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1. Finding a Chinese JewSid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant. «Sid,» asked Al, «are there any Jews in China?» «I don’t know,» Sid replied. «Why don’t we ask the waiter?» When the waiter came by, Al asked him, «Are there any Chinese Jews?» «I don’t know sir, let me ask,» the waiter replied, and he went ... Читать далее...
2. Chaim escapes from a mental hospitalChaim escapes from a mental hospital and goes to the train station. He gets on the train and is seated next to a business man. He asks the man, «Are you Jewish?» The man says, «No.» Joe apologizes. Ten minutes later, he asks, «You wouldn’t happen to be Jewish would you?» The man replies, «No!» ... Читать далее...
3. At the Russian War College, the general is a guest lecturerAt the Russian War College, the general is a guest lecturer and tells the class of officers that the session will focus on potential problems and the resulting strategies. One of the officers in the class begins by asking the first question, «Will we have to fight a World War Three?» «Yes, comrades, looks like ... Читать далее...
4. A closer callThe Pilots One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit crew to show up so they can get under way. The pilot and co pilot finally appear in the rear of the plane, and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both ... Читать далее...
5. A plane was taking off from Kennedy AirportA plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, «Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and therefore we should have a smooth ... Читать далее...
6. A theological debateSeveral centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He would have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community. If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy, if the ... Читать далее...
7. A Jewish lady named Mrs. RosenbergA Jewish lady named Mrs. Rosenberg who many years ago was stranded late one night at a fashionable resort — one that did not admit Jews. The desk clerk looked down at his book and said, «Sorry, no room. The hotel is full.» The Jewish lady said, «But your sign says that you have vacancies.» ... Читать далее...
8. Jewish flyA man goes into a bar and sits down to have a drink….he notices that at the other end of the bar is the most attractive woman he has ever seen….he is immediately lust-struck and decides that he must have her….He leans over to the bartender and asks if the bartender has any Spanish-fly in ... Читать далее...
9. A Jewish couple, are sitting together on an airplane flyingA Jewish couple, are sitting together on an airplane flying to the Far East. Over the public address system, the Captain announces: «Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning, and this plane will be going down momentarily. Luckily, I see an island below us that ... Читать далее...
10. Red shirtLong ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, «Bring me my red shirt!» The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain’s red shirt, which the captain put on and ... Читать далее...
11. Перевод слова airplaneAirplane — самолет, аэроплан Перевод слова Airplane ambulance — санитарный самолет airplane luggage — чемоданы, сумки для авиапутешествий airplane is airborne — самолет находится в воздухе The Airplane landed to refuel. Самолет приземлился для дозаправки. An Airplane droned overhead. Самолет гудел над головой. Происхождение слова airplane Образовано от двух слов:...
12. In Jerusalem, a female journalist heard about a very old Jewish manIn Jerusalem, a female journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, everyday, for a long, long time. So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was! She watched him pray and after about ... Читать далее...
13. During the World War IIDuring the World War II, an American warship was attacked by the Japanese. A torpedo was heading towards the ship and a hit seemed inevitable. So the captain told the navigator to go down to the crew quarters and tell a joke or something — at least they would die laughing. The navigator went down ... Читать далее...
14. Значение идиомы go down[go down] {v. phr.} 1. To deteriorate in quality. This hotel, which used to be one of the best, has gone down during the past fewyears. 2. To become lower in price. It is said that the price ofmilk is expected to go down soon. 3. To sink. The Titanic wentdown with a lot of ... Читать далее...
15. Перевод слова JapaneseJapanese — Японский; японец, японка Перевод слова The Japanese — японцы the mores and culture of the Japanese — нравы и культура японцев top-ranking Japanese university — один из лучших университетов Японии busload of Japanese tourists — полный автобус японских туристов They were overbid by a Japanese firm. Японская фирма перебила им цену. Japanese cars ... Читать далее...
16. It was obviousAfter months of negotiation with the authorities, a Talmudist from Odessa was granted permission to visit Moscow. He boarded the train and found an empty seat. At the next stop a young man got on and sat next to him. The scholar looked at the young man and thought: This fellow doesn’t look like a ... Читать далее...
17. Перевод слова airportAirport — аэропорт Перевод слова Airport limousine — машина, нанимаемая в аэропорту on the way to the airport — по пути в аэропорт airport workload — загруженность аэропорта airport capacity — пропускная способность аэропорта The Airport was fogged in. Аэропорт был окутан туманом. I took a cab to the Airport. Я взял такси до аэропорта. ... Читать далее...
18. Перевод слова ChineseChinese — китаец, китаянка, китайский Перевод слова Chinese characters — китайские иероглифы the Chinese government — китайское правительство indo chinese — индокитайский She works in a Chinese takeaway. Она работает в ресторане китайской еды на вынос. We ordered some Chinese takeout. Мы заказали некоторые китайские блюда с собой. He is learning to speak Chinese. Он ... Читать далее...
19. Lost and FoundAirport employee: Hello, Portland Airport, Lost and Found. Lucas: Hello. I was a passenger on a SunCal Airlines flight yesterday and I think I left my keys on the plane. Airport employee: I see. To Claim the item, you have to fill out a Claim form. What did you lose again? Some Luggage? You’ll need ... Читать далее...
20. Going Through CustomsCustoms Officer: Your Passports, please. What is your Final destination? Ozkan: Los Angeles. Customs Officer: How long is your Stay? Ozkan: We’ll be there for a week. Customs Officer: What is the purpose of your trip? Ozkan: I’m going there on Business and my family is Accompanying me on vacation. Customs Officer: Who are you ... Читать далее...
