The Pope vs. the Queen

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1. When this guy heard that the Pope was coming to town When this guy heard that the Pope was coming to town, he went out and bought a tuxedo in the hope that the Pope might notice him on the parade route. When he went to the parade, there was this bum standing next to him, with old, dirty clothes on. The the guy’s amazement, when […]...
2. A lawyer and the pope were both killed in an accident A lawyer and the pope were both killed in an accident. The two were in line to see St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter asked the lawyer his name and looked it up in his book. He then asked the Pope for his name, and looked it up in his book also. “Now, […]...
3. The Pope was working on a crossword puzzle The Pope was working on a crossword puzzle. He thought and thought about one clue, finally gave up and asked the Cardinal next to him, “What’s a four letter word, ending in U – N – T that means ‘woman’?” The Cardinal was working on his own puzzle and didn’t even bother to look up. […]...
4. The Pope calls a meeting of all the cardinals The Pope calls a meeting of all the cardinals. When they have all assembled at the Vatican, he takes them into the meeting hall and states, “I have some really fantastic news and some very terrible news.” Of course, all the cardinals want to hear the good news first, so the Pope tells them, “Jesus […]...
5. One balmy evening in Rome the Pope decides to One balmy evening in Rome the Pope decides to take a walk. He slips out the rear door of the Vatican and is walking through the back alleys of Rome when he sees a ten-year-old boy smoking a cigarette. The Pope gently says to him, “Young man, you’re much too young to smoke!” The kid […]...
6. Pope Dies Pope Dies The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven. He’s met by the reception committee, and after a whirlwind tour is told that he can enjoy any of the myriad recreations available. He decides that he wants to read all of the ancient original text of the Holy Scriptures, and spends the next eon […]...
7. On the airplane on his way back to Rome, the Pope was On the airplane on his way back to Rome, the Pope was doing a crossword puzzle. After a while, he turned the the bishop sitting next to him and said, “What’s a four – letter word ending in “unt” which means “woman”? The bishop said, “Did you try “aunt”? The Pope said, “Mmmm. Do you […]...
8. There was an old woman on a plane, sitting next to the Pope There was an old woman on a plane, sitting next to the Pope. It was stormy outside, and the plane was being rocked by some severe turbulence. So this kindly old lady looked upon Death’s door, and said to her papal neighbour. ‘Father, surely you can do something about this…’ To which the Pope replied, […]...
9. Перевод слова queen Queen – королева Перевод слова Despotic queen – деспотическая королева popular queen – любимая народом королева queen-dowager – вдовствующая королева She bowed before the Queen. Она поклонилась королеве. They necked their Queen. Они отрубили голову своей королеве. The Queen bade us enter. Королева приказалa нам войти. Интересные факты Queen – британская рок-группа, добившаяся широчайшей известности […]...
10. The Pope took a philosophy professor The Pope took a philosophy professor (an atheist at that) out fishing on a large lake. As they drifted on the still lake, the philosopher accidentally dropped an oar and watched it float away. The pontiff stepped out of the boat, walked across the water to the oar, grabbed it and walked back to the […]...
11. One Sunday, the pope REALLY wanted to play golf One Sunday, the pope REALLY wanted to play golf. But he couldn’t, since it was Sunday. But he figured, well, it’s ok if i just play a little bit. So he changed clothes and went out into the green. Up in heaven an angel saw him and reported it to Jesus. However, Jesus didn’t do […]...
12. Queen Victoria Victoria (Alexandrina Victoria) was born on the 24 May 1819. Queen Victoria was a strong queen. You can see her monument in front of the Buckingham Palace. Queen Victoria ascended the throne in 1837 and reigned until her death in 1901. She ruled for the longest period in the English history, for 64 years. Victoria […]...
13. Перевод сленгового выражения drama queen, значение и пример использования Сленговое выражение: drama queen Сленговое выражение: drama queen груб. Перевод: кто-либо, кто часто устраивает скандалы, споры из-за чего угодно Пример: Betty is such a drama queen! Бетти постоянно устраивает скандалы!...
14. Перевод сленгового выражения drag queen, значение и пример использования Сленговое выражение: drag queen Сленговое выражение: drag queen груб. Перевод: мужчина-гомосексуалист, который одевается как женщина Пример: The drag queens on the subway are wearing gold dresses! Гомосексуалисты в метро носят платья золотого цвета!...
15. A blonde walked into a doctor’s office with a hole in her hand A blonde walked into a doctor’s office with a hole in her hand. The doctor told her that he had to report all gunshot wounds, and this was an obvious gunshot wound, so would she please explain how it happened? The blonde said, “Well, to be honest with you, I was trying to commit suicide, […]...
16. A theological debate Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He would have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community. If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy, if the […]...
17. Elizabeth II, Elizabeth I, Queen Victoria Elizabeth 2 is the Queen of Great Britain. She was born in Windsor on 21 April 1926. Her full name is Elizabeth-Mary-Alexander Windsor. Her pet name is Lilibet. She was educated at home, taught to read and write by her parents. She knew foreign languages. Elizabeth was made her speech on the radio in 1940. […]...
18. Swarm of bees follows car for 2 days to rescue queen trapped in back Devotion knows no bounds when it comes to bees and their leader. When Carol Howarth parked her Mitsubishi in the town of Haverfordwest, Wales, to do some shopping, little did she know the mayhem that would ensue. While she attended to her errands, a swarm of 20,000 bees was drawn to her car. A local […]...
