The Pope vs. the Queen

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1. When this guy heard that the Pope was coming to townWhen this guy heard that the Pope was coming to town, he went out and bought a tuxedo in the hope that the Pope might notice him on the parade route. When he went to the parade, there was this bum standing next to him, with old, dirty clothes on. The the guy’s amazement, when ... Читать далее...
2. One balmy evening in Rome the Pope decides toOne balmy evening in Rome the Pope decides to take a walk. He slips out the rear door of the Vatican and is walking through the back alleys of Rome when he sees a ten-year-old boy smoking a cigarette. The Pope gently says to him, «Young man, you’re much too young to smoke!» The kid ... Читать далее...
3. The Pope calls a meeting of all the cardinalsThe Pope calls a meeting of all the cardinals. When they have all assembled at the Vatican, he takes them into the meeting hall and states, «I have some really fantastic news and some very terrible news.» Of course, all the cardinals want to hear the good news first, so the Pope tells them, «Jesus ... Читать далее...
4. A lawyer and the pope were both killed in an accidentA lawyer and the pope were both killed in an accident. The two were in line to see St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter asked the lawyer his name and looked it up in his book. He then asked the Pope for his name, and looked it up in his book also. «Now, ... Читать далее...
5. Elizabeth II, Elizabeth I, Queen VictoriaElizabeth 2 is the Queen of Great Britain. She was born in Windsor on 21 April 1926. Her full name is Elizabeth-Mary-Alexander Windsor. Her pet name is Lilibet. She was educated at home, taught to read and write by her parents. She knew foreign languages. Elizabeth was made her speech on the radio in 1940. ... Читать далее...
6. Pope DiesPope Dies The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven. He’s met by the reception committee, and after a whirlwind tour is told that he can enjoy any of the myriad recreations available. He decides that he wants to read all of the ancient original text of the Holy Scriptures, and spends the next eon ... Читать далее...
7. On the airplane on his way back to Rome, the Pope wasOn the airplane on his way back to Rome, the Pope was doing a crossword puzzle. After a while, he turned the the bishop sitting next to him and said, «What’s a four — letter word ending in «unt» which means «woman»? The bishop said, «Did you try «aunt»? The Pope said, «Mmmm. Do you ... Читать далее...
8. There was an old woman on a plane, sitting next to the PopeThere was an old woman on a plane, sitting next to the Pope. It was stormy outside, and the plane was being rocked by some severe turbulence. So this kindly old lady looked upon Death’s door, and said to her papal neighbour. ‘Father, surely you can do something about this…’ To which the Pope replied, ... Читать далее...
9. Перевод слова queenQueen — королева Перевод слова Despotic queen — деспотическая королева popular queen — любимая народом королева queen-dowager — вдовствующая королева She bowed before the Queen. Она поклонилась королеве. They necked their Queen. Они отрубили голову своей королеве. The Queen bade us enter. Королева приказалa нам войти. Интересные факты Queen — британская рок-группа, добившаяся широчайшей известности ... Читать далее...
10. The Pope took a philosophy professorThe Pope took a philosophy professor (an atheist at that) out fishing on a large lake. As they drifted on the still lake, the philosopher accidentally dropped an oar and watched it float away. The pontiff stepped out of the boat, walked across the water to the oar, grabbed it and walked back to the ... Читать далее...
11. The Pope was working on a crossword puzzleThe Pope was working on a crossword puzzle. He thought and thought about one clue, finally gave up and asked the Cardinal next to him, «What’s a four letter word, ending in U — N — T that means ‘woman’?» The Cardinal was working on his own puzzle and didn’t even bother to look up. ... Читать далее...
12. One Sunday, the pope REALLY wanted to play golfOne Sunday, the pope REALLY wanted to play golf. But he couldn’t, since it was Sunday. But he figured, well, it’s ok if i just play a little bit. So he changed clothes and went out into the green. Up in heaven an angel saw him and reported it to Jesus. However, Jesus didn’t do ... Читать далее...
