Главная ⇒ 📌Jokes ⇒ An inoffensive Chrismas

An inoffensive Chrismas

On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my Significant Other in a consenting adult, monogamous relationship gave to me:

TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming,

ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in their union contract even though they will not be asked to play a note),

TEN melanin deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal ruling class system leaping,

NINE persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression,

EIGHT economically disadvantaged female persons stealing milk-products from enslaved Bovine-Americans,

SEVEN endangered swans swimming on federally protected wetlands,

SIX enslaved Fowl-Americans producing stolen non-human animal products,

FIVE golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced domestic incarceration,

(NOTE: after members of the Animal Liberation Front threatened to throw red paint at my computer, the calling birds, French hens and partridge have been reintroduced to their native habitat. To avoid further Animal-American enslavement, the remaining gift package has been revised.)

FOUR hours of recorded whale songs

THREE deconstructionist poets

TWO Sierra Club calendars printed on recycled processed tree carcasses and…

ONE Spotted Owl activist chained to an old-growth pear tree.

Merry Christmas Happy Chanukah. Good Kwanzaa. Blessed Yule. Happy Holidays! (unless otherwise prohibited by law)*

*Unless, of course, you are suffering from Seasonally Affected Disorder (SAD). If this be the case, please substitute this gratuitous call for celebration with suggestion that you have a thoroughly adequate day.



Art in our life текст.
The british are enthusiastic about mobility с ответами.

Related topics:

