A chinese detective

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1. Detective report A man suspected his wife of seeing another man. So, he hired a famous Chinese detective, Ram Pam Sim Wimm, to watch and report any activities that might develop. A few days later, he received this report: Most honorable sir: You leave house. He come house. I watch. He and she leave house. I follow. […]...
2. Значение идиомы house detective [house detective] {n.} A detective employed by a hotel, store, orother business to watch for any trouble. The one-armed man sweepingthe bank floor was really the house detective....
3. Working in the garden A prisioner in jail received a letter from his wife: “I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?” The prisioner, knowing that the prison guards read all the mail, replied in a letter: “Dear Wife, whatever you do, DO NOT touch the back garden! […]...
4. A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one Friday evening and read’s: Dear Wife (that’s what he called her) I am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy 18 year old secretary. When he arrived at the […]...
5. The hotel Astor had hired a new bus driver The hotel Astor had hired a new bus driver and instructed him to meet all incoming trains and announce at the depot in a very loud voice, “Free bus to the hotel Astor!” On the way to the station on his first trip her kept repeating to himself, “Free bus to the hotel Astor, Free […]...
6. You can eat your plate Taipei, Taiwan (AP) – Diners tempted to lick a plate after a delicious meal can now go a step further – eat the plate. Chen Liang-erh, 50, an amateur inventor, announced Friday that he had perfected an edible plate made from wheat grain, and that he planned to mass-produce it and other edible crockery including […]...
7. You might be a redneck if 02 You might be a redneck if… Your Christmas tree is still up in February. You’ve ever been arrested for loitering. You think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d’ouvre. There is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house. You hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it […]...
8. Perfect customer A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a midwest town he planned to visit on his vacation. He wrote, “I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with […]...
9. A dangerous job This guy wakes up one morning to find a gorilla in his tree. He looks in the phone book for a gorilla removal service until he finds one. “Is it a boy or girl Gorilla?” the service guy asks. “Boy,” is the man’s response. “Oh yeah, I can do it. I’ll be right there,” says […]...
10. Значение идиомы take the law into one’s own hands [take the law into one’s own hands] {v. phr.} To protect one’ssupposed rights or punish a suspected wrongdoer without reference to acourt. – An overused expression. When the men of the settlementcaught the suspected murderer, they took the law into their own handsand hanged him to a tree. His farm was going to be sold […]...
11. Значение идиомы climb the wall [climb the wall] {v. phr.}, {slang}, {informal} 1. To react to a challenging situation with too great an emotional response, frustration, tension, and anxiety. By the time I got the letter that I was hired, I was ready to climb the wall. 2. To be so disinterested or bored as to be most anxious to […]...
12. A little boy squirrel and a little girl squirrel A little boy squirrel and a little girl squirrel were chattering and playing around when up comes a fox. The girl squirrel dashed up a tree, but the boy squirrel stayed on the ground. “That’s strange,” said the fox. “Usually squirrels are afraid of me and run to the nearest tree.” “Listen, bud,” replied the […]...
13. A little turtle begins to climb a tree slowly A little turtle begins to climb a tree slowly. After long hours of effort, he reaches the top, jumps into the air waving his front legs, until reaches heavily into the ground with a hard knock over his shell. After recovering his consciousness, he starts to climb the tree again, jumps again, and knocks the […]...
14. Перевод слова tree Tree – дерево Перевод слова To decorate a Christmas tree – наряжать елку to dig up a tree – выкопать дерево to fit a tree – подрубать дерево The car struck the Tree. Автомобиль врезался в дерево. Monkeys live in Trees. Обезьяны живут на деревьях. The Tree was about to fall. Дерево чуть не упало....
15. This guy unexpectedly got the day off and decided This guy unexpectedly got the day off and decided he would spend it on the golf course. After arriving at the club house, he was told that the only way he could play today was if he was willing to play along with three nuns. He agreed and set off with the nuns in tow. […]...
16. Диалог на английском языке с переводом “Pitch in” Mrs. Chen Миссис Кен Turn off that TV, now! Сейчас же выключи телевизор! Fanny Фенни What? I can’t hear you. The TV is too loud. Что? Я не слышу, телевизор работает очень громко. Mrs. Chen Миссис Кен I said turn off that TV! Я сказала, выключи телевизор! Fanny Фенни But, Mom! My favorite show is […]...
17. Why’d the monkey fall outta the tree? Why’d the monkey fall outta the tree? ’cause he was dead… Why’d the other monkey fall outta the tree? ’cause he was dead too… Why’d the third monkey fall outta the tree? Peer pressure…...
18. Little Johnny tried out for the school play Little Johnny tried out for the school play. The teacher gave him these lines to practice: “Hark! A pistol shot! There lies a lady with hope in her soul. I think I’ll snatch a kiss and run into the forest. By William Shakespeare.” Little Johnny practiced and practiced and did the lines perfectly every time. […]...
19. Значение идиомы skip out [skip out] {v.}, {informal} To leave in a hurry; especially aftercheating or taking money dishonestly; sneak away; leave withoutpermission. The man skipped out of the hotel without paying hisbill. “How did you get out of the house after supper, Harry? ” “Iskipped out!”...
20. Chinese Fire Drill One joke that we did in residence was the Chinese Fire Drill, I don’t quite know why it is called that. Anyway.. The victim is on the pot in the dorm washroom. Everyone grabs a bucket (we used the waste baskets from our rooms) and fills the buckets with water. Take a paper bag and […]...
