A young lady asked the Scotsman what he wore under his kilt

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1. A gruesome discovery A girl was intrigued at the kilt that a Scottsman was wearing, wondering what he would be wearing underneath. “What’s underneath your kilt?”, she asked him. “Why don’t you take a look”, he replied. Curiosity overcomming her, she lifted the kilt. then let it go,”Oh, it’s gruesome!” “Well, why don’t you take another look, it […]...
2. This young lady, a flighty young thing This young lady, a flighty young thing, got a job cleaning the bank windows in the evening after the bank closed for business. Anyway, she was up this ladder, cleaning good and proper and as she was in the habit of wearing no knickers, every young man who would come along would stop and stare […]...
3. A young lady walks into a doctors office A young lady walks into a doctors office. “Doctor I’m suffering from a terrible discharge” The Doctor lays her down lifts up her dress and has a good probe around and says “how does that feel?” Young lady, “Oooh doctor that feels lovely….. …but the discharge is from my ear!!”...
4. The young lady entered the doctor’s office carrying an infant The young lady entered the doctor’s office carrying an infant. “Doctor,” she explained, “the baby seems to be ailing. Instead of gaining weight, he lost three ounces this week.” The medic examined the child and then started to squeeze the girl’s breasts. He then unbuttoned her blouse, removed the bra and began powerfully sucking on […]...
5. A buxom blonde wore, at a charity ball, an enormous diamond A buxom blonde wore, at a charity ball, an enormous diamond. “It happens to be the third most famous diamond in the whole world,” she boasted. “The first is the Hope Diamond, then comes the Kohinoor, and then comes this one, which is called Lipshitz.” “What a diamond!” “How lucky you are!” “Wait, wait, nothing […]...
6. A young lady had just visited her doctor A young lady had just visited her doctor and he informed her that she was pregnant. The young lady had been married for ten years and had wanted a baby very badly. As she sat on the bus, on her way home, she felt that she had to share the good news with someone. The […]...
7. An attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly old lady An attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly old lady, entered the doctor’s office. “We have come for an examination,” said the young girl. “Alright,” said the doctor. “Go behind that curtain and take your clothes off.” “No, not me,” said the girl. “it’s my old aunt here.” “Very well,” said the doctor. “Madam, stick […]...
8. A Canadian, a Scotsman, and an Australian A Canadian, a Scotsman, and an Australian are in a bar discussing the mental abilities of their wives. The Canadian says, “You know my wife must be the most stupid woman in the world. She went to a supermarket sale and bought $900 worth of meat, and we don’t even have a freezer! The Scotsman […]...
9. The young lady admired the watch in the store window The young lady admired the watch in the store window every time she walked by it. She finally entered the shop one day and said, “Just how much is that watch?” “It’s $2000, ma’am.” “Hmmm. Well, would you consider time payments for it?” “Just what sort of ‘time schedule’ did you have in mind?” “I […]...
10. An Avon lady was along in an elevator when she suddenly An Avon lady was along in an elevator when she suddenly had to fart. She promptly reached into her bag and sprayed the air with her deodorizer. Two floors later a gentleman got onto the elevator. He began to sniff. The Avon lady asked, “Do you smell something?” “Why, yes, I do,” he replied. “What […]...
11. An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar, drinking, and discussing how stupid their wives were. The Englishman says, “I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she went to the supermarket and bought $300 worth of meat because it was on sale, and we don’t even have a […]...
12. An old lady owned two monkeys An old lady owned two monkeys. One day they both died, so she took them to the taxodermist. “So you want them mounted?” asked the taxidermist. To which she replied: “No. Holding hands will do just fine.”...
13. Перевод слова lady Lady – леди, женщина Перевод слова Great lady – знатная дама you’ve dropped your gloves, lady! – женщина, вы обронили перчатки! foxy lady – соблазнительная женщина your good lady – ваша супруга Shall we rejoin the Ladies? Не вернуться ли нам к дамам? She’s swell, a real Lady. Она одевается стильно, как настоящая леди. Don’t […]...
14. A little old lady gets onto a crowded bus A little old lady gets onto a crowded bus and stands in front of a seated young girl. Holding her hand to her chest, she says to the girl, “If you knew what I have, you would give me your seat.” The girl gets up and gives up her the seat to the old lady. […]...
15. A policeman was patrolling near midnight A policeman was patrolling near midnight at a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple inside with the dome light on. Inside there was a young man in the driver’s seat reading a computer magazine and a young lady in the back seat calmly knitting. He […]...
16. The young couple was engaged in a most affectionate The young couple was engaged in a most affectionate embrace when there came the sound of a key in the front door. The young lady broke away at once, eyes wide with alarm. “Heavens,” she cried, “it’s my husband! Quick, jump out the window.” The young man, equally alarmed, made a quick step toward the […]...
17. A college professor in an anatomy class asked his students A college professor in an anatomy class asked his students to sketch a naked man. As the professor walked around the class checking the sketches he noticed that a sexy young coed had sketched the man with an erect penis. The professor commented, “Oh, no, I wanted it the other way.” She replied, “What other […]...
18. Several weeks after a young man had been hired Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the personnel director’s office. “What is the meaning of this?” the director asked. “When you applied for this job, you told us you had five years experience. Now we discovered this is the first job you’ve ever held.” “Well,” the young man […]...
19. Deaf lady in trouble One day a lady was driving on the Highway. She frequently checked her speed gauge to make sure she stayed within the speed limit. However, when she looked into her rear mirror, much to her dismay, she saw a police car not far behind! And, to make matters worse, the police car turned on his […]...
