Stupid people stories 02

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1. When asked for her occupationWhen asked for her occupation, a woman charged with a traffic violation said she was a schoolteacher. The judge rose from the bench. «Madam, I have waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court,» he smiled with delight. «Now sit down at that table and write ‘I will not pass through a red ... Читать далее...
2. Stupid people storiesIDIOTS & RETAIL I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was ... Читать далее...
3. True stupid stories 01Really Stupid People Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old man at an airport hotel after he tried to pass two (counterfeit) $16 bills. A man in Johannesberg, South Africa, shot his 49-year-old friend in the face, seriously wounding him, while the two practiced shooting beer cans off each other’s head. A company trying to ... Читать далее...
4. True stupid stories 02Saddam Hussein’s stockpile is deadly. The smoke from his biological weapons could mix with sulfur from his chemical weapons and create an atmospheric condition known as Los Angeles. The Los Angeles Board of Education has OK’d a plan to equip school police cars with guns. The plan works on a tier system: Police at elementary ... Читать далее...
5. Stupid people awards 01The Darwin Awards The long awaited 1999 Darwin «Natural Selection» Awards have been released! These awards are given each year to bestow upon (the remains of) that individual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the most to remove undesirable elements from the human gene pool. Ladies And Gentlemen… (drum roll… and envelope please)… We proudly ... Читать далее...
6. Значение идиомы on the bench[on the bench] 1. Sitting in a law court as a judge. JudgeWyzanski is on the bench this morning. 2. Sitting among thesubstitute players. The coach had to keep his star player on thebench with a sprained ankle. Compare: BENCH WARMER....
7. Перевод слова stupidStupid — глупый, бестолковый Перевод слова Stupid blunder — глупая ошибка stupid jackass — тупой осел plumb stupid — абсолютно тупой He understands — he’s not Stupid. Он понимает — он вовсе не дурак. I was Stupid to agree. Я согласился по глупости. She annoyed him with her Stupid questions. Она раздражала его своими глупыми ... Читать далее...
8. Joint sentenceA man was taken to court for stealing an item from a store. The man said to the judge, «Your Honor, I’m a Christian. I’ve become a new man. But I have and old nature also. It was not my new man who did wrong. It was my old man.» The judge responded, «Since it ... Читать далее...
9. Stupid people awardsIt is once again time to vote for-the Darwin Award nominees for 1997. As you may already know, the Darwin Awards are for those nominees who will not be contributing to the gene pool (thankfully). The 1997 nominees are: NOMINEE No.1: [San Jose Mervcury News] An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to ... Читать далее...
10. Stupid people fearingWANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (actual AP headline) Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her inlaws, and while there, she went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind ... Читать далее...
11. Truly stupid people 02Top honors for «Human Projectile of the Month» go to an as-of-yet unidentified dude who is also a serious contender for the annual «Darwin Award». That prestigious prize is given posthumously to the person who does the human gene pool the greatest service by removing himself from it in the most extraordinarily stupid fashion. Troopers ... Читать далее...
12. Stupid people awards 02The 2000 Darwin awards! (15 July 1999, Alabama) A 25-year-old soldier died of injuries sustained from a 3-story fall, precipitated by his attempt to spit farther than his buddy. His plan was to hurl himself towards a metal guardrail while expectorating, in order to add momentum to his saliva. In a tragic miscalculation, his momentum ... Читать далее...
13. Truly stupid people 01A man buys a brand new Grand Cherokee for $30,000+, and has $400.00+ in monthly payments. He’s pretty proud of this rig and gets ahold of his friend to do some male bonding with the new ride. They go duck hunting and of course all the lakes are frozen. These two Atomic Brains go to ... Читать далее...
14. Перевод слова limbLimb — конечность, ветка Перевод слова Life or limb — жизнь или физическая неприкосновенность artificial limb — протез forbidden limb — запрещенная ветвь An army is but the Limb of a nation. Армия только лишь неотъемлемый член нации. The tree Limb fell and nearly brained me. Ветка упала с дерева и едва не вышибла мне ... Читать далее...
