Sister Margaret died

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1. A rancher from Central Arizona died and went onA rancher from Central Arizona died and went on to the Great Beyond. As he approached the great gate, he noticed that the terrain was bare with no greenery. He remarked to the gate keeper, «Howdy Saint Peter. Say, this looks just like Arizona.» «The gatekeeper replied, «First of all, I’m not Saint Peter…and second, ... Читать далее...
2. A cattleman from West Texas diedA cattleman from West Texas died & went on to the Great Beyond. As he approached the great gate, he noticed that the terrain was bare with no greenery. He remarked to the gate keeper, «Howdy Saint Peter. Say, this looks just like Texas.» «The gatekeeper replied, «First of all, I’m not Saint Peter and ... Читать далее...
3. It finally happenedA man died and went to Heaven. After reaching the gates to Heaven the man was talking with Saint Peter and he asked, «I know I was good during my life, and I really appreciate being brought to Heaven, but I’m really curious… What does Hell look like?» So Saint Peter thought about it a ... Читать далее...
4. Dealing with a lawyerA new York Divorce Lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. Saint Peter asks him «What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?» The Lawyer thought a moment, then said, «A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street.» Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in ... Читать далее...
5. Clinton died and was standing at hte Pearly GatesClinton died and was standing at hte Pearly Gates. After knocking at the gates, St. Peter appeared. «Who goes there?» inquired St. Peter. «‘It’s me, Bill Clinton.» «And what do you want?» asked St. Peter. «Lemme in!» replied Clinton. «Soooo,» pondered Peter. «What bad things did you do on earth?» Clinton thought a bit and ... Читать далее...
6. Перевод слова sisterSister — сестра, родственный Перевод слова Twin sister — сестра-двойняшка lay sister — послушница sister cities — города-побратимы sister languages — близкородственные языки She’s my twin Sister. Она — моя сестра-близнец. Do you know my Sister? Вы знаете мою сестру? He bequeathed his property to his Sister. Он завещал свое имущество сестре....
7. Three girls died and were brought to the gatesThree girls died and were brought to the gates of heaven. Upon entering the gate, they were halted by St. Peter and his obedient angel. St. Peter asked the girls, «Before entering you must answer this simple question.» «Which is…?», they replied in unison. «Have you been a good girl?», he asked the first girl. ... Читать далее...
8. When the old golfer died, Peter met him at the gates of heavenWhen the old golfer died, Peter met him at the gates of heaven. «Sorry, old man,» Peter said, «But I can’t let you in. You see the big book here says you committed one unpardonable sin back in 1978 — You took the Lord’s name in vain during a golf game.» «Oh, yes. I’ll never ... Читать далее...
9. Camel DiedCamel Died A nun and a priest are riding a camel through the dessert. After a few days the camel falls over dead. After looking over the situation the priest figures neither one of them will survive the rest of the journey. The priest asks the nun «I have never seen a woman’s breasts, and ... Читать далее...
10. Margaret ThatcherТопик Маргарет Тэтчер рассказывает о 71-м премьер-министре Великобритании от Консервативной партии. Первая и до сих пор единственная женщина, занимавшая этот пост, а также первая женщина, ставшая премьер-министром европейского государства. Премьерство Тэтчер стало самым продолжительным в XX веке. Получив прозвище «железной леди» за резкую критику советского руководства, она воплотила в жизнь ряд консервативных мер, ставших частью ... Читать далее...
11. Sister Ann, arent you putting on a little weight?«Sister Ann, aren’t you putting on a little weight?» inquired Father Dan during his visit to the convent, suspiciously eyeing her bulging stomach. «Why, no Father,» answered the nun demurely, «It’s just a little gas.» A few months later Father Dan put the same question to the nun noticing her habit barely fit across her ... Читать далее...
12. Unable to attend the funeral after his father diedUnable to attend the funeral after his father died, a son who lived far away called his brother and told him, «Do something nice for Dad and send me the bill.» Later, he got a bill for $200.00, which he paid. The next month, he got another bill for $200.00, which he also paid, figuring ... Читать далее...
