A bloke wakes up in the middle of the night

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1. Little Gregory wakes up in the middle of the night Little Gregory wakes up in the middle of the night feeling alone and scared. He goes into his mother’s room for comfort and he sees his mom standing naked in front of the mirror. She is rubbing her chest and groaning, “I want a man, I want a man.” Shaking his head in bewilderment, Gregory […]...
2. While enjoying a drink with a mate one night While enjoying a drink with a mate one night, this bloke decides to try his luck with an attractive young girl sitting alone by the bar. To his surprise, she asks him to join her for a drink and eventually asks him if he’d like to come back to her place. The pair jump into […]...
3. Bloke is drinking at a pub Bloke is drinking at a pub and after a few rounds goes to leave, explaining to the barman he has to go home to do a shit. “Don’t be stupid,” says the barman, “We’ve got a perfectly good toilet here!” “Yes,” explains the drinker, “but I take salts.” “So what??!! That doesn’t matter – you […]...
4. An old bloke in the Northern Territory was showing An old bloke in the Northern Territory was showing some tourists how to top up a camel with water. “That way,” he said, “You get an extra day out of them between drinks.” As the camel bent down to drink, the bloke picked up two bricks and bashed them over the camel’s balls. The camel […]...
5. Перевод сленгового выражения bloke, значение и пример использования Сленговое выражение: bloke Сленговое выражение: bloke Перевод: парень, малый Пример: There’s some bloke asking for you. Тебя тут спрашивает какой-то малый....
6. There were these three blokes sitting on the high cliffs There were these three blokes sitting on the high cliffs of a lonely beach, with a rope going down into the surf and a Chinaman frantically trying to climb up. While they were sitting there a Priest walks along, looks over and says, “God bless you children, that’s Christianity at work. May the lord bless […]...
7. A bartender was getting ready to close for the night A bartender was getting ready to close for the night when a robber with a ski mask burst in and pulls a gun. He yells to the bartender, “This is a stick-up! Put all your dough in this bag!” The scared bartender pleads, “Don’t shoot, please! I’ll do as you say!” The robber yells, “Shut […]...
8. An ant and an elephant share a night of romance An ant and an elephant share a night of romance. Next morning the ant wakes up and the elephant is dead. “Damn”, says the ant, “one night of passion and I spend the rest of my life digging a grave!”...
9. Two mates are having a chat over a beer Two mates are having a chat over a beer. “Do you like sheilas with bad body odour and bad breath?” one bloke asks his friend. “No way!” his mate replies. “Well,” says the first bloke, “do you like pussies you could hide a watermelon in?” “Fuck no!” his mate replies. “Well,” says the first bloke, […]...
10. A guy driving a truck in the middle of nowhere A guy driving a truck in the middle of nowhere picks up a hitch-hiker. It gets dark and the hitch-hiker falls asleep. Suddenly bang, and the hitch-hiker wakes up,”what the hell was that?”. The truck driver replies, “some kinda animal, go back to sleep.” Further the same thing again, bang, “What the hell was that?”, […]...
11. A middle-aged man recieves a brazillian parrot A middle-aged man recieves a brazillian parrot for his birthday. The only problem with this parrot is its attitude due to the influence of its former owner, who is now a deceased truck driver. The parrot loves to swear up and down at everything it sees. One day the man comes home with a gorgeous […]...
12. Перевод слова middle Middle – середина Перевод слова In the middle of – посреди, посередине middle-aged man – человек среднего возраста the middle orders – средние слои общества I’m in the Middle of writing a letter. Я как раз сейчас пишу письмо. He was standing in the Middle of the room. Он стоял посреди комнаты. You must steer […]...
13. A kind of sport A guy comes home from the bar drunk one night around 3 in the morning. His wife is sleeping and he is trying to sneak into bed. He’s laying in bed for a few minutes and cuts a fart. His wife wakes up and asks, “What the hell was that?” He replies, “Touchdown, I am […]...
14. This bloke went into a nightclub and saw a gorgeous This bloke went into a nightclub and saw a gorgeous honey sitting by herself at the bar, he asked her to dance. She agreed and they took to the dance floor for a slow one. While they were cheek to cheek, the guy said, “You really smell terrific. What’s that you have on?” The flattered […]...
15. An old man and an old lady are getting An old man and an old lady are getting ready for bed one night when all of a sudden the woman bursts out of the bathroom, flings open her robe and yells: “Super Pussy!” The old man says: “I’ll have the soup.”...
16. A guy driving a Yugo pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce A guy driving a Yugo pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce. The driver of the Yugo rolls down his window and shouts to the driver of the Rolls, “Hey, buddy, that’s a nice car. You got a phone in your Rolls? I’ve got one in my Yugo!” The driver of Rolls looks […]...
17. Значение идиомы middle ground [middle ground] {n.} A place halfway between the two sides of anargument; a compromise. John wanted to go running. Bill said it wastoo hot. Tom took the middle ground and suggested a hike. Thecommittee found a middle ground between the two proposals....
18. ‘Twas the Night After Christmas ‘Twas the night after Christmas and all through the trailer, the beer had gone flat and the pizza was staler. The tube socks hung empty, no candies or toys and I was camped out on my old Lay-Z-Boy. The kids they weren’t talking to me or my wife, the worst Christmas they said they had […]...
19. One night, as a couple lay down for bed This joke sucks…. One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says, “I’m sorry honey, I’ve got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.” The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to […]...
20. Six people were on a plane Six people were on a plane. A doctor, a lawyer a priest and 3 children. The pilot comes on the radio and says the plane is going to crash, and there are only three parachutes. The doctor yells out, ” Save the children” The lawyer yells out “FUCK THE CHILDREN!” The priest yells out ” […]...
