A visual joke

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1. President Carter’s joke In an interview with David Letterman, Carter passed along an anecdote of a translation problem in Japan. Carter was speaking at a business lunch in Tokyo, where he decided to open his speech with a brief joke. He told the joke, then waited for the translator to announce the Japanese version. Even though the story […]...
2. Значение идиомы with open arms [with open arms] {adv. phr.} 1. With the arms spread wide forhugging or catching. When Father came home from work, little Sallyran out to meet him with open arms. Dick stood under the windowwith open arms, and Jean dropped the bag of laundry down to him. 2.With words or actions showing that you are glad […]...
3. Перевод слова joke Joke – шутка, анекдот Перевод слова In joke – в шутку, шутя standing joke – неистощимый объект для шуток blue joke – пошлая шутка a corny joke – старая шутка, шутка “с бородой” It was only a Joke. Это была всего лишь шутка. The Joke was on him. Это он остался в дураках. She loves […]...
4. Yet another dorm joke Here’s one that my roommate and myself did to a residence buddy. One morning (early) we taped together a bunch of sheets of newspaper to cover the victims doorframe. Then taped this big sheet over the doorframe which left a gap of about two or three inches between the sheet and the door. Then we […]...
5. I got a great Polish joke A guy walks into a bar, orders a beer and says to the bartender, “Hey, I got this great Polish Joke…” The barkeep glares at him and says in a warning tone of voice: “Before you go telling that joke you better know that I’m Polish, both bouncers are Polish and so are most of […]...
6. Playing a Practical Joke Patricia: What are you doing? Luis: I’m setting up a Practical joke for Bobby. I Can’t wait to see the look on his face when he walks outside and finds his bike In pieces. It’ll be the best Prank ever! Patricia: You’re not really going to take apart his bike, are you? Luis: I’ll Let […]...
7. Перевод слова stretch Stretch – растягивать, натягивать, расширять Перевод слова Two-way stretch – вытягиваемость в обе стороны to stretch a budget – выходить за пределы сметы to stretch a bow – натягивать тетиву to stretch and yawn – потягиваться и зевать She Stretched her hand toward him. Она протянула к нему руку. He Stretched his neck to see […]...
8. Cow joke Another Cow joke I attribute to my ‘Ol chemestry prof was the placement of a cow onto the roof. I would presume a fairly storng roof, but once up there it would be hard to hide the fact to the cow that any direction would be down. Another pratical joke involved the use of outhouses. […]...
9. Значение идиомы take a joke [take a joke] {v. phr.} Accept in good spirit some derisiondirected at oneself. My brother has a good sense of humor whenteasing others, but he cannot take a joke on himself....
10. Перевод идиомы able to take a joke, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: able to take a joke Перевод: уметь давать другим смеяться и шутить над собой; не обижаться на шутки других Пример: Our boss is not able to take a joke. We must be careful what we say to him. Наш начальник не понимает шуток. Нужно подбирать слова, когда разговариваешь с ним....
11. Перевод идиомы no joke, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: no joke Перевод: серьезное дело Пример: The mistake with the meeting time was no joke. It caused many of us very serious problems. Ошибка со временем проведения собрания была очень серьезной оплошностью. Она причинила много больших неприятностей всем нам....
12. Problems from the start John got off the elevator on the 50th floor and nervously knocked on his blind date’s door. She opened it and was as beautiful and charming as everyone had said. “I’ll be ready in a few minutes,” she said. “Why don’t you play with Spot, my dog, while you’re waiting?” He does wonderful tricks. He […]...
13. Paul got off the elevator on the 40th floor and Paul got off the elevator on the 40th floor and nervously knocked on his blind date’s door. She opened it and was as beautiful and charming as everyone had said. “I’ll be ready in a few minutes,” she said. “Why don’t you play with Rollo while you’re waiting?” He does wonderful tricks. He rolls over, […]...
14. Перевод идиомы inside joke, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: inside joke Перевод: шутка, известная только ограниченному кругу лиц (внутри какой-либо компании, среди друзей, и т. п.) Пример: That must be an inside joke, because it’s not funny at all. Это, должно быть, какая-то местная шутка, потому что мне совсем не смешно....
15. Bad luck finding a place to hide A small balding man storms into a local bar and demands, “Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got. I’m so mad, I can’t even see straight.” The bartender, noticing that the little man is a bit the worse for wear, pours him a double of Southern Comfort. The man swills down the drink […]...
16. A robber was robbing a house A robber was robbing a house when he heard a voice. “Jesus is watching you!” “who’s there?” The robber said But no sound was heard. So he kept going and he heard it two more times when he spotted a parrot. “What’s your name,” the robber asked. “Cocodora” said the parrot. “Now, what kind of […]...
17. Перевод идиомы receive someone with open arms / welcome someone with open arms, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: receive someone with open arms / welcome someone with open arms Перевод: принять, приветствовать кого-либо с распростертыми объятьями Пример: The citizens received the Olympic athletes with open arms. Горожане приняли олимпийских спортсменов с распростертыми объятьями....
18. Phone joke II One night when you have a few friends around, take turns calling the same phone number, a really obnoxious acquaintance that won’t recognize your voices is always a good choice. When the person answers, try to leave a message for John Smith (or any name that sounds real). Insist that you have the right number […]...
19. Three nurses all decided to play a joke on the doctor Three nurses all decided to play a joke on the doctor they worked for. Later in the day, they all got together on break and discussed what they had done to the doctor. The first nurse said, “I put cotton in his stethoscope so he couldn’t hear. The second nurse said, “Well, I did worse […]...
