This guy and his girlfriend are fighting

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1. Girlfriend Tech Support E-mail I am currently running the latest version of GirlFriend and I’ve been having some problems lately. I’ve been running the same version of DrinkingBuddies 1.0 forever as my primary application, and all the GirlFriend releases I’ve tried have always conflicted with it. I hear that DrinkingBuddies won’t crash if GirlFriend is run in background mode […]...
2. My girlfriend is out in the car A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something about his girlfriend being out in the car. The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her. When he looked inside the car, he saw the man’s friend, Dave, and his girlfriend kissing one another. The bartender […]...
3. A farmer and his girlfriend A farmer and his girlfriend were out for a stroll in the fields when they came across a cow and a calf rubbing noses. “Boy,” said the farmer, “that sure makes me want to do the same.” “Well, go ahead,” said his girlfriend. “It’s your cow.”...
4. Two neighbors had been fighting each other Two neighbors had been fighting each other for nigh on four decades. Bob buys a Great Dane and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill’s yard. For one whole year Bill ignores the dog. So Bob then buys a cow and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill’s yard. After about a year […]...
5. Значение идиомы fighting chance [fighting chance] {n. phr.} A chance that necessitates struggle andcourage; a slim chance. The doctor told the family that Jack had afighting chance to recover. Our business lost a lot of money, butwe have a fighting chance to stage a comeback....
6. A Jewish boy was walking with his girlfriend A Jewish boy was walking with his girlfriend on the grounds of his father’s house. His father was a successful doctor, and was carrying out a circumcision in the on-site surgery. As they were walking, they heard a scream and a foreskin flew out of the window and landed at the girl’s feet. “What’s this,” […]...
7. Choking a girlfriend The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. Sunday, November 29, 1992 The Ontario Press Council dismissed a complaint filed by Allan Sorensen against the Toronto Sun, which had reported that Sorenson had choked his ex-girlfriend. Sorensen’s complaint was that […]...
8. Disliking a Sibling’s Boyfriend or Girlfriend Georgia: So I thought Carla was nice. Andy: You did? I didn’t Get that impression at all. I don’t know What Brian sees in her. Georgia: Really? I thought she was really trying To make a good impression. Andy: Yeah, she was trying Too hard. She laughed too loudly at my jokes and Complimented you […]...
9. The external organs of a body were fighting over who should be boss The external organs of a body were fighting over who should be boss. The brain said, “I should be boss, since I control what the person thinks.” The hands said, “I should be boss because I do almost everything for the person.” The legs declared, “I shuld be boss since I carry the body and […]...
10. Jokes about the Fighting Irish Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend Finney. “Did you see the paper?” asked Gallagher. “They say I died!!” “Yes, I saw it!” replied Finney. “Where are you callin’ from?” It was general question time on the “Top […]...
11. Meeting Your Boyfriend’s/Girlfriend’s Parents Ronny: Ready? Judy: Ready as I’ll ever be. Ronny: Try To work up a little Enthusiasm about meeting my parents. Judy: It’s not them I’m worried about. It’s me. What if I don’t Pass muster? Ronny: My parents are going to love you. They’re Open-minded and Nonjudgmental people. They won’t care about anything except that […]...
12. Stolen Car Stolen Car A man walks out of a bar, stumbling back and forth with a key in his hand. A cop on the beat sees him, and approaches, “Can I help you, sir?” “Yesssh! Sssshomebody ssshtole my car!” the man replies. The cop asks, “Where was your car the last time you saw it?” “It […]...
13. A prostitute goes to the hospital to visit a colleague A prostitute goes to the hospital to visit a colleague who is about to have a heart transplant. She’s worried about the friend so she asks the doctor: Girlfriend: I’m worried about my friend doc, what if her body rejects the organ? Doctor: Well she’s 36 years old and healthy. How long has she been […]...
