A partially deaf gentleman was extolling the virtues

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1. Ten pounds of pride A Texan bought a round of drinks for all in the bar and announced that his wife had just produced a typical Texas baby, weighing a whopping twenty pounds. “WOW!” was the response from everyone at the bar. Two weeks later the Texan returned to the bar. The bartender recognized him and asked, “Aren’t you […]...
2. Cops: Would-be robbers nabbed after restaurant owner says ‘come back’, and they do Two men made it easy for authorities to catch them after they tried to hold up a West Rogers Park restaurant using a squirt gun but were told by the owner to return in an hour, officials said. When Mario Garcia, 39, and Domingo Garcia-Hernandez, 28, went back to the restaurant on the 6400 block […]...
3. Types and Characteristics of Apartments Lily: Thanks for coming with me to meet the Rental agent to view an Apartment, but I think I’m Lost. I’m supposed to be there in 10 minutes, but I can’t find it. There are four different Apartment complexes located next to each other and they look Identical. Omid: Don’t you have the address? Lily: […]...
4. Значение идиомы turn a deaf ear to [turn a deaf ear to] {v. phr.} To pretend not to hear; refuse tohear; not pay attention. Mary turned a deaf ear to Lois’s asking toride her bicycle. The teacher turned a deaf ear to Bob’s excuse. Compare: COLD SHOULDER....
5. Bying a horse This guy owns a horse stud farm, and gets a call from a friend “I know this midget with a speech impediment who wants to buy a horse, I’m sending him over.” The midget arrives, and the owner asks if he wants a male or female horse. “A female horth,” the midget replies. So the […]...
6. Перевод слова owner Owner – владелец, собственник Перевод слова Joint owner – совладелец right owner – законный владелец the owner of a car – владелец автомобиля I met the Owner of the local hotel. Я встретил владельца местного отеля. The Owner’s mark was on all the sheep. Клеймо владельца стояло на всех овцах. The Owner is having to […]...
7. An Unscrupulous Partner My friend Charles convinced me to go into business with him about a year ago. I wish I had had The benefit of hindsight to say “no.” I was too Trusting and that was my Downfall. At first, everything was fine. We Worked our butts off to get the business off the ground. But as […]...
8. Перевод слова apartment Apartment – квартира, апартаменты, жилище Перевод слова Dusky apartment – плохо освещенная комната next-door apartment – соседняя квартира private apartment – частная квартира They busted the Apartment. Они совершили налет на квартиру. Our Apartment is below theirs. Наша квартира находится ниже их. She lives in a small Apartment. Она живет в маленькой квартирке....
9. Перевод слова block Block – препятствие, блок, чурбан; квартал Перевод слова Erratic block – валун concrete block – бетонный блок around the block – за углом They live in this Block. Они живут в этом районе. The garage was made of concrete Blocks. Гараж был построен из бетонных блоков. The Liberals vote as a Block. Либералы голосуют блоком....
10. Пословица / поговорка there are none so blind as those who will not see / there are none so deaf as those who will not hear – перевод и значение, пример использования Пословица / поговорка: there are none so blind as those who will not see / there are none so deaf as those who will not hear Перевод: нет более слепого, чем тот, кто не желает видеть; нет более глухого, чем тот, кто не желает слышать Эквивалент в русском языке: на слепого очков не подберешь Пример: […]...
11. Значение идиомы chip off the old block [chip off the old block] {n. phr.} A person whose character traits closely resemble those of his parents. I hear that Tom plays the violin in the orchestra his father conducts; he sure is a chip off the old block....
12. 4chan wants Taylor Swift to perform at a school for the deaf For the second time in the last two weeks, users of the 4chan imageboard have gamed a public online vote for the lulz. Only this time, their online vote hijacking of the 2012 Taylor Swift on Campus Live Promotion may turn out to be a very good thing. As part of its back to school […]...
