A middle manager is called into his bosses office
A middle manager is called into his bosses office on a Monday morning. He is told he has to get rid of one employee in his department by the next Monday. “Downsizing.”
He’s really upset. Everyone in his department does a good job and it doesn’t seem fair. So for the next 2 days he racks his brain trying to figure out who to fire. On Tuesday afternoon he sees Jack and Jill standing at the water cooler. He says to himself, “Okay it’s going to be one of them.”
He spends the next few days scrutinizing what each of them does. Everything is equal. Productivity. Time off. Reports. Everything. He’s in a quandary. It’s Friday afternoon and he knows his going to have to think about this all weekend. Everyone has left the office except Jack and Jill, who are getting ready to leave. She comes over to say goodbye.
“Have a good weekend boss. Hey you don’t look so good. Is everything okay?” He looks at her and says “To be honest, I’m having a tough time here. I can’t decide if I should lay you or Jack off.”
And she looks at him and says “Well I have to catch a bus, so i suggest you jack off.
Related topics:
- Working Late at the Office I was so glad it was Friday afternoon. I’ve been thinking-TGIF-all day. I was On my way out of the office when I saw Nick sitting at his desk. Even though the office was nearly empty, he didn’t look like he was ready to leave. In fact, he looked like he was still Swamped with […]...
- The boss called one of his employees into the office The boss called one of his employees into the office. “Rob,” he said, “you’ve been with the company for a year. You started off in the post room, one week later you were promoted to a sales position, and one month after that you were promoted to district manager of the sales department. Just four […]...
- A manager of a restaurant had called its owner A manager of a restaurant had called its owner to ask about whether or not she should hire a new waitress. “She can speak twelve different languages, which will be good for foreign visitors,” said the manager. “All right, so hire her,” the owner replied.”But, sir…” “I knew there would be a but. What’s wrong […]...
- Office Competition Okay, everybody. Listen up. We’re approaching the end of the month. Unless you’re new here, you know that we are in Competition with our Rival, the East Coast office, to have the most sales this period. At the beginning of the month, we Pulled ahead and it looked like we were finally going To turn […]...
- Organizing Your Office I have a very Disorganized office. My co-workers have been making jokes about my office for a long time, and my boss finally Cracked down on me. He told me: “Get the office organized by Friday – no excuses!” What choice did I have? I’ve always been a Pack rat. I hate to throw anything […]...
- Перевод слова office Office – офис, должность Перевод слова Judicial office – судебная должность holder of an office – должностное лицо lawyer’s office – адвокатская контора editorial office – редакция His Office was bugged. Его офис прослушивался. He was removed from Office. Он был отстранен от должности. Foreign Office Министерство иностранных дел (в Великобритании)...
- Перевод слова Monday Monday – Понедельник Перевод слова On Monday – в понедельник Monday feeling – нежелание работать (после воскресенья) Black Monday – первый день занятий после каникул from Monday through Friday – с понедельника по пятницу Monday is awkward for me. Мне неудобен понедельник. Tuesday always follows Monday. Вторник всегда следует за понедельником. I’ll give you a […]...
- Scheduling an Appointment Ann: Hello. Serge: Hi, Ann. It’s Serge. I’m calling To make an appointment for LeeAnn. She wants to meet with Miles next week sometime. Ann: Let me take a look at his Appointment schedule. Let’s see, can LeeAnn be here on Tuesday at 2:00? Serge: No, she’s Tied up all Tuesday afternoon, but I could […]...
- Перевод слова Friday Friday – пятница Перевод слова Black Friday – “черная пятница” from Monday through Friday – с понедельника по пятницу when two friday come together – после дождичка в четверг We aim to finish by Friday. Мы намереваемся закончить к пятнице. ‘What day is it today?’ ‘Friday.’ – Какой сегодня день недели? – Пятница. His funeral […]...
- An old woman came into her doctors office An old woman came into her doctor’s office and confessed to an embarrassing problem. “I fart all the time, Doctor Johnson, but they’re soundless, and they have no odor. In fact, since I’ve been here, I’ve farted no less than twenty times. What can I do?” “Here’s a prescription, Mrs. Harris. Take these pills three […]...
