Two men and one woman

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1. Who invented sexA Greek and Italian were sitting down one day debating who had the superior culture. The Greek says, «We have the Parthenon» The Italian says, «We have the Colosseum» The Greek says «We had great Mathematicians» The Italian says «We had the Roman Empire» …and so on and so on and then the Greek says: ... Читать далее...
2. An American woman and an Iranian womanAn American woman and an Iranian woman are in the supermarket. The Iranian woman picks up two potatoes and says, «These remind me of my husband’s testicles.» The American woman says, «That big?» The Iranian woman says, No…that dirty.»...
3. A blonde woman competed with a brunette and redheaded womanA blonde woman competed with a brunette and redheaded woman in the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition. The brunette came in first, the redhead second. The blonde woman finally reached shore completely exhausted. After being revived with blankets and coffee, she remarked: «I don’t want to complain, but I think those ... Читать далее...
4. Elephants IXEvery nation has to write a book about the Elephant: The French book — The Sex Life of the Elephant or: 1000 ways to cook Elephant The English book — Elephants I have shot on Safari The Welsh book — The Elephant and its influence on Welsh language and culture or: Oes ysgol tocynnau eleffant ... Читать далее...
5. Japanese management lectureFour corporate presidents, one English, one French, one Japanese and one American, were on their way to an international business conference when they were kidnapped by terrorists and taken to a secret hideout. «You, your companies, and you countries are enemies of the Revolution,» screamed the terrorist leader, «and you’re going to be executed! Do ... Читать далее...
6. A man and a woman who have never met before find themselvesA man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower. In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, «I’m ... Читать далее...
7. All the sameAn airplane takes off from the airport. The Captain is Jewish and the First Officer is Chinese. It’s the first time they’ve flown together and it’s obvious, by the silence, that they don’t get along. After thirty minutes, the Jewish Captain mutters: «I don’t like Chinese.» The First Officer replies: «Oooooh, no like Chinese? Why ... Читать далее...
8. There once was a young Irish woman who went to confessionThere once was a young Irish woman who went to confession. Upon entering the confessional she said, «Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.» The priest said, «Confess your sins and be forgiven.» The young woman said, «Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times.» The priest thought long and hard ... Читать далее...
9. British Cuisine — Английская кухняSome people criticize English food. They say it’s unimaginable, boring, tasteless, it’s chips with everything and totally overcooked vegetables. The basic ingredients, when fresh, are so full of flavour that British haven’t had to invent sauces to disguise their natural taste. What can compare with fresh pees or new potatoes just boiled and served with ... Читать далее...
10. This is not meant to be crudeThis is not meant to be crude. It is strictly for your edification and enjoyment. Before the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, the French, anticipating victory over the English, proposed to cut off the middle finger of all captured English soldiers. Without the middle finger, it would be impossible to draw the renowned English longbow ... Читать далее...
11. God created woman, and she had 3 breastsGod created woman, and she had 3 breasts. He said to the woman, «Is there anything on you that you’d like to change?» She said, «Yes. Could you get rid of this middle breast?» God snapped his fingers and it was done. She exclaimed, holding the third breast in her hand, «What am I going ... Читать далее...
12. A divorced woman had been on her own for several monthsA divorced woman had been on her own for several months and was starting to get extremely horny. She went to the grocery store and while there starting eyeing the bag boy. On the way out to the car she decided to make her move. Leaning over to the boy she whispered,» You know, I’ve ... Читать далее...
13. A woman walks into a pet storeA woman walks into a pet store wanting to buy a pet for her husband, but she finds all the pets are so so expensive. The woman says to the clerk at the counter, «I’m looking to buy a pet for my husband but I’m on a very short budget!.» «No worries,» replies the clerk. ... Читать далее...
14. Japan JokesThe Americans and the Japanese decided to engage in a competitive boat race. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day they felt ready. The Japanese won by a mile. Afterward, the American team was discouraged by the loss. Morale sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for ... Читать далее...
