A rather senile old lady went to her doctor

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1. An attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly old ladyAn attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly old lady, entered the doctor’s office. «We have come for an examination,» said the young girl. «Alright,» said the doctor. «Go behind that curtain and take your clothes off.» «No, not me,» said the girl. «it’s my old aunt here.» «Very well,» said the doctor. «Madam, stick ... Читать далее...
2. Doctor’s complimentA lady came to see a doctor because of sharp pain in her stomack. After examining his patient doctor gave out the diagnosis: — Madam, you have acute appendicitis. — Thank you, Doctor, but I came to be treated not admired....
3. The young lady entered the doctor’s office carrying an infantThe young lady entered the doctor’s office carrying an infant. «Doctor,» she explained, «the baby seems to be ailing. Instead of gaining weight, he lost three ounces this week.» The medic examined the child and then started to squeeze the girl’s breasts. He then unbuttoned her blouse, removed the bra and began powerfully sucking on ... Читать далее...
4. A young lady had just visited her doctorA young lady had just visited her doctor and he informed her that she was pregnant. The young lady had been married for ten years and had wanted a baby very badly. As she sat on the bus, on her way home, she felt that she had to share the good news with someone. The ... Читать далее...
5. A man goes into the doctor’s office feeling really badA man goes into the doctor’s office feeling really bad. After a thorough examination the doctor calls him into his office and says «I have some bad news. You have HAGS.» «What is HAGS» the man asks. «It’s herpes, AIDS, gonorrhea, and syphilis» says the doctor. «Oh my God» says the man. «What are you ... Читать далее...
6. An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise shipAn old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight, so that it would not blow off in the wind. A gentleman approached her and said: «Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this ... Читать далее...
7. A young lady walks into a doctors officeA young lady walks into a doctors office. «Doctor I’m suffering from a terrible discharge» The Doctor lays her down lifts up her dress and has a good probe around and says «how does that feel?» Young lady, «Oooh doctor that feels lovely….. …but the discharge is from my ear!!»...
8. The doctor had just completed his examinationThe doctor had just completed his examination of the gorgeous redhaired beauty. «I would suggest to you, young lady,» began the medic, as he regained som of his professional dignity, «that you discontinue some of your running around. Stop drinking so much, cut down on your smoking, and above all you will have to start ... Читать далее...
9. A young woman visited her doctor complaining of a bed wetting problemA young woman visited her doctor complaining of a bed wetting problem. The doctor asked her the usual questions and then asked her to go behind the screen and remove her clothes. She was a bit shocked but went ahead anyway. When she was undressed he asked her to stand on her hands in front ... Читать далее...
10. A lady from California purchased a piece of timber landA lady from California purchased a piece of timber land in Oregon. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted to get a good view of her land so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top, she encountered a spotted owl that ... Читать далее...
11. Visiting the modern art museum, a lady turnedVisiting the modern art museum, a lady turned to an attendant standing nearby. «This,» she said, «I suppose, is one of those hideous representations you call modern art?» «No, madam,» replied the attendant. «That one’s called a mirror.»...
12. A little old lady gets onto a crowded busA little old lady gets onto a crowded bus and stands in front of a seated young girl. Holding her hand to her chest, she says to the girl, «If you knew what I have, you would give me your seat.» The girl gets up and gives up her the seat to the old lady. ... Читать далее...
13. The doctor looked at the woman who had come to himThe doctor looked at the woman who had come to him for an examination. «Mrs. Brown, I have some good news for you.» The woman said, «I’m glad to hear that doctor, but I’m Miss Brown, not Mrs.» «Oh. Well, in that case Miss Brown,» said the doctor without changing expression, «I have some bad ... Читать далее...
14. The doctor looked benignly at the woman who had come to himThe doctor looked benignly at the woman who had come to him for an examination. «Mrs. Brown,» he said, «I have some good news for you.» The woman said, «I’m glad of that doctor, but I’m Miss Brown,» «Miss Brown,» said the doctor without changing expression, «I have bad news for you.»...
