A Duck walks into a bar

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1. A duck walks into a general storeA duck walks into a general store and asks the manager,»Got any fresh fruit?» «No.» «Got any fresh vegetables?» «No. We have only canned and dry goods.» The next day, the duck returns. «Got any fresh fruit?» «No.» «Got any fresh vegetables?» «No. I told you yesterday, we have only canned and dry goods. If ... Читать далее...
2. A duck in the shopA duck walks into a shop and asks the manager: -Got any fresh fruit? -No. -Got any fresh vegetables? -No. We have only dry goods. The next day the duck returns: -Got any fresh fruit? -No. -Got any fresh vegatables? -No. I told you yesterday, we have only dry goods. If you come back tomorrow ... Читать далее...
3. A man walks into a pubThe following was contributed by Emil: A man walks into a pub, sits down at the bar, and says to the barman, «cor! I’ve just had my first blow-job and it was great! — I’ll have a large whiskey please, barman.» The man takes his whiskey and downs it. «Same again?» asks the barman. «Okay» ... Читать далее...
4. So there were two guys on a roof, pounding nailsSo there were two guys on a roof, pounding nails. One guy pounded a nail in, then picked up another. He was holding the nail upside down. He unexpectedly threw the nail away. He picked up another nail, right side up this time, and pounded this in. He eventually threw so many upside down nails ... Читать далее...
5. Перевод слова duckDuck — утка; душка, прелесть; уходить, уклоняться Перевод слова To shoot ducks — стрелять уток she is a perfect duck — она просто прелесть to duck the issue — обойти проблему You can’t Duck out now, you made a solemn promise. Ты не можешь теперь уклониться, ты клятвенно пообещал. It’s unlawful to try to Duck ... Читать далее...
6. A dancing duckA circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheelin’ and dealin’ they ... Читать далее...
7. I have a magical dancing duckA circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing, they ... Читать далее...
8. Using nails on a houseThese two newfies are building a house. One of them is putting on the siding. He picks up a nail, hammers it in. Picks up another nail, throws it away. Picks up a nail, hammers it in. Picks up another, throws it away. This goes on for a while, and finally his friend comes over ... Читать далее...
9. Значение идиомы duck soup[duck soup] {n.}, {slang} 1. A task easily accomplished or one that does not require much effort. That history test was duck soup. 2. A person who offers no resistance; a pushover. How’s the new history teacher? — He’s duck soup....
10. Значение идиомы like water off a duck’s back[like water off a duck’s back] {adv. phr.}, {informal} Withoutchanging your feelings or opinion; without effect. Advice andcorrection roll off him like water off a duck’s back. Many peopleshowed him they didn’t like what he was doing, but their disapprovalpassed off him like water off a duck’s back....
11. Значение идиомы duck out[duck out] {v. phr.} To avoid; escape from something by skillful maneuvering. Somehow or other Jack always manages to duck out of any hard work....
12. A woman walks into a shop that sells very expensive Persian rugsA woman walks into a shop that sells very expensive Persian rugs. She looks around and spots the perfect rug and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the texture of the rug she farts loudly. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and ... Читать далее...
13. A customer walks into a restaurant and noticesA customer walks into a restaurant and notices a large sign on the wall that says, «$500 if we fail to fill your order.» When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant tail on rye. She calmly writes down his order and walks into the kitchen. Almost immediately he hears an explosion of voices. The restaurant ... Читать далее...
14. Значение идиомы dead duck[dead duck] {n.}, {slang} A person or thing in a hopeless situation or condition; one to whom something bad is sure to happen. When the pianist broke her arm, she was a dead duck....
15. Перевод идиомы duck soup, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: duck soup Перевод: очень легкий, простой, пустяковый Пример: «How was the test last week?» «It was duck soup — no problem at all.» Как прошла контрольная на той неделе? — Пустяки, никаких проблем....
16. Man walks into a supermarket and buysMan walks into a supermarket and buys : 1 bar of soap 1 toothbrush 1 tube toothpaste 1 loaf of bread 1 pint of milk 1 single serving cereal 1 single serving frozen dinner The girl at the checkout looks at him and says «Single are you?» The man replies very sarcastically «How did you ... Читать далее...
17. Перевод идиомы like water off a duck’s back, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: like water off a duck’s back Перевод: как с гуся вода; не задевая; без всякого эффекта Пример: My boss always criticizes my friend but he ignores it and the criticism is like water off a duck’s back. Мой начальник всегда критикует моего друга, но он все игнорирует, и критика не оказывает никакой эффект на ... Читать далее...
18. A guy walks into an elevator and stands nextA guy walks into an elevator and stands next to a beautiful woman. After a few minutes he turns to her and says, «Can I smell your pussy?» The woman looks at him in disgust and says, «Certainly not!» «Hmmm,» he replies. «It must be your feet, then.»...
19. Перевод идиомы lame duck, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: lame duck Перевод: кто-либо, занимающий выбираемую должность, чей срок полномочий еще не истек, но о ком известно, что он не будет переизбран, или что он не может быть переизбран (в силу устава, закона, и т. п.) Пример: The mayor is a lame-duck leader so it is difficult for him to accomplish some things. Мэр ... Читать далее...
20. Corporal Conroy needed to use a pay phoneCorporal Conroy needed to use a pay phone, but didn’t have change for a dollar. He saw Private Duncan mopping the base’s corridor floors, and asked him, «Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?» Private Duncan replied, «Sure.» The Corporal turned red. He said, «That’s no way to address a superior officer! Now let’s ... Читать далее...
