What’s the definition of the perfect woman?

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1. A tall woman met a midget at a partyA tall woman met a midget at a party. The midget was barely three feet tall but they were attracted to each other. After a few drinks they went back to the tall woman’s apartment. «I can’t imagine what it will be like making love to a midget,» said the woman, «especially with the size ... Читать далее...
2. Перевод слова definitionDefinition — определение; четкость, определенность Перевод слова Clear definition — ясное определение the definition of the term — определение термина bad definition — нечеткость изображения There is no generally accepted Definition of life. Нет единого общепринятого определения жизни. A week of fishing is my Definition of a vacation. Неделя рыбалки — это мое представление об ... Читать далее...
3. The definition of a phallic symbolThis girl walks in to a doctors office and she asks «Whats a failic symbol? Doctor says «you’re kidding..» Girl says «no! I don’t know! Whats a failic symbol???» Doctor pulls his pants and underwear down and says «You see? This is a failic symbol!» Girl says «Oh! Its just like a penis, only smaller»...
4. Definition of Outdoor BarbecuingDefinition of Outdoor Barbecuing ——————————— It’s the only type of cooking a «real» man will do. When a man volunteers to do such cooking, the following chain of events is put into motion. (1) The woman goes to the store. (2) The woman fixes the salad, vegetables, and dessert. (3) The woman prepares the meat ... Читать далее...
5. A man and a woman were waiting at the hospital donation centerA man and a woman were waiting at the hospital donation center. Man: «What are you doing here today?» Woman: «Oh, I’m here to donate some blood. They’re going to give me $5 for it.» Man: «Hmm, that’s interesting. I’m here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay me $25.» The woman looked thoughtful for ... Читать далее...
6. A woman goes to her doctor who verifies that she is pregnantA woman goes to her doctor who verifies that she is pregnant. This is her first pregnancy. The doctor asks her if she has any questions. She replies, «Well, I’m a little worried about the pain. How much will childbirth hurt?» The doctor answered, «Well, that varies from woman to woman and pregnancy to pregnancy ... Читать далее...
7. A woman visits her physicianA woman visits her physician. After waiting for a while it’s finally her turn. She enters the doctors’ office and sits down. The PhD asks her: «Well, what can I do for you madam?». The patient blushes and the PhD sees that apparently she is embarrassed so he says: «You can discuss any matter with ... Читать далее...
8. Перевод слова perfectPerfect — совершенный, идеальный; совершенствовать Перевод слова To perfect an invention — улучшать изобретение perfect beauty — совершенная красота perfect person — идеальный человек perfect specimen — прекрасный образчик What a Perfect Hebe! Какое прелестное создание! His English was Perfect. Он безупречно говорил по-английски. They live in Perfect union. Они живут в полном согласии. Интересные ... Читать далее...
9. An American woman and an Iranian womanAn American woman and an Iranian woman are in the supermarket. The Iranian woman picks up two potatoes and says, «These remind me of my husband’s testicles.» The American woman says, «That big?» The Iranian woman says, No…that dirty.»...
10. Great to be a womanReason’s why it’s great to be a woman Free drinks. Free dinners. Free movies. Speeding ticket? What’s that? New lipstick gives you a whole new lease on life. If you have to be home in time for Melrose Place, you can say so, out loud. If you’re not making enough money you can blame the ... Читать далее...
11. A woman goes to a psychiatrist and saysA woman goes to a psychiatrist and says, «Doctor, you’ve got to do something about my husband — he thinks he’s a refrigerator!» «I wouldn’t worry too much about it,» the doctor replies. «Lots of people have harmless delusions. It will pass.» «But you don’t understand,» the woman insists. «He sleeps with his mouth open, ... Читать далее...
12. Значение идиомы square peg in a round hole[square peg in a round hole] {n.}, {informal} A person who does notfit into a job or position; someone who does not belong where he is. Arthur is a square peg in a round hole when he is playing ball. George likes to work with his hands. When it comes to books, he’s asquare peg ... Читать далее...
