Totally messed up

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1. Missing the Tour Group Bus Kelly: Where is everybody? Man: Excuse me? Were you talking to me? Kelly: Oh, no. I was just Talking to myself. Our Tour group was supposed To rendezvous here at five o’clock for our Return trip to the hotel. But there’s No trace of the bus and I don’t see any other people from my […]...
2. Important Business Contacts Kelly: What we need are a few people in the Industry To talk up our new company. John: I’m On top of that. I’m really Well connected, as you know, and I’ve already Put in a few calls to a few of the Movers and shakers in our business. Kelly: I didn’t know you had […]...
3. Перевод слова notice Notice – предупреждение, извещение, уведомление; замечать, обращать внимание Перевод слова Formal notice – официальное извещение notice of receipt – расписка в получении death notice – траурное объявление to get oneself noticed – привлечь к себе внимание I Noticed an error in the book. Я заметил ошибку в книге. She pretended not to Notice. Она сделала […]...
4. An unfortunate coincidence One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. “Reverend,” she said, “I have a problem–my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It’s very embarrassing. What should I do?” “I have an idea,” said the minister. “Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell […]...
5. Giving sad news to a troop The Captain called the Sergeant in. “Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private Jones’ mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me.” So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops. “Listen up, men,” says the Sergeant. “Johnson, report to the mess hall […]...
6. Being Pestered on the Phone Gisele: Our phone has been Ringing off the hook all weekend. What’s the deal? Nobu: I think it’s Jeanine. Gisele: Jeanine…Jeanine…Is that the woman you’ve been Going out with? Nobu: Yeah, it’s her. I tried To let her down easy, but she’s not Taking the hint. Gisele: I see. That’s why you’ve been Screening calls. […]...
7. Jones is driving past the state mental hospital Jones is driving past the state mental hospital when his left rear tire suffers a flat. While Jones is changing the tire, another car goes by, running over the hub cap in which Jones was keeping the lug nuts. the nuts are all knocked into a nearby storm drain. Jones is at a loss for […]...
8. Перевод слова error Error – ошибка, заблуждение Перевод слова Human error – ошибка, свойственная человеку errors of taste – плохой вкус в одежде by error – по ошибке He was the victim of an Error. Он был жертвой ошибки. Man is prone to Error. Человеку свойственно допускать ошибки. I noticed an Error in the book. Я заметил ошибку […]...
9. Значение идиомы one of these days [one of these days] or [some of these days] {adv. phr.} Someday;sometime soon. One of these days Herbert will be famous. I’mgoing to do that sewing some of these days....
10. Ending Excessive Spending Raphael: Sorry to be a Buzzkill, but this Gravy train we’ve been on is about to end. Kelly: What do you mean? Raphael: There have been a lot of complaints about our department’s Spending on Extraneous things, and to Quell the masses, the Department head is making some major changes. Kelly: Like what? Raphael: Like […]...
11. This man got his prescription for Viagra This man got his prescription for Viagra, and goes home to get ready for when his wife gets home. He calls her on the phone, and says, “I’ll be home in an hour.” “Perfect,” she replies. The man thinks her agreement is because the Doctor told him to take his Viagra an hour before. He […]...
12. Перевод слова cheap Cheap – дешевый, недорогой Перевод слова Cheap and nasty – дешево, да гнило cheap rouble – обесценившийся рубль cheap success – дешевый, легкий успех Words are Cheap. Слова ничего не стоят. This old chair is Cheap. Этот старый стул дешев. In times of war, life is Cheap. Во время войны жизнь ничего не стоит....
13. Notice To make things easier for all of us, please notice this Important Notice About Notices. You may have noticed the increased number of notices for you to notice. We notice that some of our notices have been noticed. On the other hand, some of our notices have not been noticed. This is very noticeable. It […]...
