Two men met at a bar and struck up a conversation

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1. Going crazy with confusion A psychiatrist visited a California mental institution and asked a patient, “How did you get here? What was the nature of your illness?” He got the following reply. “Well, it all started when I got married and I guess I should never have done it. I married a widow with a grown daughter who then […]...
2. A mother-daughter conversation A mother and daughter are sitting down over afternoon tea. The mother wants to show her daughter that she’s a hip parent and tries to get her daughter to open up and talk about dating boys and what it’s like for her. Mom: So….now that you have started dating, what’s it like getting intimate with […]...
3. Английские слова и словосочетания на тему семьи и родственников Семья, родственники Father – отец Dad / Daddy – папа Mother – мать Mum / mummy / mom – мама Parents – родители Child / kid – ребенок Children / kids – дети Baby – грудной ребенок Son [ ‘sʌn ] – сын Daughter [ ‘dɔ:tə ] – дочь Brother – брат Sister – сестра […]...
4. A family – Семья When two persons are married, the man is called the husband; the woman becomes his wife. When a child is born in the family, the father and mother of the child are called parents. A family generally consists of a father, a mother and children — sons or daughters or both. The first born child […]...
5. Describing Family Relations Eri: What’s that? James: It’s an invitation to a Family reunion. Once every five years or so, someone in the family organizes one. Eri: Are you going? James: I’m not sure. It’s always a little awkward seeing Extended family. Did you know that there used to be a big Feud between my father and his […]...
6. Слова на тему “Семья, родственники” Aunt – тетя [‘ɑ:nt] baby – грудной ребенок [ˈbābē] boyfriend – возлюбленный, молодой человек [ˈboiˌfrend] brother – брат [ˈbrəT͟Hər] brother-in-law – зять (муж сестры) / шурин (брат жены) / свояк (муж свояченицы) / деверь (брат мужа) child / kid – ребенок children / kids – дети cousin – двоюродный брат, двоюродная сестра [‘kʌzn] dad / […]...
7. Marriage quotes 05 Dear Mrs, Mr, Miss, or Mr and Mrs Daneeka: Words cannot express the deep personal grief I experienced when your husband, son, father or brother was killed, wounded, or reported missing in action. – Catch-22 Diplomat: A man who can convince his wife she would look stout in a fur coat. Don’t marry for money; […]...
8. A man was taking his wife A man was taking his wife, who was pregnant with twins, to the hospital when his car went out of control and crashed. Upon regaining consciousness, he saw his brother, a relentless world-class practical joker, sitting at his bed side. He asked his brother how his wife was and his brother replied, “Don’t worry, everybody […]...
9. Naming the kids One day, Mr. Phillard rushed his pregnant wife over to the hospital. As the doctors were prepping his wife, Mr. Phillard’s idiot brother Bill arrived to watch the birth. But when Mr. Phillard saw the blood and everything else, he fainted. When Mr. Phillard woke up he was in a bed with the doctor standing […]...
10. A farmer and his wife were laying in bed one night A farmer and his wife were laying in bed one night, the farmer feeling a little frisky, reaches over and gives his wife’s breast a little feel and says,”Mother, if this could give milk, we could get rid of the cow.” His hand then travels down to her crotch, and he says, “Mother, if this […]...
11. Conversation over dinner Conversation over dinner: WOMAN: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again? MAN: Definitely not! WOMAN: Why not – don’t you like being married? MAN: Of course I do. WOMAN: Then why wouldn’t you remarry? MAN: Okay, I’d get married again. WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face) […]...
12. Life as a thing Life is so interesting thing…. when i was 3 years i always ask her play game with me. i was so small and also i was sweat. Now i am 13 years old, i really grow up.. at the moment i am studying chinese in China. I have a dream be with my mother very […]...
