Two men met at a bar and struck up a conversation

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1. Going crazy with confusionA psychiatrist visited a California mental institution and asked a patient, «How did you get here? What was the nature of your illness?» He got the following reply. «Well, it all started when I got married and I guess I should never have done it. I married a widow with a grown daughter who then ... Читать далее...
2. A mother-daughter conversationA mother and daughter are sitting down over afternoon tea. The mother wants to show her daughter that she’s a hip parent and tries to get her daughter to open up and talk about dating boys and what it’s like for her. Mom: So….now that you have started dating, what’s it like getting intimate with ... Читать далее...
3. Английские слова и словосочетания на тему семьи и родственниковСемья, родственники Father — отец Dad / Daddy — папа Mother — мать Mum / mummy / mom — мама Parents — родители Child / kid — ребенок Children / kids — дети Baby — грудной ребенок Son [ ‘sʌn ] — сын Daughter [ ‘dɔ:tə ] — дочь Brother — брат Sister — сестра ... Читать далее...
4. A family — СемьяWhen two persons are married, the man is called the husband; the woman becomes his wife. When a child is born in the family, the father and mother of the child are called parents. A family generally consists of a father, a mother and children — sons or daughters or both. The first born child ... Читать далее...
5. Describing Family RelationsEri: What’s that? James: It’s an invitation to a Family reunion. Once every five years or so, someone in the family organizes one. Eri: Are you going? James: I’m not sure. It’s always a little awkward seeing Extended family. Did you know that there used to be a big Feud between my father and his ... Читать далее...
6. Слова на тему «Семья, родственники»Aunt — тетя [‘ɑ:nt] baby — грудной ребенок [ˈbābē] boyfriend — возлюбленный, молодой человек [ˈboiˌfrend] brother — брат [ˈbrəT͟Hər] brother-in-law — зять (муж сестры) / шурин (брат жены) / свояк (муж свояченицы) / деверь (брат мужа) child / kid — ребенок children / kids — дети cousin — двоюродный брат, двоюродная сестра [‘kʌzn] dad / ... Читать далее...
7. Marriage quotes 05Dear Mrs, Mr, Miss, or Mr and Mrs Daneeka: Words cannot express the deep personal grief I experienced when your husband, son, father or brother was killed, wounded, or reported missing in action. — Catch-22 Diplomat: A man who can convince his wife she would look stout in a fur coat. Don’t marry for money; ... Читать далее...
8. A man was taking his wifeA man was taking his wife, who was pregnant with twins, to the hospital when his car went out of control and crashed. Upon regaining consciousness, he saw his brother, a relentless world-class practical joker, sitting at his bed side. He asked his brother how his wife was and his brother replied, «Don’t worry, everybody ... Читать далее...
9. Naming the kidsOne day, Mr. Phillard rushed his pregnant wife over to the hospital. As the doctors were prepping his wife, Mr. Phillard’s idiot brother Bill arrived to watch the birth. But when Mr. Phillard saw the blood and everything else, he fainted. When Mr. Phillard woke up he was in a bed with the doctor standing ... Читать далее...
10. A farmer and his wife were laying in bed one nightA farmer and his wife were laying in bed one night, the farmer feeling a little frisky, reaches over and gives his wife’s breast a little feel and says,»Mother, if this could give milk, we could get rid of the cow.» His hand then travels down to her crotch, and he says, «Mother, if this ... Читать далее...
11. Conversation over dinnerConversation over dinner: WOMAN: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again? MAN: Definitely not! WOMAN: Why not — don’t you like being married? MAN: Of course I do. WOMAN: Then why wouldn’t you remarry? MAN: Okay, I’d get married again. WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face) ... Читать далее...
12. Life as a thingLife is so interesting thing…. when i was 3 years i always ask her play game with me. i was so small and also i was sweat. Now i am 13 years old, i really grow up.. at the moment i am studying chinese in China. I have a dream be with my mother very ... Читать далее...