21. He’s drunk at the barOne night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. The man sat in the front seat fumbling around with his ... Читать далее...
22. Перевод слова silenceSilence — молчание, тишина; заставить замолчать Перевод слова Dead silence — мертвая тишина to break the silence — нарушить тишину to silence a speaker — заставить оратора замолчать to silence a crying child — успокоить плачущего ребенка We waited in Silence. Мы молча ждали. A scream broke the Silence. Крик нарушил тишину. His Silence implied ... Читать далее...
23. A couple gets married, and thirty years later they’reA couple gets married, and thirty years later they’re in the same hotel, in the same room. She takes off all her clothes, lies back on the bed, and spreads her legs. Her husband starts to cry. She says, «What’s the matter?» He says, «Thirty years ago I couldn’t wait to eat it. Now it ... Читать далее...
24. Berkowitz is having a drink at his hotelBerkowitz is having a drink at his hotel when he spots a beautiful young woman at the other end of the bar. «Bartender,» he says, «give that lady whatever she likes, and put it on my tab.» When the drink is delivered, the woman gives Berkowitz a warm smile. A moment later he’s at her ... Читать далее...
25. This black guy is walking along a beach whenThis black guy is walking along a beach when he looks down a sees an antique lamp. Thinking that he’ll get enough money for another vial of crack, he takes the bottle home and starts to clean it. He starts rubbing the lamp, when all of a sudden a Jewish genie appears, and being a ... Читать далее...
26. Перевод слова captainCaptain — капитан Перевод слова To hold the rank of captain — иметь звание капитана captain’s shoulder straps — погоны капитана captain’s mate — помощник капитана They chose her as Captain. Ее выбрали капитаном. A general ranks a Captain. Генерал выше по званию, чем капитан. Captain is in close arrest. Капитан находится под строгим арестом. ... Читать далее...
27. A whole gaggle of Jewish ladies at a partyA whole gaggle of Jewish ladies at a party were discussing the problem of one of their daughters, who looked very much as though she were planning to marry a Gentile boy. Everyone was disturbed about it, and I could not help interrupting. «Why not?» said I. «Let her marry a Gentile boy. I’m all ... Читать далее...
28. An army private went to see the Medical Captain for a newAn army private went to see the Medical Captain for a new pair of glasses. The Captain looked in his book of record and said, «But you just got a new pair last month!» «Yes sir, b.. b.. but I got them b..broken in an accident,» stammered the private. «Accident, what kind of an accident?» ... Читать далее...
29. A teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly GatesRecently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question. St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, «What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They ... Читать далее...
30. Qualifying for HeavenRecently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question. St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, «What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They ... Читать далее...
31. How did they know that Jesus was Jewish?Q: How did they know that Jesus was Jewish? A: Because he lived at home until he was thirty, he went into his father’s business, his mother thought he was God, and he thought his mother was a virgin....
32. Two men and one womanLong, but pretty good: On a group of beautiful deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people are suddenly stranded by, as you might expect, a shipwreck: 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman 2 French men and 1 French woman 2 German men and 1 German woman 2 Greek men and 1 ... Читать далее...
33. Handling a Traffic StopI was having a great day until I saw the police car behind me with its loud Siren and lights Flashing. I Pulled off the road and waited for the officer to approach my car. Officer: May I see your Driver’s license, proof of insurance, and Car registration, please? Lindsay: Let me get them out ... Читать далее...
34. Three people were standing on the TitanicThree people were standing on the Titanic, An American, a Brit and an belgian. It was almost sinking. The captain told everyone to go into the liveboats. The Brit yelled «Women and children first». The American said «Screw the women and children» and the Belgian answered «Huh, do we have enough time left to do ... Читать далее...
35. Перевод слова officerOfficer — офицер, чиновник, должностное лицо Перевод слова Assistant officer — помощник должностного лица customs officer — таможенный чиновник non-combatant officer — офицер запаса flying control officer — диспетчер полетов The police Officer was directing traffic. Полицейский регулировал движение транспорта. No Officer was touched. Ни один офицер не был ранен. He is an Officer of ... Читать далее...
36. Перевод слова thirtyThirty — тридцать, тридцатый Перевод слова He is thirty — ему тридцать лет chapter thirty — тридцатая глава about thirty guests — около тридцати гостей She is on the sunny side of Thirty. Ей еще нет тридцати. He had sported away Thirty thousand lives. Он просто так отправил на смерть тридцать тысяч людей. These Thirty ... Читать далее...
37. One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy barOne night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving-under-the — influence laws. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. Then, sat in the front seat ... Читать далее...
38. Значение идиомы sink in[sink in] or [soak in] {v.}, {informal} To be completelyunderstood; be fully realized or felt. Everybody laughed at thejoke but Joe; it took a moment for it to sink in before he laughedtoo. When Frank heard that war had started, it didn’t sink in fora long time until his father was drafted into the army. ... Читать далее...
39. A disabled sea captainAn old sea captain with one wooden leg, one hook replacing a missing hand, and one missing eye goes into a bar. The sailor sitting next to him says, «You’re really in bad shape. What happened to your leg?» «I fell overboard,» says the Captain, «and before my mates could pull me aboard, a shark ... Читать далее...
40. A waitress walks up to one of her tables inA waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New York City restaurant and notices that the three Japanese businessmen seated there are furiously masturbating. She yells, «What the hell do you guys think you are doing?» One of the Japanese men explains, «Can’t you see? We are all berry hungry.» The waitress ... Читать далее...