An elderly patient needed a heart transplant

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1. A suitable transplantA fellow is walking into a hospital and sees two doctors down on their hands and knees in one of the flower beds. He goes over and says, «Can I help? Have you lost something?» «No,» says one of the doctors. «We’re about to do a heart transplant on an accountant and we’re looking for ... Читать далее...
2. My heart setA certain old gentleman thought his eyesight was going bad, and he was advised to go to see an eye doctor. He goes in to see the doctor, and the doctor said, «All right, let’s check you out. You sit down here on this stool. You put your right hand over your right eye and ... Читать далее...
3. Three elderly men are at the doctor for a memory testThree elderly men are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to the first man, «What is three times three?» «274,» was his reply. The doctor says to the second man, «It’s your turn. What is three times three?» «Tuesday,» replies the second man. The doctor says to the third man, «Okay, ... Читать далее...
4. Перевод слова patientPatient — пациент Перевод слова Refer a patient to a specialist — направить больного к специалисту chronic patient — человек, страдающий хроническим заболеванием acute patient — больной в тяжелом состоянии The Patient made a quick recovery. Пациент быстро выздоравливал. The Patient cannot walk yet. Пациент пока что не может ходить. The Patient was attended by ... Читать далее...
5. The aged patient doddered intoThe aged patient doddered into the doctor’s office with a serious complaint. «Doc, you’ve got to do something to lower my sex drive.» «Come on now Mr Peters,» the doctor said, «your sex drives all in your head.» «Thats what I mean, you’ve got to lower it a little.»...
6. Doctor-Patient ConfidentialityDr. Green: Can I Consult you on a case of Medical ethics? Dr. Hause: Sure, I’m not a lawyer, but I can give you my opinion as another doctor. Dr. Green: That’s what I’m looking for, your honest opinion. I have a Patient who has a medical condition that can be Spread to her family, ... Читать далее...
7. An elderly couple walk into a doctor officeAn elderly couple walk into a doctor’s office. The man tells the doctor, «Doctor, we want to have a baby.» The doctor replies,»At your age I don’t think it’s possible, but I’ll give you a jar, come back in a few days with a sperm sample.» So the couple comes back a few days later. ... Читать далее...
8. After a bad accidentPatient: I’m in a hospital! Why am I in here? Doctor: You’ve had an accident involving a train. Patient: What happened? Doctor: Well, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first? Patient: Well… The bad news first… Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we had ... Читать далее...
9. The good and the badPatient: I’m in a hospital! Why am I in here? Doctor: You’ve had an accident involving a bus. Patient: What happened? Doctor: Well, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first? Patient: Give me the bad news first. Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we ... Читать далее...
10. The following statements were found on patient chartsThe following statements were found on patient’s charts during a recent review of medical records. These statements were written by various health care professionals including (we’re afraid) a doctor or two at several major hospitals: «The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.» «Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.» «The skin was moist ... Читать далее...
11. Crazy people talkA doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient’s room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half. Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet. The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The patient ... Читать далее...
12. A prostitute goes to the hospital to visit a colleagueA prostitute goes to the hospital to visit a colleague who is about to have a heart transplant. She’s worried about the friend so she asks the doctor: Girlfriend: I’m worried about my friend doc, what if her body rejects the organ? Doctor: Well she’s 36 years old and healthy. How long has she been ... Читать далее...
13. An elderly couple, still very loving after all these yearsAn elderly couple, still very loving after all these years, is shocked when the woman’s doctor says she has a heart condition that could kill her at any time. She is to avoid stress, eat right, and never, ever have sex again — the strain would be too much. The couple reluctantly try to live ... Читать далее...
14. An elderly man goes into a brothelAn elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is. «I’m 90 years old,» he says. «90!» replies the woman. «Don’t you realize you’ve had it?» «Oh, sorry,» says the old man, ... Читать далее...
