The Director of the Scottish Tartans Museum
The Director of the Scottish Tartans Museum, Dr Michael MacDonald was in America. An old lady fixed her gaze on his 17th Century sporran and asked, “What, exactly, do you keep in your scrotum?”
![1 Star 1 Star](https://englishtopic.ru/wp-content/plugins/wp-postratings/images/stars_crystal/rating_on.gif)
![2 Stars 2 Stars](https://englishtopic.ru/wp-content/plugins/wp-postratings/images/stars_crystal/rating_on.gif)
![3 Stars 3 Stars](https://englishtopic.ru/wp-content/plugins/wp-postratings/images/stars_crystal/rating_on.gif)
![4 Stars 4 Stars](https://englishtopic.ru/wp-content/plugins/wp-postratings/images/stars_crystal/rating_on.gif)
![5 Stars 5 Stars](https://englishtopic.ru/wp-content/plugins/wp-postratings/images/stars_crystal/rating_on.gif)
Related topics:
- Перевод слова director Director – директор, руководитель, режиссер Перевод слова A bigtime director – прославленный режиссер acting director – исполняющий обязанности директора general director – генеральный директор She’s the Director of personnel. Она директор по персоналу. He acted as Director for a month. Он замещал директора в течение месяца. The Director shouts “Curtain up”. Режиссер кричит “поднять занавес!”. […]...
- Перевод слова museum Museum – музей Перевод слова Ethnographic museum – этнографический музей public museum – государственный музей science museum – научный музей museum catalogue – каталог музейных экспонатов to conduct tourists through a museum – водить туристов по музею to do a museum – осматривать музей Entrance to the Museum is free. Вход в музей бесплатный. We’ll […]...
- Visiting the modern art museum, a lady turned Visiting the modern art museum, a lady turned to an attendant standing nearby. “This,” she said, “I suppose, is one of those hideous representations you call modern art?” “No, madam,” replied the attendant. “That one’s called a mirror.”...
- Jokes about the Fighting Irish Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend Finney. “Did you see the paper?” asked Gallagher. “They say I died!!” “Yes, I saw it!” replied Finney. “Where are you callin’ from?” It was general question time on the “Top […]...
- A Scottish lad and lass were sitting together on a heathery hill A Scottish lad and lass were sitting together on a heathery hill in the Highlands. They had been silent for a while; then the lass said, “A penny for your thoughts.” The lad was a bit abashed, but he finally said, “Well, I was thinkin’ how nice it would be if ye’d give me a […]...
- Visiting a Museum I wanted to visit the National Museum, but when I arrived, it was closed. Rudy: Can you tell me the Hours of operation for the Museum? Guard: It’s open from 10 a. m. to 5 p. m., Monday through Saturday. It’s closed on Sunday. Rudy: Thanks. I’ll be back tomorrow. —– The next day, I […]...
- A Scottish private walks into the pharmacy A Scottish private walks into the pharmacy near his bases, pulls a beat-up, mutilated condom out of his pocket, and asks the pharmacist how much it would cost to repair the condom. The pharmacist replied that including replacing the band and spot welding the holes, it would cost 26 pence, but that for 29 pence, […]...
- Перевод слова gaze Gaze – вглядываться, уставиться; взгляд Перевод слова To gaze intently – пристально смотреть admiring gaze – восхищенный взгляд to gaze devouringly at smth. – с жадностью смотреть на что-л. She gave me an innocent Gaze. Она простодушно взглянула на меня. He Gazed on Niagara Falls like entranced. Он как зачарованный смотрел на Ниагарский водопад. She […]...
- DIRECTOR ROBERT ZEMECKIS SAYS NO TO BACK TO THE FUTURE REMAKE “Oh, God no,” he told the Telegraph when asked about the possibility. “I mean, to me, that’s outrageous. Especially since it’s a good movie. It’s like saying’Let’s remake Citizen Kane. Who are we going to get to play Kane?’ What folly, what insanity is that? Why would anyone do that?” Co-writer and co-rights holder Bob […]...
- At the Museum – В музее The town I live in is not very large and there are no big galleries and museums in it. But we have a good Natural History Museum in our town. Last week I was on an excursion there. First we listened to a lecture on the history of our region which was very interesting. Then […]...
