The double-sided truth

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1. FliesA woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. «What are you doing?» She asked. «Hunting Flies» He responded. «Oh. Killing any?» She asked. «Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,» he replied. Intrigued, she asked. «How can you tell?» He responded, «3 were on a beer can, 2 were ... Читать далее...
2. Double vodkaA guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman «Give me six double vodka.» The barman says «Wow! you must have had one really bad day.» «Yes, I’ve just found out my older brother is gay.» The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same ... Читать далее...
3. Перевод идиомы truth be told / to tell you the truth, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: truth be told / to tell you the truth Перевод: по правде говоря Пример: Truth be told, you have done better on that test. По правде говоря, ты написал эту контрольную лучше....
4. Safest Way to DrivePeter Ludwig, a caver from Austria who is appalled by American driving habits, offers the following advice: The probability of being involved in a traffic accident is directly proportional to time spent on the road. Driving fast decreases one’s exposure. One third of traffic accidents are caused by drunk drivers; two thirds are caused by ... Читать далее...
5. Значение идиомы double-talk[double-talk] {n.} 1. Something said that is worded, either on purpose or by accident, so that it may be understood in two or more different ways. The politician avoided the question with double-talk. 2. Something said that does not make sense; mixed up talk or writing; nonsense. The man’s explanation of the new tax bill ... Читать далее...
6. Policemen in HeavenSt Peter is standing at heaven’s gate when a man walks up. «Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?» «I was a policeman,» he responded. «What kind of policeman?» St Peter asked. «I was a vice officer. I kept dangerous narcotics out of the hands of kids.» «Wonderful my son, ... Читать далее...
7. Значение идиомы what’s the big idea[what’s the big idea] or [what’s the idea] {informal} What is thepurpose; what do you have in mind; why did you do that; what are youdoing; how dare you. — Often used to question someone or somethingthat is not welcome. The Smith family painted their house red, white, and blue. What’s the big idea? What’s ... Читать далее...
8. The definition of a phallic symbolThis girl walks in to a doctors office and she asks «Whats a failic symbol? Doctor says «you’re kidding..» Girl says «no! I don’t know! Whats a failic symbol???» Doctor pulls his pants and underwear down and says «You see? This is a failic symbol!» Girl says «Oh! Its just like a penis, only smaller»...
9. A lawyer returns to his parked BMW to find the headlightsA lawyer returns to his parked BMW to find the headlights broken and considerable damage. There’s no sign of the offending vehicle but he’s relieved to see that there’s a note stuck under the windshield wiper. «Sorry. I just backed into your Beemer. The witnesses who saw the accident are nodding and smiling at me ... Читать далее...
10. Пословица / поговорка tell the truth and shame the devil / speak the truth and shame the devil — перевод и значение, пример использованияПословица / поговорка: tell the truth and shame the devil / speak the truth and shame the devil Перевод: выложить всю правду Пример: The woman had information about the illegal activities at her company. She was hesitant to become involved but she felt that it was better to tell the truth and shame the devil ... Читать далее...
11. I just did all of thatAfter a particularly poor game of golf, a popular club member skipped the clubhouse and started to go home. As he was walking to the parking lot to get his car, a policeman stopped him and asked, «Did you tee off on the sixteenth hole about twenty minutes ago?» «Yes,» the golfer responded. «Did you ... Читать далее...
12. Перевод слова paintingPainting — картина, живопись, окрашивание Перевод слова Flemish painting — фламандская живопись a painting in oils — картина, написанная маслом a vivid painting of his impressions — живое описание его впечатлений crayons and water-colours can be used for painting — для раскрашивания можно пользоваться цветными карандашами и акварелью painting and decorating — малярные работы He ... Читать далее...
13. A business man from New York decided to quit his jobA business man from New York decided to quit his job and buy a 200 acre spread in Montana. One day while out riding his horse, he came across another man on horseback. The man told him he was his next door neighbor and he was having a get-together the coming weekend. He said: I ... Читать далее...
