A Canadian, a Scotsman, and an Australian

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1. An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a barAn Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar, drinking, and discussing how stupid their wives were. The Englishman says, «I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she went to the supermarket and bought $300 worth of meat because it was on sale, and we don’t even have a ... Читать далее...
2. Перевод слова AustralianAustralian — австралийский, австралиец Перевод слова Australian crawl — австралийский кроль new Australian — иммигрант, недавно поселившийся в Австралии Australian deserts — Пустынях Австралии Her voice had a slight Australian twang. У нее был легкий австралийский выговор. She was the first woman to hold the office of Australian state premier. Она была первой женщиной, занявшей ... Читать далее...
3. Перевод слова CanadianCanadian — канадский, канадец, канадка Перевод слова French Canadians — франкоговорящие канадцы canadian dollar — канадский доллар canadian spruce — ель канадская ‘He’s Canadian.’ ‘Really?’ — Он канадец.’ — В самом деле?’ They were fishing in Canadian waters. Они ловили рыбу в Канадских территориальных водах. Canadian otters have thicker rudders. У канадских выдр более толстый ... Читать далее...
4. A young lady asked the Scotsman what he wore under his kiltA young lady asked the Scotsman what he wore under his kilt. «Reach up there and find out.» She did, but quickly pulled her hand back out and said, «Oh, it’s gruesome!» «Aye, it has,» replied the Scotsman, «and if you put your hand back up there, it’ll grow some more!»...
5. Harry and his wife are driving in the countryHarry and his wife are driving in the country when he sees a sign that says, «Cow For Sale…$5000.» He pulls in and says to the farmer, «There’s no cow in the world worth five thousand dollars.» The farmer says, Oh, yeah? Take a look at this.» He lifts the cow’s tail, and Harry sees ... Читать далее...
6. The Australian wayAfter working for years, a hooker finally retired and, being afraid of spending the rest of her life alone, she decided to marry. She had been with so many perverted men over the years that she felt she needed a change and would only get one by marrying a virgin male near her age. She ... Читать далее...
7. The man approached the very beautiful womanThe man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, «You know, I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?» «Why?» «Because every time I talk to a a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere.»...
8. Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wivesTwo buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives. «Does your wife ever… well, you know… does she… well, let you do it doggie style?» asked one of the two. «Well, not exactly,» his friend replied, «She’s into the dog trick aspect of it.» «Oh, I see. Kinky stuff, huh?» «Well… not exactly. More like ... Читать далее...
9. Air Canada flight finds stranded Australian yachtThey were ready to land in Australia, at the end of a 14-hour international flight, when the 270 passengers of an Air Canada flight were suddenly thrown into a high-seas search-and-rescue operation. Flight AC033 diverted after pilot Andrew Robertson got a call from the Australian Maritime Safety Authority on Tuesday to help search for a ... Читать далее...
10. The Australian liberal party announced todayThe Australian liberal party announced today that they are changing their emblem to a condom because it more clearly reflects their party’s political stance : A condom stands up to inflation, halts production, discourages co-operation, protects a bunch of dicks, and gives one a sense of security while screwing others....
11. Now he’s in troubleA police officer had just pulled a car over. When he walked up to the car a man rolled down the window and said, «what’s the problem officer?» To which the policeman responded, «I stopped you for running that red light behind you.» Just then the man’s wife leaned forward from the driver’s seat and ... Читать далее...
12. Marriage quotes 11My other wife is beautiful. My wife doesn’t care what I do away from home, as long as I don’t enjoy it. My wife has a split personality, and I hate both of them. My wife ran off with my best friend last week. I miss him! My wife says if I go fishing one ... Читать далее...
13. How to call penisAt a government affair, the wives of four world leaders are chatting about how people refer to a penis in their countries. The wife of Tony Blair says in England people call it a gentleman, because it stands up when women are entering. The wife of Boris Yeltsin says in Russia you call it a ... Читать далее...