13. A man takes his dog for a walk in the park A man takes his dog for a walk in the park. While he’s there, he runs in to his old friend. The two men stop to talk and the dog just plops right down and starts licking his balls. The friend sees this and says, “Man, I sure wish I could do that.” The dog […]...
14. An Indian gentleman on his first visit to the USA An Indian gentleman on his first visit to the USA visited the foreign exchange to exchange some Rupees. He handed to the cashier 100,000Rps and after a quick calculation on the calculator, was given $50.45 with a typical “service” smile and “Have a nice day!” The Indian promptly spent this and returned the next day […]...
15. I have a magical dancing duck A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing, they […]...
16. A dancing duck A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheelin’ and dealin’ they […]...
17. The woman’s secret At a dinner party, several of the guests were arguing whether men or women were more trustworthy. “No woman,” said one man, scornfully, “can keep a secret.” “I don’t know about that,” huffily answered a woman guest. “I have kept my age a secret since I was twenty-one.” “You’ll let it out some day,” the […]...
18. Strange people are here There was a young Scottish boy called Angus who decided to try life in Australia. He found an apartment in a small block and settled in. After a week or two, his mother called from Aberdeen to see how her son was doing in his new life. ‘I’m fine, ‘ Angus said. ‘But there are […]...
19. An older Jewish gentleman marries a younger lady An older Jewish gentleman marries a younger lady and they are very much in love. However, no matter what the husband does sexually, the woman never achieves orgasm. Since a Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to ask the rabbi. The rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the […]...
20. Deaf lady in trouble One day a lady was driving on the Highway. She frequently checked her speed gauge to make sure she stayed within the speed limit. However, when she looked into her rear mirror, much to her dismay, she saw a police car not far behind! And, to make matters worse, the police car turned on his […]...
21. Перевод слова proud Proud – гордый Перевод слова Proud father – счастливый отец proud heritage – наследие, которым гордятся be proud of achievements – гордиться достигнутым He’s very Proud of his daughter’s achievements. Он очень гордится успехами своей дочери. She knows she’s lost, but she is too Proud to admit it. Она знает, что проиграла, но она слишком […]...
22. Traditions A man and a woman got married, and he told her : ” since you are my wife you should respect my traditions and habits…and i have 3 traditions. So, first tradition: On wednesdays i play football with my friends…no matter what..whether it snows or it rains…i dont care..i play football!! -Is it clear for […]...
23. Course of action One Friday afternoon, two secretaries were hanging around the water cooler at the office. “Veronica, I just don’t know what to do,” Gloria said to her friend at work. “That good-looking Alex in accounting asked me out on a date for Saturday night. Should I go?” “Oh, my God!” her friend exclaimed. “He’ll wine you, […]...
24. Three acurate guesses One of the bachelors in the apartment development sneaked up behind an older woman, covered her eyes with his hands, and said, “I’m going to kiss you if you can’t tell me who I am in three guesses.” She quickly answered, “George Washington! Thomas Jefferson! Abraham Lincoln!”...
25. Значение идиомы on the block [on the block] {adj. phr.} To be sold; for sale. The vacanthouse was on the block. Young cattle are grown and sent to marketto be placed on the block....
26. Getting Rid of Bugs and Rodents Apartment Manager: This is the one-bedroom apartment we have for rent. Let me show you around. Sherin: Wait! Did you see that? It looked like a Mouse or a Rat. Apartment Manager: There aren’t any Rodents or any other Vermin in this Apartment complex. I make sure of that. Sherin: Are you sure? Apartment Manager: […]...
27. Tuba Q: What is the range of a tuba? A: Twenty yards if you’ve got a good arm. Q: What’s a tuba for? A: 1 1/2 X 3 1/2. Q: There are two tubaplayers sitting in a car. Who’s driving? A: The policeman Tuba Player: Did you hear my last recital? Friend: I hope so. Q: […]...
28. A man and his date walk into a very posh Rodeo Drive A man and his date walk into a very posh Rodeo Drive furrier after having eaten a very expensive lunch at one of Beverly Hills most exclusive restaurants. “Show the lady your finest mink!” the fellow exclaims. So the owner of the shop goes in back and comes out with an absolutely gorgeous full-length coat. […]...