14. Fighting Irish Humor McNally was taking his first plane ride, flying over the Rocky Mountains. The stewardess handed him a piece of chewing gum. “It’s to keep your ears from popping at high altitudes,” she explains. When the plane landed McNally rushed up to her. “Miss,” he said, “I’m meetin’ me wife right away. How do I get […]...
15. Значение идиомы word for word [word for word] {adv. phr.} In exactly the same words. Marycopied Sally’s composition word for word. Joan repeated theconversation word for word. She learned the poem many years agobut she recited it word for word....
16. A pedophile dies in a car crash and goes to heaven A pedophile dies in a car crash and goes to heaven. He’s stopped at the pearly gates by St. Peter, who is really miffed: “You swine. How can you have the audacity to try and enter heaven after you have lead such a perverted, ungodly life. Do you think you have a snowballs chance in […]...
17. A man had been drinking at the bar for hours A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something about his girlfriend being out in the car. The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her. When he looked inside the car, he saw the drunk’s buddy, Pete, and his girlfriend going at it in the […]...
18. Mr. Richman has 3daughters Mr. Richman has 3daughters. Their names are nobody, somebody and crazy. One day nobody and somebody are fighting over a fake eyebrow. Then crazy when to the policeman and she said”Nobody and Somebody are fighting” Then the policeman look at her then he said “What are you talking about?” Then she said again “Nobody and […]...
19. Experiencing Dread Brianna: Are you still here? I thought you left ages ago. Viktor: There’s no rush. I’m thinking of Postponing until tomorrow. Brianna: Why? Viktor: I feel a sense of Foreboding. I have a Sneaking suspicion that things aren’t going to go well. Brianna: Under the circumstances, I can understand your Reluctance, but it’s like Ripping […]...
20. Nauseous sex Patient: Doctor I’m having trouble having sex with my wife. When I get close enough to her, I get nauseous. When I insert, even an inch or two, I get sick to my stomach. Doctor: Hmmmm, that does sound serious. Let me see it. Patient sticks out his tongue…...
21. A young married woman A young married woman was discussing her sex life with a girlfriend. The girlfriend asked, “Do you talk to your husband when you’re making love?” She thought about it a minute then said, “Well, no. But I could. I mean he has a cell phone and all now.”...
22. Fighting a Parking Ticket Mindy: Hey, where are you going? Eric: I’m going to Traffic court. I got a parking Ticket and I’m going to Fight it. Mindy: How much was the Fine? Eric: It was Only $40. But it’s not the money, it’s the Principle of the thing. Mindy: Why? Weren’t you parked Illegally? Eric: No, I wasn‚Aot. […]...
23. The Young Mans Big Mouth The Young Man’s Big Mouth A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants. “Well,” he said, “I’ve been seeing this girl for a while and she’s really hot. I want the condoms […]...
24. A Programmer and an Engineer are sitting next to each other A Programmer and an Engineer are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The Programmer leans over to the Engineer and asks if he would like to play a fun game. The Engineer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window […]...
25. Johnny missed his final exam due to the flu Johnny missed his final exam due to the flu, but he’d done so well during the year that the teacher suggests to the principal they give him an oral exam to make up for the test he’d missed. The principal agrees so they called Johnny into the office and explain about the oral test. First […]...
26. A Jealous Girlfriend Sarya: Hey Dom, I haven’t seen you in so long. Where have you been? Dominick: Oh, I’ve been busy. Sarya: I’ve missed Hanging out together. How’s Leslie? Dominick: She’s okay, but things haven’t been that great between us. Sarya: I’m really sorry to hear that. What’s up? Dominick: Leslie is great, but she’s so Jealous […]...
27. Значение идиомы word [word] See: ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS, AS GOOD AS ONE’S WORD, BY WORD OF MOUTH, EAT ONE’S WORDS, FROM THE WORD “GO”, GET A WORD IN, GET THE MESSAGE or GET THE WORD, HANG ON THE WORDS OF, IN BRIEF or INA WORD, IN SO MANY WORDS, LAST WORD, MAN OF FEW WORDS, MAN […]...