15. A woman walks into a tattoo parlourA woman walks into a tattoo parlour and asks ‘Do you do custom work?’ ‘Why of course!’ ‘Good. I’d like a portrait of Robert Redford on the inside of my right thigh, and a portrait of Paul Newman on the inside of my left thigh.’ ‘No problem,’ says the artist. ‘Strip from the waist down ... Читать далее...
16. What’s on your backThree men are traveling in the Amazon, a German, an American, and a Mexican, and they get captured by some Amazons. The head of the tribe says to the German, «What do you want on your back for your whipping?» The German responds, «I will take oil!» So they put oil on his back, and ... Читать далее...
17. Перевод слова womanWoman — женщина Перевод слова A woman with history — женщина с прошлым a woman of great insight — необыкновенно проницательная женщина likely young woman — привлекательная молодая женщина man born of woman — смертный The mugger assaulted the Woman. Грабитель напал на женщину. She is a very determined Woman. Она очень решительная женщина. She ... Читать далее...
18. A waitress walks up to one of her tables inA waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New York City restaurant and notices that the three Japanese businessmen seated there are furiously masturbating. She yells, «What the hell do you guys think you are doing?» One of the Japanese men explains, «Can’t you see? We are all berry hungry.» The waitress ... Читать далее...
19. A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologistA beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist. The doctor takes one look at this woman and all his professionalism goes out the window. Right away he tells her to undress. After she has disrobed he begins to stroke her thigh. As he does this he says to the woman, «Do you know what I’m ... Читать далее...
20. A man and a woman were waiting at the hospital donation centerA man and a woman were waiting at the hospital donation center. Man: «What are you doing here today?» Woman: «Oh, I’m here to donate some blood. They’re going to give me $5 for it.» Man: «Hmm, that’s interesting. I’m here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay me $25.» The woman looked thoughtful for ... Читать далее...
21. A guy is sitting in a bar next to a really ugly womanA guy is sitting in a bar next to a really ugly woman. She has a parrot on her shoulder. Woman says: If you can tell me what kind of animal I have on my shoulder…I’ll sleep with you.» Guy says: «An alligator?» Woman says: «Close enough»...
22. A tall woman met a midget at a partyA tall woman met a midget at a party. The midget was barely three feet tall but they were attracted to each other. After a few drinks they went back to the tall woman’s apartment. «I can’t imagine what it will be like making love to a midget,» said the woman, «especially with the size ... Читать далее...
23. Do you speak EnglishШпрэхэн зэ дойч?. Do you speak English? Вы говорите по-английски? German? По немецки? French? По-французски? Spanish? По-испански? Russian? По-русски? Can you speak Japanese? Вы можете говорить по-японски? Chinese? По-китайски? Hindi? На хинди? Just a little. Немного. A little. Чуть-чуть. I only know few words. Я знаю лишь несколько слов. I don’t speak English. Я не ... Читать далее...
24. A woman had some problems, so she went to her doctorA woman had some problems, so she went to her doctor of twenty years. They had the following conversation: Dr.: Take the red pill after breakfast with one glass of water. Woman: Ok. Dr: Take the blue pill after lunch with two glasses of water. Woman: Ok. Dr.: Take the yellow pill after dinner with ... Читать далее...
25. Значение идиомы in the middle of nowhere[in the middle of nowhere] {adv. phr.} In a deserted, farawayplace. When my car stopped on the highway in the middle of nowhere, it took forever to get help....
26. One night, an 87-year-old womanOne night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her husband in bed with another woman. Angry, she became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their apartment, killing him instantly. When brought before the court on charges of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say to ... Читать далее...
27. The woman’s secretAt a dinner party, several of the guests were arguing whether men or women were more trustworthy. «No woman,» said one man, scornfully, «can keep a secret.» «I don’t know about that,» huffily answered a woman guest. «I have kept my age a secret since I was twenty-one.» «You’ll let it out some day,» the ... Читать далее...