29. Значение идиомы hold up [hold up] {v.} 1. To raise; lift. John held up his hand. 2. Tosupport; hear; carry. The chair was too weak to hold up Mrs. Smith. 3. To show; call attention to; exhibit. The teacher held upexcellent models of composition for her class to imitate. 4. Tocheck; stop; delay. The wreck held up traffic on […]...
30. Перевод слова gentleman Gentleman – джентельмен, господин Перевод слова He is a gentleman – он порядочный человек he is one of nature’s gentlemen – в нем есть прирожденное благородство gentleman’s agreement – джентльменское соглашение Ladies and Gentlemen! Дамы и господа! He deported himself like a Gentleman. Он вел себя как истинный джентльмен. Show this Gentleman how to get […]...
31. A woman was thinking about finding a pet A woman was thinking about finding a pet to help keep her company at home. She decided she would like to find a beautiful parrot; it wouldn’t be as much work as say a dog, and it would be fun to hear it speak. She went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large […]...
32. I wrote it! There was this guy walking down the road when he noticed a night club ahead. He went in, went up to the bar and asked for a drink. The bar owner, who was tending bar, said, “I’ve never seen you in her before.” The guy says, “Yes, I’m not from around here. I’m just passing […]...
33. Household items Back in the ’70s, days of conspicuous (ahem) consumption, Hugh Hefner was showing a friend around the Playboy Mansion. At one point, Hefner turned to his friend, and said, “Did you ever hear this joke? A woman receives flowers from her boyfriend. She turns to her friend, and says, ‘Oh, great. Now I’ll have to […]...
34. Перевод слова twenty Twenty – двадцать Перевод слова Twenty caissons of ammunition – двадцать ящиков с боеприпасами twenty head of cattle – двадцать голов рогатого скота he is twenty – ему двадцать лет I’ve known her for Twenty years. Я знаю ее двадцать лет. Step off Twenty paces. Отсчитай двадцать шагов. He hit me for Twenty dollars. Он […]...
35. Asking About Business Hours Store owner: Hello. Karin: Hello, is this Joe’s Shoe Repair? Store owner: Yes, how can I help you? Karin: I’m calling to find out your Business hours. Store owner: We’re open 24/7. Karin: Really? You’re open 24 hours a day, Seven days a week? Store owner: Yes, we are, More often than not. Of course […]...
36. Punishment that fits the crime Three dogs are sitting in the waiting room of a vets office. One is a poodle, one is a schnauzer and the other is a great Dane. The poodle turns to the schnauzer and asks “why are you here?” The schnauzer responds, “I’m 17 years old. I don’t see or hear very well. I’ve been […]...
37. An unfortunate situation A lovely young Jewish girl was employed by a clothing firm in New York. She and her widowed mother shared the same ambition: marriage to a wealthy man. One day she returned from work, eyes red from crying. As soon as she entered the apartment she called, “MAMA, I’m pregnant! Don’t get excited. The father […]...
38. Перевод слова deaf Deaf – глухой; бесплодный, пустой Перевод слова He is a little deaf – он плохо слышит deaf to advice – глух к советам deaf seed – погибшее зерно He has been Deaf since birth. Он был глухой с рождения. They were Deaf to all our pleas. Они были глухи к нашим мольбам. He is Deaf […]...
39. Good business Dr. Cutter is the local Veterinarian, known for his wry humor. He surpassed himself one summer day when a city dog was brought to him after an encounter with a porcupine. After almost an hour of prying, pulling, cutting and stitching, he returned the dog to its owner, who asked what she owed. “Fifteen dollars, […]...
40. A hearty breakfast A man goes into a greasy spoon-type cafe and he says, “I would like one of your special full English breakfasts”. “No problem.” Comes the greasy little fat girls reply from behind the counter. “But I want it MY way.” says the man. “What do you mean your way?” comes the reply. The man says, […]...