20. Down in Florida, two widows were talking and one asked Down in Florida, two widows were talking and one asked the other, “Do you ever get to feeling horny?” “Yes,” her friend replied. “What do you do about it?” “I usually suck on a Lifesaver.” After a moment of stunned silence her friend asked, “Well, what beach do you go to?”...
21. A Jewish lady named Mrs. Rosenberg A Jewish lady named Mrs. Rosenberg who many years ago was stranded late one night at a fashionable resort – one that did not admit Jews. The desk clerk looked down at his book and said, “Sorry, no room. The hotel is full.” The Jewish lady said, “But your sign says that you have vacancies.” […]...
22. A fifth grader looked downcast, so her teacher asked A fifth grader looked downcast, so her teacher asked, “What’s the problem, Carol? I hope it’s not homework again.” “Well, uh, yes, it is.” replied Carol. “I was stupid and made my homework paper into a paper airplane.” “Carol, you’re right, that wasn’t a very bright thing to do,” said the teacher, “but this once […]...
23. An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight, so that it would not blow off in the wind. A gentleman approached her and said: “Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this […]...
24. After church on Sunday morning, a young boy After church on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, “Mom, I’ve decided I’m going to be a minister when I grow up. “That’s okay with us,” the mother said, “But what made you decide to be a minister?” “Well,” the boy replied, “I’ll have to go to church on Sunday anyway, […]...
25. A young, freshly minted lieutenant A young, freshly minted lieutenant was sent to Bosnia as part of the peace keeping mission. During a briefing on land mines, the captain asked for questions. Our intrepid solder raised his hand and asked, “If we do happen to step on a mine, Sir, what do we do?” “Normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump […]...
26. The modest young lass had just purchased some lingerie The modest young lass had just purchased some lingerie and asked if she might have the sentence, “If you can read this you’re too damn close” embroidered on her panties and bra. “Yes Madame,” said the clerk. “I’m quite certain that could be done. Would you prefer block or script letters?” “Braille,” she replied....
27. A lady from California purchased a piece of timber land A lady from California purchased a piece of timber land in Oregon. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted to get a good view of her land so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top, she encountered a spotted owl that […]...
28. A Drunk Scottsman There was a scottsman and he was too drunk to walk home from the bar. He decides to lay down a park bench and sleep. Tomorrow he would walk home after he was sober. In the morning two little girls are walking by to go to school when they see he is wearing his kilt. […]...
29. Sweet, Sweet Road Rage An elderly lady was stopped to pull into a parking space when a young man in his new red Mercedes went around her and parked in the space she was waiting for. The little old lady was so upset that she went up to the man and said, “I was going to park there!” The […]...
30. An old lady lived by herself in a small house An old lady lived by herself in a small house in a small town. One day she went to the local grocery store and while she was gone a criminal broke into her house, took her clothes off of the line, smashed the watermellons in her garden, shaved her cat and then left when he […]...
31. A young man joined the Army and signed up with the paratroopers A young man joined the Army and signed up with the paratroopers. He went though the standard training, completed the practice jumps from higher and higher structures, and finally went to take his first jump from an airplane. The next day, he called home to his father to tell him the news. “So, did you […]...
32. A very modest lady applied for a job A very modest lady applied for a job at the factory where they made “Tickle me Elmo dolls”. It was Friday and almost quitting time and hurriedly the boss told her to report for work on Monday. He quickly explained to her that she would be stationed on the assembly line just before the dolls […]...
33. The young playboy took a blind date to an The young playboy took a blind date to an amusement park. They went for a ride on the Ferris wheel. The ride completed, she seemed rather bored. “What would you like to do next?” he asked. “I wanna be weighed,” she said. So the young man took her over to the weight guesser. “One-twelve,” said […]...
34. Пословица / поговорка a faint heart never won a lady / faint heart never won fair lady – перевод и значение, пример использования Пословица / поговорка: a faint heart never won a lady / faint heart never won fair lady Перевод: робкому сердцу не завоевать прекрасной дамы (т. е. робость мешает успеху) Эквивалент в русском языке: смелость города берет Пример: The man must be more aggressive if he wants to find a girlfriend. He should remember that a […]...
35. A young boy, about eight years old, was at the corner A young boy, about eight years old, was at the corner “Mom & Pop” grocery picking out a pretty good size box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over, and, trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do. “Oh, no laundry,” the boy said, “I’m going to […]...
36. A young girl had not been feeling well A young girl had not been feeling well and went to her family doctor. “Young lady,” the doctor began, “you’re pregnant.” “But that can’t be. The only men I’ve been with are nudists and in, our colony we practice sex only with our eyes.” “Well my dear,” said the doctor, “someone in that colony is […]...
37. The young playboy took a blind date to an amusement park The young playboy took a blind date to an amusement park. They went for a ride on the Ferris wheel. The ride completed, she seemed rather bored. “What would you like to do next?” he asked. “I wanna be weighed,” she said. So the young man took her over to the weight guessed. “One-twelve,” said […]...
38. Значение идиомы lady-killer [lady-killer] {n.}, {informal} 1. Any man who has strong sex appealtoward women. Joe is a regular lady-killer. 2. A man whorelentlessly pursues amorous conquests, is successful at it, and thenabandons his heartbroken victims. The legendary Don Juan of Spainis the most famous lady-killer of recorded history. Compare: LADY’SMAN....
39. An older Jewish gentleman marries a younger lady An older Jewish gentleman marries a younger lady and they are very much in love. However, no matter what the husband does sexually, the woman never achieves orgasm. Since a Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to ask the rabbi. The rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the […]...
40. A horny young man went to a brothel A horny young man went to a brothel… The lady at the counter asked him what his choice would be. The man wanted to know what was available. Madam, “On the first floor, we have the ex-models… they are all slinky and sexy… On the second floor, we have our ex-actresses…they are all buxom and […]...