14. Значение идиомы trial and error [trial and error] {n.} A way of solving problems by tryingdifferent possible solutions until you find one that works. Johnfound the short circuit by trial and error. The only way Tom couldsolve the algebra problem was by the method of trial and error....
15. My friend is dead! Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his phone and calls emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies: […]...
16. An old man, Mr. Smith, resided in a nursing home An old man, Mr. Smith, resided in a nursing home. One day he went into the nurses’ office and informed Nurse Jones that his penis died. Nurse Jones, realizing the Mr. Smith was old and forgetful decided to play along with him. “It did? I’m sorry to hear that,” she replied. Two days later, Mr. […]...
17. Talking About Product Quality Brenda: It’s fun shopping for a new cell phone, don’t you think? Yoji: Sure, but I just need one with the Bare basics. Brenda: Not me. I want one that’s Top-of-the-line. My old phone was Cheap and Flimsy, and it started Acting up after only a few months. Yoji: I want something that’s good Quality, […]...
18. Перевод слова sale Sale – продажа, сбыт, торговля, сделка Перевод слова Cash sale – продажа за наличный расчет sale on credit – продажа в кредит to put up for sale – продавать с молотка to advertise for sale – помещать объявление о продаже The books offered for Sale are unpriced. На книгах, выставленных на продажу, не указана цена. […]...
19. Mr. Jones had hired a new secretary Mr. Jones had hired a new secretary. She was young, sweet and very polite. While taking dictation one morning, she noticed that his fly was open. Upon leaving the room she said, “Mr. Jones, your barracks door is open.” He was puzzled by her remark, but later that day he noticed that his zipper was […]...
20. Значение идиомы run up [run up] {v. phr.} 1. To add to the amount of; increase. Karlran up a big bill at the bookstore. 2. To put together or makehastily; sew quickly together. Jill ran up a costume for the partyon her sewing machine. 3. To pull upward on a rope; put up quickly. The pirates ran up the […]...
21. Talking About Product Quality Brenda: It’s fun shopping for a new cell phone, don’t you think? Yoji: Sure, but I just need one with the Bare basics. Brenda: Not me. I want one that’s Top-of-the-line. My old phone was Cheap and Flimsy, and it started Acting up after only a few months. Yoji: I want something that’s good Quality, […]...
22. Annoying phone calls The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. A co-worker of mine fielded phone calls from his Alumni Association every three months for about five years, ostensibly checking to see that his records were up to date, and coincidentally asking […]...
23. Sister Margaret died Sister Margaret died and through some error found herself in hell. She immediately called Saint Peter and said, “This is Sister Margaret. There’s been a terrible mistake!” She explained the situation, and Saint Peter said he’d get right on it. The next day the nun didn’t hear from Saint Peter so she called him again. […]...
24. Перевод слова machine Machine – машина, механизм Перевод слова Duplex calculating machine – сдвоенная вычислительная машина to cast machine parts – отливать детали машин cleaning machine – очистная установка The Machine handles well. Машина работает очень послушно. Is the Machine going now? Машина в порядке? He oiled the bearings of the Machine. Он смазал маслом подшипники машины. Интересные […]...
25. Диалог на английском языке с переводом “All messed up” Juan Хуан No wonder your luck’s been so bad recently. Неудивительно, что тебе так не везло последнее время. Luis Луис What are you talking about? Что ты имеешь в виду? Juan Хуан Your apartment’s Feng Shui is All messed up. У тебя в квартире Полный беспорядок с Фэн Шуем. Luis Луис You getting superstitious on […]...
26. Phone joke A few months ago I saw a newspaper clipping which told of a newspaper in Illinois (I think…) which ran a story warning consumers that, on such-and – such day, Illinois Bell would be “blowing the dust out of the phone lines” and that all phone owners should cover the earpiece of their phones with […]...
27. Answering Machine Messages I got two tickets to a Show at the last minute and I tried to find someone to go with me. First, I called Amanda. The phone Rang and rang and then her answering machine Picked up. “Hi, I’m not in right now. Leave me a message and I’ll get back to you as soon […]...
