All the same

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1. Finding a Chinese Jew Sid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant. “Sid,” asked Al, “are there any Jews in China?” “I don’t know,” Sid replied. “Why don’t we ask the waiter?” When the waiter came by, Al asked him, “Are there any Chinese Jews?” “I don’t know sir, let me ask,” the waiter replied, and he went […]...
2. At the Russian War College, the general is a guest lecturer At the Russian War College, the general is a guest lecturer and tells the class of officers that the session will focus on potential problems and the resulting strategies. One of the officers in the class begins by asking the first question, “Will we have to fight a World War Three?” “Yes, comrades, looks like […]...
3. Chaim escapes from a mental hospital Chaim escapes from a mental hospital and goes to the train station. He gets on the train and is seated next to a business man. He asks the man, “Are you Jewish?” The man says, “No.” Joe apologizes. Ten minutes later, he asks, “You wouldn’t happen to be Jewish would you?” The man replies, “No!” […]...
4. A Jewish lady named Mrs. Rosenberg A Jewish lady named Mrs. Rosenberg who many years ago was stranded late one night at a fashionable resort – one that did not admit Jews. The desk clerk looked down at his book and said, “Sorry, no room. The hotel is full.” The Jewish lady said, “But your sign says that you have vacancies.” […]...
5. Перевод слова alike Alike – одинаковый, похожий Перевод слова Alike in colour – одного цвета alike in beauty – равный по красоте act alike – поступать одинаково People say we look Alike. Люди говорят что мы похожи. The two cars are much Alike. Обе машины похожи. The skin doesn’t feel Alike everywhere. Кожа не везде имеет одинаковую чувствительность....
6. A theological debate Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He would have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community. If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy, if the […]...
7. He’s drunk at the bar One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. The man sat in the front seat fumbling around with his […]...
8. One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy bar One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving-under-the – influence laws. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. Then, sat in the front seat […]...
9. Red shirt Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, “Bring me my red shirt!” The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain’s red shirt, which the captain put on and […]...
10. In Jerusalem, a female journalist heard about a very old Jewish man In Jerusalem, a female journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, everyday, for a long, long time. So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was! She watched him pray and after about […]...
11. During the World War II During the World War II, an American warship was attacked by the Japanese. A torpedo was heading towards the ship and a hit seemed inevitable. So the captain told the navigator to go down to the crew quarters and tell a joke or something – at least they would die laughing. The navigator went down […]...
12. The Eighteen Bottles I had eighteen bottles of whiskey in my cellar and was told by my wife to empty the contents of each and every bottle down the sink, or else… I said I would and proceeded with the unpleasant task. I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink with […]...
13. Значение идиомы go down [go down] {v. phr.} 1. To deteriorate in quality. This hotel, which used to be one of the best, has gone down during the past fewyears. 2. To become lower in price. It is said that the price ofmilk is expected to go down soon. 3. To sink. The Titanic wentdown with a lot of […]...
14. A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, “Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and therefore we should have a smooth […]...
15. A couple was delighted when finally their long wait to adopt A couple was delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby came to an end. The adoption center called and told them they had a wonderful Japanese baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation. On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each […]...
16. Перевод слова Japanese Japanese – Японский; японец, японка Перевод слова The Japanese – японцы the mores and culture of the Japanese – нравы и культура японцев top-ranking Japanese university – один из лучших университетов Японии busload of Japanese tourists – полный автобус японских туристов They were overbid by a Japanese firm. Японская фирма перебила им цену. Japanese cars […]...
17. It was obvious After months of negotiation with the authorities, a Talmudist from Odessa was granted permission to visit Moscow. He boarded the train and found an empty seat. At the next stop a young man got on and sat next to him. The scholar looked at the young man and thought: This fellow doesn’t look like a […]...
18. Перевод слова Chinese Chinese – китаец, китаянка, китайский Перевод слова Chinese characters – китайские иероглифы the Chinese government – китайское правительство indo chinese – индокитайский She works in a Chinese takeaway. Она работает в ресторане китайской еды на вынос. We ordered some Chinese takeout. Мы заказали некоторые китайские блюда с собой. He is learning to speak Chinese. Он […]...
19. Jewish fly A man goes into a bar and sits down to have a drink….he notices that at the other end of the bar is the most attractive woman he has ever seen….he is immediately lust-struck and decides that he must have her….He leans over to the bartender and asks if the bartender has any Spanish-fly in […]...
20. Перевод слова silence Silence – молчание, тишина; заставить замолчать Перевод слова Dead silence – мертвая тишина to break the silence – нарушить тишину to silence a speaker – заставить оратора замолчать to silence a crying child – успокоить плачущего ребенка We waited in Silence. Мы молча ждали. A scream broke the Silence. Крик нарушил тишину. His Silence implied […]...
21. A divorced woman had been on her own for several months A divorced woman had been on her own for several months and was starting to get extremely horny. She went to the grocery store and while there starting eyeing the bag boy. On the way out to the car she decided to make her move. Leaning over to the boy she whispered,” You know, I’ve […]...