14. This dog loves peopleThe following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. A normally sweet Great Dane Psil has one quirk: she hates United Parcel Service drivers. While walk Psil one day, around the corner of a house came a UPS man. Struggling to ... Читать далее...
15. A lawyer returns to his parked BMW to find the headlights brokenA lawyer returns to his parked BMW to find the headlights broken and his front bumper smashed. There’s no sign of the offending vehicle, but he’s relieved to see that there’s a note stuck under the windshield wiper. The lawyer picks up the note. «Sorry. I just backed into your Beemer. The witnesses who saw ... Читать далее...
16. An army private went to see the Medical Captain for a newAn army private went to see the Medical Captain for a new pair of glasses. The Captain looked in his book of record and said, «But you just got a new pair last month!» «Yes sir, b.. b.. but I got them b..broken in an accident,» stammered the private. «Accident, what kind of an accident?» ... Читать далее...
17. Значение идиомы hit-and-run[hit-and-run] {adj.} 1. Of or about an accident after which amotorist drives away without giving his name and offering help. Judges are stern with hit-and-run drivers. 2. Striking suddenly andleaving quickly. The bandits often made hit-and-run attacks onwagon trains....
18. Перевод слова accidentAccident — несчастный случай, случайность Перевод слова Fatal accident — несчастный случай со смертельным исходом industrial accident — несчастный случай на производстве by a lucky accident — по счастливой случайности We discovered it by Accident. Мы обнаружили это случайно. It was a sheer Accident. Это была чистая случайность. He was blinded in an Accident. Он ... Читать далее...
19. Last minute requestsA man woke up in a hospital bed and called for his doctor. He asked, «Give it to me straight. How long have I got?» The physician replied that he doubted that the man would survive the night. The man then said, «Call for my lawyer.» When the lawyer arrived, the man asked for his ... Читать далее...
20. Investigating a Terrible AccidentThere was a terrible bus accident. Unfortunately, no one survived the accident except a monkey which was on board and there were no witnesses. The police try to investigate further but they get no results. At last, they try to interrogate the monkey. The monkey seems to respond to their questions with gestures. Seeing that, ... Читать далее...
21. By definitionA young Army 1st Lt. is in the bathroom (head) releaving himself at the urinal, when a young boy walks in. The boy, seeing the young Lt.’s green uniform asks him if he was in the Army. The Lt. smiles and say’s, «Why yes I am…you wanna wear my hat?» The boy nods and the ... Читать далее...
22. Nothing but the truthA married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep, awakening around 8.00 p. m. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to ... Читать далее...
23. What kind of a woman«Would you sleep with me for ten thousand dollars?» asked John «Yes, I will.» Paula replied. «Would you do it for one thousand?» he asked. «Well maybe, or maybe I’d do something else for you.» she answered with a wink. «How about a blowjob for $20?» responded John. «Hey! What kind of women do you ... Читать далее...
24. Значение идиомы sing a different tune[sing a different tune] or [whistle a different tune] also [sing anew tune] {v. phr.}, {informal} To talk or act in the opposite way;contradict something said before. Charles said that all smokersshould be expelled from the team but he sang a different tune afterthe coach caught him smoking. Syn.: CHANGE ONE’S TUNE, DANCE TOANOTHER TUNE. ... Читать далее...
25. On preparing to return home from an out of town tripOn preparing to return home from an out of town trip, this man got a small puppy as a present for his son. Not having time to get the paper work to take the puppy onboard, the man just hid the pup down the front of his pants and snunk him onboard the airplane.. About ... Читать далее...
26. PUPPY LOVEA man and his son were walking through a field, and saw two dogs mating. The little boy asked his Dad what was happening. The Father replied, «Well, son, they’re making a puppy.» The following evening, the little boy was thirsty, so he went from his bed to get a glass of water. Not being ... Читать далее...