14. Ed, Ted and their wives went out camping one weekendEd, Ted and their wives went out camping one weekend. Ed and Ted slept in one tent while the wives used the other. At about three in the morning, Ted woke up and yelled, «Wow, unbelievable!» Which woke Ed. «What’s going on?» said Ed. «I’ve got to go to the other tent and find my ... Читать далее...
15. Twenty men die and go to heavenTwenty men die and go to heaven. When they arrive they are told to seperate into two lines. One for all the husbands that are under their wives control and they other for those that control their wives. After the men seperate one of the angels notices that their are nineteen men in the first ... Читать далее...
16. Reading Product ReviewsDominic: Do you want some help with that box? Andrea: Sure, thanks. Dominic: What is it? Andrea: It’s a new TV. My old one has been On the fritz for a week and I needed a new one. Dominic: Is this a Highly-rated model? Andrea: Highly-rated? I just went to the electronics store and bought ... Читать далее...
17. Reading Product ReviewsDominic: Do you want some help with that box? Andrea: Sure, thanks. Dominic: What is it? Andrea: It’s a new TV. My old one has been On the fritz for a week and I needed a new one. Dominic: Is this a Highly-rated model? Andrea: Highly-rated? I just went to the electronics store and bought ... Читать далее...
18. When Joe’s wife ran away with his car, his money andWhen Joe’s wife ran away with his car, his money and his best friend, he got so depressed that his doctor sent him to see a psychiatrist. Joe told the psychiatrist his troubles and said, «Life isn’t worth living. I think I’m gonna top myself.» «Don’t be stupid, Joe,» said the psychiatrist. «My wife ran ... Читать далее...
19. An American woman and an Iranian womanAn American woman and an Iranian woman are in the supermarket. The Iranian woman picks up two potatoes and says, «These remind me of my husband’s testicles.» The American woman says, «That big?» The Iranian woman says, No…that dirty.»...
20. Ought to be hungWhen the airline Captain announced they were flying over Salt Lake City, Utah, a woman told the man sitting beside her, «I understand this is the home of the Mormon religion where husbands believe it’s OK to have more than one wife.» That’s true,» he replied, «as a matter of fact I happen to be ... Читать далее...
21. Three guys are discussing womenThree guys are discussing women. «I like to watch a woman’s tits best,» the first guy says. The second says «I like to look at a woman’s ass.» He asks the third guy «What about you?». «Me? I prefer to see the top of her head.»...
22. Three Irish women were discussing their respective matesCould this herald the return of our resident wise man, Cunning Lin Gus? Three Irish women were discussing their respective mates over tea. «I call my man ‘Eight,’ » said the first woman, «Because he’s got eight inches, and we do it eight times a day.» The second woman said in response, «I call my ... Читать далее...
23. Australian Cities and Towns — Большие и малые города АвстралииThe capital of Australia, Canberra, is a young and comparatively small city. It was founded in the 20th century and now has a population of about 260 000 people. The centre of Canberra is a small hill. Several streets run from that hill. Special charm is given to Canberra by an artificial lake in the ... Читать далее...
24. A supermarket had a sale on boneless chicken breastsA supermarket had a sale on boneless chicken breasts, and a woman I know intended to stock up. At the store, however, she was disappointed to find only a few skimpy prepackaged portions of the poultry, so she complained to the butcher. «don’t worry, ya,» he said. «I’ll pack some more trays and have them ... Читать далее...
25. Canadian Cities and TownsТопик Города Канады познакомит вас с самыми крупными городами страны. В первую очередь, это столица Канады – Оттава, расположенная на берегу одноименной реки, и более 20 мостов украшают этот красивый город. Торонто – крупный промышленный центр и город-порт на одном из Великих Озер – Онтарио. Монреаль – также город-порт, один из торговых и культурных центров ... Читать далее...
26. Marriage quotes 04A man must marry only a very pretty woman in case he should ever want some other man to take her off his hands. — Guitry Ah Mozart! He was happily married — but his wife wasn’t. — Borge Always talk to your wife while you’re making love… if there’s a phone handy. An archaeologist ... Читать далее...