13. One day an older fella was in for a checkupOne day an older fella was in for a checkup. After his examination, his doctor was amazed. «Holy cow! Mr. Edwards, I must say that you are in the greatest shape of any 64 year old I have ever examined!» «Did I say I was 64?» «Well, no, did I read your chart wrong?» «Damn ... Читать далее...
14. The wealthy, high-society mother of a 17-year-old girlThe wealthy, high-society mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant, and adversely impact the family’s status, she consulted the family doctor. The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful, and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. ... Читать далее...
15. My home is my castleВ топике Мой дом — моя крепость я рассказываю о своей семье и о нашем доме. Я считаю, что если в семье крепкие узы, любовь и взаимопонимание, то такая семья – счастливая и такой дом, действительно, становится очень теплым. Нас в семье четверо: мой отец, мама, мой младший брат и я. Отец – настоящий «кормилец» ... Читать далее...
16. A LIGHTER LOOK AT MARRIAGEGetting married is very much like going to a continental restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that. At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, «Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?» The other replied, ... Читать далее...
17. My FamilyI am Zhilin Andrey. Andrey is my name and Zhilin is my surname. I am seventeen years old. I want to tell you a few words about my family. My family is not large. I have got mother, father and grandmother. There are four of us in the family. First of all some words about ... Читать далее...
18. Marriage quotes 02Married life is full of excitement and frustration: * In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. * In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. * In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen. It is true that love is blind but marriage ... Читать далее...
19. Abraham Lincoln (2)Abraham Lincoln was the son of a poor farmer. He was born in 1809 and his childhood was spent in hard work. He helped his father on their small farm. But in 1816, when Abraham was only 7 years old, his father lost his farm and his family moved to another part of the country. ... Читать далее...
20. About Steve who wants to know about somethingsIn one day Steve came to the bathroon, when his father was washing. And Steve has seen dad’s dick and said: «Dad, what is this?» His father nervously said: «Well Steve, it’s sausage». After week he, suddenly, has seen his mum’s cunt and said: «Mum, what is this?». His mum: «Well, it’s a cat». After ... Читать далее...
21. My Family. (var. 2)There are 4 of us in our family: my mother, father, my elder brother and me. I think our family is friendly and united. We spend much time together, hike, visit theaters, museums, go to the cinema. My mother’s name is Luidmila Mikhailovna. She is an engineer, she works in an office. She is a ... Читать далее...
22. World’s oldest man, a Holocaust survivor in Israel, to celebrate bar mitzvah 100 years lateJERUSALEM (JTA) — The world’s oldest man, 113-year-old Yisrael Kristal, a Holocaust survivor living in Israel, will celebrate his bar mitzvah. Kristal’s daughter, Shulimath Kristal Kuperstoch, told the DPA news agency that about 100 family members will gather in Kristal’s home city of Haifa in the coming weeks to mark the rite. «We will bless ... Читать далее...
23. Значение идиомы in half[in half] {adv. phr.} 1. Into two equal parts. The ticket takerat the football game tore the tickets in half. Mother cut theapple in half so each child could have an equal share. Syn.: IN TWO.2. To half the size before; to one half as big. As a punishment, Father cut Bob’s allowance in half....
24. Naming your childThere was a woman who was pregnant with twins, and shortly before they were due, she had an accident and went into a coma. Her husband was away on business, and unable to be reached. While in the coma, she gave birth to her twins, and the only person around to name her children was ... Читать далее...
25. Karam Chand, 110, believed to be longest-married diesThe couple were married in 1925 and they have eight children and 27 grandchildren. A man who was one half of what is believed to be the longest-married couple in the UK has died aged 110. Karam Chand, of Bradford, died on Friday after 90 years of marriage to his wife Kartari. The pair, who ... Читать далее...
26. Subjects for a dateA boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice. The father replies: «My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy.» The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. ... Читать далее...
27. Tommy goes into a confessional box and saysTommy goes into a confessional box and says, «Bless me father for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman.» The Priest says, «Is that you, Tommy? Tommy says «Yes father, it’s me.» The Priest says «Who was the woman you were with?» Tommy says «I cannot tell you, father, because I don’t ... Читать далее...