21. Перевод слова fall Fall – падать, терять положение; осень Перевод слова The fall of an apple – падение яблока the curtain falls – занавес падает fall fashions – осенние моды The tree was about to Fall. Дерево чуть не упало. He Fell back onto the bed. Он упал обратно на кровать. My birthday Falls on Sunday. Мой день […]...
22. Перевод слова kiss Kiss – поцелуй Перевод слова Deep kiss – глубокий поцелуй, французский поцелуй to kiss the hare’s foot – поцеловать порог, опоздать to throw a kiss – послать воздушный поцелуй Give us a Kiss. Поцелуй меня. She Kissed him goodnight. Она поцеловала его на ночь. Kiss my ass! Поцелуй меня в задницу! Интересные факты KISS – […]...
23. A man finds himself staying in a Vegas hotel room A man finds himself staying in a Vegas hotel room while on a business trip. Not wishing to be alone, he calls an “escort” service for some company. Soon, a strikingly beautiful hooker arrives. Without preamble the hooker says, “I want to tell you right up front, my minimum fee is $500, and that’s for […]...
24. Значение идиомы foul play [foul play] {n.} Treachery; a criminal act. After they discovered the dead body, the police suspected foul play. “She must have met with foul play,” the chief inspector said whenthey couldn’t find the 12-year-old girl who had disappeared....
25. How to Catch a White Elephant How to Catch a White Elephant ============================= Submitted By Niels Kristian Jensen Go to an place where there are white elephants. Bring with you a muffin (with raisins). Climb a tree. When the white elephant is close, drop the muffin (with raisins) in front of it. The white elephant will be happy, and eat the […]...
26. Значение идиомы fall out [fall out] {v.} 1. To happen. As it fell out, the Harpers wereable to sell their old car. Compare: TURN OUT. 2. To quarrel;fight; fuss; disagree. The thieves fell out over the division ofthe loot. 3. To leave a military formation. You men are dismissed. Fall out! Contrast: FALL IN. 4. To leave a building […]...
27. A jealous husband hires a private detective A jealous husband hires a private detective to check up on his wife. The husband tells the detective, he wants both a written account and as many videos of her in any kind of compromising situations as the man can get. Two weeks later the detective calls the man and tells him he has all […]...
28. Значение идиомы to the letter [to the letter] {adv. phr.} With nothing done wrong or left undone;exactly; precisely. He carried out his orders to the letter. When writing a test you should follow the instructions to theletter. Compare: TO A T....
29. A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good looking A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good looking sailor were shipwrecked on an island. One morning, the sailor climbed a tall coconut tree and yelled, “Stop making love down there!” “What’s the matter with you?” the husband said when the sailor climbed down. “We weren’t making love.” “Sorry,” said the sailor, “From […]...
30. Детектив/ A Detective Story На английском языке Перевод на русский язык A Detective Story Детектив There are many interesting genres in literature which I admire, but my favourite books are detective stories. Such books usually contain crime and mystery, which are later solved by smart detectives. One of the best-known detectives of all times was Sherlock Holmes. Everybody has […]...
31. A lady from California purchased a piece of timber land A lady from California purchased a piece of timber land in Oregon. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted to get a good view of her land so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top, she encountered a spotted owl that […]...
32. Confuse Santa Claus 1. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds. 2. While he’s in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket. 3. Leave him a note, explaining that you’ve gone away for the holidays. Ask […]...
33. The Latest Breaking News on the GoodTimes Virus It turns out that this so-called hoax virus is very dangerous after all. Goodtimes will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, it will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer. It will recalibrate your refrigerator’s coolness setting so all your ice cream goes melty. It will demagnetize the strips on all […]...
34. Значение идиомы come to nothing [come to nothing] also {formal} [come to naught] {v. phr.} To end in failure; fail; be in vain. The dog’s attempts to climb the tree after the cat came to nothing....
35. Перевод слова hotel Hotel – гостиница, отель Перевод слова Hotel room – комната в гостинице hotel service – гостиничное обслуживание full hotel service – с полным обслуживанием (уборкой, бельем и т. п.) hotel bill – счет за проживание в гостинице We registered at a Hotel. Мы зарегистрировались в гостинице. Turn left after the Hotel. После отеля поверните налево. […]...
36. Значение идиомы bread-and-butter letter [bread-and-butter letter] {n.} A written acknowledgment of hospitality received. Jane wrote the Browns a bread-and-butter letter when she returned home from her visit to them....
37. Значение идиомы kiss someone [kiss someone] or [something goodbye] {v. phr.} To lose or give upsomeone or something forever. “If you won’t marry Jane,” Peter saidto Tom, “you might as well kiss her goodbye.” People who bet on alosing horse at the races might as well kiss their money goodbye....
38. Chinese learned this Time sensitive note: This joke pertains to the crash of a Chinese plane into a United States plane over International waters. China demanded an apology from us and stole technology from our plane when it was forced to make an emergency landing in Chiese lands. Top Ten Things The Chinese Have Learned By Examining Our […]...
39. A man is walking along one day and he comes upon a ladder A man is walking along one day and he comes upon a ladder. Looking up, he sees that the ladder disappears into the clouds. Curious, he begins to climb. Before long, he is *in* the clouds. He looks around and sees the most horribly ugly woman he has ever seen in his life. Obese, snaggle-toothed, […]...
40. Finding a Chinese Jew Sid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant. “Sid,” asked Al, “are there any Jews in China?” “I don’t know,” Sid replied. “Why don’t we ask the waiter?” When the waiter came by, Al asked him, “Are there any Chinese Jews?” “I don’t know sir, let me ask,” the waiter replied, and he went […]...