An army private went to see the Medical Captain for a new

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1. A marine general, an army general and a navy admiralA marine general, an army general and a navy admiral were discussing who had the toughest men. The army general says, «Alright, I’ll prove the army has the toughest men in the country. Private, get over here!» The private reports as ordered, «Yes sir?» The general says, «See that man over there? Kill him!» Without ... Читать далее...
2. Перевод слова captainCaptain — капитан Перевод слова To hold the rank of captain — иметь звание капитана captain’s shoulder straps — погоны капитана captain’s mate — помощник капитана They chose her as Captain. Ее выбрали капитаном. A general ranks a Captain. Генерал выше по званию, чем капитан. Captain is in close arrest. Капитан находится под строгим арестом. ... Читать далее...
3. A disabled sea captainAn old sea captain with one wooden leg, one hook replacing a missing hand, and one missing eye goes into a bar. The sailor sitting next to him says, «You’re really in bad shape. What happened to your leg?» «I fell overboard,» says the Captain, «and before my mates could pull me aboard, a shark ... Читать далее...
4. Перевод слова medicalMedical — медицинский, врачебный Перевод слова Medical dictionary — медицинский словарь medical facilities — медицинские учреждения medical malpractice — медицинская небрежность He was retired on Medical grounds. Его отправили в отставку по состоянию здоровья. Diseases unwritten in Medical books. Болезни, незафиксированные в медицинских книгах. Before the Medical exam, you must fast. Перед медосмотром вы должны ... Читать далее...
5. A merchant captain and several of his officersA merchant captain and several of his officers were returning to the ship after a big night ashore. As they climbed the gangway the captain threw up all over himself. Pointing to an apprentice seaman above him he shouted, «Give that man five days in the brig for vomiting on me!» The following morning the ... Читать далее...
6. Scheduling a Medical AppointmentI needed to make an Appointment with a doctor so I called my Health plan‘s phone number for new Patients. Before I could schedule my appointment, I had to listen to several recorded messages to be Routed to the right medical office. The recording said to Stay on the line for assistance. Clerk: Hello, Western ... Читать далее...
7. Перевод слова privatePrivate — частный, личный Перевод слова Private dwelling — частное жилье private entrepreneur — частный предприниматель private secretary — личный секретарь for my private use — для моего личного пользования Morris has a Private jet. У Морисса есть личный самолет. I need to speak to you in Private. Мне нужно поговорить с вами наедине. It’s ... Читать далее...
8. Перевод слова armyArmy — армия Перевод слова Army brass — командующий армией to organize an army — создать армию to raise an army — собрать армию I was an Army brat. Я была армия, брат. The Army was disranked. Армия была дезорганизована. The Army surged forward Армия рванулась вперед. Интересные факты In the Army Now — семнадцатый ... Читать далее...
9. The Army Airborne major was used to harassmentThe Army Airborne major was used to harassment from Air Force fliers about crazy Army paratroopers jumping out of perfectly good aircraft. «Obviously the Air Force knows there’s no such thing as a ‘perfectly good aircraft,'» the irritated officer finally countered one afternoon, «because they pay you bastards four times as much to stay in ... Читать далее...
10. There is a guy from ARMY driving from West Point to the MeadowlandsThere’s a guy from ARMY driving from West Point to the Meadowlands, a guy from the NAVY was driving from Annapolis to the Meadowlands, and an Air Force guy who’s driving from McGwire in South Jerz to the Meadowlands just to watch the Jets. In the middle of the night with no other cars on ... Читать далее...
11. Значение идиомы in private[in private] {adj.} or {adv. phr.} Not openly or in public; apartfrom others; confidentially; secretly. Mr. Jones waited until theywere home in private before he punished his son. The teacher toldSusan that she wanted to talk to her in private after class. Compare:IN SECRET. Contrast: IN PUBLIC....
12. A Scottish private walks into the pharmacyA Scottish private walks into the pharmacy near his bases, pulls a beat-up, mutilated condom out of his pocket, and asks the pharmacist how much it would cost to repair the condom. The pharmacist replied that including replacing the band and spot welding the holes, it would cost 26 pence, but that for 29 pence, ... Читать далее...