- Русский музей/ Russian Museum На английском языке Перевод на русский язык Russian Museum Русский музей The State Russian Museum is the largest museum of Russian art in the world. It is situated in Saint Petersburg in the Mikhailovsky Palace. The building of the museum is another example of Saint Petersburg’s posh architecture. It was first built by Nicholas II […]...
- Если бы я был директором зоопарка/ If I Were A Zoo Director На английском языке Перевод на русский язык If I Were A Zoo Director Если бы я был директором зоопарка My name is Phillip and I’m 14 years old. Zoo is one of my favourite places to visit since childhood. There is a wonderful and huge zoo in the city where I live. When I was […]...
- Школьный музей/ School Museum На английском языке Перевод на русский язык School Museum Школьный музей “What a good museum we have in our school!” – that is what everyone who visit our school museum thinks. The town where I live in is not very big. There are not many galleries and museums. However, we have a good museum in […]...
- Eat oysters A lady went running to a doctor with a badly spoiled stomach. “What did you eat for dinner last night?” asked the doctor. “Oysters,” she said. “Fresh oysters?” asked the doctor. “How should I know?” said the lady “Well,” asked the doctor, “couldn’t you tell when you took off the shells?” “My Gosh,” gasped the […]...
- Диалог на английском языке с переводом “В музее” (At the museum) – Wow! This museum is so large! We can even get lost in all those galleries. It’s impossible to see everything here. Do you know that the museum comprises more than 100 thousand exhibits? – Yes, I agree with you. I’m afraid we need several weeks to find all the items here and read all […]...
- Диалог на английском языке с переводом “Музей (Museum)” По-английски Перевод на русский Dina: Hi, Adam. How are you? Дина: Привет, Адам. Как у тебя дела? Adam: Hi, Dina. I’m fine, thank you. And you? Адам: Привет, Дина. У меня все отлично. Как ты? Dina: I’m very well, thanks. What are your plans for tomorrow? Дина: Все хорошо, спасибо. Какие у тебя планы на […]...
- Перевод слова century Century – век, столетие Перевод слова From the 17th century – с 17 века a century of great inventions – век великих изобретений from centuries past – с незапамятных времен The church was built in the 13th Century. Церковь была построена в 13 веке. It took more than a Century to complete the cathedral. Потребовалось […]...
- Several weeks after a young man had been hired Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the personnel director’s office. “What is the meaning of this?” the director asked. “When you applied for this job, you told us you had five years experience. Now we discovered this is the first job you’ve ever held.” “Well,” the young man […]...
- Odessa Odessa is the Black Sea gateway to Ukraine. It is the country’s largest commercial Black Sea port and a large industrial city. Odessa is a crossroads of cultures, languages and trade. Pushkin lived here in exile during the 1820s, and also it was home to writer and film director Alexander Dovzhenko. The site of Odessa […]...
- Sweet, Sweet Road Rage An elderly lady was stopped to pull into a parking space when a young man in his new red Mercedes went around her and parked in the space she was waiting for. The little old lady was so upset that she went up to the man and said, “I was going to park there!” The […]...
- A little boy and his dad are standing in line A little boy and his dad are standing in line at the grocery store behind a big fat lady. The little boy says, “hey dad, look how fat that lady is!” “Shhhh, quiet son, she’ll hear you.” “But dad, look how big and fat that lady is!” “Shhhhhh, don’t say that son, it’s not nice!” […]...
- The Sherlock Holmes’ Museum – Музей Шерлока Холмса In the 1880s a young doctor sat waiting for new patients who never came. To pass the time, he wrote stories about a man who was very good at solving crimes. These stories were so popular that the doctor decided to give up medicine and become a writer instead. The doctor was Arthur Conan Doyle […]...
- Driving a Company Car Michael: Shall we? Robin: Oh, this is nice. Did you get a new car? Michael: No, this is a Company car. Getting to drive one is one of the Perks of my new job. Robin: Does your new position Call for a lot of driving? Michael: It does. As the Regional supervisor, I have To […]...
- The golf course A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on. He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, “I’m on the 7th hole, and you’re a hole behind me, so you […]...
- It was the age when knighthood was in flower It was the age when knighthood was in flower. A young lady was pounding away at a piece of iron with a sledgehammer. Another young lady saw her and asked, “What are you doing?” The first one answered, “I’m making socks and sweater for some soldier boy!”...