28. No children yetMother: What seems to be the problem with you? You have been married three years and still no children. I had hopes of being a grandmother by now. Daughter: I just don’t know, Mom! Billy tries all the time, it’s just that I have a lot of trouble swallowing....
29. New son-in-lawA very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. «I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family,» said the man. «To show you how much we care for you, I’m making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every ... Читать далее...
30. British and American families — Британские и американские семьиBritish and American families are small. In fact the populations of both Britain and the USA have stopped growing. The typical family has a father, mother and two children. Grandparents come to visit, but do not usually live with their children. Most people get married between the ages of 20 and 23 but many marriages ... Читать далее...
31. About myself and my hobby — О себе и своем хоббиLet me introduce myself. My full name is Tsalko Anastasiya Vyacheslavovna. I was born on Match, 2, 1981 in the city of Slavsk, Kaliningrad region. I have finished the North-west academy of public administration. And now I work. I have got family. My family is not large. We are on friendly terms and always have ... Читать далее...
32. The hamster and the pollar bearThe daughter asks her mother: -My dear mother, please buy for me a hamster! -My daughter you will get tired of it, what will you do with it then? It isn’t a toy, you can’t throw it away! -Then we will buy a cat! The cat will eat a hamster and it will live with ... Читать далее...
33. Father’s DayТопик День отца рассказывает о празднике США, впервые праздновавшемся в 1909 году в городе Спокан, штата Вашингтон, как выражение признательности всем заботливым отцам Америки, участвующим в воспитании своих детей. Сейчас День отца празднуется в 3-е воскресенье июня. Все американцы в этот день посылают своим отцам подарки или открытки с готовым текстом, подобранным именно к этому ... Читать далее...
34. A Family of ScientistsGeorge Boole was born in 1815. He is famous for his works in the field of mathematical analysis. His wife Mary Everest was a niece of George Everest. He is known as a man who performed topographic survey in India on a large scale in 1841. It is after him that the highest peak in ... Читать далее...
35. A painful adjustmentAdjusting to marriage sometimes poses some unexpected problems. But when I came upon a friend of mine in a bar the night after his wedding, I had ask exactly what he was doing there instead of with his new bride. «Well, you see, this morning when I got up,» he said, «I was barely awake ... Читать далее...
36. Категория рода существительных в английском языкеСпособы образования существительных женского рода в английском языке Существует три способа образования существительных женского рода. 1. Используя соответствующее слово, имеющее женский род: Boy — girl man — woman husband — wife father — mother brother — sister son — daughter horse — mare monk — nun king — queen cock — hen drake — duck ... Читать далее...
37. Английский разговорник для туристов онлайн на тему «Семья и родственники» с произношениемПо-русски По-английски Произношение Вы женаты (замужем)? Are you married? А: ю: мэрид? — Я женат (замужем). — I’m married. — айм мэрид — Я вдовец (вдова). — I’m a widower (widow). — айм э уидоуэ: (уидоу) — Я холост (не замужем). — I’m single.. — айм сингл — Я разведен (разведена). — I’m divorced. — ... Читать далее...
38. Our next targetsNow that Uday & Qusay have been eliminated, a lot of the lesser-known Hussein family members are coming to the attention of American authorities. Among the brothers: —————— Sooflay…………………..the restauranteur Guday……………………. the half-Australian brother Huray……………………. the sports fanatic Bejay……………………..the gay brother Kuntay & Kintay…………….the twins from the African mother Sayhay…………………….the baseball player Ojay………………………the stalker / ... Читать далее...
39. A family was having dinner on Mother’s DayA family was having dinner on Mother’s Day. For some reason the mother was unusually quiet. Finally the husband asked what was wrong. «Nothing,» said the woman. Not buying it, he asked again. «Seriously, what’s wrong?» «Do you really want to know? Well, I’ll tell you. I have cooked and cleaned and fed the kids ... Читать далее...
40. An old man goes to a church, and is making a confessionAn old man goes to a church, and is making a confession: Man: Father, I am 75 years old. I have been married for 50 years. All these years I had been faithful to my wife, but yesterday I was intimate with an 18 year old. Father: When was the last time you made a ... Читать далее...