28. A woman selling apples in New YorkA woman selling apples in New York is puzzled by a man who always comes by, pays a quarter, but never picks up an apple. This goes on for some time until, one day, the woman runs after the man as he walks away. ‘I know why you are chasing after me… you want to ... Читать далее...
29. British CuisineТопик Британская кухня рассказывает об английской еде, которую многие иностранцы считают слишком простой и безвкусной. Британцы не привыкли к сложным соусам и многочисленным приправам, для них привычнее подать блюдо «без изысков», чтобы подчеркнуть вкус самого продукта. Настоящая английская еда готовится дома, а не в ресторанах. Многие считают, что понятия «английская кухня» — вообще не существует, ... Читать далее...
30. An old man and an old woman were sittingAn old man and an old woman were sitting at the breakfast table on the morning of their 50th wedding anniversary. The old man said,»You know, 50 years ago, we were probably sitting here buck naked.» The woman said, «Why don’t we try that again?» So they stripped and sat down at the table again. ... Читать далее...
31. A woman walks into her accountant’s office andA woman walks into her accountant’s office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, «Before we begin, I’ll need to ask a few questions.» He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, «What is your occupation?» The woman replies, «I’m a whore.» The accountant balks ... Читать далее...
32. ‘Missing’ woman unknowingly joins search for herselfA woman who was reported missing from an Icelandic tour unwittingly joined a search for herself. According to the Reykjavik Grapevine, a woman described as «Asian, about 160cm, in dark clothing and speaks English well» was listed as missing Saturday near the Eldgjá volcanic canyon in southern Iceland. A search continued through the weekend with ... Читать далее...
33. A man and a woman are sitting next to each otherA man and a woman are sitting next to each other at a bar getting drunk. The man turns to the woman and asks her why she’s so down. «My husband just left me. He said I’m too kinky in bed,» she said. «What a coincidence! My wife just left me,» said the man, «she ... Читать далее...
34. A woman and her lover are on the bedA woman and her lover are on the bed in the woman’s home, when all of a sudden, they hear the front door open and close. «Oh, no, it’s my husband!» The man says, «Where’s your back door?» «We don’t have a back door» says the woman. The man then asks, «Well, where do you ... Читать далее...
35. Прилагательное — Переход прилагательных в существительныеПрилагательные иногда субстантивируются, то есть выполняют роль существительного в предложении (субстантив – существительное). В этом случае они употребляются с артиклем и могут обозначать: Группу лиц. Некоторые прилагательные могут употребляться с определенным артиклем The, переходя таким образом в разряд существительных и обозначая группу лиц, обладающих данным признаком: The poor [Dq’puq] бедные The sick [Dq’sIk] больные The ... Читать далее...
36. A middle aged man and woman fall in love, and decide to get marriedA middle aged man and woman fall in love, and decide to get married. On their wedding night they settle into the bridal suite and the bride says to her new groom, «Please be gentle… I am still a virgin.» The startled groom says «How can that be? You’ve been married twice…» The bride responds… ... Читать далее...
37. Great to be a womanReason’s why it’s great to be a woman Free drinks. Free dinners. Free movies. Speeding ticket? What’s that? New lipstick gives you a whole new lease on life. If you have to be home in time for Melrose Place, you can say so, out loud. If you’re not making enough money you can blame the ... Читать далее...
38. An old man and old woman got married and went on their honeymoonAn old man and old woman got married and went on their honeymoon. They were in bed getting ready to have sex for the first time and the old woman said I should tell you I have acute angina The old man says I hope so, you sure don’t have cute tits....
39. A woman was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a dietA woman was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. «I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least 5 pounds.» When the woman returned, she shocked the doctor by ... Читать далее...
40. Кухни народов мира/ Cuisines Of The WorldНа английском языке Перевод на русский язык Cuisines Of The World Кухни народов мира Every nation living on Earth has its own history, traditions and, of course, features of the national cuisine. A cuisine is a certain set of cooking traditions passed on from generation to generation. A cuisine is often named after the place ... Читать далее...