13. A HeroA large crowd had formed at the Pearly Gates, when Saint Peter came out with an announcement. «Because Heaven has become overcrowded, we can only let heroes in today. Is anyone here a hero?» One small man raised his hand. «I am,» he said. «What did you do that was heroic?» asked Saint Peter skeptically. ... Читать далее...
14. Margaret Thatcher (2)Топик Маргарет Тэтчер (2) продолжает рассказывать о жизни и политической карьере первой в Великобритании женщины Премьер-министра. На этом посту Тэтчер предприняла энергичные усилия по реформированию британской экономики и всего общества. После победы Британии в Фолклендской войне, у Тэтчер был имидж сильного и авторитетного лидера. Но, в ноябре 1990 года, после возникших разногласий в Консервативной партии ... Читать далее...
15. Ways to PayI was at the store, and when the clerk finished Ringing me up, I had a few problems. Clerk: Your total comes to $79.42. Peter: Do you take Credit cards? Clerk: Yes, we take Visa, MasterCard, and American Express. Peter: Here’s my Visa. Clerk: Hmm…I’m sorry but your card has been Declined. Peter: Oh, I ... Читать далее...
16. Ways to PayI was at the store, and when the clerk finished Ringing me up, I had a few problems. Clerk: Your total comes to $79.42. Peter: Do you take Credit cards? Clerk: Yes, we take Visa, MasterCard, and American Express. Peter: Here’s my Visa. Clerk: Hmm…I’m sorry but your card has been Declined. Peter: Oh, I ... Читать далее...
17. Lady Di is welcomed at the Pearly Gates by St. PeterLady Di is welcomed at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter. Peter asks: «Oh dear, what happened to you?» Di answers: «I died in a car crash, but wait till you see my friend, he looks much worse». Half an hour later Dodi shows up and St. Peter says: «My God, you look terrible.» Dodi ... Читать далее...
18. Sister Mary burst into the office of the principalSister Mary burst into the office of the principal of Our Lady of Perpetual Motion parochial school in an advanced state of agitation. «Father!» she cried, «just WAIT until you hear this!» The priest led the sister to a chair, and said, » Now just calm down and tell me what has you so excited?» ... Читать далее...
19. Calling in Sick to WorkI was Fed up with work and wanted the day off. I decided To call in sick. I wasn’t prepared, though, to be Peppered with questions. Peter: Hello, this is Peter. Is this Magda? Magda: Yes. This is Magda. Peter: Hi, Magda. I won’t be Coming in today. I’m Not feeling well. I think I’ve ... Читать далее...
20. Three altar boys are standing in the snow withThree altar boys are standing in the snow with their pants down around their ankles. They have their penis’ in a snow bank. Sister Margaret sticks her head out the window and says, «Boys! Boys! Whatever are you doing… you’re going to catch pneumonia. Put your penis’ away.» The tallest altar boy turns around and ... Читать далее...
21. Could be here soonerAn elderly couple were killed in an accident and found themselves being given a tour of heaven by Saint Peter. «Here is your oceanside condo, over there are the tennis courts, swimming pool, and two golf courses. If you need any refreshments, just stop by any of the many bars located throughout the area.» «Heck, ... Читать далее...
22. Fluffy diedThis guy comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor’s pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is dead and the guy panics. He thinks the neighbor is going to hate him forever, so he takes the dirty, chewed up rabbit into the house and gives it a bath, blow ... Читать далее...
23. So my sister, a natural blondSo my sister, a natural blond graduating from the University of North Carolina Law School, is job hunting. I suggested that since Microsoft is building up their legal team, she should send them a resume and become a southern blond Microsoft lawyer — and be the butt of any joke on the internet....
24. Confuse traffic signsA cop pulls over a carload of nuns. Cop: «Sister, this is a 65 MPH highway — why are you going so slow?» Sister: «Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 22, not 65.» Cop: «Oh sister, that’s not the speed limit, that’s the name of the highway you’re on! Sister: Oh! Silly ... Читать далее...
25. My little sisterВ топике Моя младшая сестра – я рассказываю о своей трехлетней и очень забавной сестре Кате. Хотя у нее много разных игрушек, но больше всего она любит играть со мной в прятки. Моя сестренка очень смешная, мне тоже нравится играть с нею в прятки. I’ve got a sister. Her name is Kate. She’s three. She ... Читать далее...
