A young lady walks into a doctors office

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1. The young lady entered the doctor’s office carrying an infantThe young lady entered the doctor’s office carrying an infant. «Doctor,» she explained, «the baby seems to be ailing. Instead of gaining weight, he lost three ounces this week.» The medic examined the child and then started to squeeze the girl’s breasts. He then unbuttoned her blouse, removed the bra and began powerfully sucking on ... Читать далее...
2. One day a lady went to the doctors officeOne day a lady went to the doctor’s office and told the doctor that her husband wasn’t interested in her any more he just wouldn’t have sex with her anymore. So the doctor went into the back of the shop and got a bottle of 100 pills. He told her that «if you give your ... Читать далее...
3. An attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly old ladyAn attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly old lady, entered the doctor’s office. «We have come for an examination,» said the young girl. «Alright,» said the doctor. «Go behind that curtain and take your clothes off.» «No, not me,» said the girl. «it’s my old aunt here.» «Very well,» said the doctor. «Madam, stick ... Читать далее...
4. An old woman came into her doctors officeAn old woman came into her doctor’s office and confessed to an embarrassing problem. «I fart all the time, Doctor Johnson, but they’re soundless, and they have no odor. In fact, since I’ve been here, I’ve farted no less than twenty times. What can I do?» «Here’s a prescription, Mrs. Harris. Take these pills three ... Читать далее...
5. A man walks into a doctor officeA man walks into a doctor’s office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear. «What’s the matter with me?» he asks the doctor. The doctor replies, «You’re not eating properly.»...
6. A couple, age 67, went to the doctors officeA couple, age 67, went to the doctor’s office. The doctor asked, «What can I do for you?» The man said, «Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?» The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor said, «There is nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse.» And he then charged ... Читать далее...
7. A young lady had just visited her doctorA young lady had just visited her doctor and he informed her that she was pregnant. The young lady had been married for ten years and had wanted a baby very badly. As she sat on the bus, on her way home, she felt that she had to share the good news with someone. The ... Читать далее...
8. This young lady, a flighty young thingThis young lady, a flighty young thing, got a job cleaning the bank windows in the evening after the bank closed for business. Anyway, she was up this ladder, cleaning good and proper and as she was in the habit of wearing no knickers, every young man who would come along would stop and stare ... Читать далее...
9. A midget walks into the doctors and saysA midget walks into the doctors and says, «Doc, I’ve got these fucking itchy balls and I can’t do anything to stop ’em itching». The Doc says, «I can see the problem and I’ll fix it for ya» So the Doc pulls out a pair of scissors and tells the Midget to close his eyes. ... Читать далее...
10. A woman accompanied her husband to the doctors officeA woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office. After the check-up, the doctor took the wife aside and said, «If you don’t do the following, your husband will surely die». 1.Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast and send him off to work in a good mood. 2.At lunch time, make him a warm, ... Читать далее...
11. There was a young man in the Air ForceThere was a young man in the Air Force who was so well — endowed that it was bothering his knee. Three Air Force doctors and one Air Force nurse were in the operating room to remedy the situation. The first doctor said, «We’ll just take a big hunk off the end.» They discussed it ... Читать далее...
12. This old lady walks out of the grocery store and goes to the bus stopThis old lady walks out of the grocery store and goes to the bus stop. An old guy is sitting in the parking lot in his car. He drives over and says he’ll give her a ride home. On the way he looks her over and says «You’re a pretty good looking old broad. I’ll ... Читать далее...
13. This guy walks into a psychiatrist’s office with aThis guy walks into a psychiatrist’s office with a concerned look on his face. «Doc,» he says, «I’m worried. It’s that dream. I’m having it again.» «What dream?» asked the shrink, not really paying attention. «You know,» says the man, «the one where I’m into sadism and bestiality and necrophilia. Should I be worried or ... Читать далее...
14. A young girl had not been feeling wellA young girl had not been feeling well and went to her family doctor. «Young lady,» the doctor began, «you’re pregnant.» «But that can’t be. The only men I’ve been with are nudists and in, our colony we practice sex only with our eyes.» «Well my dear,» said the doctor, «someone in that colony is ... Читать далее...
15. A guy walks into a post officeA guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing «Love» stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes ... Читать далее...
16. A young married couple has difficulties conceiving a babyA young married couple has difficulties conceiving a baby, so after a while the wife consults her doctor, who recommends the minor of three possible operations. The operation is performed, but a month later, she’s still not pregnant, so she goes to see the doctor again. This time he recommends the medium operation, a somewhat ... Читать далее...
17. A woman is laying on a gurney out in the hallA woman is laying on a gurney out in the hall prior to going to surgery. As she lays there, a man in white coat comes by, lifts up the sheet, and then leaves. This happens a second time. The third time this happens, she says «Doctor, am I going into surgery soon?» The man ... Читать далее...
18. A woman walks into her accountant’s office andA woman walks into her accountant’s office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, «Before we begin, I’ll need to ask a few questions.» He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, «What is your occupation?» The woman replies, «I’m a whore.» The accountant balks ... Читать далее...
19. A young lady asked the Scotsman what he wore under his kiltA young lady asked the Scotsman what he wore under his kilt. «Reach up there and find out.» She did, but quickly pulled her hand back out and said, «Oh, it’s gruesome!» «Aye, it has,» replied the Scotsman, «and if you put your hand back up there, it’ll grow some more!»...
20. The young lady admired the watch in the store windowThe young lady admired the watch in the store window every time she walked by it. She finally entered the shop one day and said, «Just how much is that watch?» «It’s $2000, ma’am.» «Hmmm. Well, would you consider time payments for it?» «Just what sort of ‘time schedule’ did you have in mind?» «I ... Читать далее...