20. A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer wants to ask her a few questions…. Officer: What’s 2+2? Blonde: Ummmmm… 4! Officer: What’s the square root of 100? Blonde: Ummmm… 10! Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln? Blonde: Ummmm… I dunno. Officer: Well, you can go home and think […]...
21. A blonde woman competed with a brunette and redheaded woman A blonde woman competed with a brunette and redheaded woman in the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition. The brunette came in first, the redhead second. The blonde woman finally reached shore completely exhausted. After being revived with blankets and coffee, she remarked: “I don’t want to complain, but I think those […]...
22. Jesus and Moses are sitting in a boat fishing Jesus and Moses are sitting in a boat fishing and Jesus says to Moses “I want to do a miracle so we can feel like the good old days.” and Moses says “Yeah sure.” So Jesus gets up and says “I think I’ll walk on the water, that was always a good one.” So Jesus […]...
23. Значение идиомы arm [arm] See: GIVE ONE’S RIGHT ARM, KEEP AT A DISTANCE Or KEEP AT ARM’S LENGTH, SHOT IN THE ARM, TAKE UP ARMS, TWIST ONE’S ARM, UP IN ARMS, WITH OPEN ARMS, COST AN ARM AND A LEG....
24. A blonde was complaining to her friend about constantly being A blonde was complaining to her friend about constantly being called a dumb blonde. Her friend tells her “go do something to prove them wrong! Why don’t you learn all the state capitals or something?” The blonde thinks this is a great idea, and locks herself up for two weeks studying. The next party she […]...
25. A blonde came running home to her mother A blonde came running home to her mother, sobbing and hysterical. “What’s wrong?” her mum, (another blonde) asked. “My boyfriend’s just dropped me!” wailed the blonde. Her mother nodded wisely and started to tell her all about the birds and the bees. “No mum,” the blonde interrupted. “You don’t understand – I can fuck and […]...
26. Gas-tank joke This practical joke is hearsay. A fellow student some years ago related the following. Apparently another student was a bit of a braggar. His favourite topic was his car, and one sub-topic was the terrific gas milage (pre-metric) it got. So it began one evening. Fill up a one-gallon container of gas each night and […]...
27. A Blonde A Blonde A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, “I’ve kidnapped you.” She then wrote a note saying, “I’ve kidnapped your kid. […]...
28. A blonde decided that she was tired of her empty life A blonde decided that she was tired of her empty life. She cut her hair and dyed it brown, and set off for a drive. She wanted to do random acts of kindness to see if it would change her life. While driving through the countryside, she came across a farmer who was trying to […]...
29. A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist. “I’m on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me.” Psychiatrist: “Don’t you have a phone in your car?” Blonde: “That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car.” Psychiatrist: […]...
30. Фразовый глагол joke around – перевод и значение, пример использования Фразовый глагол: joke around Перевод: дурачиться, шутить или пытаться пошутить Пример: Mike is always joking around at work. Майк всегда шутит на работе....
31. A young boy on his way home from school must pass by a group A young boy on his way home from school must pass by a group of hookers. Everyday as he passes them, the hookers wave at him with their pinkies and say “Hi there little boy!!” One day the boy stops and asks one of the hookers why they always wave at him with their pinkies. […]...
32. Перевод идиомы crack a joke, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: crack a joke Перевод: рассказать шутку Пример: The man was a lot of fun at the party because he was always cracking jokes. Этот мужчина был очень забавен на вечере, потому что он все время рассказывал шутки....
33. Перевод слова wide Wide – широкий, обширный Перевод слова Wide road – широкая дорога three feet wide – шириной в три фута wide knowledge – обширные познания wide interests – широкие интересы A Wide freedom, truly! Полная свобода, действительно! The door was Wide open. Дверь была распахнута настежь. He opened his eyes Wide. Он широко открыл глаза. Примеры […]...
34. College dorm joke Two very hot-headed people lived directly across the halls from each other. Dave got a piece of 1/2″ rope and tied their doors together with about a 6″ gap of slack. Waited until 2:30am and knocked REALLY HARD on both doors. Interesting way to wake up…having two steaming mad football jerks slamming each other’s doors […]...
35. Перевод идиомы with open arms, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: with open arms Перевод: с распростертыми объятьями Пример: My aunt and uncle were at the airport to greet us with open arms. Мои тетя и дядя были в аэропорту, и они встретили нас с распростертыми объятьями....
36. Commiting suicide A blonde and a brunette are living together. The brunette came home from work one day and the blonde had a rope around her waist. The brunette asked why the rope was around her waist. The blonde said that she was trying to commit suicide. The brunette said, “You put it around your neck!” The […]...
37. Egg joke In a similar vein, tell your victim that you have a test of coordination you would like him to try with you. Find a door with a fairly large crack between the door and the wall when the door is open. (You know, over by the hinges; across the width of the door from the […]...
38. A Burglar is in Big Trouble A burglar has just made it into the house he’s intending ransacking, and he’s looking around for stuff to steal. All of a sudden, a little voice pipes up, “I can see you, and so can Jesus!” Startled, the burglar looks around the room. No one there at all, so he goes back to his […]...
39. Перевод слова describe Describe – описывать, характеризовать Перевод слова To describe a person – описать человека to describe one’s purposes – изложить свои намерения to describe a circle – описать окружность Please Describe what happened next. Пожалуйста, опишите, что произошло дальше. The witness wasn’t able to Describe the robber. Свидетель не смог описать грабителя. The prisoner Described himself […]...
40. One day a blonde went into Wal-Mart and One day a blonde went into Wal-Mart and saw something she liked. The Blonde asked the clerk what it was. The Clerk said it was a thermous. What does the thermous do? It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold. So she bought one. The blonde brought it to work one day and the […]...