13. A blonde woman competed with a brunette and redheaded womanA blonde woman competed with a brunette and redheaded woman in the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition. The brunette came in first, the redhead second. The blonde woman finally reached shore completely exhausted. After being revived with blankets and coffee, she remarked: «I don’t want to complain, but I think those ... Читать далее...
14. Tesla: Our crash test score is better than perfectThe Tesla Motors Model S electric car recently earned the highest possible rating of five stars in government crash tests. But that announcement wasn’t good enough for the image-conscious company and its charismatic founder, Elon Musk. In fact, Tesla said Monday — 11 days after the test results were announced — that the Model S ... Читать далее...
15. Различие (сравнение) между Present Perfect Continuous или Present Perfect SimpleИ то, и другое время были рассмотрены в предыдущих темах, а в этой теме будет подробно изучена разница между ними. Для того чтобы лучше понимать различие между этими двумя временами, рассмотрите нижеследующую таблицу. — John and Mary are tired — Мария и Джон устали. — They have been playing tennis — Они играют в теннис. ... Читать далее...
16. Перевод слова modelModel — модель, макет, шаблон Перевод слова Working model — действующая модель constructed after model — сконструировано по образцу a sports model — спортивная модель He was a Model of polite restraint. Он был образцом вежливой сдержанности. As a girl she has been a Model pupil. В детстве она была примерной ученицей. This ideal Model ... Читать далее...
17. Фразовые глаголы с «PULL»Pull round — поправляться He was just beginning to pull round after his operation. Pull away — выделяться, отрываться от лидера Sullivan pulled away in the final lap. Pull back — отступать Our tank forces pulled back to regroup. Pull off — отходить, отъезжать If you’re feeling sleepy, pull off the road immediately and have ... Читать далее...
18. How do you catch a polar bear?Answer: First, you cut a large, round hole in the ice. Next, you place enough peas around the hole to completely surround the hole. Then, when the polar bear comes to take a pea, you kick him in the icehole. $ $Sent by Ediie...
19. By definitionA young Army 1st Lt. is in the bathroom (head) releaving himself at the urinal, when a young boy walks in. The boy, seeing the young Lt.’s green uniform asks him if he was in the Army. The Lt. smiles and say’s, «Why yes I am…you wanna wear my hat?» The boy nods and the ... Читать далее...
20. Упражнения «Сравнение времен Past Perfect — Past Perfect Continuous» (с ответами)1. Поставьте глаголы из скобок в форму Past Perfect или Past Perfect Continuous. Julia wanted to sit down as she… (stand) at work all day long. (Джулия хотела присесть, потому что она весь день на работе стояла на ногах.) She… (learn) “Eugene Onegin” by the autumn. (К осени она выучила «Евгения Онегина».) The rain stopped ... Читать далее...
21. How To Give Your Cat a Pill1. Grasp cat firmly in your arms. Cradle its head on your elbows, just as if you were giving a baby a bottle. Coo confidently, «That’s a nice kitty.» Drop pill into its mouth. 2. Retrieve cat from top of lamp and pill from under sofa. 3. Follow same procedure as in 1, but hold ... Читать далее...
22. Getting and Making ThreatsRuth: I’m really glad you’re getting so much support from the public. Look at all of these bags of Fan mail. Carl: Only about half of that is fan mail. The rest is Hate mail. Ruth: Hate mail? Who would send you hate mail? Carl: Lots of people. People who are Disgruntled write to me ... Читать далее...
23. Перевод слова tallTall — высокий, длинный; хвастливый Перевод слова Tall woman — высокая женщина tall trees — высокие деревья tall talk — хвастовство; преувеличение How Tall are you? Какой у тебя рост? Do you go for Tall men? Тебе нравятся высокие мужчины? Jack was Tall and strong. Джек был высоким и сильным....
24. A pregnant woman is about to give birthA pregnant woman is about to give birth. The doctor has her on the delivery table, legs up in the stirrups. Suddenly, he sees the top of a head push through. Then the baby pops its head out and says to the doctor, «Are you my dad?». The doctor says, «No, I am your doctor!». ... Читать далее...