13. One day an older fella was in for a checkup One day an older fella was in for a checkup. After his examination, his doctor was amazed. “Holy cow! Mr. Edwards, I must say that you are in the greatest shape of any 64 year old I have ever examined!” “Did I say I was 64?” “Well, no, did I read your chart wrong?” “Damn […]...
14. The wealthy, high-society mother of a 17-year-old girl The wealthy, high-society mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant, and adversely impact the family’s status, she consulted the family doctor. The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful, and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. […]...
15. My home is my castle В топике Мой дом – моя крепость я рассказываю о своей семье и о нашем доме. Я считаю, что если в семье крепкие узы, любовь и взаимопонимание, то такая семья – счастливая и такой дом, действительно, становится очень теплым. Нас в семье четверо: мой отец, мама, мой младший брат и я. Отец – настоящий “кормилец” […]...
16. A LIGHTER LOOK AT MARRIAGE Getting married is very much like going to a continental restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that. At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, “Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?” The other replied, […]...
17. My Family I am Zhilin Andrey. Andrey is my name and Zhilin is my surname. I am seventeen years old. I want to tell you a few words about my family. My family is not large. I have got mother, father and grandmother. There are four of us in the family. First of all some words about […]...
18. Marriage quotes 02 Married life is full of excitement and frustration: * In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. * In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. * In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen. It is true that love is blind but marriage […]...
19. About Steve who wants to know about somethings In one day Steve came to the bathroon, when his father was washing. And Steve has seen dad’s dick and said: “Dad, what is this?” His father nervously said: “Well Steve, it’s sausage”. After week he, suddenly, has seen his mum’s cunt and said: “Mum, what is this?”. His mum: “Well, it’s a cat”. After […]...
20. Abraham Lincoln (2) Abraham Lincoln was the son of a poor farmer. He was born in 1809 and his childhood was spent in hard work. He helped his father on their small farm. But in 1816, when Abraham was only 7 years old, his father lost his farm and his family moved to another part of the country. […]...
21. My Family. (var. 2) There are 4 of us in our family: my mother, father, my elder brother and me. I think our family is friendly and united. We spend much time together, hike, visit theaters, museums, go to the cinema. My mother’s name is Luidmila Mikhailovna. She is an engineer, she works in an office. She is a […]...
22. World’s oldest man, a Holocaust survivor in Israel, to celebrate bar mitzvah 100 years late JERUSALEM (JTA) – The world’s oldest man, 113-year-old Yisrael Kristal, a Holocaust survivor living in Israel, will celebrate his bar mitzvah. Kristal’s daughter, Shulimath Kristal Kuperstoch, told the DPA news agency that about 100 family members will gather in Kristal’s home city of Haifa in the coming weeks to mark the rite. “We will bless […]...
23. Значение идиомы in half [in half] {adv. phr.} 1. Into two equal parts. The ticket takerat the football game tore the tickets in half. Mother cut theapple in half so each child could have an equal share. Syn.: IN TWO.2. To half the size before; to one half as big. As a punishment, Father cut Bob’s allowance in half....
24. Naming your child There was a woman who was pregnant with twins, and shortly before they were due, she had an accident and went into a coma. Her husband was away on business, and unable to be reached. While in the coma, she gave birth to her twins, and the only person around to name her children was […]...
25. Karam Chand, 110, believed to be longest-married dies The couple were married in 1925 and they have eight children and 27 grandchildren. A man who was one half of what is believed to be the longest-married couple in the UK has died aged 110. Karam Chand, of Bradford, died on Friday after 90 years of marriage to his wife Kartari. The pair, who […]...
26. Subjects for a date A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice. The father replies: “My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy.” The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. […]...
27. Tommy goes into a confessional box and says Tommy goes into a confessional box and says, “Bless me father for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman.” The Priest says, “Is that you, Tommy? Tommy says “Yes father, it’s me.” The Priest says “Who was the woman you were with?” Tommy says “I cannot tell you, father, because I don’t […]...