21. A young bloke has started work on a property A young bloke has started work on a property, and the boss sends him up the back paddocks to do some fencing work, but come evening he’s half an hour late. The boss gets on the CB radio to check if he’s all right. “I’ve got a problem, Boss. I’m stuck ‘ere. I’ve hit a […]...
22. Значение идиомы in the middle of nowhere [in the middle of nowhere] {adv. phr.} In a deserted, farawayplace. When my car stopped on the highway in the middle of nowhere, it took forever to get help....
23. Значение идиомы middle-of-the-road [middle-of-the-road] {adj.} Favoring action halfway between twoopposite movements or ideas; with ideas halfway between two oppositesides; seeing good on both sides. The men who wrote theConstitution followed a middle-of-the-road plan on whether greaterpower belonged to the United States government or to the separatestates. Senator Jones favors a middle-of-the-road policy in thelabor-management dispute....
24. Значение идиомы change horses in the middle of a stream [change horses in the middle of a stream] or [change horses in midstream] {v. phr.} To make new plans or choose a new leader in the middle of an important activity. When a new President is to be elected during a war, the people may decide not to change horses in the middle of a […]...
25. A middle aged man and woman fall in love, and decide to get married A middle aged man and woman fall in love, and decide to get married. On their wedding night they settle into the bridal suite and the bride says to her new groom, “Please be gentle… I am still a virgin.” The startled groom says “How can that be? You’ve been married twice…” The bride responds… […]...
26. A cure for a headache Phil was at the bar one night, and complained about having a headache. “I’ve got a beaut cure for a headache,” said his mate Trev. “Whenever I have a headache I head home and I get my wife to give me a long, slow, wet blowjob. Never fails.” A week went by and they were […]...
27. Значение идиомы in the middle [in the middle] {adv.} or {adj. phr.} In between two sides of anargument; caught between two dangers. Mary found herself in themiddle of the quarrel between Joyce and Ethel. John promised Tomto go fishing, but his father wanted him to help at home. John was inthe middle....
28. Rolls Royce vs. Yugo A guy driving a Yugo pulled up to a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce. He rolled down his window and shouted to the driver of the Rolls. “Hey, buddy, that’s a nice car. You got a phone in your Rolls? I’ve got a phone in my Yugo!” The driver of the Rolls looked over and […]...
29. Mary went to Jill’s place to tell her about a horrible Mary went to Jill’s place to tell her about a horrible experience she’d had the previous night with this bloke she brought home. “Well, what happened when you got there?” Jill asked “The bastard called me a slut!” Mary said. “And what did you do then?” Jill asked, shocked. “I told him to get the […]...
30. On a very cold winter night On a very cold winter night, three homeless men huddled up close to keep warm. In the morning, the guy on the right says, “I had a dream that someone was pulling on my dick.” The guy on the left says, “I also had a dream that someone was pulling on my dick.” “The guy […]...
31. Перевод слова night Night – ночь Перевод слова A blusterous windy night – штормовая ветреная ночь a clear night – ясная, звездная ночь the cope of night – покров ночи day and night – круглосуточно He’s on Night duty. Он на ночном дежурстве. It poured all Night. Ливень шел всю ночь. He yawned good Night. Он, зевая, произнес: […]...
32. Перевод идиомы the small hours (of the night / morning) / the wee hours (of the night / morning), значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: the small hours (of the night / morning) / the wee hours (of the night / morning) Перевод: рассвет или время перед рассветом; часы после полуночи Пример: My father likes to read the newspaper in the small hours of the night. Моему отцу нравится читать газеты по ночам....
33. Перевод идиомы in the middle of nowhere, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: in the middle of nowhere Перевод: в очень отдаленном месте, очень далеко Пример: We stopped in the middle of nowhere to have a picnic. Мы остановились очень далеко и устроили пикник....
34. Перевод идиомы play both ends (against the middle / center), значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: play both ends (against the middle / center) Идиома: play both ends (against the middle / center) Перевод: играть на обе стороны; сталкивать лбами соперников; манипулировать обеими сторонами с целью собственной выгоды Пример: The man was trying to play both ends against the middle when he tried to negotiate with the two departments in […]...
35. Значение идиомы day and night [day and night] or [night and day] {adv.} 1. For days without stopping; continually. Syn.: AROUND THE CLOCK. Some filling stations on great highways are open day and night 365 days a year. The three men took turns driving the truck, and they drove night and day for three days. 2. Every day and every […]...
36. Bad Bernie was in prison for seven years Bad Bernie was in prison for seven years. The day he got out, his wife and son were there to pick him up. He came through the gates and got into the car. The only thing he said was, “F. F.” His wife turned to him and answered, “E. F.” Out on the highway, he […]...
37. NOTIFICATION TO ALL STAFF REGARDING LANGUAGE It has been brought to our attention that some individuals have been using foul language during the execution of their duties. Due to complaints from managers who are more easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do realise, however, the importance of staff being able to properly express their feelings […]...
38. A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual, “I have a headache.” “Perfect” her husband said. “I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with aspirin. You can take it orally or as a suppository,… it’s up to you!”...
39. A middle-aged guy and his date are making out hot and heavy A middle-aged guy and his date are making out hot and heavy in the movies when his toupee slides off. As he’s groping around for it, his hand goes between her legs, up under her skirt, and lands on her twat. She says, “That’s it! That’s it!” He says, “It can’t be. I part mine […]...
40. Значение идиомы night owl [night owl] {n. phr.} One who sleeps during the day and stays up orworks during the night. Tom hardly ever sleeps at night; he prefersto work by lamp light and has become a regular night owl. Compare:GRAVEYARD SHIFT....