19. A letter to Queen Elisabeth – Письмо Королеве Елизавете Dear Queen Elisabeth! My name is Regina. I am very glad to write you, more over it is the first time when I write to such a famous person. I am interested to know if you wish to visit our small town. Now I want to tell you about our town. Apatity is in the […]...
20. Перевод слова minute Minute – минута; мелкий Перевод слова Minute hand – минутная стрелка in a minute – скоро, прямо сейчас to measure very minute changes of temperature – измерять малейшие изменения температуры minute particles of dust – мельчайшие частицы пыли I’ll be back in a Minute. Я вернусь через минуту. Hey, wait a Minute! Эй, подождите минутку! […]...
21. Перевод слова crowd Crowd – толпа, давка; группа людей Перевод слова To bustle through a crowd – пробиваться сквозь толпу to follow with the crowd – следовать за большинством, думать и поступать, как все she came in with all her crowd – она пришла со своей компанией We were standing Crowded together before the picture. Мы столпились перед […]...
22. Beware of IRS The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1,000.00 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the […]...
23. Haircut before a trip A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded, “Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It’s crowded & dirty and full of Italians. You’re crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?” “We’re taking TWA,” was the reply. […]...
24. A wild party Sam has been in the computer business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alabama to be as far away from humanity as possible. Sam sees the mailman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise, it’s total peace […]...
25. My heart set A certain old gentleman thought his eyesight was going bad, and he was advised to go to see an eye doctor. He goes in to see the doctor, and the doctor said, “All right, let’s check you out. You sit down here on this stool. You put your right hand over your right eye and […]...
26. Ghost sex At a conference on the supernatural, one of the speakers asked, “Who here has ever seen a ghost?” Most of the hands go up. “And how many of you have had some form of interaction with a ghost?” About half the hands stay up. “OK, now how many of you have had physical contact with […]...
27. Fucking bear Ones there was a wild-wild bear. He went through the wild dark fores an? drank beer, so he was drunk. – People don’t understand me, fucking people… I want to fuck them… i wanna fuck all the mankind! A second latter a wild hunter fucked a wild bear into his ass…...
28. Перевод слова wild Wild – дикий, нецивилизованный Перевод слова Wild tribes – дикие племена wild animals – дикие звери wild flowers – полевые цветы My son’s Wild about football. Мой сын просто без ума от футбола. A mob runs Wild. Толпа выходит из-под контроля, буйствует. They live somewhere out in the Wilds. Они жили где-то в дикой местности....
29. A helping hand Harry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they decide that she’ll become a hooker. She’s not quite sure what to do, so Harry says, “Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him that you charge a hundred bucks. If you got a question, I’ll be parked around […]...
30. Religious battle golf The Pope met with the College of Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Shimon Peres, the former leader of Israel. “Your holiness,” said one of the Cardinals, “Mr. Peres wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics are superior, by challenging you to a golf match.” The Pope was greatly disturbed, as he had never held […]...
31. What is intelligence Two men were digging a ditch on a very hot day. One said to the other, “Why are we down in this hole digging a ditch when our boss is standing up there in the shade of a tree?” “I don’t know,” responded the other. “I’ll ask him.” So he climbed out of the hole […]...
32. Значение идиомы run wild [run wild] {v. phr.} To be or go out of control. The studentsran wild during spring vacation. The new supervisor lets thechildren run wild. The violets are running wild in the flowerbed. Compare: RUN RIOT....
33. Religion in Great Britain Топик Религия в Великобритании рассказывает интересную историю становления англиканской церкви в Англии. Оказывается, Британия была и католической страной, но рассорившись с Папой, король Генрих VIII стал во главе англиканской церкви. Несколько раз религии менялись и в настоящее время, большинство англичан принадлежат к англиканской государственной церкви (одна из крупнейших ветвей протестантского христианства). Распространены также католическая и […]...
34. Значение идиомы from hand to hand [from hand to hand] {adv. phr.} From one person to another andanother. The box of candy was passed from hand to hand. Janebrought her engagement ring, and it passed from hand to hand until allthe girls had admired it....
35. The only true religion One day God called the Pope, and he said “John Paul I have good news and bad news. First the good news. I am tired of all the squabbling between the religions. I have decided there will be only the one true religion”. The Pope was overjoyed and told God how wise his decision was, […]...
36. Значение идиомы upper hand [upper hand] or [whip hand] {n.} Controlling power; advantage. In the third round the champion got the upper hand over his opponentand knocked him out. The cowboy trained the wild horse so that hefinally got the whip hand and tamed the horse....
37. A man decided to have a face lift A man decided to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really great about the result. On his way home he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper. Before leaving he says to the sales clerk, “I hope you don’t mind me asking, but how old do you think […]...
38. A guy with bright blue, green and orange color hair A guy with bright blue, green and orange color hair was standing at a bus stop. Few moments later an elderly man stood near him and kept staring at him hard. Annoyed by the stares the guy asked him, “Wotz up oldie! Never done something wild?” To this the old man replied, “Yeah, I f*cked […]...
39. Значение идиомы roll out the red carpet [roll out the red carpet] {v. phr.} 1. To welcome an importantguest by putting a red carpet down for him to walk on. They rolledout the red carpet for the Queen when she arrived in Australia. 2. Togreet a person with great respect and honor; give a hearty welcome. Margaret’s family rolled out the red […]...
40. Биография Елизаветы I на английском языке. Biography of Elizabeth I Elizabeth I was queen of England from 1558 until she died in 1603. Her reign was called the Elizabethan Age, a very exciting and glorious period in English history, in which England became an important world power. She was born near London in 1533. Her father was Henry VIII and her mother Anne Boleyn, the […]...