Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives

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1. Two wives were airing their troublesTwo wives were airing their troubles: «I’d like to get a divorce,» said the first. «My husband and I just don’t get along.» «Why don’t you sue him for incompatibility?» asked the second. «I would if I could catch him at it,» replied the first....
2. Two buddies get together and decide toTwo buddies get together and decide to go to a whorehouse, one of them tired of doing it with his wife all the time, the other not having it done for a long time. Anyways the married one goes up and comes down and says » My wife is much better». «Allright» goes the other ... Читать далее...
3. I was out with one of my best drinking buddiesI was out with one of my best drinking buddies, George, and he was talking about marriage, and then his wife. He drank some, then said, «Well, what it comes down to Jimmy, is… well… my wife knows nothing of my wants and needs… she’s hardly ever in the mood for sex… I guess what ... Читать далее...
4. Ed, Ted and their wives went out camping one weekendEd, Ted and their wives went out camping one weekend. Ed and Ted slept in one tent while the wives used the other. At about three in the morning, Ted woke up and yelled, «Wow, unbelievable!» Which woke Ed. «What’s going on?» said Ed. «I’ve got to go to the other tent and find my ... Читать далее...
5. Two guys were discussing popular family trendsTwo guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values. Stu said, «I didn’t sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?» Leroy replied, «I’m not sure, What was her maiden name?»...
6. An Irish priest and a Rabbi found themselves sharingAn Irish priest and a Rabbi found themselves sharing a compartment on a train. After a while, the priest opened a conversation by saying «I know that, in your religion, you’re not supposed to eat pork…Have you actually ever tasted it? The Rabbi said, «I must tell the truth. Yes, I have, on the odd ... Читать далее...
7. Two senior couples are walking along, wives in frontTwo senior couples are walking along, wives in front, husbands in back. Herb says to Sam, «Gee, we went to a new restaurant last night and had the best meal ever. Good prices too.» Sam says, «Well, we like to eat out too. What was the name of the restaurant?» Herb says, «You’ll going to ... Читать далее...
8. A man walks into a bar and orders two drinksA man walks into a bar and orders two drinks. As the bartender watches he drinks one drink and pours the other one on his hand. He orders two more drinks and does the same thing. The third time the bartender asks him what’s going on. «Why are you pouring that drink on your hand»? ... Читать далее...
9. 3 buddies die in a car crash, they go to heaven3 buddies die in a car crash, they go to heaven to an orientation. They are all asked, «When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you? The first guy says, «I would like to hear them say that I ... Читать далее...
10. An irresolvable problemA woman went to a podiatrist complaining that her feet always hurt. He immediately noticed that she was extremely bowlegged. «Have you always been that way?» asked the podiatrist. «No,» she said, not until recently. «I’ve been fucking a lot doggie style.» «Well,» said the podiatrist, «you are going to have to stop.» «I can’t,» ... Читать далее...
11. Reward for goodnessThree men died in a car accident and met Jesus himself at the Pearly Gates. The Lord spoke unto them saying, «I will ask you each a simple question. If you tell the truth I will allow you into heaven, but if you lie….Hell is waiting for you. To the first man the Lord asked, ... Читать далее...
12. Trust thy friendThe sailor came home from a secret two year mission only to find his wife with a new born baby. Furious, he was determined to track down the father to extract revenge. «Was it my friend Sam», he demanded. «No!» his weeping wife replied. «Was it my friend Jim then?» he asked. «NO!!!» she said ... Читать далее...
13. These two guys are car pooling home from work one dayThese two guys are car pooling home from work one day. Traffic is barely crawling along and they are both a bit bored. So the driver is looking around and suddenly he points at two dogs having sex on someone’s front lawn. «Look», he shouts «What are the those dogs doing? are they fighting?» The ... Читать далее...