- Card games A cleaning woman was applying for a new position. When asked why had she left her previous employment, she replied, “Yes, sir, they paid good wages, but it was the most ridiculous place I ever worked. Last night they played a game called Bridge and a lot of folks were there. As I was about […]...
- Humor about Irish Marriages Some years ago, Michael J. Flanagan, a successful New York contractor, was standing on the deck of the Staten Island Ferry when a car got loose and sent him into the river where he drowned. The following Sunday his widow, all decked out in deepest black, was standing on the church steps after Mass, receiving […]...
- MICHAEL KENNEDY What’s the difference between John Denver and Michael Kennedy? John Denver made it alive out of Aspen. Has Elton John re-written any of his songs for Michael Kennedy? Not yet, but he’s done one about the tree: “I’m Still Standing” How can you be sure that Michael was really a Kennedy? Check the family tree. […]...
- Methods for Quitting Smoking Lisa: This is it. I’m Quitting smoking for good. Michael: Good for you. Are you going Cold turkey? Lisa: No, I tried that, but it didn’t work. I Craved cigarettes too much. Michael: How about Nicotine gum? Have you tried that? Lisa: Yes, but I didn’t like the Side effects. It Irritated my Throat. Michael: […]...
- Starting a Band At work one afternoon, my friend Michael asked me if I wanted to help him start a Band. I was really surprised because I didn’t even know Michael was a Musician. As it turns out, not only was Michael a good Guitarist, he was also a good Songwriter. He wanted to get together a band […]...
- Taking the final exam Two college basketball players were taking an important final exam. If they failed, they would be on academic probation and not allowed to play in the big game the following week. The exam was fill-in-the-blank. The last question read, “Old MacDonald had a ________.” Bubba was stumped. He had no idea what to answer. But […]...
- Two Irish lads had been out shacking up with their Two Irish lads had been out shacking up with their girl friends. One felt guilty and decided he should stop at the church and confess. He went into the confession booth and told the Father, “Father, I have sinned. I have committed fornication with a lady. Please forgive me.” The Father said, “Tell me who […]...
- Purchasing new brains A mid-level executive was so frustrated at being passed over for promotion year after year, that, in frustration, he went to a brain-transplant center in the hope of raising his I. Q. 20 points. After a battery of physical and psychological tests, he was told by the center’s director that he was an acceptable candidate. […]...
- Passing a parrot A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.” Well, the lady is furious! She stormed past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same […]...
- They are stopped by the police John & Jessica were on their way home from the bar one night and John got pulled over by the police. The officer told John that he was stopped because his tail light was burned out. John said, “I’m very sorry officer, I didn’t realize it was out, I’ll get it fixed right away.” Just […]...
- A veterinarian surgeon A veterinarian surgeon had had a hell of a day, but when he got home from tending to all the sick animals his wife was waiting with a long cool drink and a romantic candle-lit dinner, after which they had a few more drinks and went happily to bed. At about 2:00 in the morning, […]...
- Перевод слова lady Lady – леди, женщина Перевод слова Great lady – знатная дама you’ve dropped your gloves, lady! – женщина, вы обронили перчатки! foxy lady – соблазнительная женщина your good lady – ваша супруга Shall we rejoin the Ladies? Не вернуться ли нам к дамам? She’s swell, a real Lady. Она одевается стильно, как настоящая леди. Don’t […]...
- An Avon lady was along in an elevator when she suddenly An Avon lady was along in an elevator when she suddenly had to fart. She promptly reached into her bag and sprayed the air with her deodorizer. Two floors later a gentleman got onto the elevator. He began to sniff. The Avon lady asked, “Do you smell something?” “Why, yes, I do,” he replied. “What […]...
- This fellow was screwing his best friend’s wife when he This fellow was screwing his best friend’s wife when he suddenly stopped and sat on the edge of the bed, holding his head in his hands. “What the hell is your problem?” the lady asked. “I feel like a regular son of a bitch, getting my best friends pussy,” the man moaned. The lady reached […]...
- Excuse TO smoke Two teens had been lovers for a few weeks, but the boy was always after the girl to quit smoking. One afternoon, she lit up after some love making, and he said, “You really ought to quit.” She, getting tired of his nagging, said, “I really enjoy a good cigarette after sex.” He replied, “But […]...