22. Berkowitz is having a drink at his hotel Berkowitz is having a drink at his hotel when he spots a beautiful young woman at the other end of the bar. “Bartender,” he says, “give that lady whatever she likes, and put it on my tab.” When the drink is delivered, the woman gives Berkowitz a warm smile. A moment later he’s at her […]...
23. A teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question. St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, “What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They […]...
24. Qualifying for Heaven Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question. St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, “What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They […]...
25. Перевод слова captain Captain – капитан Перевод слова To hold the rank of captain – иметь звание капитана captain’s shoulder straps – погоны капитана captain’s mate – помощник капитана They chose her as Captain. Ее выбрали капитаном. A general ranks a Captain. Генерал выше по званию, чем капитан. Captain is in close arrest. Капитан находится под строгим арестом. […]...
26. An army private went to see the Medical Captain for a new An army private went to see the Medical Captain for a new pair of glasses. The Captain looked in his book of record and said, “But you just got a new pair last month!” “Yes sir, b.. b.. but I got them b..broken in an accident,” stammered the private. “Accident, what kind of an accident?” […]...
27. How did they know that Jesus was Jewish? Q: How did they know that Jesus was Jewish? A: Because he lived at home until he was thirty, he went into his father’s business, his mother thought he was God, and he thought his mother was a virgin....
28. A whole gaggle of Jewish ladies at a party A whole gaggle of Jewish ladies at a party were discussing the problem of one of their daughters, who looked very much as though she were planning to marry a Gentile boy. Everyone was disturbed about it, and I could not help interrupting. “Why not?” said I. “Let her marry a Gentile boy. I’m all […]...
29. Handling a Traffic Stop I was having a great day until I saw the police car behind me with its loud Siren and lights Flashing. I Pulled off the road and waited for the officer to approach my car. Officer: May I see your Driver’s license, proof of insurance, and Car registration, please? Lindsay: Let me get them out […]...
30. Two men and one woman Long, but pretty good: On a group of beautiful deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people are suddenly stranded by, as you might expect, a shipwreck: 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman 2 French men and 1 French woman 2 German men and 1 German woman 2 Greek men and 1 […]...
31. Three people were standing on the Titanic Three people were standing on the Titanic, An American, a Brit and an belgian. It was almost sinking. The captain told everyone to go into the liveboats. The Brit yelled “Women and children first”. The American said “Screw the women and children” and the Belgian answered “Huh, do we have enough time left to do […]...
32. Перевод слова thirty Thirty – тридцать, тридцатый Перевод слова He is thirty – ему тридцать лет chapter thirty – тридцатая глава about thirty guests – около тридцати гостей She is on the sunny side of Thirty. Ей еще нет тридцати. He had sported away Thirty thousand lives. Он просто так отправил на смерть тридцать тысяч людей. These Thirty […]...
33. Перевод слова officer Officer – офицер, чиновник, должностное лицо Перевод слова Assistant officer – помощник должностного лица customs officer – таможенный чиновник non-combatant officer – офицер запаса flying control officer – диспетчер полетов The police Officer was directing traffic. Полицейский регулировал движение транспорта. No Officer was touched. Ни один офицер не был ранен. He is an Officer of […]...
34. The reason for running A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he’s topping 100 mph. He eventually realizes he can’t escape and finally pulls over. The cop approaches the car and says, “It’s been a long day and my tour is almost over, so if you can give […]...
35. Значение идиомы sink in [sink in] or [soak in] {v.}, {informal} To be completelyunderstood; be fully realized or felt. Everybody laughed at thejoke but Joe; it took a moment for it to sink in before he laughedtoo. When Frank heard that war had started, it didn’t sink in fora long time until his father was drafted into the army. […]...
36. Japanese management lecture Four corporate presidents, one English, one French, one Japanese and one American, were on their way to an international business conference when they were kidnapped by terrorists and taken to a secret hideout. “You, your companies, and you countries are enemies of the Revolution,” screamed the terrorist leader, “and you’re going to be executed! Do […]...
37. A disabled sea captain An old sea captain with one wooden leg, one hook replacing a missing hand, and one missing eye goes into a bar. The sailor sitting next to him says, “You’re really in bad shape. What happened to your leg?” “I fell overboard,” says the Captain, “and before my mates could pull me aboard, a shark […]...
38. Blonde on blonde A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde. The cop asked to see the blonde’s driver’s license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. “What does it look like?” she finally […]...
39. A waitress walks up to one of her tables in A waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New York City restaurant and notices that the three Japanese businessmen seated there are furiously masturbating. She yells, “What the hell do you guys think you are doing?” One of the Japanese men explains, “Can’t you see? We are all berry hungry.” The waitress […]...
40. Time for the wedding A police officer stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. “But officer,” the man began, “I can explain.” “Just be quiet,” snapped the officer. “I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.” “But, officer, I just wanted to say,” “And I said to keep quiet! You’re […]...