13. Queen VictoriaVictoria (Alexandrina Victoria) was born on the 24 May 1819. Queen Victoria was a strong queen. You can see her monument in front of the Buckingham Palace. Queen Victoria ascended the throne in 1837 and reigned until her death in 1901. She ruled for the longest period in the English history, for 64 years. Victoria ... Читать далее...
14. A rookie police officer was assignedA rookie police officer was assigned to ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came over the car’s radio telling them to disperse some people who were loitering. The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner. The rookie rolled down his window and said, «Let’s ... Читать далее...
15. Перевод сленгового выражения drama queen, значение и пример использованияСленговое выражение: drama queen Сленговое выражение: drama queen груб. Перевод: кто-либо, кто часто устраивает скандалы, споры из-за чего угодно Пример: Betty is such a drama queen! Бетти постоянно устраивает скандалы!...
16. Swarm of bees follows car for 2 days to rescue queen trapped in backDevotion knows no bounds when it comes to bees and their leader. When Carol Howarth parked her Mitsubishi in the town of Haverfordwest, Wales, to do some shopping, little did she know the mayhem that would ensue. While she attended to her errands, a swarm of 20,000 bees was drawn to her car. A local ... Читать далее...
17. Перевод сленгового выражения drag queen, значение и пример использованияСленговое выражение: drag queen Сленговое выражение: drag queen груб. Перевод: мужчина-гомосексуалист, который одевается как женщина Пример: The drag queens on the subway are wearing gold dresses! Гомосексуалисты в метро носят платья золотого цвета!...
18. Биография Елизаветы I на английском языке. Biography of Elizabeth IElizabeth I was queen of England from 1558 until she died in 1603. Her reign was called the Elizabethan Age, a very exciting and glorious period in English history, in which England became an important world power. She was born near London in 1533. Her father was Henry VIII and her mother Anne Boleyn, the ... Читать далее...
19. Religion in Great BritainТопик Религия в Великобритании рассказывает интересную историю становления англиканской церкви в Англии. Оказывается, Британия была и католической страной, но рассорившись с Папой, король Генрих VIII стал во главе англиканской церкви. Несколько раз религии менялись и в настоящее время, большинство англичан принадлежат к англиканской государственной церкви (одна из крупнейших ветвей протестантского христианства). Распространены также католическая и ... Читать далее...
20. Fucking bearOnes there was a wild-wild bear. He went through the wild dark fores an? drank beer, so he was drunk. — People don’t understand me, fucking people… I want to fuck them… i wanna fuck all the mankind! A second latter a wild hunter fucked a wild bear into his ass…...
21. A theological debateSeveral centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He would have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community. If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy, if the ... Читать далее...
22. A letter to Queen Elisabeth — Письмо Королеве ЕлизаветеDear Queen Elisabeth! My name is Regina. I am very glad to write you, more over it is the first time when I write to such a famous person. I am interested to know if you wish to visit our small town. Now I want to tell you about our town. Apatity is in the ... Читать далее...
23. Beware of IRSThe local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1,000.00 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the ... Читать далее...
24. Lying and Telling the TruthElizabeth: You’re Full of it! Leo: I’m telling you the God’s honest truth. Why would I eat the last piece of cake when I know that you Had your heart set on it? Elizabeth: That’s the question, isn’t it? Why would you Go behind my back and eat it, and then try To put one ... Читать далее...
25. A catholic lithanyA man is struck by a bus on a busy street in in New York City. He lies dying on the sidewalk as a crowd of spectators gathers around. «A priest. Somebody get me a priest!» the man gasps. A policeman checks the crowd—-no priest, no minister, no man of God of any kind. «A ... Читать далее...
26. Royalty and WAt Heathrow Airport in England, a 300-foot red carpet was stretched out to Air Force One and President Bush strode to a warm but dignified handshake from Queen Elizabeth II. They rode in a silver 1934 Bentley to the edge of central London where they boarded an open 17th century coach hitched to six magnificent ... Читать далее...