15. Значение идиомы heart goes out to[heart goes out to] {formal} You feel very sorry for; you feel pityor sympathy for. — Used with a possessive. Frank’s heart went outto the poor children playing in the slum street. Our hearts wentout to the young mother whose child had died....
16. Значение идиомы heart-to-heart[heart-to-heart] {adj.} Speaking freely and seriously aboutsomething private. The father decided to have a heart-to-heart talkwith his son about smoking. She waited until they were alone soshe could have a heart-to-heart talk with him. Compare: MAN-TO-MAN....
17. Значение идиомы heart[heart] See: AFTER ONE’S OWN HEART, AT HEART, EAT ONE’S HEART OUT, BREAK ONE’S HEART, BY HEART, CHANGE OF HEART, CROSS ONE’S HEART, DOONE GOOD or DO ONE’S HEART GOOD, FIND IT IN ONE’S HEART, FROM THEBOTTOM OF ONE’S HEART or WITH ALL ONE’S HEART, FROM THE HEART, GET TOTHE HEART OF, HAVE A HEART, ... Читать далее...
18. Значение идиомы have a heart-to-heart talk[have a heart-to-heart talk] {v. phr.} To confide in someone withgreat intimacy. Jill and her mother had a heart-to-heart talkbefore she decided to move in with Andrew....
19. Перевод идиомы heart-to-heart, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: heart-to-heart Перевод: интимный, сердечный Пример: The couple had a heart-to-heart talk before they decided to get married. Перед тем, как эта пара решила пожениться, у них был сердечный разговор....
20. There was a young man in the Air ForceThere was a young man in the Air Force who was so well — endowed that it was bothering his knee. Three Air Force doctors and one Air Force nurse were in the operating room to remedy the situation. The first doctor said, «We’ll just take a big hunk off the end.» They discussed it ... Читать далее...
21. Значение идиомы not have the heart to[not have the heart to] {v. phr.} To not be insensitive or cruel. My boss did not have the heart to lay off two pregnant women whenthey most needed their jobs....
22. HEGSThe Doctor tells his patient that he has H-E-G-S «What’s that?», the patient asks. «It’s a combination of Herpes, Encephalitis, Gonorrhea and Syphyllis.» The patient wants to know if there’s a cure, to which the Doctor responds, «We have to keep you in a hospital room and feed you nothing but pancackes.» «Why only pancackes?», ... Читать далее...
23. A dentist is talking to his patient about the sanitaryA dentist is talking to his patient about the sanitary problems some of his fellow dentists were facing. He said that one of his friends was touring a latex glove factory in Mexico, and saw how they make the gloves. One person would stick his hand in the melted latex, walk over to a vat ... Читать далее...
24. A large differenceA man went to the doctor’s. The doctor came in and said, «Well, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that you have an inoperable brain tumor. The good news is our hospital has just been certified to do brain transplants and there has been an accident right out ... Читать далее...
25. An elderly Yuppie boasted to his guests«Look at me.» an elderly Yuppie boasted to his guests at his birthday bash. «I’ve aged like a fine old carefully stored wine.» «I certainly have to agree with that.» piped-up his obviously long suffering wife. «Henry’s cork’s been stationary for years.»...
26. Two elderly Southern women are sitting on the verandaTwo elderly Southern women are sitting on the veranda sipping lemonade and reminiscing about old times. One says to the other, «Darling, do you remember the minuet?» The other replies, «Sweetheart, I can’t even remember the ones I screwed!»...
27. Seems this elderly couple went to the clinicSeems this elderly couple went to the clinic and asked to be tested for HIV. When the counselor asked why they felt that they should be tested at their age, the old man said,»Well, we heard on TV that people should be tested after annual sex!»...
28. A dyslexic nurseTwo doctors were in a hospital hallway one day complaining about Nurse Jenny. «She’s incredibly dumb. She does everything absolutely backwards.» said one doctor. «Just last week, I told her to give a patient 2 milligrams of percocet every 10 hours. She gave him 10 milligrams every 2 hours. He nearly died on us!» The ... Читать далее...