25. Перевод слова womanWoman — женщина Перевод слова A woman with history — женщина с прошлым a woman of great insight — необыкновенно проницательная женщина likely young woman — привлекательная молодая женщина man born of woman — смертный The mugger assaulted the Woman. Грабитель напал на женщину. She is a very determined Woman. Она очень решительная женщина. She ... Читать далее...
26. The Cesium song 11Cesium Glows (Tune, Love’s a Rose — Neil Young) Cesium glows, but you better not lick it, It’s fire grows when it’s on the tongue. Lips full of holes, you’ll know you’ve kissed it, Just take a bite if you want to die young. I want to see what’s never been seen, I want to ... Читать далее...
27. A horse and a rabbitA horse and a rabbit are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the rabbit to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The rabbit runs to the farm but the farmer can’t be found. He drives the farmer’s Mercedes ... Читать далее...
28. A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadowA horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can’t be found. So he drives the farmer’s ... Читать далее...
29. A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologistA beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist. The doctor takes one look at this woman and all his professionalism goes out the window. Right away he tells her to undress. After she has disrobed he begins to stroke her thigh. As he does this he says to the woman, «Do you know what I’m ... Читать далее...
30. A man and a woman who have never met before find themselvesA man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower. In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, «I’m ... Читать далее...
31. A definition of GodA little boy was learning about God in his church, and he was talking to his mother about it. She, not wanting to place prejudice in the little boy’s mind, sat him and said: «God is not a man or a woman, and God is not black or white.» To which the child responded, «Well, ... Читать далее...
32. A guy is sitting in a bar next to a really ugly womanA guy is sitting in a bar next to a really ugly woman. She has a parrot on her shoulder. Woman says: If you can tell me what kind of animal I have on my shoulder…I’ll sleep with you.» Guy says: «An alligator?» Woman says: «Close enough»...
33. The limousine was taking the beautiful raven-haired modelThe limousine was taking the beautiful raven-haired model to the airport. Halfway there, the front tire went flat. The model said, «Driver, I don’t have time to wait for road service. Can you change it yourself?» The driver said, «Sure.» He got out of the car and proceeded to change the tire, but couldn’t get ... Читать далее...
34. A woman had some problems, so she went to her doctorA woman had some problems, so she went to her doctor of twenty years. They had the following conversation: Dr.: Take the red pill after breakfast with one glass of water. Woman: Ok. Dr: Take the blue pill after lunch with two glasses of water. Woman: Ok. Dr.: Take the yellow pill after dinner with ... Читать далее...
35. Finding the Perfect GiftFae: Help! I still need to buy a Gift for my mother and I can’t seem to think of the perfect Present, something that’ll really Knock her socks off. Pablo: Why don’t you just get her a Gift certificate or a Gift card? That way, she can Pick out her own gift. Fae: Oh, she ... Читать далее...
36. Finding the Perfect GiftFae: Help! I still need to buy a Gift for my mother and I can’t seem to think of the perfect Present, something that’ll really Knock her socks off. Pablo: Why don’t you just get her a Gift certificate or a Gift card? That way, she can Pick out her own gift. Fae: Oh, she ... Читать далее...
37. One night, an 87-year-old womanOne night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her husband in bed with another woman. Angry, she became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their apartment, killing him instantly. When brought before the court on charges of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say to ... Читать далее...
38. The woman’s secretAt a dinner party, several of the guests were arguing whether men or women were more trustworthy. «No woman,» said one man, scornfully, «can keep a secret.» «I don’t know about that,» huffily answered a woman guest. «I have kept my age a secret since I was twenty-one.» «You’ll let it out some day,» the ... Читать далее...
39. A woman selling apples in New YorkA woman selling apples in New York is puzzled by a man who always comes by, pays a quarter, but never picks up an apple. This goes on for some time until, one day, the woman runs after the man as he walks away. ‘I know why you are chasing after me… you want to ... Читать далее...
40. Two men and one womanLong, but pretty good: On a group of beautiful deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people are suddenly stranded by, as you might expect, a shipwreck: 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman 2 French men and 1 French woman 2 German men and 1 German woman 2 Greek men and 1 ... Читать далее...