A man was riding in the back of his limousine

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1. Bum in need of foodOne afternoon, a man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. «Why are you eating grass?», he asked one man. «We don’t have any money for food.», The poor man replied. ... Читать далее...
2. The limousine was taking the beautiful raven-haired modelThe limousine was taking the beautiful raven-haired model to the airport. Halfway there, the front tire went flat. The model said, «Driver, I don’t have time to wait for road service. Can you change it yourself?» The driver said, «Sure.» He got out of the car and proceeded to change the tire, but couldn’t get ... Читать далее...
3. Riding in a LimousineMandy: Whoo! Whoo! Theo: Hey, get down from there. You shouldn’t be sticking your head out of the Sunroof. Mandy: I just wanted to get some air. This Stretch limo is amazing. Theo: Well, I thought I’d rent one and take you to the Prom in style. Mandy: This is The height of luxury. You’ve ... Читать далее...
4. Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the roadLittle Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log. «My what big eyes you have, Mr Wolf», says Little Red Riding Hood. The wolf jumps up and runs away. Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again. This time ... Читать далее...
5. Little Red Riding HoodOnce upon a time there was a dear little girl who was loved by everyone who looked at her, but most of all by her grandmother, and there was nothing that she would not have given to the child. Once she gave her a little riding hood of red velvet, which suited her so well ... Читать далее...
6. Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the woodsLittle Red Riding Hood was walking through the woods on her way to visit her grandmother, when suddenly The Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree. «Ah-ha….,» The Big Bad Wolf said, «Now I’ve got you and I’m going to eat you! EAT! EAT! EAT!…» Little Red Riding Hood said angrily, «Damn it, ... Читать далее...
7. A policeman was patrolling near midnightA policeman was patrolling near midnight at a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple inside with the dome light on. Inside there was a young man in the driver’s seat reading a computer magazine and a young lady in the back seat calmly knitting. He ... Читать далее...
8. Two newlyweds are riding in the back of a limoTwo newlyweds are riding in the back of a limo on the way to their honeymoon boat cruise. The husband says, «Honey, I want to stop and pick up some condoms before we go.» «Good idea,» she says. «While you’re in there, pick me up some Dramamine.» The groom gets out, walks into the drugstore ... Читать далее...
9. An infamous stud with a long list of conquestsAn infamous stud with a long list of conquests walked into his neighborhood bar and ordered a drink. The bartender thought he looked worried and asked him if anything was wrong. «I’m scared out of my mind,» the stud replied. «Some pissed-off husband wrote to me and said he’d kill me if I didn’t stop ... Читать далее...
10. The Lone Ranger and Tonto had been riding downThe Lone Ranger and Tonto had been riding down the trail all day. When they had stopped to take a rest Tonto placed his ear to the ground and listened. «Buffalo come,» remarked Tonto. «How can you tell, Tonto?» asked the Lone Ranger. «Face sticky.»...
11. Значение идиомы riding for a fall[riding for a fall] {adj. phr.} Behaving in an overconfident waythat is likely to lead to trouble; being too sure of yourself; doingsomething dangerous. The student who does not study for exams isriding for a fall. Mr. Smith has borrowed too much money on hishome. He is riding for a fall. Compare: COME A CROPPER....
12. Reward for goodnessThree men died in a car accident and met Jesus himself at the Pearly Gates. The Lord spoke unto them saying, «I will ask you each a simple question. If you tell the truth I will allow you into heaven, but if you lie….Hell is waiting for you. To the first man the Lord asked, ... Читать далее...
13. The Lone Ranger and Tonto are riding throughThe Lone Ranger and Tonto are riding through one of the many canyons when suddenly rising from the hill on their right are hundreds of indians. They start to spur their horse forward when they realised that there are hundreds of indians ahead of them. Wheeling to the left they, once again, see hundreds of ... Читать далее...
14. Laboratory Rabbit FreedomLaboratory Rabbit Freedom A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he had been born and brought up. As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life. ‘Wow, this is great,’ ... Читать далее...
15. There was a little old man who had a bit of a speech impedimentThere was a little old man who had a bit of a speech impediment. One day he went shopping, his first stop was at a hardware store. He went up to the shop assistant and asked «Could I have a fucket please?» The assistant asked»Pardon sir?». «Can I have a fucket please?» Replied the man. ... Читать далее...
16. A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulderA taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, «Look mate, don’t ever ... Читать далее...
17. Rolls Royce vs. YugoA guy driving a Yugo pulled up to a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce. He rolled down his window and shouted to the driver of the Rolls. «Hey, buddy, that’s a nice car. You got a phone in your Rolls? I’ve got a phone in my Yugo!» The driver of the Rolls looked over and ... Читать далее...
18. Значение идиомы riding high[riding high] {adj.} Attracting attention; enjoying greatpopularity. After scoring the winning touchdown, John is ridinghigh with his classmates....
19. Find out about the catThe following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. A chauffeur worked for a woman who took her cat with her on rides. During one trip, the driver droped her at a mall before he gasing up. The cat remained in ... Читать далее...
20. Перевод слова investigateInvestigate — расследовать, исследовать Перевод слова To investigate a crime — расследовать преступление investigate more closely — изучать более тщательно investigate discrepancies — исследовать разногласия The police are still Investigating the murder. Полиция все еще расследует убийство. Let’s Investigate the syntax of Chinese Давайте изучим синтаксис китайского языка. Their object is to Investigate the matter ... Читать далее...
