An army private went to see the Medical Captain for a new

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1. A marine general, an army general and a navy admiral A marine general, an army general and a navy admiral were discussing who had the toughest men. The army general says, “Alright, I’ll prove the army has the toughest men in the country. Private, get over here!” The private reports as ordered, “Yes sir?” The general says, “See that man over there? Kill him!” Without […]...
2. Scheduling a Medical Appointment I needed to make an Appointment with a doctor so I called my Health plan‘s phone number for new Patients. Before I could schedule my appointment, I had to listen to several recorded messages to be Routed to the right medical office. The recording said to Stay on the line for assistance. Clerk: Hello, Western […]...
3. The Army Airborne major was used to harassment The Army Airborne major was used to harassment from Air Force fliers about crazy Army paratroopers jumping out of perfectly good aircraft. “Obviously the Air Force knows there’s no such thing as a ‘perfectly good aircraft,'” the irritated officer finally countered one afternoon, “because they pay you bastards four times as much to stay in […]...
4. Перевод слова captain Captain – капитан Перевод слова To hold the rank of captain – иметь звание капитана captain’s shoulder straps – погоны капитана captain’s mate – помощник капитана They chose her as Captain. Ее выбрали капитаном. A general ranks a Captain. Генерал выше по званию, чем капитан. Captain is in close arrest. Капитан находится под строгим арестом. […]...
5. Army fitness report British Military Officer Fitness Reports The British Military writes OFR’s (officer fitness reports). The form used for Royal Navy and Marines fitness reports is the S206. The following are actual excerpts taken from people’s “206’s”…. – His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity. – I would not breed from this Officer. […]...
6. A disabled sea captain An old sea captain with one wooden leg, one hook replacing a missing hand, and one missing eye goes into a bar. The sailor sitting next to him says, “You’re really in bad shape. What happened to your leg?” “I fell overboard,” says the Captain, “and before my mates could pull me aboard, a shark […]...
7. Перевод слова medical Medical – медицинский, врачебный Перевод слова Medical dictionary – медицинский словарь medical facilities – медицинские учреждения medical malpractice – медицинская небрежность He was retired on Medical grounds. Его отправили в отставку по состоянию здоровья. Diseases unwritten in Medical books. Болезни, незафиксированные в медицинских книгах. Before the Medical exam, you must fast. Перед медосмотром вы должны […]...
8. A merchant captain and several of his officers A merchant captain and several of his officers were returning to the ship after a big night ashore. As they climbed the gangway the captain threw up all over himself. Pointing to an apprentice seaman above him he shouted, “Give that man five days in the brig for vomiting on me!” The following morning the […]...
9. Перевод слова private Private – частный, личный Перевод слова Private dwelling – частное жилье private entrepreneur – частный предприниматель private secretary – личный секретарь for my private use – для моего личного пользования Morris has a Private jet. У Морисса есть личный самолет. I need to speak to you in Private. Мне нужно поговорить с вами наедине. It’s […]...
10. There is a guy from ARMY driving from West Point to the Meadowlands There’s a guy from ARMY driving from West Point to the Meadowlands, a guy from the NAVY was driving from Annapolis to the Meadowlands, and an Air Force guy who’s driving from McGwire in South Jerz to the Meadowlands just to watch the Jets. In the middle of the night with no other cars on […]...
11. Перевод слова army Army – армия Перевод слова Army brass – командующий армией to organize an army – создать армию to raise an army – собрать армию I was an Army brat. Я была армия, брат. The Army was disranked. Армия была дезорганизована. The Army surged forward Армия рванулась вперед. Интересные факты In the Army Now – семнадцатый […]...
12. During an Army war game During an Army war game, a commanding officer’s jeep got stuck in the mud. The C. O. saw some men lounging around nearby and asked them to help him get unstuck. “Sorry sir,” said one of the loafers, “but we’ve been classified dead and the umpire said we couldn’t contribute in any way.” The C. […]...
13. A drill instructor at Airborne school was A drill instructor at Airborne school was lecturing a group of new troops on making a proper jump. He told them: “When I yell Stand Up, you Stand Up. When I yell hook up, you hook up. When you go out the door, yell ‘Geronimo!’ and wait for your shoot to open. Got It? Good, […]...
14. Значение идиомы in private [in private] {adj.} or {adv. phr.} Not openly or in public; apartfrom others; confidentially; secretly. Mr. Jones waited until theywere home in private before he punished his son. The teacher toldSusan that she wanted to talk to her in private after class. Compare:IN SECRET. Contrast: IN PUBLIC....
15. A Scottish private walks into the pharmacy A Scottish private walks into the pharmacy near his bases, pulls a beat-up, mutilated condom out of his pocket, and asks the pharmacist how much it would cost to repair the condom. The pharmacist replied that including replacing the band and spot welding the holes, it would cost 26 pence, but that for 29 pence, […]...
16. A police officer came upon a terrible wreck A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey and said “I wish you could talk.” The monkey looked up at […]...
17. There was this hooker who mistook a Salvation Army man for There was this hooker who mistook a Salvation Army man for a soldier and propositioned him. The Salvation Army gent said, “Ma’am, you may be forgiven, as a pitiable victim of circumstances. Tell me, are you familiar with the concept of ‘original sin’?” The hooker replied, “Well, maybe and maybe not. But if it’s “really” […]...
18. Army needs new recruits Top Ways The Army Is Trying To Boost Recruiting 8. Military transport flights now earn you Delta frequent flier miles 7. Where else can you shoot guns and get awakened in the middle of the night by loud explosions besides New York, Chicago and Detroit? 6. Get rid of all those creepy “Richard Simmons Wants […]...