14. Three Irish women were discussing their respective matesCould this herald the return of our resident wise man, Cunning Lin Gus? Three Irish women were discussing their respective mates over tea. «I call my man ‘Eight,’ » said the first woman, «Because he’s got eight inches, and we do it eight times a day.» The second woman said in response, «I call my ... Читать далее...
15. 5 drinksA well dressed gentlemen enters the bar of a five star restaurant, sits at the bar and orders four very expensive drinks. The bartender serves them on a silver tray, setting all four in front of the patron. The man then consumes all four drinks in a matter of seconds. The bartender comments, «Wow, you ... Читать далее...
16. Three women were sitting at a bar having a few drinksThree women were sitting at a bar having a few drinks. After a while the conversation started turning a little rude and crass. Soon the women were getting louder and they were arguing about how wide their snatches were. (This happens all the time.) The first woman got up on the bar, lifted her leg, ... Читать далее...
17. A Canadian, a Scotsman, and an AustralianA Canadian, a Scotsman, and an Australian are in a bar discussing the mental abilities of their wives. The Canadian says, «You know my wife must be the most stupid woman in the world. She went to a supermarket sale and bought $900 worth of meat, and we don’t even have a freezer! The Scotsman ... Читать далее...
18. Two men are discussing their livesTwo men are discussing their lives. One says, «I’m getting married. I’m tired of a messy apartment, dirty dishes, and no clothes to wear.» The other one says, «I’m getting divorced for the same reasons.»...
19. A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversaryA man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, «When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?» The husband replied, «All I wanted to do ... Читать далее...
20. When Joe’s wife ran away with his car, his money andWhen Joe’s wife ran away with his car, his money and his best friend, he got so depressed that his doctor sent him to see a psychiatrist. Joe told the psychiatrist his troubles and said, «Life isn’t worth living. I think I’m gonna top myself.» «Don’t be stupid, Joe,» said the psychiatrist. «My wife ran ... Читать далее...
21. Three guys are discussing womenThree guys are discussing women. «I like to watch a woman’s tits best,» the first guy says. The second says «I like to look at a woman’s ass.» He asks the third guy «What about you?». «Me? I prefer to see the top of her head.»...
22. Serving Drinks and CocktailsSpencer: I’m practicing making drinks for the party tonight. Do you want to try one? Heidi: You’re the Bartender? I didn’t know you knew how To mix drinks. Spencer: I can Hold my own. Okay, Name it and I’ll make it – any Mixed drink or Cocktail. Heidi: Okay, I’ll have a Screwdriver. Spencer: A ... Читать далее...
23. Free drinks for everyoneOne night, a drunk comes stumbling into a bar and says to the bartender: «Drinks for all on me including you, bartender.» So the bartender follows the mans orders and says: «That will be $36.50 please.» The drunk says he has no money so the bartender slaps him around and throws him out. The next ... Читать далее...
24. As US tourists in IsraelAs US tourists in Israel, a man and his wife were sitting outside a Bethlehem souvenir shop, waiting for fellow tourists. An Arab salesman approached them carrying belts. After an impassioned sales talk yielded no results, he asked where they were from. «America,» the husband replied. Looking at her dark hair and olive skin, the ... Читать далее...
25. Types of Non-alcoholic DrinksAsa: What can I get you to drink? Elizabeth: I’ll have a glass of water, thanks. Asa: Are you sure you don’t want something else? I have Soft drinks, Orange juice, Lemonade, and Fruit punch. Elizabeth: No, thanks. I’m trying to cut back on my Sugar intake. Asa: In that case, how about an Energy ... Читать далее...
26. Three newly incarcerated convicts are discussing how theyThree newly incarcerated convicts are discussing how they will pass their time in jail. The first one pulls out a harmonica and says «I can play all my favorite songs on this.» The second takes out a deck of cards. «I can play poker with myself with these.» The third gets out a box of ... Читать далее...
