This woman has her bridge club every Thursday night and after a peaceful game or two with the ladies, she goes home to fix her husband dinner when he gets home from work. Well, one Thursday, she’s playing a great game and she has an incredible hand when she notices the time.
«Oh, no! I have to go fix my husband his dinner! He’s going to be so angry if it’s not ready on time.» And she dashes out of her friend’s house, her great hand forgotten on the table.
When she gets home, she realizes she has very little time, not enough time to go to the supermarket, and all she has in the cupboard is a wilted lettuce leaf, an egg, and a can of cat food. In a panic, she opens the can of cat food, stirs in the egg, and garnishes it with the lettuce leaf just as her husband is pulling up.
She watches in horror as he sits down to his dinner, and then she realizes he is loving it! «Mmmm, darling, this is the best dinner you have made for me in forty years of marriage. You can make this for me any old day, mmmmm!» And that night they had sex for the first time in months and it was great!
Needless to say, every Thursday from then on, she made this dinner for her husband. She tells her bridge cronies about it and they are all horrified.
«You’re going to kill him,» they say, or «He’s just yanking your chain,» but she continued to make him his cat food dinner and then, afterwards, they would bonk like fiends.
Two months later, her husband died and all the bridge women the Thursday after the funeral attacked our new widow for being so callous. «You killed him! We told you that feeding him that cat food every week would do him in! How can you just sit there so calmly and play bridge knowing you murdered your husband?»
The wife stoically replied, «I didn’t kill him. He fell off the mantel when he was licking his ass.»
Текст про нью йорк на английском с переводом.
Autumn texts.
Related topics:
- Перевод слова ThursdayThursday — Четверг Перевод слова He comes every Thursday — он приезжает каждый четверг see you Thursday — увидимся в четверг Holy Thursday — великий четверг (четверг на страстной неделе) We bowl every Thursday. Каждый четверг мы играли в боулинг. He was late last Thursday. Он опоздал в прошлый четверг. Your car will be serviced ... Читать далее...
- A woman comes homeA woman comes home from the doctor and tells her husband the bad news that she has only 18 hours to live. «That’s terrible!!!» said her husband, «What would you like to do during your last hours? I’ll try to make it as memorable as possible for you.» «Well,» she said, «First, I want to ... Читать далее...
- One night, an 87-year-old womanOne night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her husband in bed with another woman. Angry, she became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their apartment, killing him instantly. When brought before the court on charges of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say to ... Читать далее...
- Перевод слова bridgeBridge — мост Перевод слова Bridge span — пролет моста bridge member — звено моста arch bridge — арочный мост He leaped off the Bridge. Он прыгнул с моста. The Bridge is in need of reinforcement. Мост нуждается в укреплении. The enemy exploded the Bridge. Враг взорвал мост. rel=»nofollow»>...
- A woman walks into a pet storeA woman walks into a pet store wanting to buy a pet for her husband, but she finds all the pets are so so expensive. The woman says to the clerk at the counter, «I’m looking to buy a pet for my husband but I’m on a very short budget!.» «No worries,» replies the clerk. ... Читать далее...
- One night, at the lodge of a hunting clubOne night, at the lodge of a hunting club, two new members were being introduced to other members and shown around. The man leading them around said, «See that old man asleep in the chair by the fire — place? He is our oldest member and can tell you some hunting stories you’ll never forget.» ... Читать далее...
- A woman accompanied her husband to the doctors officeA woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office. After the check-up, the doctor took the wife aside and said, «If you don’t do the following, your husband will surely die». 1.Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast and send him off to work in a good mood. 2.At lunch time, make him a warm, ... Читать далее...
- The greatest bridge in the worldИнтересный топик Один из крупнейших мостов в мире познакомит вас с самым длинным подвесным мостом, соединяющим районы Нью-Йорка: Бруклин и Статен-Айленд. Мост назван в честь итальянского мореплавателя Джованни да Верраццано, первого европейца, вошедшего в бухту Нью-Йорк и реку Гудзон. Сам мост поражает современников своей красотой и изяществом, несмотря на огромный вес и невообразимую протяженность. Verrazano, ... Читать далее...
- A young blonde woman is distraughtA young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband ... Читать далее...
- Tower BridgeThis bridge built in 1894, is still in daily use even though the traffic in and out of the London wharves’ has increased to an extraordinary extent during the course of the 20th century. Even today Tower Bridge regulates a large part of the impressive traffic of the Port of London. Due to a special ... Читать далее...
