A few years ago, when the Catholic church reform began

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1. A catholic lithanyA man is struck by a bus on a busy street in in New York City. He lies dying on the sidewalk as a crowd of spectators gathers around. «A priest. Somebody get me a priest!» the man gasps. A policeman checks the crowd—-no priest, no minister, no man of God of any kind. «A ... Читать далее...
2. Перевод слова reformReform — реформа, преобразование Перевод слова Sweeping reforms — коренные преобразования to initiate a program of reform — начать проведение реформ orthographic reform — реформа орфографии He promised to Reform. Он обещал исправиться. He again exhorted a Reform. Он снова предложил какую-то реформу. We will try to Reform him within the community. Мы попытаемся исправить ... Читать далее...
3. Перевод идиомы up in years / advanced in years / along in years / on in years, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: up in years / advanced in years / along in years / on in years Перевод: старый, пожилой Пример: Although our grandparents are up in years they still have much energy. Хоть наши дедушка и бабушка уже пожилые, они все еще полны энергии....
4. Перевод слова churchChurch — церковь Перевод слова To consecrate a church — освящать церковь to go into the church — принимать духовный сан as poor as a church mouse — бедный, как церковная мышь The Church burnt to the ground. Церковь сгорела дотла. It sounds like the Church bells. Похоже на перезвон колоколов. The Church is seeking ... Читать далее...
5. Daylight Savings Time ReformImmodest Proposal #1: Daylight Savings Time Reform Richard S. Holmes, RICH@suhep. phy. syr. edu It happens every spring: crocuses, baseball (with any luck), and the switch to Daylight Savings Time (DST). Coming off DST is not hard. In the Fall, we set our clocks back one hour. We all get an extra hour to sleep, ... Читать далее...
6. Employee Performance ReviewDon: So how did your End-of-the-year review go? Becky: Oh, it was okay. I had my meeting with Mitch this morning and his Bottom line is that he thinks I need to Show more Initiative. He thinks that I need to start being more Creative. Don: Did he actually say that? Becky: Well, Not in ... Читать далее...
7. Three Reform Rabbis were in a terrible auto wreckThree Reform Rabbis were in a terrible auto wreck. None survived. One minute they were driving along the highway, talking and laughing and joking, and the next, BOOM! they were before the Creator of all. Shaking his head, The Omnipotent One looks at the three. «Reform I can understand. But where will it end? You! ... Читать далее...
8. The local courtroom was packed as testimony beganThe local courtroom was packed as testimony began in the sentencing hearing of a woman convicted of murdering her husband of 20 years by poisoning his coffee. The defense attorney knew he had his work cut out for him trying to make his client appear more sympathetic to the Judge, especially since she had been ... Читать далее...
9. An old man goes to a church, and is making a confessionAn old man goes to a church, and is making a confession: Man: Father, I am 75 years old. I have been married for 50 years. All these years I had been faithful to my wife, but yesterday I was intimate with an 18 year old. Father: When was the last time you made a ... Читать далее...
10. A little nine year old girl was in church with her motherA little nine year old girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill. «Mommy,» she said. «Can we leave now?» «No,» her mother replied. «Well, I think I have to throw up!» «Then go out the front door and to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush.» ... Читать далее...
11. An ApologyBecky: Curt. Curt: Oh, hi. Becky: Can I talk to you for a minute? Curt: I’m really busy right now. Becky: Just one minute. I Promise it won’t take long. Curt: Okay. Let’s talk over here. Becky: Curt, I’m really Sorry that I told Joyce that you had A crush on her. We were just ... Читать далее...
12. A little Catholic kid was praying as hard as he couldA little Catholic kid was praying as hard as he could. ‘God,’ he prayed, ‘I really want a car.’ Jumping up and dashing to the window, he saw that the driveway was empty. ‘God,’ he prayed again, ‘I really NEED a car.’ Still no answer to his prayers. Suddenly the kid stood up, ran into ... Читать далее...