27. Значение идиомы side[side] See: CHOOSE UP SIDES, FROM SIDE TO SIDE, GET UP ON THE WRONGSIDE OF THE BED, GRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THEFENCE or GRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE HILL, LAUGHON THE WRONG SIDE OF ONE’S MOUTH, ON ONE’S BAD SIDE, ON ONE’S GOODSIDE, ON THE ... Читать далее...
28. Quotes from stupid 01These are supposedly actual quotes taken from around the world. «The effects are fleeting and lingering…» — Overheard in a hallway «In Managua, people are cheering in the streets, which are deserted.» — CBS reporter during the solar eclipse «A trucker called to thank all of the courteous Seattle drivers he had run across.» — ... Читать далее...
29. Obey the speed limitSitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer see’s a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, «This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!»So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are ... Читать далее...
30. Перевод идиомы out of a clear (blue) sky, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: out of a clear (blue) sky Идиома: out of a clear (blue) sky Перевод: неожиданно, внезапно; словно из ниоткуда Пример: The boy asked his girlfriend, out of a clear blue sky, to get married. Парень внезапно попросил девушку выйти за него замуж....
31. Фразовый глагол come forward — перевод и значение, пример использованияФразовый глагол: come forward Перевод: откликаться Пример: The police have asked any witnesses to come forward. Полиция попросила откликнуться свидетелей....
32. Значение идиомы side by side[side by side] {adv.} 1. One beside the other in a row. Alice’sdolls were lined up side by side on the window seat. Charles andJohn are neighbors; they live side by side on Elm Street. Compare:SHOULDER TO SHOULDER. 2. Close together. The two boys played sideby side all afternoon....
33. Pessimist and a dogAn avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him. He decided to try to break the news to ... Читать далее...
34. MICHAEL KENNEDYWhat’s the difference between John Denver and Michael Kennedy? John Denver made it alive out of Aspen. Has Elton John re-written any of his songs for Michael Kennedy? Not yet, but he’s done one about the tree: «I’m Still Standing» How can you be sure that Michael was really a Kennedy? Check the family tree. ... Читать далее...
35. Перевод идиомы out of the blue, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: out of the blue Перевод: неожиданно, внезапно; словно из ниоткуда Пример: From out of the blue I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to get married. Я неожиданно спросил свою девушку, не хотела бы она выйти за муж....
36. Appearance: Legs and Feet — Внешность: ноги и ступниAt the hospital, Bill took off his sock and pulled his trouser leg up over his knee onto his thigh. The doctor looked down at the injured foot, which was already getting bigger and changing colour. «Hm. Nasty accident,» he said. «What happened?» «A skier smashed into my foot,» explained Bill. «Oh, dear. Very nasty. ... Читать далее...
37. Clean St. Patrick’s Day HumorIn hearing an Irish case of assault and battery, counsel, in cross examining one of the witnesses, asked him what they had the first place they stopped at. «Four glasses of ale,» was the reply. «Next?» «Two glasses of whiskey.» «Next?» «One glass of brandy.» «Next?» «A fight.» In West Kerry, the wife commented, «When ... Читать далее...
38. I have a questionA father and son went fishing one day. While they were out in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him. He asked his father, «How does this boat float? The father replied, «Don’t rightly know son.» A little later, the boy looked at his father and asked, «How do fish ... Читать далее...
39. Mr. Greenberg was an illiterate immigrantMr. Greenberg was an illiterate immigrant, but he worked hard, saved his pennies, and started a small business. It did well, and soon he had enough money to send for the wife and children. The work kept him very busy, so he never had time to learn to write, but the bank was happy to ... Читать далее...
40. Need extra cashA student called up his Mom one evening from his college and asked her for some money, because he was broke. His Mother said, «Sure, sweetie. I will send you some money. You also left your economics book here when you visited two weeks ago. Do you want me to send that up too?» «Uhh, ... Читать далее...