15. Southerners are not that stupidA ventriloquist working down South, is confronted by a theater patron during his show. The hick stands up and yells, «HEY YOU! ON STAGE! You been making smart-ass remarks about us southerners being stupid all night long! We’re not all stupid ya know!» «Relax,» said the ventriloquist, «They’re just jokes!» «Shut up, buddy,» the hick ... Читать далее...
16. Значение идиомы out on a limb[out on a limb] {adv. phr.} With your beliefs and opinions openlystated; in a dangerous position that can’t be changed. Thepresident went out on a limb and supported a foreign aid bill thatmany people were against. Grandfather went out on a limb beforethe summer was over and said that the next winter would be long ... Читать далее...
17. Top 12 Insane Stories From «Wrestler’s Court»Wrestler’s Court is a type of «kangaroo» court that was brought into the WWE by Zeb Colter as a way for two guys to settle any beefs that they may have with each other before things come to blows or get out of hand. It’s meant as a fun way for all the guys to ... Читать далее...
18. The stupid questionsThe below excerpts appeared in the Salt Lake Tribune. They were taken from real court records. Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn’t know anything about it until the next morning? Q: What happened then? A: He told me, ... Читать далее...
19. At night court, a man was brought in and setAt night court, a man was brought in and set before the judge. The judge said, «State your name, occupation, and the charge.» The defendant said, «I’m Sparks, I’m an electrician, charged with battery.» The judge winced and said, «Bailiff! Put this man in a dry cell!»...
20. Staring down from the bench to announce the termsStaring down from the bench to announce the terms of the divorce decree, the judge turned to the husband and said: «I’m going to award her alimony in the amount of $250 a month.» To which the woman’s about-to-be ex replied: «That’s mighty kind of you, judge. I’ll try to help her all I can, ... Читать далее...
21. A judge asked a defendant to please standA judge asked a defendant to please stand. «You are charged with murdering a school teacher with a chain saw.» From out in the audience a man shouted, «Lying bastard!» «Silence in the court!», the judge shouted back to the man. He turned to the defendant and said, «You are also charged with killing a ... Читать далее...
22. Перевод слова benchBench — скамья Перевод слова Garden bench — скамейка в саду small bench — скамеечка, табурет bench mark — исходный пункт, исходные базисные данные We sat on a park Bench. Мы сидели на скамейке в парке. He photographed the women sitting on the Bench. Он фотографировал женщин, сидящих на скамейке. Our team has a strong ... Читать далее...
23. Playing with your mindThis is so cool. Read this sentence: FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE — SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIF — IC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS. Now count ALOUD the F’s in that sentence. Count them ONLY ONCE: do not go back and count them again. See below… ANSWER: There are six F’s in ... Читать далее...
24. Значение идиомы hold court[hold court] {v. phr.} 1. To hold a formal meeting of a royal courtor a court of law. Judge Stephens allowed no foolishness when heheld court. 2. {informal} To act like a king or queen among subjects. Even at sixteen, Judy was holding court for numbers of charmedboys....
25. A bartender was getting ready to close for the nightA bartender was getting ready to close for the night when a robber with a ski mask burst in and pulls a gun. He yells to the bartender, «This is a stick-up! Put all your dough in this bag!» The scared bartender pleads, «Don’t shoot, please! I’ll do as you say!» The robber yells, «Shut ... Читать далее...
26. Значение идиомы by hook or by crook[by hook or by crook] {adv. phr.} By honest ways or dishonest in any way necessary. The wolf tried to get the little pigs by hook or by crook. The team was determined to win that last game by hook or by crook, and three players were put out of the game for fouling....
27. Strange people are hereThere was a young Scottish boy called Angus who decided to try life in Australia. He found an apartment in a small block and settled in. After a week or two, his mother called from Aberdeen to see how her son was doing in his new life. ‘I’m fine, ‘ Angus said. ‘But there are ... Читать далее...
28. A tough case was being argued in courtA tough case was being argued in court. The defense attorney, feeling that he was in trouble, sent the judge a bottle of hundred-year old brandy. The defendant was fit to be tied. «The judge’ll kill me. Trying to bribe him! We’re dead!» «I don’t think so,» his attorney told him. «I sent it in ... Читать далее...