- Перевод слова post-office Post-office – почта, почтовое отделение Перевод слова Post office official – почтовый чиновник post-office receipt – почтовая квитанция post-office box – абонементный почтовый ящик post office coach – почтовый вагон date of a post-office stamp – дата почтового штемпеля It was an old Post-office where clerks candled the letters. Это была почта старого образца, где […]...
- Public Holidays in the United Kingdom There are eight public holidays, or bank holidays a year in Great Britain, that is days on which people need not go to work. They are: Christmas Day, Boxing Day, New Year’s Day, Good Friday, Easter Monday, May Day, Spring Bank Holiday and Late Summer Bank Holiday. The term “bank holiday” dates back to the […]...
- An elderly couple walk into a doctor office An elderly couple walk into a doctor’s office. The man tells the doctor, “Doctor, we want to have a baby.” The doctor replies,”At your age I don’t think it’s possible, but I’ll give you a jar, come back in a few days with a sperm sample.” So the couple comes back a few days later. […]...
- Значение идиомы box office [box office] {n.}, {informal} 1. The place at movies and theaters where tickets may be purchased just before the performance instead of having ordered them through the telephone or having bought them at a ticket agency. No need to reserve the seats; we can pick them up at the box office. 2. A best-selling movie, […]...
- Значение идиомы blue Monday [blue Monday] {n.} A Monday when you have to work after a happy weekend. It was blue Monday and John nodded sleepily over his books. Housewives sometimes wish they could sleep through blue Monday....
- A man called the undertaker one afternoon A man called the undertaker one afternoon and sobbed: “Come and bury my wife.” “But I buried your wife ten years ago,” replied the undertaker. “I got married again,” the man sobbed. “Oh,” said the undertaker. “Congratulations.”...
- A girl called the police department and reported that A girl called the police department and reported that she had been assaulted. The officer who answered the phone, asked, “When did this happen?” She replied, “Last week.” The police then asked, “Why did you wait until now to report it?” Well,” she said. “I didn’t know that I was assaulted until the check bounced.”...
- Mary went to Jill’s place to tell her about a horrible Mary went to Jill’s place to tell her about a horrible experience she’d had the previous night with this bloke she brought home. “Well, what happened when you got there?” Jill asked “The bastard called me a slut!” Mary said. “And what did you do then?” Jill asked, shocked. “I told him to get the […]...
- Two law partners leave their office and go to lunch Two law partners leave their office and go to lunch. In the middle of lunch the junior partner slaps his forehead. “Damn,” he says. “I forgot to lock the office safe before we left.” His partner replies ” What are you worried about? We’re both here.”...
- A man goes into the doctor’s office feeling really bad A man goes into the doctor’s office feeling really bad. After a thorough examination the doctor calls him into his office and says “I have some bad news. You have HAGS.” “What is HAGS” the man asks. “It’s herpes, AIDS, gonorrhea, and syphilis” says the doctor. “Oh my God” says the man. “What are you […]...
- Упражнения “Дни недели” (с ответами) 1. Расставьте буквы по порядку, чтобы получились дни недели. T Y D U S A E D S A A U Y T R R U T S H A Y D D E S D N W E Y A N O M A Y D 2. Вставьте пропущенные буквы. We…nesd…y 5. Fr…day S…nday […]...
- Working from a Home Office Adrina: So this is your new home office. It’s nice. Victor: It’s Functional, and I like it. When my company decided to lower its Overhead by Decentralizing, it gave employees the option to work from home. When I heard that, I didn’t Think twice about making the change. Adrina: I’m not surprised. Lots of people […]...
- The company president called the chief security guard The company president called the chief security guard into his office. “Chuck, we’ve received a complaint from one of the employees that you are making obscene sexual comments and putting your hands where they don’t belong. These unwanted advances will have to stop.” Chuck looked down at his feet and mumbled, “I’m sorry, Sir. I […]...
- Play the Office Game Here’s a way to spice up your office. Pick two or three colleagues and agree to play the Office Game which awards points as follows: ONE POINT Run one lap around the office at top speed. Walk sideways to the photocopier. Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk. When they’re not looking, pour […]...