  1. The Twelve Politically-Correct Days of ChristmasHe Twelve Politically-Correct Days of Christmas On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my acquaintance-rape survivor gave to me, TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming, ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in ... Читать далее...
  2. Перевод слова significantSignificant — значительный, знаменательный, важный Перевод слова Significant in its consequences — имеющий важные последствия a significant change — существенная перемена significant date — важная дата He gave us a Significant wink. Он многозначительно подмигнул нам. It was Significant to note that the story did not appear in the newspapers. Важно отметить, что эта история ... Читать далее...
  3. A BlondeA Blonde A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, «I’ve kidnapped you.» She then wrote a note saying, «I’ve kidnapped your kid. ... Читать далее...
  4. Перевод слова adultAdult — взрослый Перевод слова Adult film — фильм для взрослых adult life — взрослая жизнь adult prison — тюрьма для совершеннолетних заключенных You should act like an Adult. Вы должны вести себя как взрослый. Only Adults can purchase alcohol. Только взрослые могут приобрести алкоголь. Some children find it difficult to talk to Adults. Некоторым ... Читать далее...
  5. Becoming a Vegetarian/VeganAshley: I’m thinking of becoming a Vegetarian. I think it would be the Ethical thing to do. Paul: Are you going to eat eggs and Dairy? If you’re doing this for ethical reasons, you really should avoid anything made with Animal products or animal By-products. Ashley: I guess you’re right. Paul: Then you’re going to ... Читать далее...
  6. Перевод слова festivalFestival — фестиваль, праздник Перевод слова Harvest festival — праздник урожая the World Youth Festival — Всемирный фестиваль молодежи the festival of Christmas — праздник Рождества I’d couriered two parties to a Berlin Festival. Я сопровождал две группы на Берлинский фестиваль. The lineup for the Folk Festival looks interesting. Состав участников Фестиваля народного искусства кажется ... Читать далее...
  7. Перевод слова unionUnion — союз, объединение Перевод слова A gracious union of excellence and strength — привлекательное сочетание мастерства и силы customs union — таможенный союз union of sets — объединение множеств Soviet Union — Советский Союз They live in perfect Union. Они живут в полном согласии. Their Union was blessed with three children. Бог послал им ... Читать далее...
  8. Shakespeare’s Birthplace — Stratford-on-AvonТопик Родина Шекспира — Стратфорд-на-Эйвоне рассказывает о городе, ставшем известным всему миру благодаря великому писателю и драматургу Уильяму Шекспиру. В 1597 году, в городе писателю принадлежал кирпичный особняк «Нью Плейс». К сожалению, в середине 18-го века новый владелец особняка избавился от всего, что напоминало о Шекспире — тем самым он хотел отвадить туристов, которые все ... Читать далее...
  9. Перевод слова noteNote — заметка, записка; банкнта Перевод слова Critical notes — критические заметки short-hand notes — стенограмма notes on Tacitus — комментарии к Тациту a note of thanks — благодарственное письмо Did you read my Note? — Uh-huh. Ты читала мою записку? — Угу. Can you change a £20 Note? Вы можете разменять банкноту в 20 ... Читать далее...
  10. One night, at the lodge of a hunting clubOne night, at the lodge of a hunting club, two new members were being introduced to other members and shown around. The man leading them around said, «See that old man asleep in the chair by the fire — place? He is our oldest member and can tell you some hunting stories you’ll never forget.» ... Читать далее...
  11. A little girl was playing up a tree near a churchA little girl was playing up a tree near a church. The priest was taking a walk when he happened to look up the tree and saw the little girl. She had no panties on. He called her down and gave her money to buy a pair of panties. The girl was so happy and ... Читать далее...
  12. Christmas tree betterReasons Why a Christmas Tree Is Better Than a Woman» A Christmas tree doesn’t care how many other Christmas trees you have had in the past. A Christmas tree doesn’t care if you have an artificial one in the closet. When you are done with a Christmas tree you can throw it on the curb ... Читать далее...
  13. Перевод слова treeTree — дерево Перевод слова To decorate a Christmas tree — наряжать елку to dig up a tree — выкопать дерево to fit a tree — подрубать дерево The car struck the Tree. Автомобиль врезался в дерево. Monkeys live in Trees. Обезьяны живут на деревьях. The Tree was about to fall. Дерево чуть не упало....
  14. Asking Someone OutI walked into the coffee room and saw that Brad was writing something on a piece of paper. When he saw me come in, he Slipped the note Out of sight. Trisha: Hey, What’s up? Brad: Oh, Nothing. Trisha: What were you writing? Brad: (Laugh) All right. You Caught me in the act. I finally ... Читать далее...
  15. Collection 06We hear you are a lady killer. They take one look at you and die of fright!! We heard that when you ran away from home your folks sent you a note saying, «Do not come home and all will be forgiven». You have a good family tree, but the crop is a failure. I ... Читать далее...
  16. Перевод слова blank noteBlank note — бумага для записей Происхождение слова blank note Фраза образована из слов Blank (пустой, незаполненный) и Note (заметка). rel=»nofollow»>...
  17. Перевод слова animalAnimal — животное, зверь Перевод слова Dumb animal — бессловесная тварь animal fat — животный жир free animal — животное, находящееся на свободе Man is a rational Animal. Человек — это разумное животное. She loves all kinds of Animals. Она любит все виды животных. The Animal died a painful death. Животное умерло мучительной смертью. Примеры ... Читать далее...
  18. One day the teacher decides to play an animal gameOne day the teacher decides to play an animal game. She holds up a picture of a giraffe and asks if anyone knows what it is. No one raises his/her hand. The teacher says «See it’s long neck? What animal has a long neck?» Sally holds up her hand and asks if it is a ... Читать далее...
  19. Competition of a nationThe Americans and Russians at the height of the arms race realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world. One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They’d have five years to breed the best fighting dog ... Читать далее...
  20. Nutrition InformationFor those of you who watch what you eat… Here’s the final word on nutrition and health. It’s a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting medical studies. 1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. 2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat ... Читать далее...