29. How do you tell if you’re making love to a nurseQ: How do you tell if you’re making love to a nurse, a schoolteacher, or an airline stewardess? A: A nurse says: «This won’t hurt a bit.» A schoolteacher says, «We’re going to have to do this over and over again until we get it right.» An airline stewardess says, «Just hold this over your ... Читать далее...
30. Перевод слова orangeOrange — апельсин; оранжевый Перевод слова Orange ribbon — оранжевая лента orange grove — апельсиновая роща to squeeze an orange — выжимать сок из апельсина Cut the Orange in half. Разрежьте апельсин пополам. Peel and section the Orange. Очистите от кожуры и разделите апельсин на дольки. The Orange curtains clash with the red furniture. Эти ... Читать далее...
31. Lawyers on a juryA trial had been scheduled in a small town, but the court clerk had forgotten to call in a jury panel. Rather than adjourning what he thought was an exceptionally simple case, the judge ordered his bailiff to go through the courthouse and round up enough people to form a jury. The bailiff returned with ... Читать далее...
32. Перевод идиомы out on a limb, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: out on a limb Перевод: в трудном, опасном, уязвимом положении, под угрозой (обычно в результате занятой позиции или открыто высказанного мнения) Пример: The man went out on a limb and offered his brother the job. Мужчина поставил себя в уязвимое положение, и предложил своему брату работу. I went out on a limb and said ... Читать далее...
33. Quotes from stupid 01These are supposedly actual quotes taken from around the world. «The effects are fleeting and lingering…» — Overheard in a hallway «In Managua, people are cheering in the streets, which are deserted.» — CBS reporter during the solar eclipse «A trucker called to thank all of the courteous Seattle drivers he had run across.» — ... Читать далее...
34. Proffessional TermsThe pro quarterback was petitioning the court to have his recent marriage annulled. «On what grounds?» questioned the Judge, «This court does not take annulments lightly.» «Non-virginity,» replied the quarterback, «When I married her, I thought I was getting a tight end, but instead, I found that I had married a wide receiver.»...
35. How to Keep an Idiot Entertained for HoursI once wrote a book called How to Keep an Idiot Entertained for Hours. It went like this: To keep an idiot entertained for hours, read the next sentence. To keep an idiot entertained for hours, read the previous sentence.» It didn’t sell very well. I thought with the short attention span of people these ... Читать далее...
36. Chain Letter Type lIChain Letter Type lI: Make a wish!!! (This is where you have to scroll down) Really, go on and make one wish!!! Oh please, s/he’ll never go out with you!!! Wish something else!!! Not *that* either, you pervert!! Is your finger getting tired yet? You Can Stop now moron!!!!!!!! Wasn’t that fun? Hope you made ... Читать далее...
37. Some of the most tactful people on Earth are EnglishSome of the most tactful people on Earth are English. One office supervisor called a secretary in to give her the bad news that she was being fired. He started the conversation with: «Miss Symthe, I really don’t know how we’re going to get along without you, but starting Monday, we’re going to try....
38. Перевод слова countyCounty — графство, округ Перевод слова Home counties — шесть графств, окружающих Лондон county fair — сельская ярмарка county office — окружная контора The river traverses the County. Река пересекает округ. Texas is divided into 254 Counties. Техас разделен на 254 округа. He was locked up in the County jail. Он был заключен в тюрьму ... Читать далее...
39. Baby bear wants to live somewhere elseThe three bears had been having some trouble recently and had ended up in family court. Mama and Papa bear were splitting up, and baby bear had to decide who he was going to live with. So, the judge wanted to talk to baby bear to see what he thought about living with either of ... Читать далее...
40. From rescuer to rescued: Doctor and paramedic save each other’s lives 30 years apartWhen Dr Michael Shannon saved the life of a premature baby 30 years ago, he would never have thought decades later, the favour would be returned. KTLA reported on Sunday the incredible story of two men in California who saved each other’s lives in two very different ways. The news station said that Dr Michael ... Читать далее...