19. The man at the bar, deep in private thoughts of his own The man at the bar, deep in private thoughts of his own, turned to a woman just passing and said, “Pardon me, miss, do you happen to have the time?” In a strident voice she responded, “How dare you make such a proposition to me?” The man snapped to attention in surprise and was uncomfortable […]...
20. Piano Q: What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A: A flat minor. Q: What do you get if you run over an army officer with a steam roller? A: A flat major. Q: What do you say to an army officer as you’re about to run him or her […]...
21. Problems with Drugs and Medical Devices Suzanne: Don’t take that! I’m reading an article in the newspaper about all of the Drugs and Medical devices that have been Recalled in the past year and you wouldn’t believe how long this list is. Abdul: I’m just taking something for my headache. I’m sure this Medicine is fine. Suzanne: Don’t be so sure. […]...
22. Johnny Depp: Why I Travel With My Captain Jack Sparrow Costume We’ve heard about Johnny Depp visiting children’s hospitals dressed as Captain Jack Sparrow, but who knew he actually has the Pirates of the Caribbean costume with him at all times? “Sometimes you go to kiddie hospitals and things like that,” the actor explained while promoting his latest flick, The Lone Ranger. “I’ll just sneak in […]...
23. Being Affectionate in Public Nelly: Look at that Couple over there. What they’re doing is Indecent! Sadat: Where? Oh, you mean those two people Hugging and Kissing? That’s not indecent. Nelly: They’re not just hugging and kissing. That girl is Sitting on her boyfriend’s lap and they’re Making out in the middle of a Public place. They need To […]...
24. Clinton administration medical dictionary Acute: Opposite of an ugly Artery: The study of paintings Bacteria: Back door of a cafeteria Barium: What doctors do to dead patients Benign: What you are after you’re eight. Bowel: Letter like A, E, I, O, or U Cat scan: Searching for a kitty Cauterize: Made eye contact with her Cesarean Section: Neighborhood in […]...
25. Перевод идиомы in private, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: in private Перевод: наедине, частным образом Пример: The meeting was held in private in the office of the school principal. Собрание прошло за закрытыми дверями в офисе директора школы....
26. Duties will be the same As a result of an internal investigation, one of the Duty Officer’s stunning, blonde staffers was transferred to an obscure base in Utah. The woman reported to her new Commanding Officer and handed him her orders. He glanced at them and said, “Well Private, your duties here will be pretty much the same as your […]...
27. Getting Access to Restricted Areas Security officer: Excuse me, sir, but this is a Restricted area. Only Authorized personnel are Permitted. Carl: I just want to take a quick look. Is this really where the president will be speaking? Security officer: I can Neither confirm nor deny that, sir. Please step aside. Carl: What if I have Press credentials? Could […]...
28. The Captain’s Story на английском языке писателя Mark Twain There was a good deal of pleasant gossip about old Captain ‘Hurricane’ Jones, of the Pacific Ocean-peace to his ashes! Two or three of us present had known him; I, particularly well, for I had made four sea – voyages with him. He was a very remarkable man. He was born on a ship; he […]...
29. The medical student was asked four reasons The medical student was asked four reasons why mother’s milk was better for babies than cow’s milk. This is the answer he submitted: 1. It’s fresher. 2. It’s cleaner. 3. The cats can’t get to it. 4. It’s easier to take on a picnic. He also added: “It comes in such cute containers.”...
30. Touring Washington A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time. She wanted to see the Capitol building. Unfortunately, she couldn’t find it, so she asked a police officer for directions, “Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Capitol building?” The officer replied, “Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus. […]...
31. How Army policy began This is Army policy all begins… Start with a cage containing five apes. In the cage, hang a banana on a string and put stairs under it. Before long, an ape will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the Banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the apes […]...
32. A little girl was playing up a tree near a church A little girl was playing up a tree near a church. The priest was taking a walk when he happened to look up the tree and saw the little girl. She had no panties on. He called her down and gave her money to buy a pair of panties. The girl was so happy and […]...
33. Time for the wedding A police officer stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. “But officer,” the man began, “I can explain.” “Just be quiet,” snapped the officer. “I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.” “But, officer, I just wanted to say,” “And I said to keep quiet! You’re […]...
34. Red shirt Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, “Bring me my red shirt!” The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain’s red shirt, which the captain put on and […]...
35. When the formal private briefing of the attractive new teacher When the formal private briefing of the attractive new teacher by the vice-principal was finished, the vice-principal took a few puffs on his pipe and said, “I have an informal piece of advice for you, Miss Bell. There’s only one way you can get along in this school without submitting to the sexual advances of […]...
36. Too much speeding A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. “But, officer,” the man began, “I can explain” “Just be quiet,” snapped the officer. “I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.” “But, officer, I just wanted to say” “And I said […]...
37. Chief is at a wedding A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. “But officer,” the man began, “I can explain.” “Just be quiet,” snapped the officer. “I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.” “But, officer, I just wanted to say,” “And I said […]...
38. Medical Higher Education in Russia Топик Медицинское высшее образование в России рассказывает о процессе обучения в учебных заведениях сферы здравоохранения. Он включает в себя теоретическую и клиническую подготовку студентов. На 1-ом курсе много внимания уделяется фундаментальным теоретическим наукам, со 2-го семестра начинается практика в больницах. Со 2-го курса обучения студенты начинают изучать вводный курс внутренних болезней и многие другие клинические […]...
39. This lady who was living in New York City had to get back This lady who was living in New York City had to get back to her old country but she was broke. One day she wandered down to the docks and spotted a worker getting ready to load supplies onto a boat. “Please I need to get back to England” she pleaded. “If you sneak me […]...
40. Why Jim Smith Lost His First Love Jim Smith wished to buy a present for his first sweetheart, and after careful consideration he decided on a pair of gloves. Accompanied by his sweetheart’s sister, he went to a department store and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, the items got […]...