15. Перевод слова ladyLady — леди, женщина Перевод слова Great lady — знатная дама you’ve dropped your gloves, lady! — женщина, вы обронили перчатки! foxy lady — соблазнительная женщина your good lady — ваша супруга Shall we rejoin the Ladies? Не вернуться ли нам к дамам? She’s swell, a real Lady. Она одевается стильно, как настоящая леди. Don’t ... Читать далее...
16. A very modest lady applied for a jobA very modest lady applied for a job at the factory where they made «Tickle me Elmo dolls». It was Friday and almost quitting time and hurriedly the boss told her to report for work on Monday. He quickly explained to her that she would be stationed on the assembly line just before the dolls ... Читать далее...
17. My brother-in-law went to the doctor complaining ofMy brother-in-law went to the doctor complaining of a very difficult time achieving an orgasm. The Dr said «which position do you use?» «Doggy style,» said dumb shit. «why don’t you go home and tonight try it missionary position and see if that works any better.» said the Dr. «We’ve tryed that» he said, «but ... Читать далее...
18. Jack goes to the doctor and saysJack goes to the doctor and says «Doc I’m having trouble getting my penis erect, can you help me?» After a complete examination the doctor tells Jack, «Well the problem is that the muscles around the base of your penis are damaged. There’s really nothing I can do for you unless you’re willing to try ... Читать далее...
19. Describing Symptoms to a DoctorDr. van Eyck: Good morning, I’m Dr. van Eyck. I understand that you’re not feeling well. Nico: That’s right, doctor. I’ve had a Stomachache for three days. The pain Comes and goes, but I also have Heartburn and I am feeling Bloated all the time. Dr. van Eyck: Well, let’s take a look. Have you ... Читать далее...
20. One day a lady went to the doctors officeOne day a lady went to the doctor’s office and told the doctor that her husband wasn’t interested in her any more he just wouldn’t have sex with her anymore. So the doctor went into the back of the shop and got a bottle of 100 pills. He told her that «if you give your ... Читать далее...
21. A Visit to the DoctorGoing to the doctor is never Particularly pleasant for me. But I couldn’t Put it off Any longer. It was time for my Annual physical, and there was no Getting around it. So I picked up the phone and called for an appointment. «I’d like to see Dr. Shimoya next week, please, if that’s possible,» ... Читать далее...
22. Пословица / поговорка a faint heart never won a lady / faint heart never won fair lady — перевод и значение, пример использованияПословица / поговорка: a faint heart never won a lady / faint heart never won fair lady Перевод: робкому сердцу не завоевать прекрасной дамы (т. е. робость мешает успеху) Эквивалент в русском языке: смелость города берет Пример: The man must be more aggressive if he wants to find a girlfriend. He should remember that a ... Читать далее...
23. Значение идиомы lady-killer[lady-killer] {n.}, {informal} 1. Any man who has strong sex appealtoward women. Joe is a regular lady-killer. 2. A man whorelentlessly pursues amorous conquests, is successful at it, and thenabandons his heartbroken victims. The legendary Don Juan of Spainis the most famous lady-killer of recorded history. Compare: LADY’SMAN....
24. An old man and his wife went to the doctor for a check-upAn old man and his wife went to the doctor for a check-up. While the man is with the doctor, the doctor askes him, «So how has life been treating you?» The old man replies,»The Lord’s been good to me. Every night when I go to the bathroom, He turns the light on and when ... Читать далее...
25. This man goes into the doctor with hisThis man goes into the doctor with his ringhole in a terrible state, really bad now. Doctor: «What happened to you?» He says: «I was in Africa on safari and I got raped by an elephant!» Doctor: «But I don’t understand. Elephant penises are very narrow and couldn’t cause that much damage!» He says «Aah ... Читать далее...
26. A bus stops and two Italian men get onA bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but she listens in horror as one of the men says the following: «Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, dey come together. I come again. Two ... Читать далее...