- Card gamesA cleaning woman was applying for a new position. When asked why had she left her previous employment, she replied, «Yes, sir, they paid good wages, but it was the most ridiculous place I ever worked. Last night they played a game called Bridge and a lot of folks were there. As I was about ... Читать далее...
- Значение идиомы cross a bridge before one comes to it[cross a bridge before one comes to it] {v. phr.} To worry about future events or trouble before they happen. — Usually used in negative sentences, often as a proverb. «Can I be a soldier when I grow up, Mother?» asked Johnny. «Don’t cross that bridge until you come to it,» said his mother. Compare: ... Читать далее...
- A couple on their honeymoon woke up after their big nightA couple on their honeymoon woke up after their big night. The bride rolled over and said, «That was nice but tell me, what did my pussy look like before you rooted it?» The husband replied «Like a beautiful rose with drops of dew on it.» «That’s nice honey» she replied, «What did it look ... Читать далее...
- The first Jewish woman President is electedThe first Jewish woman President is elected. She calls her Mother: «Mama, I’ve won the elections, you’ve got to come to the swearing-in ceremony.» «I don’t know, what would I wear?» «Don’t worry, I’ll send you a dressmaker» «But I only eat kosher food» «Mama, I am going to be the president, I can get ... Читать далее...
- Перевод идиомы cross a bridge before one comes to it, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: cross a bridge before one comes to it Перевод: думать, волноваться о будущих событиях, проблемах, до того, как они произойдут Пример: We should not worry about that problem now. We can cross that bridge when we come to it. Не следует сейчас волноваться об этой проблеме. Мы позаботимся об этом, когда придет время....
- One night, as a couple lay down for bedThis joke sucks…. One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says, «I’m sorry honey, I’ve got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.» The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to ... Читать далее...
- Перевод идиомы water under the bridge, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: water under the bridge Перевод: что было, то было; что-либо, что уже произошло и чего нельзя изменить Пример: It was terrible that your house was robbed but it is water under the bridge now and you must move forward. Это просто ужасно, что твой дом ограбили, но что было, то было, и тебе нужно ... Читать далее...
- Значение идиомы day and night[day and night] or [night and day] {adv.} 1. For days without stopping; continually. Syn.: AROUND THE CLOCK. Some filling stations on great highways are open day and night 365 days a year. The three men took turns driving the truck, and they drove night and day for three days. 2. Every day and every ... Читать далее...
- On the night of a Halloween costume party a couple were havingOn the night of a Halloween costume party a couple were having trouble picking suitable outfits. After a while the wife got mad and stormed out of the room. Fifteen minutes later she came back completely naked execpt for a lemon between her legs. The husband looked at her for a moment and then stormed ... Читать далее...
- While enjoying a drink with a mate one nightWhile enjoying a drink with a mate one night, this bloke decides to try his luck with an attractive young girl sitting alone by the bar. To his surprise, she asks him to join her for a drink and eventually asks him if he’d like to come back to her place. The pair jump into ... Читать далее...
- A middle aged man and woman fall in love, and decide to get marriedA middle aged man and woman fall in love, and decide to get married. On their wedding night they settle into the bridal suite and the bride says to her new groom, «Please be gentle… I am still a virgin.» The startled groom says «How can that be? You’ve been married twice…» The bride responds… ... Читать далее...
- On their wedding night the husband was so selfOn their wedding night the husband was so self — conscious about the smallness of his penis that before undressing, he snapped off the light. Once he was in bed, he unzipped his pants and handed his member to his bride. «That’s thoughtful, darling,» she cooed, «but we’ll need the light if you want to ... Читать далее...
- Mrs. Jones is having her house paintedMrs. Jones is having her house painted, and her husband comes home from work and leans against the freshly painted wall. The next day, she says to the painter, «You wanna see where my husband put his hand last night?» He sighs and says, «Look, lady, I got a tough day’s work ahead of me. ... Читать далее...
- Значение идиомы night letter[night letter] {n.} A telegram sent at night at a cheaper rate anddelivered in the morning. I waited until after six o’clock in theevening before sending the telegram home because I can say more forthe same price in a night letter....
- Bill and Bob met at the club for their weekly golf gameBill and Bob met at the club for their weekly golf game. And for the third week in a row, it was raining too hard to play. Bill: Well, Bob, what do you want to do now? Bob: Darts? Bill: Nah. Bob: Shoot some pool? Bill: Nah. Bob: Cards? Bill: Nah. Hey, I’ve got an ... Читать далее...
