A man answers the phone and has the following

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1. Finding the right answersDid you hear about the 10 year old boy who asked his recently divorced mother her age? She told him that was not a question to ask and that he shouldn’t ask it again. He then asked her her weight. She, once again, told him that she wouldn’t answer the question and that he shouldn’t ... Читать далее...
2. An Annoying Cell Phone UserCarl: I’m sorry, say that again. I couldn’t hear you Over that guy at the next table Shouting into his cell phone. Stephanie: That guy is so Rude. We’re trying to have a Leisurely conversation over a cup of coffee, and we have To out shout some Inconsiderate jerk. Carl: Do you think he realizes ... Читать далее...
3. There were 2 old-maid sisters, both virginsThere were 2 old-maid sisters… both virgins. It’s Friday night and Gladys looks at Betty and says, «I’m not going to die a virgin… I’m going out and I’m not coming home ’til I’ve been laid!!» Betty says, «Well, make sure you’re home by 10 so I don’t worry about you.» 10 o’clock rolls around ... Читать далее...
4. California Driving Test AnswersThe following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation’s driving school (read at Saturday Traffic School for moving violation offenders.) Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road? A: What for? He can’t see my license plate. Q: Who has the right ... Читать далее...
5. Phone joke IIOne night when you have a few friends around, take turns calling the same phone number, a really obnoxious acquaintance that won’t recognize your voices is always a good choice. When the person answers, try to leave a message for John Smith (or any name that sounds real). Insist that you have the right number ... Читать далее...
6. John receives a phone callJohn receives a phone call. «Hello,» he answers. The voice on the ot other end says, «This is Susan. We met a party about 3 months ago.» John: «Hmm… Susan? about 3 months ago?» Susan: «Yes, it was at Bill’s house. After the party you took me home. On the way we parked and got ... Читать далее...
7. Перевод слова phonePhone — телефон, звонить по телефону Перевод слова Phone booth — телефонная будка to leave the phone off the hook — не повесить телефонную трубку to call smb. to the phone — пригласить кого-л. к телефону to speak on the phone — говорить по телефону Can you get the Phone? Можешь принести телефон? I’ll Phone ... Читать далее...
8. Phone jokeA few months ago I saw a newspaper clipping which told of a newspaper in Illinois (I think…) which ran a story warning consumers that, on such-and — such day, Illinois Bell would be «blowing the dust out of the phone lines» and that all phone owners should cover the earpiece of their phones with ... Читать далее...
9. Being a Stay-at-Home DadGladys: Hi, Dan. I’m surprised to see you here at the supermarket in the middle of the day. Dan: Why? Gladys: I thought you’d be working. Dan: I am working. I’m a Stay-at-home dad and I take care of the kids while my wife goes to work. Gladys: Oh, did you get Laid off from ... Читать далее...
10. A Purple HeartA decorated war veteran, fresh off the bus, is looking for a place to stay. He hears that room and board is available from the three old spinsters at the edge of town, but is advised they are very picky in letting strangers stay there. He decides to chance it, and limps on up to ... Читать далее...
11. Phone keeps ringingThe following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. Phone Won’t Stop Ringing? Here’s What You Do Leola Starling of Ribrock, Tenn., had a serious telephone problem. But unlike most people she did something about it. The brand-new $10 million Ribrock ... Читать далее...
12. Switching Cell Phone PlansPaul: I need a new Cell phone plan. These Roaming and Overage charges are killing me! Shauna: I thought you had a good calling, Messaging, and Data plan. Paul: I do, but I’m still Going over each month. Shauna: Have you thought about a Prepaid plan? You’ll never be charged extra. Paul: That’s not an ... Читать далее...
13. Switching Cell Phone PlansPaul: I need a new Cell phone plan. These Roaming and Overage charges are killing me! Shauna: I thought you had a good calling, Messaging, and Data plan. Paul: I do, but I’m still Going over each month. Shauna: Have you thought about a Prepaid plan? You’ll never be charged extra. Paul: That’s not an ... Читать далее...
14. Annoying phone callsThe following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. A co-worker of mine fielded phone calls from his Alumni Association every three months for about five years, ostensibly checking to see that his records were up to date, and coincidentally asking ... Читать далее...