26. Capitalist and Socialist HellA young, ruthless executive died and went to hell. When he got there, he saw one sign that said Capitalist Hell, and another that said Socialist Hell. In front of the Socialist Hell was an incredibly long line, while there was no-one in front of the Capitalist Hell. So the executive asked the guard, «What ... Читать далее...
27. Pick Heaven or HellOne day while walking down the street a highly successful executive woman was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself. «Welcome to Heaven,» said St. Peter. «Before you get settled in though, it seems we have ... Читать далее...
28. Перевод слова mistakeMistake — ошибка, ошибаться, заблуждаться Перевод слова Costly mistake — ошибка, которая дорого обошлась ghastly mistake — грубая ошибка to mistake the time — спутать время Anyone can make a Mistake. Кто угодно может совершить ошибку. You are Mistaken. Вы ошибаетесь. Never mind your Mistake. Не беспокойтесь о своей ошибке....
29. Диалог на английском языке с переводом «Между братом и сестрой (Between Brother And Sister)»По-английски Перевод на русский Brother: Rita, what are doing? Брат: Рита, чем ты занята? Sister: I’m working on my home work. Why? Do you need my help? Сестра: Я работаю над своим домашним заданием. А что? Тебе нужна моя помощь? Brother: In fact, I do. Mrs. Jenkins told us to prepare a project about one ... Читать далее...
30. The way he diedA person is in the hospital and asked his doctor how much time does he have left to live. The doctor did not want to lie so he told him that he wouldn’t make it through the night. So the person calls for his lawyer and asks him to come and sit by his bed. ... Читать далее...
31. Clinton is in HeavenPresident Clinton died and knocked at the Pearly Gates. «Who goes there?» inquired St. Peter. «It’s me, Bill Clinton». «What bad things did you do on earth?» Clinton thought a bit and answered, «Well, I smoked marijuana, but you shouldn’t hold that against me because I didn’t inhale. And I lied, but I didn’t commit ... Читать далее...
32. A lawyer passed on and found himself in HeavenA lawyer passed on and found himself in Heaven, but not at all happy with his accommodations. He complained to St. Peter, who told him that his only recourse was to appeal his assignment. The lawyer immediately advised that he intended to appeal, but was then told that he would be waiting at least three ... Читать далее...
33. Fidel dies and goes to heavenFidel dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, St. Peter tells him that he is not on the list and that no way, no how, does he belong in heaven. Fidel must go to hell. So Fidel goes to hell where Satan gives him a hearty welcome and tells him to make himself ... Читать далее...
34. Four nuns arrived at the gates of heavenFour nuns arrived at the gates of heaven. St. Peter makes the inspection. The first one says:»I have to confess, I held mans penis in one hand.» St. Peter says:»You see the bowl of holy water, wash your hand and go in.» The second says:»I have to confess, I held mans penis in both hands.» ... Читать далее...
35. A lawyer named Strange diedA lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, «Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer.» The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone. However he suggested an alternative: ... Читать далее...
36. Перевод слова errorError — ошибка, заблуждение Перевод слова Human error — ошибка, свойственная человеку errors of taste — плохой вкус в одежде by error — по ошибке He was the victim of an Error. Он был жертвой ошибки. Man is prone to Error. Человеку свойственно допускать ошибки. I noticed an Error in the book. Я заметил ошибку ... Читать далее...
37. With a puzzled look on his faceWith a puzzled look on his face an Indian boy asked, «Say, mom, why is my bigger brother named Mighty Storm?» She told him, «Because he was conceived during a mighty storm.» Then he asked, «Why is my sister named Cornflower?» She replied, «Well, your father and I were in a cornfield when we made ... Читать далее...
38. Ne day, this man, Tony, diedOne day, this man, Tony, died. When he was sent to be judged, he was told that he had committed a sin, and that he could not go to heaven right away. He asked what he did and God told him that he cheated on his income taxes, and that the only way he could ... Читать далее...
39. A teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly GatesRecently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question. St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, «What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They ... Читать далее...
40. Qualifying for HeavenRecently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question. St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, «What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They ... Читать далее...