13. One balmy evening in Rome the Pope decides toOne balmy evening in Rome the Pope decides to take a walk. He slips out the rear door of the Vatican and is walking through the back alleys of Rome when he sees a ten-year-old boy smoking a cigarette. The Pope gently says to him, «Young man, you’re much too young to smoke!» The kid ... Читать далее...
14. After church on Sunday morning, a young boyAfter church on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, «Mom, I’ve decided I’m going to be a minister when I grow up. «That’s okay with us,» the mother said, «But what made you decide to be a minister?» «Well,» the boy replied, «I’ll have to go to church on Sunday anyway, ... Читать далее...
15. Three couples wanted to join a churchThree couples, an elderly couple, a middle aged couple and a young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor says, «We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks.» The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks. The pastor goes to the ... Читать далее...
16. On the steps of this church two pan handlers were doing their dailyOn the steps of this church two pan handlers were doing their daily business. One wore a large cross on his chest and the other — a star of David. Of course, most of the church goers generously gave to the cross wearer and the other was overlooked. Finally the Pastor approached the Jew and ... Читать далее...
17. A Lutheran pastor, a Catholic priest and a RabbiA Lutheran pastor, a Catholic priest and a Rabbi were fishing from a boat not from the lake shore. The pastor had to make a trip to the port-a-potty located on the shore, so he got out of the boat, walked across the water and in the same matter, came back to the boat after ... Читать далее...
18. Asking About JobsI was at the store The other day. I saw a former co-worker, Michael, across the room. He used to work at my company until he quit a few months ago to start a new job as a Public relations officer at Missouri University. It’s a job he’s been Working toward For years. He wasn’t ... Читать далее...
19. Blowing the Whistle at WorkBecky: What are we going to do? Saeed: I don’t know. I need time to think about the Ramifications of Blowing the whistle. Becky: There are No two ways about it. If we Step up and do the right thing, we are putting our jobs On the line. Saeed: But we can’t keep quiet about ... Читать далее...
20. Religion in Great BritainТопик Религия в Великобритании рассказывает интересную историю становления англиканской церкви в Англии. Оказывается, Британия была и католической страной, но рассорившись с Папой, король Генрих VIII стал во главе англиканской церкви. Несколько раз религии менялись и в настоящее время, большинство англичан принадлежат к англиканской государственной церкви (одна из крупнейших ветвей протестантского христианства). Распространены также католическая и ... Читать далее...
21. Church Holidays — Церковные праздникиChurch holidays are days set aside by the church for celebrating various events from the life of Christ, the Virgin Mary, and the saints. The most important holiday in Russian churches is Easter (Resurrection of Christ). Next is Christmas, followed by Epiphany, Christ’s presentation at the Temple, Annunciation, Christ’s entrance into Jerusalem (Palm Sunday), Ascension ... Читать далее...
22. On his way out of church, Frank stopped at the doorOn his way out of church, Frank stopped at the door to speak to the minister. «Would it be right,» he asked, «for a person to profit from the mistakes of another?» «Absolutely not!» replied the pastor. «In that case,» said the young man, «I wonder if you’d consider returning the hundred dollars I paid ... Читать далее...
23. Planning a ProtestBecky: I want to thank all of you for coming today. I think we all agree that we need to organize a Protest… Pedro: Hold on, Becky. We all want To voice our opinion that we Oppose what is going on here, but I’m not sure a protest is the answer. Becky: With all due ... Читать далее...
24. A blonde began a job as an Junior school counselorA blonde began a job as an Junior school counselor, and she was eager to help. One day during break she noticed a boy standing by himself on the side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of football at the other. Sandy approached and asked if he was ... Читать далее...
25. From rescuer to rescued: Doctor and paramedic save each other’s lives 30 years apartWhen Dr Michael Shannon saved the life of a premature baby 30 years ago, he would never have thought decades later, the favour would be returned. KTLA reported on Sunday the incredible story of two men in California who saved each other’s lives in two very different ways. The news station said that Dr Michael ... Читать далее...
26. A man was leaving church one dayA man was leaving church one day. The Pastor was standing at the door (as he always is) to shake hands with members of the congregation. He grasped the man by the hand and pulled him aside. The Pastor said to him, «You need to join the Army of the Lord!» The man replied, «I’m ... Читать далее...