21. A young man walks into a singles bar with a roll of quartersA young man walks into a singles bar with a roll of quarters taped inside the crotch of his jeans. He looks around, then sits next to the most attractive woman there. He was very pleased with himself after he noticed her constantly glancing down at his crotch. «Hi, there, I’m Jerry,» he said, as ... Читать далее...
22. The office playboy had a date with an attractive young womanThe office playboy had a date with an attractive young woman. The next day someone asked him how things had gone. «She uses too many four-letter words for me,» was the reply. «Really?» «Yes,» answered the playboy. «All evening long she was saying «don’t» and «stop» and «quit that.»...
23. A man goes into the doctor’s office feeling really badA man goes into the doctor’s office feeling really bad. After a thorough examination the doctor calls him into his office and says «I have some bad news. You have HAGS.» «What is HAGS» the man asks. «It’s herpes, AIDS, gonorrhea, and syphilis» says the doctor. «Oh my God» says the man. «What are you ... Читать далее...
24. A woman walks into a shop that sells very expensive Persian rugsA woman walks into a shop that sells very expensive Persian rugs. She looks around and spots the perfect rug and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the texture of the rug she farts loudly. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and ... Читать далее...
25. A beautiful young girl is about to undergo a minor surgeryA beautiful young girl is about to undergo a minor operation. She’s laid on a trolley bed by a lady in a white dress and brought to the corridor. Before they enter the room she leaves her behind the theatre door to go in and check whether everything is ready. A young man wearing a ... Читать далее...
26. Перевод слова ladyLady — леди, женщина Перевод слова Great lady — знатная дама you’ve dropped your gloves, lady! — женщина, вы обронили перчатки! foxy lady — соблазнительная женщина your good lady — ваша супруга Shall we rejoin the Ladies? Не вернуться ли нам к дамам? She’s swell, a real Lady. Она одевается стильно, как настоящая леди. Don’t ... Читать далее...
27. At the DoctorsAt the Doctor’s… — A young woman said to her doctor, «You have to help me, I hurt all over.» «What do you mean?» said the doctor. — The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, «Ow, that hurts.» — Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, «Ouch! That ... Читать далее...
28. Welfare officeA young man walked into the local welfare office, marched straight up to the counter and said, «Hi, I hate drawing welfare. I would really rather find a job. The man behind the counter replied, «Your timing is amazing. We’ve just got a listing from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his ... Читать далее...
29. The young couple was engaged in a most affectionateThe young couple was engaged in a most affectionate embrace when there came the sound of a key in the front door. The young lady broke away at once, eyes wide with alarm. «Heavens,» she cried, «it’s my husband! Quick, jump out the window.» The young man, equally alarmed, made a quick step toward the ... Читать далее...
30. A man took his wife to the doctorsA man took his wife to the doctors. After a short examination the doctor said «Your wife’s mind has completely gone!» To which the man replied «I’m not surprised. She’s been giving a piece of it to me every day for the past 25 years!»...
31. Two doctors found themselves on the beach in HawaiiTwo doctors found themselves on the beach in Hawaii. As a real bevy of bikini-clad females walked by, one said, «Look at the legs among that group.» «Sorry old chap.» replied the second doctor. «But I’m a chest man myself.»...
32. A lady from California purchased a piece of timber landA lady from California purchased a piece of timber land in Oregon. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted to get a good view of her land so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top, she encountered a spotted owl that ... Читать далее...
33. A young woman visited her doctor complaining of a bed wetting problemA young woman visited her doctor complaining of a bed wetting problem. The doctor asked her the usual questions and then asked her to go behind the screen and remove her clothes. She was a bit shocked but went ahead anyway. When she was undressed he asked her to stand on her hands in front ... Читать далее...
34. An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise shipAn old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight, so that it would not blow off in the wind. A gentleman approached her and said: «Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this ... Читать далее...
35. A rather senile old lady went to her doctorA rather senile old lady went to her doctor complaining of draining and a feeling of fullness in her ear. After the examination, the doctor initiated a conversation that went as follows: D: Why madam, I think you have a suppository in your ear. L: ?eh? D: Madam — You have a SUPPOSITORY in your ... Читать далее...
36. An elderly couple walk into a doctor officeAn elderly couple walk into a doctor’s office. The man tells the doctor, «Doctor, we want to have a baby.» The doctor replies,»At your age I don’t think it’s possible, but I’ll give you a jar, come back in a few days with a sperm sample.» So the couple comes back a few days later. ... Читать далее...
37. A very homely young woman made an appointment with a psychiatristA very homely young woman made an appointment with a psychiatrist. She walked into his office and said, «Doctor, I’m so depressed and lonely. I don’t have any friends, no man will come near me, and everybody laughs at me. Can you help me accept my ugliness?» «I’m sure I can,» the psychiatrist replied. «Just ... Читать далее...
38. A young mother paying a visit to a doctorA young mother paying a visit to a doctor friend and his wife made no attempt to restrain her five-year-old son, who was ransacking an adjoining room. But finally, an extra loud clatter of bottles did prompt her to say, «I hope, doctor, you don’t mind Johnny being in there.» «No,» said the doctor calmly, ... Читать далее...
39. A man walks into a jewellers shopA man walks into a jewellers shop, unzips his trousers and places his tool upon the counter. The lady serving says: «I’m sorry Sir, this is a clock shop not a cock shop.» «Well, put two hands and a face on this.» replies the man....
40. The definition of a phallic symbolThis girl walks in to a doctors office and she asks «Whats a failic symbol? Doctor says «you’re kidding..» Girl says «no! I don’t know! Whats a failic symbol???» Doctor pulls his pants and underwear down and says «You see? This is a failic symbol!» Girl says «Oh! Its just like a penis, only smaller»...