  21. Перевод слова happyHappy — счастливый, веселый, удачный Перевод слова Happy man — счастливец happy tears — слезы счастья happy guess — правильная догадка Happy birthday! С днем рождения! I’m very Happy for you. Я так рад за тебя. I account myself Happy. Я считаю себя счастливым....
  22. Значение идиомы big daddy[big daddy] {n.}, {slang}, {informal} The most important, largest thing, person or animal in a congregation of similar persons, animals, or objects. The whale is the big daddy of everything that swims in the ocean. The H-bomb is the big daddy of all modern weapons. Al Capone was the big daddy of organized crime in ... Читать далее...
  23. Перевод слова tariffTariff — тариф, пошлина Перевод слова Tariff concessions — тарифные уступки statutory tariff — установленный законом тариф to pay a tariff — платить по тарифным ставкам This service is not Tariffed. Эта услуга нетарифицирована. America wants to eliminate Tariffs on items such as electronics. Америка хочет отменить пошлину на такие товары, как электроника. A stiff ... Читать далее...
  24. Перевод слова imposeImpose — налагать, возлагать, навязывать Перевод слова To impose a tax on wine — ввести налог на вино to impose oneself where not invited — навязываться без приглашения to impose new restrictions — налагать новые ограничения A special tax is Imposed on very high incomes. Специальный налог налагается на очень высокие доходы. I have no ... Читать далее...
  25. This is one smart dogA butcher is leaning on the counter toward the close of day when a dog with a basket in its jaws comes pushing through the door. «An’ wot’s this then?» he asked. The dog knocks the basket sharply into the butcher’s shins. «You dumb dog.» As he reaches down to smack the dog, he notices ... Читать далее...
  26. Значение идиомы take note of[take note of] or [take notice of] {v. phr.} 1. To look carefullyat; pay close attention to; observe well. A detective is trained totake note of people and things. 2. To notice and act in response; payattention. Two boys were talking together in the back of the roombut the teacher took no notice of them. ... Читать далее...
  27. It’s Christmas time and Paddy and Shaun decided to go lookIt’s Christmas time and Paddy and Shaun decided to go look for a Christmas Tree. They gathered their axe, a sled, and a broom to brush the trees off so they can get a good look at them. When they finally reach a fine stand of trees, Shaun brushes off the first tree, and stands ... Читать далее...
  28. Значение идиомы up a tree[up a tree] {adv.} or {adj. phr.} 1. Hunted or chased into a tree;treed. The dog drove the coon up a tree so the hunter could shoothim. 2. {informal} in trouble; having problems; in a difficulty thatit is hard to escape or think of a way out of. John’s father hashim up a tree in ... Читать далее...
  29. Confuse Santa Claus1. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds. 2. While he’s in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket. 3. Leave him a note, explaining that you’ve gone away for the holidays. Ask ... Читать далее...
  30. A lawyer returns to his parked BMW to find the headlights brokenA lawyer returns to his parked BMW to find the headlights broken and his front bumper smashed. There’s no sign of the offending vehicle, but he’s relieved to see that there’s a note stuck under the windshield wiper. The lawyer picks up the note. «Sorry. I just backed into your Beemer. The witnesses who saw ... Читать далее...
  31. Значение идиомы I. O. U[I. O. U.] {adj. phr.} I owe you, abbreviated; a promissory note. I had to borrow some money from John and, in order to remind both ofus, I wrote him an I. O. U. note for $250....
  32. A little boy squirrel and a little girl squirrelA little boy squirrel and a little girl squirrel were chattering and playing around when up comes a fox. The girl squirrel dashed up a tree, but the boy squirrel stayed on the ground. «That’s strange,» said the fox. «Usually squirrels are afraid of me and run to the nearest tree.» «Listen, bud,» replied the ... Читать далее...
  33. A peasant was standing in a field chatting to a bullA pheasant was standing in a field chatting to a bull. «I would love to be able to get to the top of yonder tree», sighed the pheasant, «but I haven»t got the energy». Well, why don»t you nibble on some of my droppings?» replied the bull. «They»re packed with nutrients». The pheasant pecked at ... Читать далее...
  34. Значение идиомы honeymoon is over[honeymoon is over] The first happy period of friendship andcooperation between two persons or groups is over. A few monthsafter a new President is elected, the honeymoon is over and Congressand the President begin to criticize each other. The honeymoon wassoon over for the new foreman and the men under him....
  35. Neighborhood jokes1) Got a neighbor that’s a real pain in the ass? Do they have a lawn? Do they have a garden that’s accessible? Yes to all the above? Great! Go out and get yourself some grass-killer and fill the suckers hose with the stuff. Then sit back and wait for them water their lawn! Nuff ... Читать далее...
  36. MICHAEL KENNEDYWhat’s the difference between John Denver and Michael Kennedy? John Denver made it alive out of Aspen. Has Elton John re-written any of his songs for Michael Kennedy? Not yet, but he’s done one about the tree: «I’m Still Standing» How can you be sure that Michael was really a Kennedy? Check the family tree. ... Читать далее...
  37. My Favourite HolidayВ топике Мой любимый праздник – я расскажу о праздниках в нашей стране и о Новом годе – моем самом любимом празднике. Среди многих праздников (1 Мая, 8 Марта, День Независимости России, День Конституции России и многих других), больше всего я люблю Новый год, отмечаемый 31 декабря. Для меня этот праздник – долгожданный день чудес, ... Читать далее...
  38. Перевод идиомы the upper hand, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: the upper hand Перевод: превосходство, господство Пример: The union members have the upper hand in their negotiations with the company. У членов союза есть превосходство в переговорах с компанией....
  39. The Video RentalA blonde named Mary decides to do something really wild. Something she hasn’t done before, so she goes out to rent her first X-rated adult video. She goes to the video store, and after looking around for a while, selects a title that sounds very stimulating. She drives home, lights some candles, slips into something ... Читать далее...
  40. FBI Now Tracks Animal Abuse Just Like Homicides, Arson and AssaultBecause if you abuse animals, there’s a chance you abuse people, too. The FBI is more serious than ever about tracking those who abuse innocent animals. For the first time ever this year, the FBI will collect data on animal cruelty crimes via its National Incident-Based Reporting System (NIBRS). In doing so, the bureau has ... Читать далее...

An inoffensive Chrismas