15. Questions and Answers at a PresentationOur company hired an Outside firm to Set up a computer system to help us Keep track of the progress on major projects. The company gave us a presentation on how the new system Worked. Afterwards, the employees got a chance to ask questions. Cecelia: So, In a nutshell, those are the Features of the ... Читать далее...
16. Earth science answersREAL ANSWERS FROM EARTH SCIENCE EXAMS The terrestrial planets are much larger than the gas giants. Wegener found matching bedbugs on opposite sides of the Atlantic. The main problem associated with limestone aquifers is Lyme disease. We don’t have rock salt on Guam because that forms from from evaporation of oceans and we don’t have ... Читать далее...
17. Перевод слова conversationConversation — разговор, беседа Перевод слова Conversation classes — занятия по разговорной практике to hold conversation — вести беседу, разговаривать heart-to-heart conversation — разговор по душам Do you remember our Conversation about that new movie? Вы помните наш разговор о новом фильме? We had a Conversation by e-mail. У нас был разговор по электронной почте. ... Читать далее...
18. Shopping for a Cell PhoneSalesperson: Hi, Have you been helped? Greg: No, I haven’t. I’m looking for a new phone. Salesperson: Are you With our company right now? Greg: No, I’m thinking about Switching. Salesperson: Okay, let me show you our most popular phone. This one has a lot of good Features. It’s got a Camera phone, a Video ... Читать далее...
19. Shopping for a Cell PhoneSalesperson: Hi, Have you been helped? Greg: No, I haven’t. I’m looking for a new phone. Salesperson: Are you With our company right now? Greg: No, I’m thinking about Switching. Salesperson: Okay, let me show you our most popular phone. This one has a lot of good Features. It’s got a Camera phone, a Video ... Читать далее...
20. Vacationing on an IslandMohsen: I need to get off this Island. I’m getting Island fever. Ella: We’ve only been here two days. Give it a chance. We’re here to enjoy a slower Pace of life, remember? Mohsen: When you said we were going on an island vacation, I didn’t know we’d be so Isolated. There isn’t a Living ... Читать далее...
21. FCC slaps Florida highway cell phone jammer with $48K fineA Florida man is in big trouble for using a cell phone jammer while driving on the highway. 60-year-old Jason Humphreys admitted to police he’d used the device on his daily commute for roughly two years because he didn’t want drivers around him talking on their cell phones. But the powerful cell jammer shut down ... Читать далее...
22. Being Pestered on the PhoneGisele: Our phone has been Ringing off the hook all weekend. What’s the deal? Nobu: I think it’s Jeanine. Gisele: Jeanine…Jeanine…Is that the woman you’ve been Going out with? Nobu: Yeah, it’s her. I tried To let her down easy, but she’s not Taking the hint. Gisele: I see. That’s why you’ve been Screening calls. ... Читать далее...
23. Taking a Phone MessageI was looking forward to a quiet evening at home. As soon as I walked in the door, though, the phone rang. Paolo: Hello. Evelyn: Hi, Could I speak to Tony? Paolo: He’s not here right now. Can I take a message? Evelyn: Do you know when he’ll be back? Paolo: No, I don’t. Evelyn: ... Читать далее...
24. A man spoke frantically into the phoneA man spoke frantically into the phone: «My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!» «Is this her first child?» the emergency operator asked. «No, you idiot!» the man shouted. «This is her husband!»...
25. Перевод слова miserableMiserable — жалкий, скверный Перевод слова To feel miserable — чувствовать себя несчастным; хандрить miserable weather — скверная погода miserable hovel — убогая лачуга I’ve been so Miserable since she left me. Я был так несчастен, c тех пор как она оставила меня. It was a Miserable grey day. Это был печальный серый день. He’s ... Читать далее...
26. Перевод слова creatureCreature — создание, творение, существо Перевод слова Creatures from outer space — существа из космоса all creatures great and small — все твари, большие и малые irrational creature — тварь неразумная Every living Creature is mortal. Каждое живое существо смертно. She’s a Creature of rare beauty. Она — создание редкой красоты. You always were a ... Читать далее...