21. Little MermaidThree fellows walking along the beach noticed a mermaid sitting on a rock swishing her tail in the foam. The first man waded out to her and said, Hello mermaid! Have you ever been kissed?» She replied, «no sir!» So he kissed her quite thoroughly and asked, «Did you like that?» «Oh, indeed I did, ... Читать далее...
22. Riding Scooters and MotorcyclesBernadette: When you offered to give me a ride to work, I didn’t know you rode a Motorcycle. I’m not sure about this. Pawel: Come on, put on this Helmet and get on. You’ll get to work much faster. We can zip around cars and go between Lanes. Bernadette: That’s what I’m afraid of. Pawel: ... Читать далее...
23. This fellow comes to confessionThis fellow comes to confession. «Father, he said, forgive me for I have sinned.» The priest asked, «What did you do, my son?» «I lusted,» the fellow replied. «Tell me about it,» the priest said. The fellow then related his story. «Father, I am a deliveryman for UPS. Yesterday I was making a delivery in ... Читать далее...
24. Arguing about the signA man was driving down a local street one day and approached a stop sign. He barely slowed down and ran right through the stop sign after glancing for traffic. What the driver didn’t know was that a policeman was watching the intersection. The policeman pulled out after him and stopped the car two blocks ... Читать далее...
25. A blonde decides to try horseback ridingA blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and then horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse’s mane, ... Читать далее...
26. A guy driving a Yugo pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-RoyceA guy driving a Yugo pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce. The driver of the Yugo rolls down his window and shouts to the driver of the Rolls, «Hey, buddy, that’s a nice car. You got a phone in your Rolls? I’ve got one in my Yugo!» The driver of Rolls looks ... Читать далее...
27. A fellow was following a truck in heavy trafficA fellow was following a truck in heavy traffic. Every block or so, when they were stopped at a stop light, the driver of the truck would jump out of the cab with a big stick and bang on the side of the cargo bay. He’d then jump back into the cab in time to ... Читать далее...
28. A boy finished cutting the lawn of a priestA boy finished cutting the lawn of a priest…the grass was very thick and long, and it took the boy about 4 hours to cut. He approached the Father for payment and the priest paid him $1.00. The boy said «Thank you, virgin Father!» The priest replied, «What did you say?» The boy repeated, «Thank ... Читать далее...
29. Swerve to avoid a boxDriving to work, a gentlman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of a truck in front of him. Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving. Fortunately, another officer had seen the carton in the road. The policmen stopped traffic and recovered the box. It was found to contain ... Читать далее...
30. Very different childrenTwo ten-year-old children were exactly opposites: Bill was a die-hard optimist, and Bob a hopeless pessimist. The mom asked the psychiatrist what to do about Christmas. The doctor told her to buy all the toys she could for Bob and get Bill nothing. In fact, he said just to wrap up some manure for Bill ... Читать далее...
31. This snow plow driver from North DakotaThis snow plow driver from North Dakota got married. He and his new Bride prepared for their wedding nite. He watched for a while as she spread three different kinds of creams and then a white foam in preparation for their love making. She finally announced that she was ready. The man then asked if ... Читать далее...
32. Blonde on blondeA blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde. The cop asked to see the blonde’s driver’s license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. «What does it look like?» she finally ... Читать далее...
33. Don’t arrest the judgeA squad car driver was covering a quiet beat out in the sticks when he was amazed to find a former lieutenant on the police force covering the beat. He stopped the car and asked, «Why, Irish Mike, this wouldn’t be your new beat out here in the sticks, would it?» «That it is, «Irish ... Читать далее...
34. Перевод слова grassGrass — трава Перевод слова Blade of grass — стебелек травы, травинка to cut the grass — косить траву tender green grass — мягкая, только проклюнувшаяся травка We picnicked on the Grass. Мы устроили пикник на траве. Keep off the Grass. По газонам — не ходить! The Grass tickled her calves. Трава щекотала ее икры....
35. Humor about Ireland 2Barty and Dunny met in a pub and discussed the illness of a friend named Hogan. «Poor Micheal Hogan! Faith, I’m afraid he’s goin’ to die.» «Shure, an’ why would he be dyin’?» asked the other. «Ah, he’s gotten so thin. You’re thin enough, and I’m thin — but by my soul, Micheal Hogan is ... Читать далее...
36. Езда на велосипеде/ Riding A BicycleНа английском языке Перевод на русский язык Riding A Bicycle Езда на велосипеде Not everyone knows how useful for our body is to ride a bicycle. Most people spend hours these days in front of computer screens, which is not healthy at all. Riding a bicycle has a number of benefits. First of all, it’s ... Читать далее...
37. Driving home very drunkIt seems a gentleman had too much alcohol at a party, was heading home, and was pulled over by a state trooper. Upon being tested, the fellow couldn’t walk a straight line any more than he could drive one, so the trooper wrote out a ticket and had just given it to the driver before ... Читать далее...
38. I have a questionA father and son went fishing one day. While they were out in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him. He asked his father, «How does this boat float? The father replied, «Don’t rightly know son.» A little later, the boy looked at his father and asked, «How do fish ... Читать далее...
39. The golf courseA man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on. He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, «I’m on the 7th hole, and you’re a hole behind me, so you ... Читать далее...
40. A couple on their honeymoon woke up after their big nightA couple on their honeymoon woke up after their big night. The bride rolled over and said, «That was nice but tell me, what did my pussy look like before you rooted it?» The husband replied «Like a beautiful rose with drops of dew on it.» «That’s nice honey» she replied, «What did it look ... Читать далее...