29. Nauseous sexPatient: Doctor I’m having trouble having sex with my wife. When I get close enough to her, I get nauseous. When I insert, even an inch or two, I get sick to my stomach. Doctor: Hmmmm, that does sound serious. Let me see it. Patient sticks out his tongue…...
30. Перевод слова athleteAthlete — атлет, спортсмен Перевод слова Athlete with lots of upside — спортсмен, с хорошими данными amateur athlete — спортсмен-любитель professional athlete — спортсмен-профессионал She was quite an Athlete as a child. Она была неплохим спортсменом для ребенка. He shows enormous potential as an Athlete. Он показывает огромный потенциал, как спортсмен. Интересные факты «Athlete» — ... Читать далее...
31. Значение идиомы have a heart[have a heart] {v. phr.}, {informal} To stop being mean; be kind, generous, or sympathetic. Have a heart, Bob, and lend me twodollars. Have a heart, Mary, and help me with this lesson. Hedidn’t know if the teacher would have a heart and pass him....
32. Значение идиомы take to heart[take to heart] also [lay to heart] {v. phr.} To be seriouslyaffected by; to feel deeply. He took his brother’s death very muchto heart. He took his friend’s advice to heart....
33. Перевод идиомы from the bottom of one’s heart, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: from the bottom of one’s heart Перевод: с настоящими, неподдельными чувствами; искренне Пример: I thanked the doctor from the bottom of my heart for helping my daughter when she was sick. Я искренне поблагодарил врача за то, что он помог моей дочери, когда он была больна....
34. Значение идиомы heart skip a beat[heart skip a beat] or [heart miss a beat] 1. The heart leaves outor seems to leave out a beat; the heart beats hard or leaps fromexcitement or strong feeling. — Often considered trite. When Paulsaw the bear standing in front of him, his heart skipped a beat. 2.To be startled or excited from surprise, ... Читать далее...
35. An elderly couple in a senior homeAn elderly couple in a senior’s home used to visit the recreation room everyday. While there, the old lady would sit quite contently holding the old guys’s penis. One day she goes down to the rec. room and is mortified to find her man with another women holding his penis. «What’s she got that I ... Читать далее...
36. An elderly woman entered a large furniture storeAn elderly woman entered a large furniture store and was greeted by a much younger salesman. «Is there something in particular I can show you?» he asked. «Yes, I want to buy a sexual sofa.» «You mean a sectional sofa,» he suggested. «Sectional schmectional.» she bitterly retorted. «All I want is an occasional piece in ... Читать далее...
37. This elderly woman passed a police van loading up the girlsThis elderly woman passed a police van loading up the girls from a local brothel, and as she passed by, she asked one girl what the lineup was for. the girl shrugged and said, jokingly, «cough drops» and snickered. Just then the cop approached the old gal and said, «What are you doing here, m’am?» ... Читать далее...
38. Значение идиомы open heart[open heart] {n.} 1. No hiding of your feelings; frankness;freedom. She spoke with an open heart of her warm feelings for herpupils. She told her troubles with an open heart. Compare: HEARTON ONE’S SLEEVE. 2. Kindness; generosity. She contributed to thefund with an open heart. Mr. Jones has an open heart forunderprivileged children. Compare: OPEN ... Читать далее...
39. A stuttering problemA man visits the doctor’s because he has a severe stuttering problem. After a thorough examination, the doctor consults with the patient. Doctor: ‘It appears that the reason for your stuttering is that your penis is about six inches too long and it is thus pulling on your vocal cords, and thereby causing you this ... Читать далее...
40. Пословица / поговорка advice is least heeded when most needed — перевод и значение, пример использованияПословица / поговорка: advice is least heeded when most needed Перевод: на советы меньше всего обращают внимание, когда они больше всего нужны Пример: Advice is leas heeded when most needed, and he never followed any of my advice, even though it was always very useful. На советы меньше всего обращают внимание, когда они больше всего ... Читать далее...