27. Trying to Get Off the PhoneErin: So I told Joey that I had no Intention of letting him use my car again. Can you believe The nerve of that guy, after what he did? Curran: That’s terrible, but I’m going to have To let you go. I have an appointment… Erin: But I didn’t tell you what else he said. ... Читать далее...
28. I. R. S. phone callsThe following are actual phone calls made to I. R. S. offices across the United States. — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — ... Читать далее...
29. Перевод слова firmFirm — крепкий, прочный, устойчивый; фирма Перевод слова Consulting firm — консалтинговая фирма cowboy firm — шарашкина контора to be on firm ground — чувствовать твердую почву под ногами firm foundation — прочный фундамент, прочное основание It is my Firm belief. Я твердо верю в это. He received a Firm no in reply. В ответ ... Читать далее...
30. Phone songsAll of the following songs may be played on a touch-tone phone. Commas are pauses, and hyphens are held notes. Mary Had A Little Lamb 3212333, 222, 399, 3212333322321 or 3212333, 222, 133, 3212333322321 Jingle Bells 333, 333, 39123, 666-663333322329, 333, 333, 39123, 666-6633, 399621 Frere Jacques 1231, 1231, 369, 369, 9*9631, 9*9631, 111, 111 ... Читать далее...
31. Corporal Conroy needed to use a pay phoneCorporal Conroy needed to use a pay phone, but didn’t have change for a dollar. He saw Private Duncan mopping the base’s corridor floors, and asked him, «Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?» Private Duncan replied, «Sure.» The Corporal turned red. He said, «That’s no way to address a superior officer! Now let’s ... Читать далее...
32. Getting Through on the PhoneI have been trying to get a meeting with the CEO of Medofact to talk about a Partnership between our company and theirs. But I’ve had a hard time trying to Get through on the phone. First, there was the phone tree. I had to go through three Menus before I got the Option to ... Читать далее...
33. Keeping a high profile in an officeNever write a note or memo if you can phone or visit instead; everyone wants to talk whenever you’re ready. Don’t sit down to talk. The acoustics are better the higher you are, and remember that most people are a bit deaf so speak up louder! Try to talk with _at least_ three people between ... Читать далее...
34. Books in Our Life (2)We can’t imagine our life without books. They play a very important part in our life. Books are our friends. We meet them when we are very small and can’t read, but we remember our mother read them for us. We learn very much from books. Books educate people in different spheres of life. They ... Читать далее...
35. A few questions and answersQ. What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? A. Slow down and use a lubricant. Q. What’s six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild? A. Money. Q. What’s the difference between your wife and your job? A. After five years your job will still suck. Q. How can you spot ... Читать далее...
36. HOT STEAMNew secretary (second day on the job) answers telephone as is told in official tones: «This is the phone company. We are testing a new circuit wiring scheme in your offices. Please keep everyone off the phones for the next 10 minutes. We will be verifying the correct wiring of your system by passing HOT ... Читать далее...
37. There is this French couple, sitting up talking, whenThere is this French couple, sitting up talking, when the wife says to the husband that it was time he had a conversation with their thirteen year old son about the birds and the bees. So the father goes to his son’s room and says «Son do you remember that session I arranged for you ... Читать далее...
38. A man calls his mother in FloridaA man calls his mother in Florida. «Mom, how are you?» «Not too good,»says the mother. «I’ve been very weak.» The son says, «Why are you so weak?» She says, «Because I haven’t eaten in 38 days.» The man says, «That’s terrible. Why haven’t you eaten in 38 days? The mother answers, «Because I didn’t ... Читать далее...
39. A girl sees three dogs in the park and kneels down to pet themA girl sees three dogs in the park and kneels down to pet them. «What’s your name?» she asks the first. To her surprise, the dog answers «My name’s Huey and I’m having a great day going in and out of puddles.» She goes up to the second dog and asks «What’s your name?» The ... Читать далее...
40. A guy in a barThe bartender asks him «What’ll you have?». The guy answers, «A scotch, please». The bartender hands him the drink, and says «That’ll be five dollars», to which he replies «What are you talking about? I don’t owe you anything for this». A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to the bartender, «You ... Читать далее...