21. Перевод сленгового выражения sitting duck, значение и пример использованияСленговое выражение: sitting duck Перевод: легкая цель; что-либо или кто-либо беззащитный, уязвимый, или находящийся в рискованной, опасной ситуации Пример: The sweet old lady was a sitting duck for the aggressive salesman. Эта приятная пожилая дама была легкой целью для настойчивого продавца. Out in the open field, the soldiers were sitting ducks for enemy snipers. В ... Читать далее...
22. A guy walks into a bar and sits down next toA guy walks into a bar and sits down next to an extremely gorgeous woman. The first thing he notices about her though, are her pants. They were skin-tight, high-waisted and had no obvious mechanism (zipper, buttons or velcro) for opening them. After several minutes of puzzling over how she got the pants up over ... Читать далее...
23. A midget walks into the doctors and saysA midget walks into the doctors and says, «Doc, I’ve got these fucking itchy balls and I can’t do anything to stop ’em itching». The Doc says, «I can see the problem and I’ll fix it for ya» So the Doc pulls out a pair of scissors and tells the Midget to close his eyes. ... Читать далее...
24. Перевод слова nailNail — ноготь; гвоздь, забивать гвозди Перевод слова To drive a nail into the wall — вбивать гвоздь в стену to remove a nail — выдернуть гвоздь nail file — пилка для ногтей to break a nail — сломать ноготь I’ve broken my Nail. Я сломала ноготь. Strike the Nail home. Забей гвоздь до конца. ... Читать далее...
25. Значение идиомы all walks of life[all walks of life] {n. phr.} All socioeconomic groups; all professions and lines of work. A good teacher has to be able to communicate with students from all walks of life. A clever politician doesn’t alienate people from any walk of life....
26. A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits downA blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. «I’m sorry sir, but I am blind, and can’t read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer, I’ll smell it and order ... Читать далее...
27. I am afraid of that tarmacA motorway walks into a pub one day. He goes up to the bar and orders himself a drink. He just sits down when in walks a strip of tarmac. The motorway sees the tarmac and starts to panic so he jumps over the bar and ducks down so it won’t see him. The barman ... Читать далее...
28. A panda bear walks into a restaurantA panda bear walks into a restaurant. He orders the special and eats it. After eating, he pulls out a pistol, kills the waiter and starts to walk out the door. The owner of the restaurant says, «Hey, what are you doing? You come in here, you kill my waiter and walk away without saying ... Читать далее...
29. Значение идиомы lame duck[lame duck] {n.}, {informal} An elected public official who hasbeen either defeated in a new election or whose term cannot berenewed, but who has a short period of time left in office duringwhich he can still perform certain duties, though with somewhatdiminished powers. In the last year of their second terms, Americanpresidents are lame ducks....
30. A woman walks into a tattoo parlourA woman walks into a tattoo parlour and asks ‘Do you do custom work?’ ‘Why of course!’ ‘Good. I’d like a portrait of Robert Redford on the inside of my right thigh, and a portrait of Paul Newman on the inside of my left thigh.’ ‘No problem,’ says the artist. ‘Strip from the waist down ... Читать далее...
31. A woman walks into a pet storeA woman walks into a pet store wanting to buy a pet for her husband, but she finds all the pets are so so expensive. The woman says to the clerk at the counter, «I’m looking to buy a pet for my husband but I’m on a very short budget!.» «No worries,» replies the clerk. ... Читать далее...
32. Bloke is drinking at a pubBloke is drinking at a pub and after a few rounds goes to leave, explaining to the barman he has to go home to do a shit. «Don’t be stupid,» says the barman, «We’ve got a perfectly good toilet here!» «Yes,» explains the drinker, «but I take salts.» «So what??!! That doesn’t matter — you ... Читать далее...
33. A man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condomA man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condom, then walks out of the store laughing hysterically. The pharmacist thinks this is weird, but, hey, there’s no law preventing weird people from buying condoms. Maybe it’s a good thing. The next day, the man comes back to the store, purchases another condom, and once again ... Читать далее...
34. This guy walks in to a bathroomThis guy walks in to a bathroom. There is a hole in the wall, and a sign that says «put your dick in here, we’ll do what your wife does for you». So the guy puts his dick in there, and they sew a button on it....
35. Ventriliquist cowboy walks into townVentriliquist cowboy walks into town and sees Indian sitting on his porch. Cowboy: Hey, cool dog. Mind if I speak to him? Indian: Dog no talk. Cowboy: Hey dog, hows it going? Dog: Doin alright. Indian: [extreme look of shock] Cowboy: Is this your owner? [pointing at Indian] Dog: Yep Cowboy: How’s he treat you? ... Читать далее...
36. A black guy walks into a tavern with a parrotA black guy walks into a tavern with a parrot on his shoulder…the bartender looks up and says » where the hell did you get that thing? The Parrot replies » Over in Africa, there’s millions of them » !!!!...
37. A blind man walks into a drug store with his seeing eye dogA blind man walks into a drug store with his seeing eye dog. He takes the dogs leash & starts swinging it around & around his head. The druggist says «May I help you?» The blind man replies «No thank you, I’m just looking around.»...
38. A dog walks into a butcher shopA dog walks into a butcher shop with a purse strapped around his neck. He walks up to the meat case and calmly sits there until it’s his turn to be waited on. A man, who was already in the butcher shop, finished his purchase and noticed the dog. The butcher leaned over the counter ... Читать далее...
39. A man walks into a doctor officeA man walks into a doctor’s office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear. «What’s the matter with me?» he asks the doctor. The doctor replies, «You’re not eating properly.»...
40. A man walks into a jewellers shopA man walks into a jewellers shop, unzips his trousers and places his tool upon the counter. The lady serving says: «I’m sorry Sir, this is a clock shop not a cock shop.» «Well, put two hands and a face on this.» replies the man....