27. Two men are discussing the age old questionTwo men are discussing the age old question: who enjoys sex more, the man or the woman? A woman walks by and listens in for awhile and then interrupts: «Listen you guys. You know when your ear itches and you put in your little finger and wiggle it around for awhile? Afterward, which feels better, ... Читать далее...
28. Перевод слова aspectAspect — аспект, подход, сторона Перевод слова Humorous aspect — забавное выражение лица capital aspect — важнейший аспект qualitative aspect — качественный аспект They studied every Aspect of the question. Они рассмотрели вопрос со всех точек зрения. The house has a southern Aspect. Фасад дома выходит на южную сторону. He had mastered every Aspect of ... Читать далее...
29. An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a barAn Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar, drinking, and discussing how stupid their wives were. The Englishman says, «I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she went to the supermarket and bought $300 worth of meat because it was on sale, and we don’t even have a ... Читать далее...
30. Over my dead body!A man happened to meet his ex-wife at a party, and after a few drinks, he suggested that they might have another try at marriage. His ex-wife sneered in reply, «Over my dead body!» He downed his drink and replied, «Well, I see you haven’t changed one little bit.»...
31. An extremely loyal fanThere was a Packers fan with a really crappy seat at Lambeau. Looking with his binoculars, he spotted an empty seat on the 50-yard line. Thinking to himself «what a waste» he made his way down to the empty seat. When he arrived at the seat, he asked the man sitting next to it, «Is ... Читать далее...
32. Judi and a brunette were discussing their boyfriendsJudi and a brunette were discussing their boyfriends. Brunette: Last night I had *three* orgasms in a row! Judi: That’s nothing; last night I had over a hundred. Brunette: My god! I had no idea he was that good. Judi: (looking shocked) Oh, you mean with one guy....
33. Two Polish guys are discussing one’s upcoming weddingTwo Polish guys are discussing one’s upcoming wedding… «I’m not sure if my future bride is a virgin or not.» His buddy replies, «Oh, there’s an easy test for that. All you need is some red paint, some blue paint and a shovel. You paint one ball red and one ball blue. On your honeymoon, ... Читать далее...
34. Go to the hospitalFour expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room, while their wives were in labor. The nurse arrived and announced to the first man, «Congratulations sir, you’re the father of twins.» «What a coincidence!» the man said with some obvious pride. «I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team.» The nurse returned in a ... Читать далее...
35. Down in Florida, two widows were talking and one askedDown in Florida, two widows were talking and one asked the other, «Do you ever get to feeling horny?» «Yes,» her friend replied. «What do you do about it?» «I usually suck on a Lifesaver.» After a moment of stunned silence her friend asked, «Well, what beach do you go to?»...
36. Jokes about Ireland 2Joey-Jim was tooling along the road one fine day when the local policeman, a friend of his, pulled him over. «What’s wrong, Seamus?» Joey-Jim asked. «Well didn’t ya know, Joey-Jim, that your wife fell out of the car about five miles back?» said Seamus. «Ah, praise the Almighty!» he replied with relief. «I thought I’d ... Читать далее...
37. Two priests and a rabbi were discussing what portion of theTwo priests and a rabbi were discussing what portion of the weekly collection they kept for themselves. The first priest explained that he drew a circle on the ground, stepped a few paces back and pitched the money towards the circle. What landed in the circle he kept and what landed outside the circle god ... Читать далее...
38. Controlling your spouseThere were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet. After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, «Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your ... Читать далее...
39. A veterinarian surgeonA veterinarian surgeon had had a hell of a day, but when he got home from tending to all the sick animals his wife was waiting with a long cool drink and a romantic candle-lit dinner, after which they had a few more drinks and went happily to bed. At about 2:00 in the morning, ... Читать далее...
40. A man was taking his wifeA man was taking his wife, who was pregnant with twins, to the hospital when his car went out of control and crashed. Upon regaining consciousness, he saw his brother, a relentless world-class practical joker, sitting at his bed side. He asked his brother how his wife was and his brother replied, «Don’t worry, everybody ... Читать далее...