […]...
- A Blonde A Blonde A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, “I’ve kidnapped you.” She then wrote a note saying, “I’ve kidnapped your kid. […]...
- Becoming a Vegetarian/Vegan Ashley: I’m thinking of becoming a Vegetarian. I think it would be the Ethical thing to do. Paul: Are you going to eat eggs and Dairy? If you’re doing this for ethical reasons, you really should avoid anything made with Animal products or animal By-products. Ashley: I guess you’re right. Paul: Then you’re going to […]...
- MICHAEL KENNEDY What’s the difference between John Denver and Michael Kennedy? John Denver made it alive out of Aspen. Has Elton John re-written any of his songs for Michael Kennedy? Not yet, but he’s done one about the tree: “I’m Still Standing” How can you be sure that Michael was really a Kennedy? Check the family tree. […]...
- Перевод слова gift Gift – подарок, дар Перевод слова At this price it’s a gift! – за такую цену это просто подарок generous gift – щедрый подарок graduation gift – подарок к окончанию учебного заведения The family made a Gift of his paintings to the museum. Семья отдала его картины в дар музею. She has the rare Gift […]...
- A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a […]...
- Перевод слова union Union – союз, объединение Перевод слова A gracious union of excellence and strength – привлекательное сочетание мастерства и силы customs union – таможенный союз union of sets – объединение множеств Soviet Union – Советский Союз They live in perfect Union. Они живут в полном согласии. Their Union was blessed with three children. Бог послал им […]...
- Значение идиомы gift of gab [gift of gab] or [gift of the gab] {n. phr.}, {informal} Skill intalking; ability to make interesting talk that makes people believeyou. Many men get elected because of their gift of gab. Mr. Taylor’s gift of gab helped him get a good job....
- Father’s Day Топик День отца рассказывает о празднике США, впервые праздновавшемся в 1909 году в городе Спокан, штата Вашингтон, как выражение признательности всем заботливым отцам Америки, участвующим в воспитании своих детей. Сейчас День отца празднуется в 3-е воскресенье июня. Все американцы в этот день посылают своим отцам подарки или открытки с готовым текстом, подобранным именно к этому […]...
- Перевод слова note Note – заметка, записка; банкнта Перевод слова Critical notes – критические заметки short-hand notes – стенограмма notes on Tacitus – комментарии к Тациту a note of thanks – благодарственное письмо Did you read my Note? – Uh-huh. Ты читала мою записку? – Угу. Can you change a £20 Note? Вы можете разменять банкноту в 20 […]...
- Finding the Perfect Gift Fae: Help! I still need to buy a Gift for my mother and I can’t seem to think of the perfect Present, something that’ll really Knock her socks off. Pablo: Why don’t you just get her a Gift certificate or a Gift card? That way, she can Pick out her own gift. Fae: Oh, she […]...
- One night, at the lodge of a hunting club One night, at the lodge of a hunting club, two new members were being introduced to other members and shown around. The man leading them around said, “See that old man asleep in the chair by the fire – place? He is our oldest member and can tell you some hunting stories you’ll never forget.” […]...
- Finding the Perfect Gift Fae: Help! I still need to buy a Gift for my mother and I can’t seem to think of the perfect Present, something that’ll really Knock her socks off. Pablo: Why don’t you just get her a Gift certificate or a Gift card? That way, she can Pick out her own gift. Fae: Oh, she […]...
- Why Jim Smith Lost His First Love Jim Smith wished to buy a present for his first sweetheart, and after careful consideration he decided on a pair of gloves. Accompanied by his sweetheart’s sister, he went to a department store and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, the items got […]...
- A little girl was playing up a tree near a church A little girl was playing up a tree near a church. The priest was taking a walk when he happened to look up the tree and saw the little girl. She had no panties on. He called her down and gave her money to buy a pair of panties. The girl was so happy and […]...
- Sending Business Packages Maria: I need this Package to arrive in Tulsa by next Wednesday. Sam: Sure, I’ll send it UPS or FedEx using their Ground service. It’ll be cheaper than sending it using their Overnight service and we can still Track it. Is it going to a business? Maria: Yes, it is. Sam: Okay, I’ll Mark that […]...
- Christmas tree better Reasons Why a Christmas Tree Is Better Than a Woman” A Christmas tree doesn’t care how many other Christmas trees you have had in the past. A Christmas tree doesn’t care if you have an artificial one in the closet. When you are done with a Christmas tree you can throw it on the curb […]...
- Golf with older man A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in nine holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee […]...
- The strength of youth A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in 9 holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee […]...