- Afterword to the Man Who Was Thursday на английском языке писателя G. K. Chesterton…I recur here to my personal point about the tendency to miss what the title means; or even what the title says… In a rambling column, whether because it is personal or impersonal, it is permissible to introduce personal trifles about oneself, as well as about other people, so long as it is made sufficiently ... Читать далее...
- I think I try a nicer approachEvery night, after dinner, a man took off for the local tavern. He spent the whole evening there, and arrived home very drunk around midnight each night. He always had trouble getting his key into the keyhole and getting the door opened. His wife, waiting up for him, would go to the door and let ... Читать далее...
- Перевод слова nightNight — ночь Перевод слова A blusterous windy night — штормовая ветреная ночь a clear night — ясная, звездная ночь the cope of night — покров ночи day and night — круглосуточно He’s on Night duty. Он на ночном дежурстве. It poured all Night. Ливень шел всю ночь. He yawned good Night. Он, зевая, произнес: ... Читать далее...
- Перевод идиомы the small hours (of the night / morning) / the wee hours (of the night / morning), значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: the small hours (of the night / morning) / the wee hours (of the night / morning) Перевод: рассвет или время перед рассветом; часы после полуночи Пример: My father likes to read the newspaper in the small hours of the night. Моему отцу нравится читать газеты по ночам....
- A woman visits her physicianA woman visits her physician. After waiting for a while it’s finally her turn. She enters the doctors’ office and sits down. The PhD asks her: «Well, what can I do for you madam?». The patient blushes and the PhD sees that apparently she is embarrassed so he says: «You can discuss any matter with ... Читать далее...
- Devil herselfA fellow’s wife was very worried about her husband’s heavy drinking and one night she decided to give him a fright. She draped herself in a white sheet and went down to the local cemetery, knowing that her husband was in the habit of taking a shortcut through it on his way home from the ... Читать далее...
- A regular Friday night poker gameA regular Friday night poker game was still going strong well after midnight when one of the players returned from the bathroom with an urgent report. «Roger, listen,» he told the host, «Walter’s in the kitchen making love to your wife.» «OK, that’s it, guys,» Roger said. «This is positively the last deal.»...
- One night the Norse god Thor was feeling a bit hornyOne night the Norse god Thor was feeling a bit horny so he decided to come down to earth to satisfy his needs. He picked up a good looking woman with a great shape and they went to her apartment she only had one small problem, she had a speech impediment, but this didn’t affect ... Читать далее...
- On their honeymoon nightOn their honeymoon night, the burly groom took off his pants and asked his bride to put them on. The waist alone was twice her body. She said, «I can’t wear your pants.» «That’s right,» intoned the groom, «And don’t you forget it. I’m the one who wears the pants in the family.» The bride ... Читать далее...
- A wife begins to get a little worried becauseA wife begins to get a little worried because her husband has not arrived home on time from his regular Saturday afternoon golf game. As the hours pass she becomes more and more concerned until at 8 p. m. the husband finally pulls into the driveway. «What happened?» says the wife. «You should have been ... Читать далее...
- A woman reported the disappearance of her husbandA woman reported the disappearance of her husband to the police. The officer looked at the guy’s photograph, questioned her, and then asked if she wanted to give her husband any message if they found him. «Yes, please» she replied. «Tell him Mother didn’t come after all.»...
- A bored woman says to her husbandA bored woman says to her husband as she clasps her hands together, «Guess what I have in here and you’ll get some loving tonite.» The equally bored husband, wishing to avoid any kind of sex at all replies, «An elephant». The wife sez «That’s close enough!»...
- Перевод слова leafLeaf — лист, листва Перевод слова Dewy leaf — лист, покрытый росой fig leaf — фиговый листок to come into leaf — покрываться листьями, распускаться Leaves fall. Листья падают. The Leaves were turning yellow. Листья становились желтыми. The dry Leaf rustles in the brake. В кустах шуршит сухая листва....
- Значение идиомы night owl[night owl] {n. phr.} One who sleeps during the day and stays up orworks during the night. Tom hardly ever sleeps at night; he prefersto work by lamp light and has become a regular night owl. Compare:GRAVEYARD SHIFT....
- Some of the myths about marriageTOP15.Some of the myths about marriage… Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. Their passion is heating up. Then the wife stops and says: «I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.» The husband says: «WHAT??» The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional ... Читать далее...
This woman has her bridge club every Thursday night