13. There was this hooker who mistook a Salvation Army man forThere was this hooker who mistook a Salvation Army man for a soldier and propositioned him. The Salvation Army gent said, «Ma’am, you may be forgiven, as a pitiable victim of circumstances. Tell me, are you familiar with the concept of ‘original sin’?» The hooker replied, «Well, maybe and maybe not. But if it’s «really» ... Читать далее...
14. Army needs new recruitsTop Ways The Army Is Trying To Boost Recruiting 8. Military transport flights now earn you Delta frequent flier miles 7. Where else can you shoot guns and get awakened in the middle of the night by loud explosions besides New York, Chicago and Detroit? 6. Get rid of all those creepy «Richard Simmons Wants ... Читать далее...
15. The man at the bar, deep in private thoughts of his ownThe man at the bar, deep in private thoughts of his own, turned to a woman just passing and said, «Pardon me, miss, do you happen to have the time?» In a strident voice she responded, «How dare you make such a proposition to me?» The man snapped to attention in surprise and was uncomfortable ... Читать далее...
16. Johnny Depp: Why I Travel With My Captain Jack Sparrow CostumeWe’ve heard about Johnny Depp visiting children’s hospitals dressed as Captain Jack Sparrow, but who knew he actually has the Pirates of the Caribbean costume with him at all times? «Sometimes you go to kiddie hospitals and things like that,» the actor explained while promoting his latest flick, The Lone Ranger. «I’ll just sneak in ... Читать далее...
17. Перевод идиомы in private, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: in private Перевод: наедине, частным образом Пример: The meeting was held in private in the office of the school principal. Собрание прошло за закрытыми дверями в офисе директора школы....
18. Being Affectionate in PublicNelly: Look at that Couple over there. What they’re doing is Indecent! Sadat: Where? Oh, you mean those two people Hugging and Kissing? That’s not indecent. Nelly: They’re not just hugging and kissing. That girl is Sitting on her boyfriend’s lap and they’re Making out in the middle of a Public place. They need To ... Читать далее...
19. A jealous husband hires a private detectiveA jealous husband hires a private detective to check up on his wife. The husband tells the detective, he wants both a written account and as many videos of her in any kind of compromising situations as the man can get. Two weeks later the detective calls the man and tells him he has all ... Читать далее...
20. The medical student was asked four reasonsThe medical student was asked four reasons why mother’s milk was better for babies than cow’s milk. This is the answer he submitted: 1. It’s fresher. 2. It’s cleaner. 3. The cats can’t get to it. 4. It’s easier to take on a picnic. He also added: «It comes in such cute containers.»...
21. The Captain’s Story на английском языке писателя Mark TwainThere was a good deal of pleasant gossip about old Captain ‘Hurricane’ Jones, of the Pacific Ocean-peace to his ashes! Two or three of us present had known him; I, particularly well, for I had made four sea — voyages with him. He was a very remarkable man. He was born on a ship; he ... Читать далее...
22. During an Army war gameDuring an Army war game, a commanding officer’s jeep got stuck in the mud. The C. O. saw some men lounging around nearby and asked them to help him get unstuck. «Sorry sir,» said one of the loafers, «but we’ve been classified dead and the umpire said we couldn’t contribute in any way.» The C. ... Читать далее...
23. How Army policy beganThis is Army policy all begins… Start with a cage containing five apes. In the cage, hang a banana on a string and put stairs under it. Before long, an ape will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the Banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the apes ... Читать далее...
24. A little girl was playing up a tree near a churchA little girl was playing up a tree near a church. The priest was taking a walk when he happened to look up the tree and saw the little girl. She had no panties on. He called her down and gave her money to buy a pair of panties. The girl was so happy and ... Читать далее...
25. When the formal private briefing of the attractive new teacherWhen the formal private briefing of the attractive new teacher by the vice-principal was finished, the vice-principal took a few puffs on his pipe and said, «I have an informal piece of advice for you, Miss Bell. There’s only one way you can get along in this school without submitting to the sexual advances of ... Читать далее...
26. Red shirtLong ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, «Bring me my red shirt!» The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain’s red shirt, which the captain put on and ... Читать далее...
27. GIRL’S CONFESSIONGIRL’S CONFESSION The priest leaned closer to hear the girl’s confession. «So me and my cousin were alone in the house,» she continued, «and went up to my bedroom…» «Go on, my child,» said the priest gently. «I lay down on the bed and Joe got on top of me and put his hand on ... Читать далее...