27. Перевод слова stupidStupid — глупый, бестолковый Перевод слова Stupid blunder — глупая ошибка stupid jackass — тупой осел plumb stupid — абсолютно тупой He understands — he’s not Stupid. Он понимает — он вовсе не дурак. I was Stupid to agree. Я согласился по глупости. She annoyed him with her Stupid questions. Она раздражала его своими глупыми ... Читать далее...
28. Some of the myths about marriageTOP15.Some of the myths about marriage… Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. Their passion is heating up. Then the wife stops and says: «I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.» The husband says: «WHAT??» The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional ... Читать далее...
29. Перевод слова supermarketSupermarket — супермаркет Перевод слова To shop at a supermarket — делать покупки в супермаркете cashier in a supermarket — кассир в супермаркете supermarket trolley — тележка в супермаркете He clerks in a Supermarket. Он работает продавцом в супермаркете. At lunchtime, I popped to the Supermarket to stock up on vital provisions. В обеденный перерыв ... Читать далее...
30. Being a Stay-at-Home DadGladys: Hi, Dan. I’m surprised to see you here at the supermarket in the middle of the day. Dan: Why? Gladys: I thought you’d be working. Dan: I am working. I’m a Stay-at-home dad and I take care of the kids while my wife goes to work. Gladys: Oh, did you get Laid off from ... Читать далее...
31. A wife, arriving home from a shopping trip, was horrified toA wife, arriving home from a shopping trip, was horrified to find her husband in bed with a lovely young woman. Just as the wife was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words: Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about. Driving along ... Читать далее...
32. Marriage quotes 14This delivery driver carries no money. His wife has it all. We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife. — Groucho Marx We must respect the other fellow’s religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that ... Читать далее...
33. Controlling your spouseThere were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet. After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, «Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your ... Читать далее...
34. Перевод слова mentalMental — психический, умственный Перевод слова Mental defect — умственный дефект this mental disengagement — эта свобода ума mental disorder — психическое расстройство I made a Mental note of his name. Я отметил его имя в уме. His physical and Mental health had got worse. Его физическое и душевное здоровье ухудшилось. He was recommitted to ... Читать далее...
35. Canadian Cities and Towns — Большие и малые города КанадыCanada is a country with rapid growth of the population. It is mainly concentrated in large cities. The most important among them is the capital of the country, Ottawa. It is situated on the picturesque bank of the Ottawa River. One third of its population is descendants of English and French immigrants. Before the colonization, ... Читать далее...
36. Two men are discussing the age old questionTwo men are discussing the age old question: who enjoys sex more, the man or the woman? A woman walks by and listens in for awhile and then interrupts: «Listen you guys. You know when your ear itches and you put in your little finger and wiggle it around for awhile? Afterward, which feels better, ... Читать далее...
37. While in prison OJ had another prisoner join him in his cellWhile in prison O. J. had another prisoner join him in his cell. This person was 8′ tall and 670 lbs. of solid muscle. He asked O. J. if he wanted to be the husband or the wife. Now O. J. not being stupid started reasoning in his mind «OK if I say I’m going ... Читать далее...
38. The couple was dining out when the wife noticedThe couple was dining out when the wife noticed a familiar face at the bar. «Elliot,» she said, pointing «do you see that man downing bourbon at the bar?» The husband looked over and nodded. «Well,» the woman continued, «he’s been drinking like that for 10 years, ever since I jilted him!» The husband returned ... Читать далее...
39. A rural Frenchman was on trialA rural Frenchman was on trial for killing his wife when he found her with a neighbor. Upon being asked why he shot her instead of her lover, he replied, «Ah, m’sieur, is it not better to shoot a woman once than a different man every week?»...
40. Where are my pyjamas?A man calls his wife and says to her, «Honey, I just got the chance of a lifetime to go on a week-long fishing trip with my boss. Could you pack up my things so that they will be ready when I get home?» «Sure, honey,» his wife answers.»Oh, and could you please pack my ... Читать далее...