27. A company in the Foreign Legion had spent three yearsA company in the Foreign Legion had spent three years in the Sahara desert never having seen a woman. They finally decide to send one private on vacation to the nearest town to spend some time with a woman and tell them all about it. After a week the private comes back all happy and ... Читать далее...
28. The Pope calls a meeting of all the cardinalsThe Pope calls a meeting of all the cardinals. When they have all assembled at the Vatican, he takes them into the meeting hall and states, «I have some really fantastic news and some very terrible news.» Of course, all the cardinals want to hear the good news first, so the Pope tells them, «Jesus ... Читать далее...
29. A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogueA priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue across the street from each other. Since their schedules intertwined, they decided to go in together to buy a car. So they did. They drove it home and parked it in the street between their establishments. A few minutes later, the rabbi looked out ... Читать далее...
30. More trees than there were 100 years ago? It’s true!Protection and responsible harvesting are the reasons behind the success story. The numbers are in. In the United States, which contains 8 percent of the world’s forests, there are more trees than there were 100 years ago. According to the Food and Agriculture Organization (FAO), «Forest growth nationally has exceeded harvest since the 1940s. By ... Читать далее...
31. A little girl was playing up a tree near a churchA little girl was playing up a tree near a church. The priest was taking a walk when he happened to look up the tree and saw the little girl. She had no panties on. He called her down and gave her money to buy a pair of panties. The girl was so happy and ... Читать далее...
32. A couple married forty years were revisiting theA couple married forty years were revisiting the same places they went to on their honeymoon. Driving through the secluded countryside, they passed a ranch with a tall deer fence running along the road. The woman said, «Sweetheart, let’s do the same thing we did here forty years ago.» The guy stopped the car. His ... Читать далее...
33. Значение идиомы along in years[along in years] or [on in years] {adj. phr.} Elderly; growing old. As Grandfather got on in years, he became quiet and thoughtful. Our dog isn’t very playful because it is getting on in years....
34. Значение идиомы poor as a church mouse[poor as a church mouse] {adj. phr.}, {informal} Penniless; broke;extremely poor. The newly arrived boat people were poor as churchmice....
35. In the Sex Ed class the teacher saysIn the Sex Ed class the teacher says, «All right, class, I want you to go home and come back tomorrow with as many positions as you can think of for making sex.» The next day she says to Little Johnny in the back, «Well, John, how many positions did you come up with?» Johnny ... Читать далее...
36. A couple gets married, and thirty years later they’reA couple gets married, and thirty years later they’re in the same hotel, in the same room. She takes off all her clothes, lies back on the bed, and spreads her legs. Her husband starts to cry. She says, «What’s the matter?» He says, «Thirty years ago I couldn’t wait to eat it. Now it ... Читать далее...
37. Forty years later, they’re in the same hotel roomForty years later, they’re in the same hotel room they spent their honeymoon in. She takes off her clothes, lies down on the bed, spreads her legs… Her husband looks at her and he begins to weep uncontrollably. She says, «What’s the matter?» He says, «Forty years ago, I couldn’t wait to eat it, and ... Читать далее...
38. Перевод слова newsNews — новости, хроника Перевод слова What’s the news? — что нового? here is an interesting piece of news — вот интересная новость latest news — последние известия We heard that item on the late News. Мы услышали об этом в последнем выпуске новостей. That is no News. Это уже всем известно Pass the News ... Читать далее...
39. Divine RightSeveral years ago, the Catholic Church required women to wear a head covering in order to enter the sanctuary. One Sunday a lady arrived without her head covering. The priest informs her that she cannot enter without it. A few moments later, the lady re-appears wearing her blouse tied to her head. The shocked priest ... Читать далее...
40. The definition of a phallic symbolThis girl walks in to a doctors office and she asks «Whats a failic symbol? Doctor says «you’re kidding..» Girl says «no! I don’t know! Whats a failic symbol???» Doctor pulls his pants and underwear down and says «You see? This is a failic symbol!» Girl says «Oh! Its just like a penis, only smaller»...