- Значение идиомы front office [front office] {n.}, {informal} The group of persons who manage abusiness; the officers. The front office decides how much theworkers are paid....
- A woman went down to the Welfare Office to get aid A woman went down to the Welfare Office to get aid. The office worker asked her, “How many children do you have?” “Ten,” she replied. “What are their names?” he asked. “LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, and LeRoy,” she answered. “They’re all named LeRoy?” he asked “What if you want them […]...
- A couple, age 67, went to the doctors office A couple, age 67, went to the doctor’s office. The doctor asked, “What can I do for you?” The man said, “Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?” The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor said, “There is nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse.” And he then charged […]...
- One afternoon this young girl knocked on the door of her neighbor One afternoon this young girl knocked on the door of her neighbor, to chit chat the afternoon away. She walked in and said my god you look so depressed. She said you bet I am, look what my damm husband sent me…six dozen roses. Now you know what that means? I’m going to have to […]...
- Scheduling a Meeting I needed to Schedule a meeting for the three Departments involved in a new project. I called each one to find a Date that Would work for all three of us. Bruno: So, Nicola, would the Day after tomorrow work for you? Nicola: No, I’ll be Out of the office all day. Could we Do […]...
- Значение идиомы land-office business [land-office business] {n.}, {informal} A great rush of business. It was a hot day, and the drive-ins were doing a land-office businessin ice cream and cold drinks....
- Перевод идиомы take office, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: take office Перевод: вступать в должность Пример: The new mayor of the city is expected to take office next week. Ожидается, что новый мэр города вступит в должность на следующей неделе....
- Перевод идиомы a girl Friday / a man Friday / a person Friday, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: a girl Friday / a man Friday / a person Friday Перевод: девушка / мужчина / человек, выполняющий разную подсобную работу в офисе Пример: Jan is our girl Friday. She does the important jobs in our office. Джен – наша верная помощница. Она выполняет важную работу в нашем офисе....
- Bosses versus workers When I take a long time, I am slow. When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough. When I don’t do it, I am lazy. When my boss doesn’t do it, he’s too busy. When I do it without being told, I’m trying to be smart. When my boss does the same, that […]...
- Buying Office Furniture Natalia: Is that the Office Shop Catalogue? Kei: Yeah, I’m in charge of Furnishing the new offices on the second floor. They need everything – Desks, file cabinets, bookcases – you name it. Natalia: That sounds like fun. I love shopping for new furniture. Can I help? Kei: Yes, definitely. I’ve picked out a few […]...
- Going to a Home Improvement Store Paige: I think we can get everything we need To fix up the house in one trip. What do you think? Vern: We can try. It seems like everybody had the same thought when they woke up this morning: Go to the Home improvement store! Paige: Yeah, it’s a little crowded, but I still think […]...
- Going to a Home Improvement Store Paige: I think we can get everything we need To fix up the house in one trip. What do you think? Vern: We can try. It seems like everybody had the same thought when they woke up this morning: Go to the Home improvement store! Paige: Yeah, it’s a little crowded, but I still think […]...
- Starting a New Workweek Naomi: Wow, you look like you had a Rough weekend. A little too much Partying, huh? Aaron: You said it. I’m planning To ease into the new Workweek. I need time To chill and to recover. Could you Take a meeting this morning with our new client? Naomi: What will you do? Aaron: I’ll be […]...
- Разница в словоупотреблении между американским и британским английским Аббревиатуры В современном британском английском аббревиатуры обычно пишутся без точек, в то время, как в американском английском после аббревиатур ставятся точки. Mister = Mr = Mr. Doctor = Dr = Dr. Limited = Ltd = Ltd. Kilogram = Kg = Kg. All и all of, both и both of Если после местоимений All и All […]...
- A man walks into a doctor office A man walks into a doctor’s office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear. “What’s the matter with me?” he asks the doctor. The doctor replies, “You’re not eating properly.”...
- Course of action One Friday afternoon, two secretaries were hanging around the water cooler at the office. “Veronica, I just don’t know what to do,” Gloria said to her friend at work. “That good-looking Alex in accounting asked me out on a date for Saturday night. Should I go?” “Oh, my God!” her friend exclaimed. “He’ll wine you, […]...