27. Haircut before a tripA man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded, «Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It’s crowded & dirty and full of Italians. You’re crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?» «We’re taking TWA,» was the reply. ... Читать далее...
28. Перевод слова crowdCrowd — толпа, давка; группа людей Перевод слова To bustle through a crowd — пробиваться сквозь толпу to follow with the crowd — следовать за большинством, думать и поступать, как все she came in with all her crowd — она пришла со своей компанией We were standing Crowded together before the picture. Мы столпились перед ... Читать далее...
29. Learning to ActRichard: It’s 6:30 a. m. on Saturday morning. Why are you Banging those Pots and pans? Elizabeth: I have an Audition coming up and I’m Rehearsing. Richard: By banging pots and pans? Elizabeth: I’m Up for a part as a 1950s housewife. I need to Learn my lines and be prepared To improvise. That’s why ... Читать далее...
30. Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb and Don Juan were having a terrible fightSleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb and Don Juan were having a terrible fight. «I am the most beautiful person in the world,» proclaimed Sleeping Beauty. «No, you’re not,» answered Don Juan and Tom Thumb. «I am the smallest person in the world,» shouted Tom Thumb. «No, you’re not,» said Sleeping Beauty and Don Juan. «I’ve had ... Читать далее...
31. Types of Non-alcoholic DrinksAsa: What can I get you to drink? Elizabeth: I’ll have a glass of water, thanks. Asa: Are you sure you don’t want something else? I have Soft drinks, Orange juice, Lemonade, and Fruit punch. Elizabeth: No, thanks. I’m trying to cut back on my Sugar intake. Asa: In that case, how about an Energy ... Читать далее...
32. A helping handHarry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they decide that she’ll become a hooker. She’s not quite sure what to do, so Harry says, «Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him that you charge a hundred bucks. If you got a question, I’ll be parked around ... Читать далее...
33. Значение идиомы around the corner[around the corner] {adv. phr.} Soon to come or happen; close by; near at hand. The fortuneteller told Jane that there was an adventure for her just around the corner....
34. Перевод слова wildWild — дикий, нецивилизованный Перевод слова Wild tribes — дикие племена wild animals — дикие звери wild flowers — полевые цветы My son’s Wild about football. Мой сын просто без ума от футбола. A mob runs Wild. Толпа выходит из-под контроля, буйствует. They live somewhere out in the Wilds. Они жили где-то в дикой местности....
35. The Royal FamilyТопик Королевская Семья будет интересен всем, кто начал изучать английский язык, ведь очень важно знать историю той страны, язык которой вы изучаете, это еще больше раскрывает все тонкости понравившегося языка. А Королевская Семья – это и есть часть истории Великобритании. At present the British royal family is headed by Queen Elizabeth. When the Queen was ... Читать далее...
36. A wild partySam has been in the computer business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alabama to be as far away from humanity as possible. Sam sees the mailman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise, it’s total peace ... Читать далее...
37. Religious battle golfThe Pope met with the College of Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Shimon Peres, the former leader of Israel. «Your holiness,» said one of the Cardinals, «Mr. Peres wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics are superior, by challenging you to a golf match.» The Pope was greatly disturbed, as he had never held ... Читать далее...
38. What is intelligenceTwo men were digging a ditch on a very hot day. One said to the other, «Why are we down in this hole digging a ditch when our boss is standing up there in the shade of a tree?» «I don’t know,» responded the other. «I’ll ask him.» So he climbed out of the hole ... Читать далее...
39. Перевод слова cornerCorner — угол Перевод слова In the corner of the room — в углу комнаты at the corner of the street — на углу улицы to turn the corner — завернуть за угол to cut off a corner — срезать угол, пойти напрямик We turned round the Corner. Мы свернули за угол. Once the dog ... Читать далее...
40. Значение идиомы run wild[run wild] {v. phr.} To be or go out of control. The studentsran wild during spring vacation. The new supervisor lets thechildren run wild. The violets are running wild in the flowerbed. Compare: RUN RIOT....