28. Questions About a Product Paul: Could you help me? I have a few questions about this computer Printer. Clerk: Sure. I’ll try. Paul: What I’m wondering is Whether this machine can be used as a Copier as well as a printer. Clerk: Yeah, it can. This is a Multifunction machine. It can be used as a printer, copier, and […]...
29. Questions About a Product Paul: Could you help me? I have a few questions about this computer Printer. Clerk: Sure. I’ll try. Paul: What I’m wondering is Whether this machine can be used as a Copier as well as a printer. Clerk: Yeah, it can. This is a Multifunction machine. It can be used as a printer, copier, and […]...
30. The Cesium song 07 Yesterday, I had Cesium with which to play. Now all my fingers have been blown away. And silence reigns since yesterday. Suddenly, I’m just half the man I used to be. I have no eyes with which to see. My legs have parted company. Why she had to blow, I don’t know, I can only […]...
31. Значение идиомы snap up [snap up] {v.}, {informal} To take or accept eagerly. Eggs wereon sale cheap, and the shoppers snapped up the bargain. Mr. Hayestold Bob that he would take him skiing, and Bob snapped up the offer....
32. Значение идиомы get off cheap [get off cheap] {v. phr.} 1. To receive a lesser punishment thanone deserves. Ted could have been sentenced to fifteen years inprison; he got off cheap by receiving a reduced sentence of fiveyears. 2. To pay less than the normal price. If you had your carrepaired for only $75, you got off cheap. Contrast: GET […]...
33. Understanding Addresses I was away from my office and needed to send some letters to clients. Unfortunately, I didn’t have their addresses, so I called the office secretary. Christina: Hi, Jacob. I need your help getting the Mailing addresses for a couple of clients. Jacob: Sure. Which ones? Christina: I need addresses for Jim Kelly and for […]...
34. A new way to loose weight A fellow was reading the paper one day lamenting the fact that his doctor has ordered him to lose 75 pounds. Next thing he sees is an advertisement for a guaranteed weight loss program. Guaranteed like heck, he thinks to himself. But lets see what they think they can do. He calls them on the […]...
35. Phone keeps ringing The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. Phone Won’t Stop Ringing? Here’s What You Do Leola Starling of Ribrock, Tenn., had a serious telephone problem. But unlike most people she did something about it. The brand-new $10 million Ribrock […]...
36. Wanting Peace and Quiet After three days of travel and meetings, I returned to my hotel room ready for some Downtime. All I wanted was some Peace and quiet so I could get a Good night’s sleep. … [phone rings] Carl: Hello. Hotel staff: Hello, Mr. Mendez. I’m calling to welcome you to our hotel. I hope you’re finding […]...
37. A guy goes to a travel agent and books a two-week A guy goes to a travel agent and books a two-week cruise for himself and his girlfriend. A couple days before the cruise, the travel agent calls and says the cruise has been canceled, but he can get them on a three-day cruise instead. The guy says “OK,” and goes to the pharmacy to buy […]...
38. Jones came into the office an hour late for the third time Jones came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week and found the boss waiting for him. “What’s the story this time, Jones?” he asked sarcastically. “Let’s hear a good excuse for a change.” Jones sighed, “Everything went wrong this morning, Boss. The wife decided to drive me to the […]...
39. Перевод слова phone Phone – телефон, звонить по телефону Перевод слова Phone booth – телефонная будка to leave the phone off the hook – не повесить телефонную трубку to call smb. to the phone – пригласить кого-л. к телефону to speak on the phone – говорить по телефону Can you get the Phone? Можешь принести телефон? I’ll Phone […]...
40. Arkansas Mother Writes Her Son ARKANSAS MOTHER WRITES HER SON Dearest Redneck Son, I’m writing this slow because I know you can’t read fast. We don’t live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home, so we moved. I won’t be able to send you […]...