28. Listening to a Political Speech Kylie: Can you understand a word he’s saying? Ramis: I doubt if anyone can. He’s Talking out of both sides of his mouth. First he says he’s Fighting for the little guy, and then he says he’s a Champion for businesses. Kylie: I thought he’d be different, but he’s just like any other Politician. Ramis: […]...
29. Over the counter A middle aged man, about 5 foot 8 inches tall, walks into a Walmart and asks where the pharmacy counter is. He is directed to it. When he reaches it, he asks to see the pharmacist. The pharmacist comes and the man, looking around furtively, asks quietly, “Do you sell Viagra here?” The pharmacist answers […]...
30. A guy goes to a travel agent and books a two-week A guy goes to a travel agent and books a two-week cruise for himself and his girlfriend. A couple days before the cruise, the travel agent calls and says the cruise has been canceled, but he can get them on a three-day cruise instead. The guy says “OK,” and goes to the pharmacy to buy […]...
31. Getting a Girlfriend/Boyfriend Back Grace: What are you doing? Yuji: I’m working on a plan To get April back. Grace: I think that’s a Lost cause. You guys Broke up three months ago. There’s no way she’ll Take you back. Yuji: Watch me Prove you wrong. When I tell April about all of the ways I’m going to change […]...
32. A man comes home from work and finds his wife admiring her breasts A man comes home from work and finds his wife admiring her breasts in the mirror. He asks, “What are you doing?” She replies, “I went to the doctor today, and he told me I have the breasts of a 25 year old.” The husband retorts, “Well, what did he say about your 50 year […]...
33. A use for Viagra A man goes to visit his 85-year-old grandpa in the hospital. “How are you grandpa?” he asks. “Feeling fine,” says the old man. “What’s the food like?” “Terrific, wonderful menus.” “And the nursing?” “Just couldn’t be better. These young nurses really take care of you.” “What about sleeping? Do you sleep okay?” “No problem at […]...
34. While attending a spelling session in school one day While attending a spelling session in school one day, The teacher asked if anyone could spell the word DUMB? Darla raises her hand and says “I can, I can” The teacher replies, “OK, go ahead Darla…” Darla replies…”D-U-M-B” The teacher replies, “very good”, and “can you use that word in a sentence?” Darla replies, “Sure, […]...
35. Jack goes to the doctor and says Jack goes to the doctor and says “Doc I’m having trouble getting my penis erect, can you help me?” After a complete examination the doctor tells Jack, “Well the problem is that the muscles around the base of your penis are damaged. There’s really nothing I can do for you unless you’re willing to try […]...
36. Some very common traits in two drunks A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. “Why of course,” comes the reply. The first man then asks: “Where are you from?” “I’m from Ireland,” replies the second man. The first man responds: “You don’t say, I’m from Ireland too! Let’s […]...
37. A woman walks into her accountant’s office and A woman walks into her accountant’s office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, “Before we begin, I’ll need to ask a few questions.” He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, “What is your occupation?” The woman replies, “I’m a whore.” The accountant balks […]...
38. A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. “Why of course,” comes the reply. The first man then asks: “Where are you from?” “I’m from Ireland,” replies the second man. The first man responds: “You don’t say, I’m from Ireland too! Let’s […]...
39. A guy approaches a prostitute on the street and asks her A guy approaches a prostitute on the street and asks her, “how much?” she replies, “$100 if I lay down and $75 if I stand up.” He asks what the difference is, and she tells him, “it’s my hairdresser’s fee!”...
40. Edward walks out of a bar Edward walks out of a bar, stumbling back and forth with a key in his hand. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches. “Can I help you, fella?”, asks the cop. “Yesssh, ssshombody stol my car!” Edward replies. The cop asks, “Okay, where was your car the last time you saw it?”. “It […]...