27. A man comes to a doctor andA man comes to a doctor and, twitching his fingers and stuttering, finally manages to say, «Doctor, I have a sexual performance problem. Can you help me?» «Oh, that’s not a problem for us men anymore!» announces a proud physician, «They just came out with this new wonder drug, Viagra, that does the trick! You ... Читать далее...
28. Is there a doctor in the house?A strained voice called out through the darkened theater, «Please, is there a doctor in the house?!» Several men stood up as the lights came on. An older lady pulled her daughter to stand next to her, «Good, are any of you doctors single and interested in a date with a good, Jewish girl?»...
29. A man went to the doctor for a check upA man went to the doctor for a check up. «How do you feel?» asked the doctor. «Fine.» he replied. After a few more general health questions the doctor asked, «How many times do you have sex per month?» «About two or three.» the man replied. «You should be doing better than that.» the doctor ... Читать далее...
30. A young girl had not been feeling wellA young girl had not been feeling well and went to her family doctor. «Young lady,» the doctor began, «you’re pregnant.» «But that can’t be. The only men I’ve been with are nudists and in, our colony we practice sex only with our eyes.» «Well my dear,» said the doctor, «someone in that colony is ... Читать далее...
31. Eye sexA young girl had not been feeling well and went to her family doctor. «Young lady,» said the doctor, «you’re pregnant.» «But that can’t be. The only men I’ve been with are nudists and in our colony we practise sex only with our eyes.» «Well my dear,» said the doctor, «someone in that colony is ... Читать далее...
32. A man calls his family doctorA man calls his family doctor: Man: Doctor, for the last week my wife has thought that she was a rabbit. Doctor: Ok, bring her in and I’ll try to help. Man: Fine, but whatever you do, don’t cure her....
33. Three elderly men are at the doctor for a memory testThree elderly men are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to the first man, «What is three times three?» «274,» was his reply. The doctor says to the second man, «It’s your turn. What is three times three?» «Tuesday,» replies the second man. The doctor says to the third man, «Okay, ... Читать далее...
34. A man walks into a doctor officeA man walks into a doctor’s office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear. «What’s the matter with me?» he asks the doctor. The doctor replies, «You’re not eating properly.»...
35. A man takes his 10 year old daughter to the doctorA man takes his 10 year old daughter to the doctor. He says «Doctor, I want to put her on the pill.» The Doctor says «Why?!? Is she sexually active?» The guy says «Nah, she just lies there like her mother.» Sent by soh...
36. Перевод слова doctorDoctor — врач, доктор Перевод слова To call a doctor — вызвать врача doctor’s degree — докторская степень to go to the doctor’s — пойти к врачу My head reels, Doctor. Доктор, у меня кружится голова. Let me by, I’m a Doctor. Пропустите меня, я доктор. You want to see a Doctor. Тебе следует показаться ... Читать далее...
37. A construction worker goes to the doctor and saysA construction worker goes to the doctor and says, «Doc, I’m constipated.» The doctor examines him for a minute and then says, «Lean over the table.» The construction worker leans over the table, the doctor whacks him on the ass with a baseball bat, and then sends him into the bathroom. He comes out a ... Читать далее...
38. A bus conversationA bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men saying the following; «Emma come first. Denna I come. Two asses, they come together. I come ... Читать далее...
39. A shapely lady in a bikini walked into the ocean to take a swimA shapely lady in a bikini walked into the ocean to take a swim. A large wave came up and washed over her, tearing off her bikini top. She came out of the surf with her arms folded across her chest. Little Johnny, playing in the sand looked up at her and said, «Lady, if ... Читать далее...
40. An elderly couple walk into a doctor officeAn elderly couple walk into a doctor’s office. The man tells the doctor, «Doctor, we want to have a baby.» The doctor replies,»At your age I don’t think it’s possible, but I’ll give you a jar, come back in a few days with a sperm sample.» So the couple comes back a few days later. ... Читать далее...