28. No children yet Mother: What seems to be the problem with you? You have been married three years and still no children. I had hopes of being a grandmother by now. Daughter: I just don’t know, Mom! Billy tries all the time, it’s just that I have a lot of trouble swallowing....
29. New son-in-law A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. “I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family,” said the man. “To show you how much we care for you, I’m making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every […]...
30. British and American families – Британские и американские семьи British and American families are small. In fact the populations of both Britain and the USA have stopped growing. The typical family has a father, mother and two children. Grandparents come to visit, but do not usually live with their children. Most people get married between the ages of 20 and 23 but many marriages […]...
31. Father’s Day Топик День отца рассказывает о празднике США, впервые праздновавшемся в 1909 году в городе Спокан, штата Вашингтон, как выражение признательности всем заботливым отцам Америки, участвующим в воспитании своих детей. Сейчас День отца празднуется в 3-е воскресенье июня. Все американцы в этот день посылают своим отцам подарки или открытки с готовым текстом, подобранным именно к этому […]...
32. The hamster and the pollar bear The daughter asks her mother: -My dear mother, please buy for me a hamster! -My daughter you will get tired of it, what will you do with it then? It isn’t a toy, you can’t throw it away! -Then we will buy a cat! The cat will eat a hamster and it will live with […]...
33. About myself and my hobby – О себе и своем хобби Let me introduce myself. My full name is Tsalko Anastasiya Vyacheslavovna. I was born on Match, 2, 1981 in the city of Slavsk, Kaliningrad region. I have finished the North-west academy of public administration. And now I work. I have got family. My family is not large. We are on friendly terms and always have […]...
34. A Family of Scientists George Boole was born in 1815. He is famous for his works in the field of mathematical analysis. His wife Mary Everest was a niece of George Everest. He is known as a man who performed topographic survey in India on a large scale in 1841. It is after him that the highest peak in […]...
35. A painful adjustment Adjusting to marriage sometimes poses some unexpected problems. But when I came upon a friend of mine in a bar the night after his wedding, I had ask exactly what he was doing there instead of with his new bride. “Well, you see, this morning when I got up,” he said, “I was barely awake […]...
36. Категория рода существительных в английском языке Способы образования существительных женского рода в английском языке Существует три способа образования существительных женского рода. 1. Используя соответствующее слово, имеющее женский род: Boy – girl man – woman husband – wife father – mother brother – sister son – daughter horse – mare monk – nun king – queen cock – hen drake – duck […]...
37. Английский разговорник для туристов онлайн на тему “Семья и родственники” с произношением По-русски По-английски Произношение Вы женаты (замужем)? Are you married? А: ю: мэрид? – Я женат (замужем). – I’m married. – айм мэрид – Я вдовец (вдова). – I’m a widower (widow). – айм э уидоуэ: (уидоу) – Я холост (не замужем). – I’m single.. – айм сингл – Я разведен (разведена). – I’m divorced. – […]...
38. Our next targets Now that Uday & Qusay have been eliminated, a lot of the lesser-known Hussein family members are coming to the attention of American authorities. Among the brothers: —————— Sooflay…………………..the restauranteur Guday……………………. the half-Australian brother Huray……………………. the sports fanatic Bejay……………………..the gay brother Kuntay & Kintay…………….the twins from the African mother Sayhay…………………….the baseball player Ojay………………………the stalker / […]...
39. A family was having dinner on Mother’s Day A family was having dinner on Mother’s Day. For some reason the mother was unusually quiet. Finally the husband asked what was wrong. “Nothing,” said the woman. Not buying it, he asked again. “Seriously, what’s wrong?” “Do you really want to know? Well, I’ll tell you. I have cooked and cleaned and fed the kids […]...
40. An old man goes to a church, and is making a confession An old man goes to a church, and is making a confession: Man: Father, I am 75 years old. I have been married for 50 years. All these years I had been faithful to my wife, but yesterday I was intimate with an 18 year old. Father: When was the last time you made a […]...