- Перевод слова tree Tree – дерево Перевод слова To decorate a Christmas tree – наряжать елку to dig up a tree – выкопать дерево to fit a tree – подрубать дерево The car struck the Tree. Автомобиль врезался в дерево. Monkeys live in Trees. Обезьяны живут на деревьях. The Tree was about to fall. Дерево чуть не упало....
- Asking Someone Out I walked into the coffee room and saw that Brad was writing something on a piece of paper. When he saw me come in, he Slipped the note Out of sight. Trisha: Hey, What’s up? Brad: Oh, Nothing. Trisha: What were you writing? Brad: (Laugh) All right. You Caught me in the act. I finally […]...
- Collection 06 We hear you are a lady killer. They take one look at you and die of fright!! We heard that when you ran away from home your folks sent you a note saying, “Do not come home and all will be forgiven”. You have a good family tree, but the crop is a failure. I […]...
- A lady from California purchased a piece of timber land A lady from California purchased a piece of timber land in Oregon. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted to get a good view of her land so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top, she encountered a spotted owl that […]...
- Перевод слова blank note Blank note – бумага для записей Происхождение слова blank note Фраза образована из слов Blank (пустой, незаполненный) и Note (заметка). rel=”nofollow”>...
- One day the teacher decides to play an animal game One day the teacher decides to play an animal game. She holds up a picture of a giraffe and asks if anyone knows what it is. No one raises his/her hand. The teacher says “See it’s long neck? What animal has a long neck?” Sally holds up her hand and asks if it is a […]...
- Значение идиомы on one’s own account [on one’s own account] or {informal} [on one’s own hook] {adv. phr.} 1. For yourself; as a free agent; independently. After theyhad picked out the class gift, members of the committee did someshopping on their own account. 2. See: OF ONE’S OWN ACCORD....
- Значение идиомы look a gift horse in the mouth [look a gift horse in the mouth] To complain if a gift is notperfect. – A proverb. Usually used with a negative. John gave Joe abaseball but Joe complained that the ball was old. His father told himnot to look a gift horse in the mouth....
- Перевод слова animal Animal – животное, зверь Перевод слова Dumb animal – бессловесная тварь animal fat – животный жир free animal – животное, находящееся на свободе Man is a rational Animal. Человек – это разумное животное. She loves all kinds of Animals. Она любит все виды животных. The Animal died a painful death. Животное умерло мучительной смертью. Примеры […]...
- Competition of a nation The Americans and Russians at the height of the arms race realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world. One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They’d have five years to breed the best fighting dog […]...
- Nutrition Information For those of you who watch what you eat… Here’s the final word on nutrition and health. It’s a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting medical studies. 1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. 2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat […]...
- Перевод слова happy Happy – счастливый, веселый, удачный Перевод слова Happy man – счастливец happy tears – слезы счастья happy guess – правильная догадка Happy birthday! С днем рождения! I’m very Happy for you. Я так рад за тебя. I account myself Happy. Я считаю себя счастливым....
- Corporate Gift-Giving Michelle: Why did I get Stuck with buying Corporate gifts for our clients this year? Just because I’m a woman doesn’t mean I’m good at buying gifts. Rafiq: It’s not because you’re a woman. It’s because you’re the most Junior employee of the company. I had the job three years ago when I started working […]...
- Pick a starting salary Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked the young MBA fresh out of MIT, “And what starting salary were you looking for?” The candidate said, “In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.” The HR Person said, “Well, what would you say to a package of […]...
- Buying a Digital Audio (MP3) Player Clerk: Can I help you? Sandy: I’m looking for an MP3 player, but I don’t know a lot about them. Clerk: We have a large Selection, as you can see. Sandy: Wow, I really don’t know where to begin. Clerk: What do you want to be able to do? Sandy: I just want something small […]...
- Buying a Digital Audio (MP3) Player Clerk: Can I help you? Sandy: I’m looking for an MP3 player, but I don’t know a lot about them. Clerk: We have a large Selection, as you can see. Sandy: Wow, I really don’t know where to begin. Clerk: What do you want to be able to do? Sandy: I just want something small […]...
- It’s Christmas time and Paddy and Shaun decided to go look It’s Christmas time and Paddy and Shaun decided to go look for a Christmas Tree. They gathered their axe, a sled, and a broom to brush the trees off so they can get a good look at them. When they finally reach a fine stand of trees, Shaun brushes off the first tree, and stands […]...
- Значение идиомы take note of [take note of] or [take notice of] {v. phr.} 1. To look carefullyat; pay close attention to; observe well. A detective is trained totake note of people and things. 2. To notice and act in response; payattention. Two boys were talking together in the back of the roombut the teacher took no notice of them. […]...