28. Medical Higher Education in RussiaТопик Медицинское высшее образование в России рассказывает о процессе обучения в учебных заведениях сферы здравоохранения. Он включает в себя теоретическую и клиническую подготовку студентов. На 1-ом курсе много внимания уделяется фундаментальным теоретическим наукам, со 2-го семестра начинается практика в больницах. Со 2-го курса обучения студенты начинают изучать вводный курс внутренних болезней и многие другие клинические ... Читать далее...
29. Problems with Drugs and Medical DevicesSuzanne: Don’t take that! I’m reading an article in the newspaper about all of the Drugs and Medical devices that have been Recalled in the past year and you wouldn’t believe how long this list is. Abdul: I’m just taking something for my headache. I’m sure this Medicine is fine. Suzanne: Don’t be so sure. ... Читать далее...
30. Why Jim Smith Lost His First LoveJim Smith wished to buy a present for his first sweetheart, and after careful consideration he decided on a pair of gloves. Accompanied by his sweetheart’s sister, he went to a department store and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, the items got ... Читать далее...
31. How Chuko Liang Used A Lute To Single-Handedly Defeat An Army Of 150,000During China’s Three Kingdoms period there was a brilliant general and master strategist of Shu Han named Chuko «Sleeping Dragon» Liang. During the War of the Three Kingdoms, he had sent a majority of his soldiers many miles away before he was alerted that an opposing army of 150,000 was headed towards the small town ... Читать далее...
32. British Private EducationSeven per cent of British schoolchildren go to private schools called independent schools. There are 2,400 independent schools and they have been growing in number and popularity since the mid-1980’s. Parents pay for these schools, and fees vary from about 250 pounds a term for a private nursery to 3,000 pounds a term or more ... Читать далее...
33. Значение идиомы look at the world through rose-colored glasses[look at the world through rose-colored glasses] or [see withrose-colored glasses] {v. phr.} To see everything as good andpleasant; not see anything hard or bad. When Jean graduated fromhigh school, she looked at the world through rose-colored glasses. If you see everything through rose-colored glasses, you will often bedisappointed....
34. Finish overseas tourA young ensign had nearly completed his first overseas tour of sea duty when he was given an opportunity to display his ability at getting the ship under way. With a stream of crisp commands, he had the decks buzzing with men. The ship steamed out of the channel and soon the port was far ... Читать далее...
35. Got something«Get this.» said the bloke to his mates, «Last night while I was down the pub with you guys, a burglar broke into my house. «Did he get anything.» his mates asked. «yeah, a broken jaw, six teeth knocked out, and a pair of broken nuts. The wife thought it was me coming home drunk.»...
36. Перевод идиомы sound like a broken record, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: sound like a broken record Перевод: говорить одно и то же снова и снова, как пластинка, которую заело Пример: The boy’s mother sounds like a broken record when she tells him to clean his room. Мать мальчика все повторяет, как пластинка, которую заело, чтобы он прибрал свою комнату....
37. One day a guy was driving with his 4-year-old daughterOne day a guy was driving with his 4-year-old daughter and beeped his car horn by mistake. She turned and looked at him for an explanation. He said, «I did that by accident.» She replied, «I know that, daddy.» He replied, «How’d you know?» The girl said, «Because you didn’t say ‘ASSHOLE!’ afterwards!»...
38. Перевод слова recordRecord — запись, регистрация, учет; записывать Перевод слова Record centre — документохранилище record clerk, record keeper — регистратор, делопроизводитель to record an earthquake — зарегистрировать землетрясение The group has just Recorded a new album. Группа только что записала новый альбом. My dad’s got a huge Record collection. У моего папы огромная коллекция аудиозаписей. All medical ... Читать далее...
39. Army fitness reportBritish Military Officer Fitness Reports The British Military writes OFR’s (officer fitness reports). The form used for Royal Navy and Marines fitness reports is the S206. The following are actual excerpts taken from people’s «206’s»…. — His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity. — I would not breed from this Officer. ... Читать далее...
40. A British Army colonel was reviewing the troops in colonial IndiaA British Army colonel was reviewing the troops in colonial India. One man he passed sported an enormous erection. «Sergeant-Major!» the colonel shouted.»Give this man 30 days compassionate home leave.» «Yessir,» the Sgt. Major replied. A few months later the same thing occurred with the same man. «Sergeant-Major! Give this man another 30 days compassionate ... Читать далее...